I love my husband but...

tomswife · 08-17-2008, 11:53 AM

his brother has been living with us for 7 years and I'm really wanting him gone. We never have gotten along great but lately it's gotten worse and we are no longer speaking. He takes over the living room so I spend 90% of my time in the bedroom. Except when I'm in the kitchen cleaning up his mess. My husband enjoys having him around so I can no longer talk to him about this. I'm finding myself in a deep depression the last couple of weeks and I've been seriously thinking about leaving. There's a couple of things that are stopping me. My husband is generally real good to me. I love him with all my heart and I know he loves me and if I leave him and tell him why, I'm putting him in a persition where he's going to have to choose between his brother and me and i don't want to put him in that spot.

Cindy P · 08-17-2008, 12:26 PM

Tell him it is time to go. It is your life and he needs to get on with his. Tell him you dont want to argue but it is time you got out on your own. Dont make your husband do it, you do it. also make sure your husband is in the room when you say it. So there can be no she said this and she said that to me. Tell brother to hit the road and give him a move out date. DONT TAKE NO FOR A ANSWER. It is your home not your brother in laws. Also hike up his rent till he does move out to a unbelievable price that he will have no choice but to move. It is time to cut the apron strings brother. I have been there and it is no fun. I had drunk brother living with us for 6 years, I had enough and did just what I posted and he got out quickly. Hubby wont choose him over you, and if he does tell him to go to, and if he wont go you move out.

KOO · 08-17-2008, 12:28 PM

Wow, you are a saint for having someone live with you that long. I have taken in so far my older son's first girlfriend who was kicked out of her own home at 16. Then had a friend of son's stay with us when he had no where else to go. My neice stayed with us for a summer before heading off to college and lastly my son's exgirlfriend who also had two kids parttime, we were a full house at that time. All of these were like a year's time, and with the exception of first girlfriend who returned home, I reached my limit and gently suggested they move along. Seven years, I don't know if I could do that. Bless your heart, you are a saint! I don't blame you for wanting some privacy.

wifezilla · 08-17-2008, 12:56 PM

Leave all his stuff on the front lawn. Tell your husband if he doesn't like it, you can put his stuff out too. Yes, your husband DOES need to choose....be an ADULT or act like a 5 year old and play with his brother.

CarolynF · 08-17-2008, 09:15 PM

Gosh, I don't blame you for being upset. Unfortunately, this went on for such a long time, that it is hard to get out of it gracefully. However, it needs to be done. You might need an intermediary..like a pastor/marriage counselor to "help support" your position.

I'm sure your hubby enjoys having his brother around as they grew up together and probably have alot in common. However, it probably seems like you are playing
"mother" to the "boys"..cleaning, cooking, etc. while they enjoy each other's company.
This is not healthy at all, but after so many years, it has become a pattern.

Maybe you should tell your husband that his brother has to find his own place, or you are leaving. When his brother moves out, you will move back in. But when you married your dh, you didn't marry his brother. However, I do think you should get some counselling for YOURSELF alone to get some "back up" on how to deal with this situation.

skeeweeaka · 08-17-2008, 10:58 PM

I totally, agree, a year at the most would be somewhat okay...but seven years! Puhlease!!!! No way you really need to have the discussion with your husband and tell him his brother has to find a place and give him ample time to do that... If he doesn't then tell your husband they both need to leave lol...

I also agree therapy is needed...some sort of counseling if your husband refuses to understand your feelings on this...

TJ

Jennyl · 08-17-2008, 11:22 PM

I think you need to have a serious talk with your husband. Does he expect that his brother will live with you permanently? I would also stop cleaning up after them. They are grown men not children. And take back your living room!! it's yours after all.

Jake · 08-17-2008, 11:24 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by wifezilla

Leave all his stuff on the front lawn. Tell your husband if he doesn't like it, you can put his stuff out too.

