church related - advice please!

janamonkey · 05-19-2008, 11:33 AM

I'm not sure if this is the right place to post this, but since it is religious and I feel like I need some support right now, this is where I will post it.

Background: I grew up in church, and always knew I was to be a worship leader. I've played instruments/sang since I was very young. I picked up the guitar when I was 11 and just love it. I went to music school. Anyway, I was a part of a large youth group (300+) in high school and lead the worship for that. The problem is that when I got out of the youth ministry I was completely rejected by the main worship pastor. He never even gave me a chance. During that time I met my husband, we got married and left the church we grew up at. We tried going to another church here in Portland and when I sat down with their worship pastor he told me that they don't accept new musicians. We ended up leaving there and church all together. I had my feelings hurt pretty bad and was bitter about everything.

Fast forward three years. We still don't attend church. A good pastor friend of ours planted a church in Portland and offered me a place to lead worship/be in charge of the music. HOWEVER, my husband doesn't want to attend that church. He only wants to go to the church that told me they don't accept additions to the worship team.

I feel really really stuck. I want, with all my heart, to go to our friends new church and work with him and his wife. But I don't feel like I can just attend a church like that without my husbands support. To me it really feels like he needs to a make a sacrifice and just GO there, but I know I am totally biased about the situation. We just fight and fight about it, so I don't really know what to do anymore. I feel so useless and lonely all the time because all I do is go to work, go home, repeat. I feel like I am just wasting away my talents and time.

Thanks for reading my novel

Anyway, any advice is appreciated.

thindreams2reality · 05-19-2008, 11:42 AM

Why is your husband so attached to that particular church? I'm confused.

kristinalyn2001 · 05-19-2008, 11:57 AM

I think that if this is something you really want, then you should do it , with or without your husband. While I think it is great when both spouses attend the same church because it enriches their relationship, if this is the only way you are going to get fulfillment, then do it. Why is he so opposed to the church with the music program for you? Would he feel comfortable with you doing this on your own? I think he is being selfish--he could go to the church you want to attend and maybe even like it because you are an integral part of the worship experience.

janamonkey · 05-19-2008, 12:06 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by thindreams2reality

Why is your husband so attached to that particular church? I'm confused.

He really likes the teaching there, and it is a good place that does a lot of service around the city.

Quote:

Originally Posted by kristinalyn2001

I think that if this is something you really want, then you should do it , with or without your husband. While I think it is great when both spouses attend the same church because it enriches their relationship, if this is the only way you are going to get fulfillment, then do it. Why is he so opposed to the church with the music program for you? Would he feel comfortable with you doing this on your own? I think he is being selfish--he could go to the church you want to attend and maybe even like it because you are an integral part of the worship experience.

There is a little more background I didn't include. The pastor of the church was our Youth Pastor at the old church, so there is history between them. Not bad history, but my husband doesn't want to go to our x-church version 2.0. I hope that makes sense.

Oh, and I think he's being selfish too!

thindreams2reality · 05-19-2008, 12:14 PM

Changing (leaving) churches can be a huge deal. Often times people view it as a loyalty issue. I have always viewed it as a "what's best spiritually" issue. I don't believe God cares where we worship only that we worship. So, if you sincerely believe you would be of better sevice to God and would grow more and be able to grow spiritually and developmentally (i.e. development and express your God given talents) more and the new church... I say go.

I do think that you need to come to a peaceful decision with your husband though because if he's not on board this could cause stress in your marriage.

Hopefully, he will understand your position and the benefits of switching churches.

janamonkey · 05-19-2008, 12:19 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by thindreams2reality

Changing (leaving) churches can be a huge deal. Often times people view it as a loyalty issue. I have always viewed it as a "what's best spiritually" issue. I don't believe God cares where we worship only that we worship. So, if you sincerely believe you would be of better sevice to God and would grow more and be able to grow spiritually and developmentally (i.e. development and express your God given talents) more and the new church... I say go.

I do think that you need to come to a peaceful decision with your husband though because if he's not on board this could cause stress in your marriage.

Hopefully, he will understand your position and the benefits of switching churches.

It's true, when we left the church it really threw our lives through a loop. Suddenly our group of friends changed, we had a million more hours of free time, etc etc.

