Please help - Divorce questions (kinda long)

pommie2 · 08-03-2008, 11:19 AM

My 30 year old DS just called me and told me he and his wife of 2 years are going to get a divorce. They both had a history of drug and alchohol abuse, her moreso than him. They have both been clean and sober for about 8 years, or so I thought. I just found out that she has been on methadone all this time and weaned herself off it this past january. Since then she has started drinking, going out to bars, doing Ecstasy and now wants a divorce because she says my son is too controlling about her going out and her drinking.

My son now will have to quit school because he can't afford the time or money to go to school and work.

They live in an aprtment, have no kids, they each have a car. It sounds like it would be an uncontested divorce. Should they use something like Legal Zoom.com which costs 329.00. Or do you think they need a divorce mediator with can cost like 300 an hour or up?

I just feel sick about the whole thing. I am so depressed right now.

Bluqq · 08-03-2008, 11:21 AM

I would use the legal zoom since they have no assests or children

my thoughts are with you
its a tough thing

atcgirl42 · 08-03-2008, 07:15 PM

I have no legal advice, just wanted to say that I'm sorry to read about your DS and that I'll keep him in my thoughts.

Zer · 08-03-2008, 07:31 PM

LegalZoom sure sounds like a good way for two people to separate assets and establish independent credit/debt entities. Sounds as if he is a lucky guy, to break off with someone who is addicted to a behavior that can get out of hand. Now what is this about he cannot afford to work and stay in school? Is she supporting him?

Quote:

Originally Posted by pommie2

My 30 year old DS just called me and told me he and his wife of 2 years are going to get a divorce..... My son now will have to quit school because he can't afford the time or money to go to school and work....

At 30, he cannot support himself? Who is supporting him now? Hope he works out a way to work, support himself as he completes his schooling. How much more schooling does he need?

Just caught me by surprise, this bit about how he cannot _afford_ to work and stay in school. Suggests an imbalance in this relationship. Anyone else see it?

pommie2 · 08-03-2008, 09:30 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Zer

LegalZoom sure sounds like a good way for two people to separate assets and establish independent credit/debt entities. Sounds as if he is a lucky guy, to break off with someone who is addicted to a behavior that can get out of hand. Now what is this about he cannot afford to work and stay in school? Is she supporting him? At 30, he cannot support himself? Who is supporting him now? Hope he works out a way to work, support himself as he completes his schooling. How much more schooling does he need?

Just caught me by surprise, this bit about how he cannot _afford_ to work and stay in school. Suggests an imbalance in this relationship. Anyone else see it?

He is a full time student and works during the summer doing molding and trim jobs on houses. He does it part time during the school year, but he does not make enough to rent his own apartment, make his car payments, gas, credit card, etc. So yes, she makes more than him, when they were together it was doable financially, but he can't totally support himself with a part time job and go to school at the same time. He needs another 3 semesters of school.

So that's why he may have to put off the schooling for a while till he gets more on his feet financially.

MarblesLongGone · 08-03-2008, 09:35 PM

I helped 2 friends with a DIY kit that you buy in an office supply store, and then they just had to pay court costs. I WAS their mediator. Once again, short marriage, no kids. N major assets that weren't clearly his or hers. Her car was hers, his van was his. As we talked, they agreed that they'd both get more if they weren't both paying huge lawyer bills!

Zer · 08-03-2008, 09:44 PM

Well, once he's single, perhaps he can share - as students do share - or rent a room (as I do and have saved a small fortune in rent by doing so for 20yrs) or do whatever he HAS to do to get the last bit of his schooling in. I hope he can! With so little time to go, it's worth a bit of sacrifice to complete his degree and qualify for a career in his chosen field. Molding and trim work? Should offer a chance to help on wknds, even if he is busy with classes during the week. If he is qualified, perhaps he can even start up a small business, for wknd work or whatever his school schedule allows. Sounds like a good skill to have.

Let's hope the two of them can agree to dissolve this marriage without rancor - and maybe preserve a friendship that will endure. Some couples manage that.

Sad? Yes, I feel sorrow any time a dream dies. But a 2yr marriage that ends is better than a marriage that drags on and on and denies both parties a chance to meet others and to build a better partnership. Let's hope this turns out well for both of these unhappy partners.

Try to see that there MAY be opportunities opening up for your son, as adversity often turns to one's advantage. This could work out well. It could.

pommie2 · 08-03-2008, 10:00 PM

Thank you everyone for the support and good wishes.

MarblesLongGone · 08-04-2008, 09:45 AM

Find out what the filing fee is in your county, and SEE if they can agree to a neutral party to help them divide things. As you are mom to one of them, you are NOT neutral, but they may be able to agree upon A FRIEND who they might be able to ask them split things sanely. Remind them that with a legal fight they BOTH lose!