Wow. I can't even imagine my reaction if my wife tried to pull that on me. It wouldn't be pretty.

kristinalyn2001 · 08-18-2008, 08:07 AM

I know you don't want your husband to make the choice but he has to--if he let brother move in, he should kick him out. Your husband must always choose you, there is no exception!

wifezilla · 08-18-2008, 08:48 AM

Quote:

Wow. I can't even imagine my reaction if my wife tried to pull that on me. It wouldn't be pretty.

Prolly the same that mine would be if my husband said "I am going to let my brother take over the house for the next 7 years". LOL

Jake · 08-18-2008, 08:54 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by wifezilla

Prolly the same that mine would be if my husband said "I am going to let my brother take over the house for the next 7 years". LOL

Cuelgirl · 08-18-2008, 11:26 AM

Bless you heart.... 7 years is a very long time!!!

The fact is that you are obviously ready for a change in the situation.... and you said you cant talk to your husband? you have previously tried and he has not done anything about it?

at one time my husbands brother needed a place to stay... and my husband didnt even fully discuss it with me... he said no way since he can see him "moving in" instead of just crashing for a few days... and he told me he would not put us in that position...

good luck and keep us posted!

tomswife · 08-18-2008, 12:10 PM

Thanks so much, guys, for all your advice. I now know what I need to do. It just won't be easy. I'm still thinking about leaving and not coming back until he's gone. Not sure if that'll be the right move or not.

My husband bought this house about 8 years ago. We knew each other but that was it. 3 or 4 months after he bought the house his brother moved in. (so there wasn't anything to discuss with me :-)). A few months after that we were discussing moving in together and at that point Tom said that his brother was only going to be there a month or so until he finds a place (although when I brought that up 2 years later, he denied it). So since they were both here before me, I still feel like an outsider. My husband has been real good about trying to make me feel at home but he can only do so much with his brother hogging so much of the house.

CarolynF · 08-18-2008, 03:28 PM

Oh..that changes the picture a bit. Brother/hubby were roomies before you came aboard.Hmmm..Brother should have moved out before you moved in. He seems to think he has squatter's rights, I guess.

Sit down with your dhusband and tell him exactly how you feel. Maybe you can sell this house and buy another one that doesn't include his brother. OR the brother can buy him out.

Can you support yourself? Moving out might spell divorce to your dh and if that is not what you want, then you have to really "think" about this. I think a very serious talk about this should happen. Does your dh know that you are thinking of moving out?
If he doesn't, then he needs to know now.

Bobby · 08-18-2008, 06:39 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by tomswife

Thanks so much, guys, for all your advice. I now know what I need to do. It just won't be easy. I'm still thinking about leaving and not coming back until he's gone. Not sure if that'll be the right move or not.

Sounds like a good plan to me. Hmm my brother (if I had one) or my wife?????

Sorry bud, you gotta go, let me help you pack.

Quote:

Originally Posted by tomswife

My husband bought this house about 8 years ago. We knew each other but that was it. 3 or 4 months after he bought the house his brother moved in. (so there wasn't anything to discuss with me :-)). A few months after that we were discussing moving in together and at that point Tom said that his brother was only going to be there a month or so until he finds a place (although when I brought that up 2 years later, he denied it). So since they were both here before me, I still feel like an outsider. My husband has been real good about trying to make me feel at home but he can only do so much with his brother hogging so much of the house.

The brother should have been gone along time ago, regardless of when he moved in. Tell your husband what you are thinking, if he thinks you're bluffing, do it. That should wake him up quick.

skeeweeaka · 08-18-2008, 10:39 PM

This is a difficult situation, especially if they were roomies before you moved in. But as I understand it your husband purchased the house, and he married you, not his brother! Have a serious talk with him away from the house, go out to dinner and discuss it. Tell him that you feel like an outsider and that they both are just walking all over you...you can't continue to let that happen. YOu are not respecting yoursself and they certainly are not respecting you...