My worry about going alone to the new church is that if he is unhappy with me being there, then what kind of spiritual effect (affect?) will that have on my ministry? I just can't imagine being in such a place of influence with the service and having a huge area of strife in my life.

thindreams2reality · 05-19-2008, 12:40 PM

Try to have a long calm heart-to-heart conversation with your husband discussing all of the pros and cons. Also, really pray about it. I sincerely believe the right decision will come to you. I'm sending prayers and hugs your way!

janamonkey · 05-19-2008, 01:13 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by thindreams2reality

Try to have a long calm heart-to-heart conversation with your husband discussing all of the pros and cons. Also, really pray about it. I sincerely believe the right decision will come to you. I'm sending prayers and hugs your way!

Thank you very much

SAC · 05-19-2008, 03:01 PM

Jana, PLEASE, pray about t his. The Lord will not bless your ministry if you go against His will. The scripture has not changed for our times. It still says, wives, submit to your husbands!!! Sorry, I know there is alot of teaching that we are now in a time beyond that teaching, but, if we accept the Bible as God's inspired Word, we must accept it all. Pray alone about this, then go to your husband, explain your feelings and then pray together. I would like to see you back in this ministry, but only if it is done according to God's way. Then He will bless it and you will be a blessing.

Star123 · 05-19-2008, 03:07 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by thindreams2reality

Try to have a long calm heart-to-heart conversation with your husband discussing all of the pros and cons. Also, really pray about it. I sincerely believe the right decision will come to you. I'm sending prayers and hugs your way!

Hi Jana, I sing in a worship team and just love the fellowship with all the singers I sing with, and the musicians that are part of this wonderful group. I couldn't imagine not singing with these wonderful people and I think you need to pray about this, and lay it all at Jesus's feet. Asking God to guide you and soften your husband's heart toward this church that you want to attend. I believe that if he cares about you, he will come around. Ask him if it would be okay for him to attend both churchs and see what this new church is like.

God hears and knows what we will ask before we call on him, and knows what's best for us. Just ask him and put your faith in action, believing that He is able to handle this siduation and will do what is necessary to fullfill yours and your husband's needs and ministries.

We all have ministries in the faith and it is our duty to find out what they are, and to use them for God's service, amen.

God BLess You,

janamonkey · 05-19-2008, 03:24 PM

Thanks everyone for the wonderful advice

I wish I could just figure all this out right now, and be done with it! I know that I need to wait, and be patient, but it is so hard sometimes!

snickerdoodle · 05-19-2008, 06:39 PM

Jana, have you and your husband attended this church at all? That might be the thing to do, the both of you, without the idea that you would become the worship team leader, or even that it would be a church that you're considering attending. If it were me, I'd really like to know the bones of the how the pastor operated and the workings of the church before committing to such a position. I know you've known this pastor before, but in his own church, things might be a bit different than when he was at the other church. Just food for thought.

Flowergirl51 · 05-19-2008, 07:44 PM

Dear Sis, I have a similar situation and would like prayer re same. I've done church w/out my dh and don't want to do that again....even though God blessed it and used me in the fellowships I was part of, it is very hard to be in a church w/out your husband. I think of the scriptures about him being my head, deferring to him, preferring him etc....

I too was part of worship teams in those churches and God gave me new songs. After some time my dh joined me at one of the churches....it broke apart shortly after that and we searched and searched for the place we belonged. We finally joined a large church....too large to get close to others and even though the preaching is good, I'm starved for "body life" and also for a place where I can minister to others in my home church. Then we moved and its a BIG hike to that church. DH doesn't want to find a church closer to home and in our new neighborhood....which I long for as I want to really exp church family, not in and out on Sunday mornings....so I need prayer too. We have only one car which makes it very difficult to do one church one week, one the other as he works every other Sunday (and its far enough away that its not convenient to driving him to work so I can go to church)....most Sundays I'm home w/God. Once in awhile I go w/dh but I don't feel connected when I'm there.

So I'll pray for you...pls pray for us that God will clearly open the door to the right home church where we can use the gifts HE gave us and also get close to other believers...and that HE will change us where we need to be changed and opened up to what HE has for us next. God may be taking both you and I through a pruning time to sit at His feet and wait. Stay connected to the vine sis so His life and love can flow through you and bear fruit for HIS glory and to bless and draw others to HIM. Love, T

CarolynF · 05-19-2008, 09:49 PM

Jana: Don't go to another church without your dh. My friend plays the piano for the church next door and her dh/dd attend our church. This is not a good thing at all.

