Need support

[Susie Q]

Okay guys here's a challenge...

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Here's the situation. Step daughter is in therapy now. He MO for her whole life according to the family is, she has never been disciplined really, was always allowed by her mom who raised her to get her way. Hubby's pastor many years ago,when they were trying to work it out, said "she's going to raise a couple of monsters." Well, fast forward, now she seems to have agoraphobia, wont go to school, wont go out, has no friends etc... I do believe that we all have fears growing up, but she was never taught how to deal, and now her choice is to opt out of life.The thing is, its selective, it seems that when she goes to Universal studios, she's ok, can ride all the rides, be around people etc. But anytime ,life in line, when control kicks in, she's starts freaking. Remember this is what my training is is,,,but so help me...when im with her it just feels like mostly theatrics and manipulation to me.Im only her stepmom and try to be a friend to her, shes 17 now, and not functional. Any ideas or experience?

[losinitgirl]

I have 16 year old twins so I know teenagers can be difficult at times. You may be the step mother but you are the female mentor/role model in her life right now. What comes to my mind is how is she being treated at school, is their bullying that she has not talked about? whats important to her? spend time, quality girl time to see why she is displaying such behavior. 17 year olds are still developing as well as their ceberal cortex, they do things that they really do not know why they did it. She may need to see a therapist who can do some cognitive restructuring which is behavior modification not just talk therapy. Let her know she matters, shes important, see if her father will spend one on one time with her as well. What does he say to her about how he feels about her? is he positive, encouraging, supportive? Fathers images of their daughters is how they usually grow to see themselves. Hopefully, he makes her feel like a special person that he is blessed to have and encourage her independance. She can work, earn her own money and learn to save. Talk to the school counselor see whats really going on, if she has normal friendships and behaviors at school than a therapist may be needed to address her antisocial behavior. Wish I could be more help, good luck and hang in there. I, too am a step mother and its not an easy role to have but you may not know how important you are to her untill she is much older, you are making a difference and she will tell you that one day. Hang in there!

[Treeteeg]

I know this is a little late...but..as someone who had a mother that tried to be "friends" while I was a teenager I just want to say Stop. Okay. I hope not to make either of you feel bad, but mothers are parents, not friends. Mothers are not supposed to be friends until you're 70 and your children are in their forties. I am 21. My mother is -still- trying to be friends. I tell her something like, "You just can't do that. Be a mother. Not a friend." This might be why she is not responding. Heck, I don't.