TJ

losinitgirl · 08-22-2008, 11:30 PM

I'm sorry to hear you are going through this difficult situation. But your husband made his choice. You cannot make him choose between you or his brother, because you are living with the choice he's already made. But, this is not about your husband, he knows what he wants; he's got his cake and eating it to. ...What a life, this is about you, what is your quality of life? 7 years is too long to put your life on hold waiting/hoping for the situation to change. May I make a suggestion? Leaving does not mean you stop loving your husband or that the relationship needs to end, it just means your loving him from a peaceful place, your own apartment. Life is too short to not living it fully each day. Please don't lose you in order to love him. Maybe just let him know that your efforts to get him to understand how important it is to you, to live as husband and wife as been to no avail. Therefore, you respect the choice he needs to be roommates with his brother as oppose to being your husband, but this is the way he wants to live his life, it is not the way you will live yours. Imagine having an apartment, focusing on your happiness, your weight loss, cooking what only you want to eat, working out with girlfriends, explore your independence. I bet it won't take long before he gets tired of seeing the dishes grow in the kitchen sink, the living room a constant mess, he WILL get tired of it. You deserve to live your best life. Finding your inner peace is important for your health. My prayers are with you. God Bless...

mademoiselle_belle · 08-23-2008, 09:06 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Jennyl

I think you need to have a serious talk with your husband. Does he expect that his brother will live with you permanently? I would also stop cleaning up after them. They are grown men not children. And take back your living room!! it's yours after all.

bonjour! Cant his brother be a good man enough to be on his on now..it should be him, who must feel that his time is over and that he must find his own pad..

the nerve to leave his mess, and leave all the cleaning to you..

I guess it TIME.

skeeweeaka · 08-23-2008, 10:51 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by losinitgirl

I'm sorry to hear you are going through this difficult situation. But your husband made his choice. You cannot make him choose between you or his brother, because you are living with the choice he's already made. But, this is not about your husband, he knows what he wants; he's got his cake and eating it to. ...What a life, this is about you, what is your quality of life? 7 years is too long to put your life on hold waiting/hoping for the situation to change. May I make a suggestion? Leaving does not mean you stop loving your husband or that the relationship needs to end, it just means your loving him from a peaceful place, your own apartment. Life is too short to not living it fully each day. Please don't lose you in order to love him. Maybe just let him know that your efforts to get him to understand how important it is to you, to live as husband and wife as been to no avail. Therefore, you respect the choice he needs to be roommates with his brother as oppose to being your husband, but this is the way he wants to live his life, it is not the way you will live yours. Imagine having an apartment, focusing on your happiness, your weight loss, cooking what only you want to eat, working out with girlfriends, explore your independence. I bet it won't take long before he gets tired of seeing the dishes grow in the kitchen sink, the living room a constant mess, he WILL get tired of it. You deserve to live your best life. Finding your inner peace is important for your health. My prayers are with you. God Bless...

Enough said, and so brilliantly...from the heart!!!

TJ

losinitgirl · 08-24-2008, 08:23 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by skeeweeaka

Enough said, and so brilliantly...from the heart!!!

TJ

Why, thank you!

Sheba12106 · 08-24-2008, 09:01 AM

Hi,

I'm sorry to hear about your dilema. I understand your situation and you should tell your husband that you have had enough of three's company and you want the privacy that the two of you need in your relationship. Is there anything wrong with his brother? I am trying to understand why he would even want to continue living in this arrangement in the first place. Does he ever bring women home? I would think he would want his privacy also. Do any of you have children? If there are no children involved and there is nothing that would keep his brother from being able to move on then I would definetely have a serious talk with the husband and tell him how you feel. You deserve to be happy and if this situation is making you depressed you NEED to change it. I would not have been able to last 7 months with the brother living there whether he was there first of not. I would have been having a talk with the brother myself. Are you sure that you have all the facts regarding the purchase of the house? Is there anyway that the brother may have also invested or possibly that your husband made an agreement with him at the beginning and now feels obligated? I certainly would stop cleaning up after the brother. I would clean up after myself and pitch in 1/3.

It really doesn't matter if his brother was there first, he is your husband and if he is not willing to consider your feelings and happiness and ask his brother to move on then I would seriously reconsider my position in the relationship. Life is too short and don't waste anymore time in a situation that is less than rewarding for you.