Couples should be in church together. Your marriage comes first and the husbands are supposed to be the spiritual leaders of the family. God will bless you for your obedience.

It's a hard one, but sometimes obedience comes with a price of what we want..

Hugs and prayers for you.

Califrog · 05-19-2008, 10:13 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by CarolynF

Jana: Don't go to another church without your dh. My friend plays the piano for the church next door and her dh/dd attend our church. This is not a good thing at all.

Couples should be in church together. Your marriage comes first and the husbands are supposed to be the spiritual leaders of the family. God will bless you for your obedience.

It's a hard one, but sometimes obedience comes with a price of what we want..

Hugs and prayers for you.

I agree completely. When my husband and I disagree, I defer to his decisions. Obedience is a responsibility.

You have something you want to share and that is wonderful, but wanting to share doesn't mean it's God's plan for you right here and right now.

If you and your husband are fighting and fighting over this or anything else, a more important ministry for you right now might be your marriage.

Finally, take this to God and listen to what He tells you. Unlike us mere mortals, He doesn't make mistakes in His advice!

Livywilltim-mom · 05-20-2008, 06:17 AM

Dear Jana,

I completely understand your situation and feelings. Here is my prayer for you:

Heavenly Father, guide Jana and her DH as they pray and remain open to Your Will. Lead them along Your path and clearly show them where You would have them go. Through Jesus Christ our Lord, who lives and reigns with You and the Holy Spirit, one God for ever and ever, Amen.

Peace

05-19-2008, 11:33 AM	#1
janamonkey Very Gabby LCF Member!!! Join Date: Jan 2007 Location: Oregon Posts: 4,028 Gallery: janamonkey Stats: 153.2/153.2/140	church related - advice please! I'm not sure if this is the right place to post this, but since it is religious and I feel like I need some support right now, this is where I will post it. Background: I grew up in church, and always knew I was to be a worship leader. I've played instruments/sang since I was very young. I picked up the guitar when I was 11 and just love it. I went to music school. Anyway, I was a part of a large youth group (300+) in high school and lead the worship for that. The problem is that when I got out of the youth ministry I was completely rejected by the main worship pastor. He never even gave me a chance. During that time I met my husband, we got married and left the church we grew up at. We tried going to another church here in Portland and when I sat down with their worship pastor he told me that they don't accept new musicians. We ended up leaving there and church all together. I had my feelings hurt pretty bad and was bitter about everything. Fast forward three years. We still don't attend church. A good pastor friend of ours planted a church in Portland and offered me a place to lead worship/be in charge of the music. HOWEVER, my husband doesn't want to attend that church. He only wants to go to the church that told me they don't accept additions to the worship team. I feel really really stuck. I want, with all my heart, to go to our friends new church and work with him and his wife. But I don't feel like I can just attend a church like that without my husbands support. To me it really feels like he needs to a make a sacrifice and just GO there, but I know I am totally biased about the situation. We just fight and fight about it, so I don't really know what to do anymore. I feel so useless and lonely all the time because all I do is go to work, go home, repeat. I feel like I am just wasting away my talents and time. Thanks for reading my novel Anyway, any advice is appreciated. __________________ LCF Journal

05-19-2008, 12:14 PM	#5
thindreams2reality MAJOR LCF POSTER! Join Date: Apr 2003 Posts: 1,778 Gallery: thindreams2reality	Changing (leaving) churches can be a huge deal. Often times people view it as a loyalty issue. I have always viewed it as a "what's best spiritually" issue. I don't believe God cares where we worship only that we worship. So, if you sincerely believe you would be of better sevice to God and would grow more and be able to grow spiritually and developmentally (i.e. development and express your God given talents) more and the new church... I say go. I do think that you need to come to a peaceful decision with your husband though because if he's not on board this could cause stress in your marriage. Hopefully, he will understand your position and the benefits of switching churches. __________________ 23.5 GONE FOREVER! 101.5 MORE TO GO! 235/211.5/110 GOAL: 110 LBS. BY 7/04/09 HAPPY INDEPENDENCE DAY!!!