08-03-2008, 11:19 AM	#1
pommie2 Senior LCF Member Join Date: Aug 2006 Location: Jersey Shore Posts: 833 Gallery: pommie2 Stats: 156.8/149/125 WOE: Atkins Start Date: Mar 2002 Restart May 07	Please help - Divorce questions (kinda long) My 30 year old DS just called me and told me he and his wife of 2 years are going to get a divorce. They both had a history of drug and alchohol abuse, her moreso than him. They have both been clean and sober for about 8 years, or so I thought. I just found out that she has been on methadone all this time and weaned herself off it this past january. Since then she has started drinking, going out to bars, doing Ecstasy and now wants a divorce because she says my son is too controlling about her going out and her drinking. My son now will have to quit school because he can't afford the time or money to go to school and work. They live in an aprtment, have no kids, they each have a car. It sounds like it would be an uncontested divorce. Should they use something like Legal Zoom.com which costs 329.00. Or do you think they need a divorce mediator with can cost like 300 an hour or up? I just feel sick about the whole thing. I am so depressed right now.

08-03-2008, 09:44 PM	#7
Zer Big Yapper!!!! Join Date: Dec 2007 Location: SoCal (Orange County) Posts: 8,058 Blog Entries: 42 Gallery: Zer Stats: 5'10"; 64; 508.7/380/199 WOE: Atkins: <5%Carb; BMR:2423cals; 182gProt; 128ozH2O Start Date: 432.4(2/8) 413.2(4/8) 402.2(6/8) 387.8(10/12)	Well, once he's single, perhaps he can share - as students do share - or rent a room (as I do and have saved a small fortune in rent by doing so for 20yrs) or do whatever he HAS to do to get the last bit of his schooling in. I hope he can! With so little time to go, it's worth a bit of sacrifice to complete his degree and qualify for a career in his chosen field. Molding and trim work? Should offer a chance to help on wknds, even if he is busy with classes during the week. If he is qualified, perhaps he can even start up a small business, for wknd work or whatever his school schedule allows. Sounds like a good skill to have. Let's hope the two of them can agree to dissolve this marriage without rancor - and maybe preserve a friendship that will endure. Some couples manage that. Sad? Yes, I feel sorrow any time a dream dies. But a 2yr marriage that ends is better than a marriage that drags on and on and denies both parties a chance to meet others and to build a better partnership. Let's hope this turns out well for both of these unhappy partners. Try to see that there MAY be opportunities opening up for your son, as adversity often turns to one's advantage. This could work out well. It could. Last edited by Zer : 08-03-2008 at 09:45 PM.

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08-03-2008, 11:21 AM	#2
Bluqq Way too much time on my hands! Join Date: Nov 2005 Location: New Yawk Posts: 12,335 Gallery: Bluqq Stats: 144/106/100 Start Date: 11/24/05	I would use the legal zoom since they have no assests or children my thoughts are with you its a tough thing

08-03-2008, 07:15 PM	#3
atcgirl42 MAJOR LCF POSTER! Join Date: Oct 2007 Location: Philly area Posts: 1,341 Gallery: atcgirl42 Stats: 168.4/146/145	I have no legal advice, just wanted to say that I'm sorry to read about your DS and that I'll keep him in my thoughts.

08-03-2008, 09:35 PM	#6
MarblesLongGone MAJOR LCF POSTER! Join Date: Oct 2006 Location: Hamilton, OH Posts: 2,387 Blog Entries: 2 Gallery: MarblesLongGone Stats: 248.5/206.0/190 6'0" WOE: Atkins / Carb Addicts / Schwarzbein / SB / Paleo / Start Date: April 1, 2008 (back on the wagon)	I helped 2 friends with a DIY kit that you buy in an office supply store, and then they just had to pay court costs. I WAS their mediator. Once again, short marriage, no kids. N major assets that weren't clearly his or hers. Her car was hers, his van was his. As we talked, they agreed that they'd both get more if they weren't both paying huge lawyer bills!

08-03-2008, 10:00 PM	#8
pommie2 Senior LCF Member Join Date: Aug 2006 Location: Jersey Shore Posts: 833 Gallery: pommie2 Stats: 156.8/149/125 WOE: Atkins Start Date: Mar 2002 Restart May 07	Thank you everyone for the support and good wishes.

08-04-2008, 09:45 AM	#9
MarblesLongGone MAJOR LCF POSTER! Join Date: Oct 2006 Location: Hamilton, OH Posts: 2,387 Blog Entries: 2 Gallery: MarblesLongGone Stats: 248.5/206.0/190 6'0" WOE: Atkins / Carb Addicts / Schwarzbein / SB / Paleo / Start Date: April 1, 2008 (back on the wagon)	Find out what the filing fee is in your county, and SEE if they can agree to a neutral party to help them divide things. As you are mom to one of them, you are NOT neutral, but they may be able to agree upon A FRIEND who they might be able to ask them split things sanely. Remind them that with a legal fight they BOTH lose!