JanMarie3 · 09-11-2008, 03:12 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Sheba12106

Hi,

I'm sorry to hear about your dilema. I understand your situation and you should tell your husband that you have had enough of three's company and you want the privacy that the two of you need in your relationship. Is there anything wrong with his brother? I am trying to understand why he would even want to continue living in this arrangement in the first place. Does he ever bring women home? I would think he would want his privacy also. Do any of you have children? If there are no children involved and there is nothing that would keep his brother from being able to move on then I would definetely have a serious talk with the husband and tell him how you feel. You deserve to be happy and if this situation is making you depressed you NEED to change it. I would not have been able to last 7 months with the brother living there whether he was there first of not. I would have been having a talk with the brother myself. Are you sure that you have all the facts regarding the purchase of the house? Is there anyway that the brother may have also invested or possibly that your husband made an agreement with him at the beginning and now feels obligated? I certainly would stop cleaning up after the brother. I would clean up after myself and pitch in 1/3.

It really doesn't matter if his brother was there first, he is your husband and if he is not willing to consider your feelings and happiness and ask his brother to move on then I would seriously reconsider my position in the relationship. Life is too short and don't waste anymore time in a situation that is less than rewarding for you.

Very good points. There must be more to this story

I personally, would never put up with that situation, but that's me.

tomswife, please let us know how you are doing.

tomswife · 09-11-2008, 07:07 PM

Well, there must be more to the story but he's not talking. We did discuss it a couple weeks ago and I had the feeling he was going to choose his brother over me so I panicked. Told him I'd deal with his brother but wouldn't like it. Things have not changed much. His brother and I are still not talking so the stress is getting to me. (I tried but apperantly he's not ready yet).Tom is basically going about his business and ignoring the situation. He use to ask me what was wrong when I was depressed. Now he just walks away. I'm not sure what I want to do. When his brother bad months me, Tom just laughs. Aren't husbands supposed to defend there wives? It wouldn't be so hard if it wasn't for the fact that Tom is near perfect in every other way. I really don't want to leave. I really love it here, and I love Tom. And I'm his WIFE! Why should I be the one to leave and be made to feel like an outsider! Actually I don't care what the situation was before I moved in. I'M HIS WIFE, D**N IT!
He should take care of me first. Shouldn't he? Maybe I'm being unreasonable. Maybe I'm being a b**tch like they say I am. Maybe I need a shrink. I need to do some more thinking.
Thanks Guys.

wifezilla · 09-11-2008, 07:09 PM

Quote:

Aren't husbands supposed to defend there wives?

Yes

kbetz0419 · 09-11-2008, 07:15 PM

08-17-2008, 11:53 AM	#1
tomswife Senior LCF Member Join Date: Oct 2007 Location: Elgin, Oregon Posts: 640 Gallery: tomswife Stats: 245/194/120 WOE: Atkins Start Date: June 2007	I love my husband but... his brother has been living with us for 7 years and I'm really wanting him gone. We never have gotten along great but lately it's gotten worse and we are no longer speaking. He takes over the living room so I spend 90% of my time in the bedroom. Except when I'm in the kitchen cleaning up his mess. My husband enjoys having him around so I can no longer talk to him about this. I'm finding myself in a deep depression the last couple of weeks and I've been seriously thinking about leaving. There's a couple of things that are stopping me. My husband is generally real good to me. I love him with all my heart and I know he loves me and if I leave him and tell him why, I'm putting him in a persition where he's going to have to choose between his brother and me and i don't want to put him in that spot. __________________ <a href="http://www.dogster.com/show08/vote_pet.php?i=764110"><img src="http://images.dogster.com/dogster/voteforme_dog.gif" alt="VOTE for Jason in The 4th Annual World’s Coolest Dog & Cat Show!" border="0"></a>

08-17-2008, 12:28 PM	#3
KOO Way too much time on my hands! Join Date: May 2007 Posts: 10,153 Gallery: KOO Stats: Starting 183..Now 155..First goal 140...TBD	Wow, you are a saint for having someone live with you that long. I have taken in so far my older son's first girlfriend who was kicked out of her own home at 16. Then had a friend of son's stay with us when he had no where else to go. My neice stayed with us for a summer before heading off to college and lastly my son's exgirlfriend who also had two kids parttime, we were a full house at that time. All of these were like a year's time, and with the exception of first girlfriend who returned home, I reached my limit and gently suggested they move along. Seven years, I don't know if I could do that. Bless your heart, you are a saint! I don't blame you for wanting some privacy. __________________ *~Karen~*

08-17-2008, 09:15 PM	#5
CarolynF Way too much time on my hands! Join Date: Jun 2002 Location: Kansas Posts: 20,522 Gallery: CarolynF Stats: 195/150/139 WOE: Eat Fat, Get Thin/I Can Make You Thin Start Date: January 2001	Gosh, I don't blame you for being upset. Unfortunately, this went on for such a long time, that it is hard to get out of it gracefully. However, it needs to be done. You might need an intermediary..like a pastor/marriage counselor to "help support" your position. I'm sure your hubby enjoys having his brother around as they grew up together and probably have alot in common. However, it probably seems like you are playing "mother" to the "boys"..cleaning, cooking, etc. while they enjoy each other's company. This is not healthy at all, but after so many years, it has become a pattern. Maybe you should tell your husband that his brother has to find his own place, or you are leaving. When his brother moves out, you will move back in. But when you married your dh, you didn't marry his brother. However, I do think you should get some counselling for YOURSELF alone to get some "back up" on how to deal with this situation. __________________ New Year/New You January 1: 150

08-18-2008, 11:26 AM	#12
Cuelgirl Senior LCF Member Join Date: Jul 2008 Location: New Jersey Posts: 346 Gallery: Cuelgirl Stats: (245) 231.5/228/130 WOE: Atkins Start Date: restart January 5, 2009	Bless you heart.... 7 years is a very long time!!! The fact is that you are obviously ready for a change in the situation.... and you said you cant talk to your husband? you have previously tried and he has not done anything about it? at one time my husbands brother needed a place to stay... and my husband didnt even fully discuss it with me... he said no way since he can see him "moving in" instead of just crashing for a few days... and he told me he would not put us in that position... good luck and keep us posted! __________________ Agnes Work as if you don't need the money. Love as if you have never been hurt. Dance as if no one is watching.

08-22-2008, 11:30 PM	#17
losinitgirl Senior LCF Member Join Date: Jun 2008 Location: Andover, Kansas Posts: 179 Gallery: losinitgirl Stats: 181.5/156/140 WOE: Medi Weightloss Center Start Date: June 19th, 2008	I'm sorry to hear you are going through this difficult situation. But your husband made his choice. You cannot make him choose between you or his brother, because you are living with the choice he's already made. But, this is not about your husband, he knows what he wants; he's got his cake and eating it to. ...What a life, this is about you, what is your quality of life? 7 years is too long to put your life on hold waiting/hoping for the situation to change. May I make a suggestion? Leaving does not mean you stop loving your husband or that the relationship needs to end, it just means your loving him from a peaceful place, your own apartment. Life is too short to not living it fully each day. Please don't lose you in order to love him. Maybe just let him know that your efforts to get him to understand how important it is to you, to live as husband and wife as been to no avail. Therefore, you respect the choice he needs to be roommates with his brother as oppose to being your husband, but this is the way he wants to live his life, it is not the way you will live yours. Imagine having an apartment, focusing on your happiness, your weight loss, cooking what only you want to eat, working out with girlfriends, explore your independence. I bet it won't take long before he gets tired of seeing the dishes grow in the kitchen sink, the living room a constant mess, he WILL get tired of it. You deserve to live your best life. Finding your inner peace is important for your health. My prayers are with you. God Bless... __________________ "Don't tell people what your going to do, tell them what you've done; Goal accomplished!"

08-17-2008, 12:26 PM	#2
Cindy P MAJOR LCF POSTER! Join Date: Jan 2004 Location: South Georgia Posts: 1,247 Gallery: Cindy P Stats: 347/278/150 WOE: atkins/again after slacking off :( Start Date: june 18, 2003	Tell him it is time to go. It is your life and he needs to get on with his. Tell him you dont want to argue but it is time you got out on your own. Dont make your husband do it, you do it. also make sure your husband is in the room when you say it. So there can be no she said this and she said that to me. Tell brother to hit the road and give him a move out date. DONT TAKE NO FOR A ANSWER. It is your home not your brother in laws. Also hike up his rent till he does move out to a unbelievable price that he will have no choice but to move. It is time to cut the apron strings brother. I have been there and it is no fun. I had drunk brother living with us for 6 years, I had enough and did just what I posted and he got out quickly. Hubby wont choose him over you, and if he does tell him to go to, and if he wont go you move out.

08-17-2008, 12:56 PM	#4
wifezilla Blabbermouth!!! Join Date: Jun 2007 Location: Near Colorado Springs, CO Posts: 5,476 Gallery: wifezilla Stats: 250/207/190 WOE: Read em all. Doing it my way. Start Date: May 2007	Leave all his stuff on the front lawn. Tell your husband if he doesn't like it, you can put his stuff out too. Yes, your husband DOES need to choose....be an ADULT or act like a 5 year old and play with his brother.

08-17-2008, 10:58 PM	#6
skeeweeaka Senior LCF Member Join Date: Aug 2008 Location: Ohio Posts: 873 Blog Entries: 59 Gallery: skeeweeaka WOE: Low Carb! Alternate Day! Start Date: March 2008! January '09 Restart!	I totally, agree, a year at the most would be somewhat okay...but seven years! Puhlease!!!! No way you really need to have the discussion with your husband and tell him his brother has to find a place and give him ample time to do that... If he doesn't then tell your husband they both need to leave lol... I also agree therapy is needed...some sort of counseling if your husband refuses to understand your feelings on this... TJ

08-17-2008, 11:22 PM	#7
Jennyl Way too much time on my hands! Join Date: Apr 2003 Location: calgary Posts: 24,147 Gallery: Jennyl Start Date: manana	I think you need to have a serious talk with your husband. Does he expect that his brother will live with you permanently? I would also stop cleaning up after them. They are grown men not children. And take back your living room!! it's yours after all.

08-18-2008, 08:07 AM	#9
kristinalyn2001 Senior LCF Member Join Date: Feb 2008 Location: waiting for DH to come home from Iraq!! Counting down! Posts: 739 Gallery: kristinalyn2001 Stats: 174/140/129 WOE: Atkins, Clean as Possible! Start Date: Jan- Feb 08, restart May 08	I know you don't want your husband to make the choice but he has to--if he let brother move in, he should kick him out. Your husband must always choose you, there is no exception!

08-18-2008, 12:10 PM	#13
tomswife Senior LCF Member Join Date: Oct 2007 Location: Elgin, Oregon Posts: 640 Gallery: tomswife Stats: 245/194/120 WOE: Atkins Start Date: June 2007	Thanks so much, guys, for all your advice. I now know what I need to do. It just won't be easy. I'm still thinking about leaving and not coming back until he's gone. Not sure if that'll be the right move or not. My husband bought this house about 8 years ago. We knew each other but that was it. 3 or 4 months after he bought the house his brother moved in. (so there wasn't anything to discuss with me :-)). A few months after that we were discussing moving in together and at that point Tom said that his brother was only going to be there a month or so until he finds a place (although when I brought that up 2 years later, he denied it). So since they were both here before me, I still feel like an outsider. My husband has been real good about trying to make me feel at home but he can only do so much with his brother hogging so much of the house.

08-18-2008, 03:28 PM	#14
CarolynF Way too much time on my hands! Join Date: Jun 2002 Location: Kansas Posts: 20,522 Gallery: CarolynF Stats: 195/150/139 WOE: Eat Fat, Get Thin/I Can Make You Thin Start Date: January 2001	Oh..that changes the picture a bit. Brother/hubby were roomies before you came aboard.Hmmm..Brother should have moved out before you moved in. He seems to think he has squatter's rights, I guess. Sit down with your dhusband and tell him exactly how you feel. Maybe you can sell this house and buy another one that doesn't include his brother. OR the brother can buy him out. Can you support yourself? Moving out might spell divorce to your dh and if that is not what you want, then you have to really "think" about this. I think a very serious talk about this should happen. Does your dh know that you are thinking of moving out? If he doesn't, then he needs to know now.

08-18-2008, 10:39 PM	#16
skeeweeaka Senior LCF Member Join Date: Aug 2008 Location: Ohio Posts: 873 Blog Entries: 59 Gallery: skeeweeaka WOE: Low Carb! Alternate Day! Start Date: March 2008! January '09 Restart!	This is a difficult situation, especially if they were roomies before you moved in. But as I understand it your husband purchased the house, and he married you, not his brother! Have a serious talk with him away from the house, go out to dinner and discuss it. Tell him that you feel like an outsider and that they both are just walking all over you...you can't continue to let that happen. YOu are not respecting yoursself and they certainly are not respecting you... TJ

08-24-2008, 09:01 AM	#21
Sheba12106 Junior LCF Member Join Date: Aug 2008 Location: Ohio Posts: 5 Gallery: Sheba12106 Stats: 276/270/140 WOE: Atkins Start Date: 7/28/08	Hi, I'm sorry to hear about your dilema. I understand your situation and you should tell your husband that you have had enough of three's company and you want the privacy that the two of you need in your relationship. Is there anything wrong with his brother? I am trying to understand why he would even want to continue living in this arrangement in the first place. Does he ever bring women home? I would think he would want his privacy also. Do any of you have children? If there are no children involved and there is nothing that would keep his brother from being able to move on then I would definetely have a serious talk with the husband and tell him how you feel. You deserve to be happy and if this situation is making you depressed you NEED to change it. I would not have been able to last 7 months with the brother living there whether he was there first of not. I would have been having a talk with the brother myself. Are you sure that you have all the facts regarding the purchase of the house? Is there anyway that the brother may have also invested or possibly that your husband made an agreement with him at the beginning and now feels obligated? I certainly would stop cleaning up after the brother. I would clean up after myself and pitch in 1/3. It really doesn't matter if his brother was there first, he is your husband and if he is not willing to consider your feelings and happiness and ask his brother to move on then I would seriously reconsider my position in the relationship. Life is too short and don't waste anymore time in a situation that is less than rewarding for you. __________________ Sheba

09-11-2008, 07:07 PM	#23
tomswife Senior LCF Member Join Date: Oct 2007 Location: Elgin, Oregon Posts: 640 Gallery: tomswife Stats: 245/194/120 WOE: Atkins Start Date: June 2007	Well, there must be more to the story but he's not talking. We did discuss it a couple weeks ago and I had the feeling he was going to choose his brother over me so I panicked. Told him I'd deal with his brother but wouldn't like it. Things have not changed much. His brother and I are still not talking so the stress is getting to me. (I tried but apperantly he's not ready yet).Tom is basically going about his business and ignoring the situation. He use to ask me what was wrong when I was depressed. Now he just walks away. I'm not sure what I want to do. When his brother bad months me, Tom just laughs. Aren't husbands supposed to defend there wives? It wouldn't be so hard if it wasn't for the fact that Tom is near perfect in every other way. I really don't want to leave. I really love it here, and I love Tom. And I'm his WIFE! Why should I be the one to leave and be made to feel like an outsider! Actually I don't care what the situation was before I moved in. I'M HIS WIFE, DN IT! He should take care of me first. Shouldn't he? Maybe I'm being unreasonable. Maybe I'm being a btch like they say I am. Maybe I need a shrink. I need to do some more thinking. Thanks Guys.

09-11-2008, 07:15 PM	#25
kbetz0419 MAJOR LCF POSTER! Join Date: Jun 2007 Location: moveing to wonderland ASAP Posts: 1,529 Gallery: kbetz0419 Stats: 5"7 -(310)280/280/170 WOE: LC foods and lots of water. No chemicals Start Date: Restart January,5,2008