05-19-2008, 06:39 PM	#12
snickerdoodle Big Yapper!!!! Join Date: Apr 2004 Posts: 7,858 Gallery: snickerdoodle Start Date: Jan 2001	Jana, have you and your husband attended this church at all? That might be the thing to do, the both of you, without the idea that you would become the worship team leader, or even that it would be a church that you're considering attending. If it were me, I'd really like to know the bones of the how the pastor operated and the workings of the church before committing to such a position. I know you've known this pastor before, but in his own church, things might be a bit different than when he was at the other church. Just food for thought. __________________ <><The Christian Gang><> Still Crazy After All These Years ~Becky~

05-19-2008, 07:44 PM	#13
Flowergirl51 Junior LCF Member Join Date: Jul 2006 Posts: 27 Gallery: Flowergirl51	Dear Sis, I have a similar situation and would like prayer re same. I've done church w/out my dh and don't want to do that again....even though God blessed it and used me in the fellowships I was part of, it is very hard to be in a church w/out your husband. I think of the scriptures about him being my head, deferring to him, preferring him etc.... I too was part of worship teams in those churches and God gave me new songs. After some time my dh joined me at one of the churches....it broke apart shortly after that and we searched and searched for the place we belonged. We finally joined a large church....too large to get close to others and even though the preaching is good, I'm starved for "body life" and also for a place where I can minister to others in my home church. Then we moved and its a BIG hike to that church. DH doesn't want to find a church closer to home and in our new neighborhood....which I long for as I want to really exp church family, not in and out on Sunday mornings....so I need prayer too. We have only one car which makes it very difficult to do one church one week, one the other as he works every other Sunday (and its far enough away that its not convenient to driving him to work so I can go to church)....most Sundays I'm home w/God. Once in awhile I go w/dh but I don't feel connected when I'm there. So I'll pray for you...pls pray for us that God will clearly open the door to the right home church where we can use the gifts HE gave us and also get close to other believers...and that HE will change us where we need to be changed and opened up to what HE has for us next. God may be taking both you and I through a pruning time to sit at His feet and wait. Stay connected to the vine sis so His life and love can flow through you and bear fruit for HIS glory and to bless and draw others to HIM. Love, T Last edited by Flowergirl51 : 05-19-2008 at 07:47 PM.

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05-19-2008, 11:42 AM	#2
thindreams2reality MAJOR LCF POSTER! Join Date: Apr 2003 Posts: 1,778 Gallery: thindreams2reality	Why is your husband so attached to that particular church? I'm confused.

05-19-2008, 11:57 AM	#3
kristinalyn2001 Senior LCF Member Join Date: Feb 2008 Location: waiting for DH to come home from Iraq!! Counting down! Posts: 739 Gallery: kristinalyn2001 Stats: 174/140/129 WOE: Atkins, Clean as Possible! Start Date: Jan- Feb 08, restart May 08	I think that if this is something you really want, then you should do it , with or without your husband. While I think it is great when both spouses attend the same church because it enriches their relationship, if this is the only way you are going to get fulfillment, then do it. Why is he so opposed to the church with the music program for you? Would he feel comfortable with you doing this on your own? I think he is being selfish--he could go to the church you want to attend and maybe even like it because you are an integral part of the worship experience.

05-19-2008, 12:40 PM	#7
thindreams2reality MAJOR LCF POSTER! Join Date: Apr 2003 Posts: 1,778 Gallery: thindreams2reality	Try to have a long calm heart-to-heart conversation with your husband discussing all of the pros and cons. Also, really pray about it. I sincerely believe the right decision will come to you. I'm sending prayers and hugs your way!

05-19-2008, 03:01 PM	#9
SAC Junior LCF Member Join Date: Jul 2005 Posts: 2 Gallery: SAC	Jana, PLEASE, pray about t his. The Lord will not bless your ministry if you go against His will. The scripture has not changed for our times. It still says, wives, submit to your husbands!!! Sorry, I know there is alot of teaching that we are now in a time beyond that teaching, but, if we accept the Bible as God's inspired Word, we must accept it all. Pray alone about this, then go to your husband, explain your feelings and then pray together. I would like to see you back in this ministry, but only if it is done according to God's way. Then He will bless it and you will be a blessing.

05-19-2008, 03:24 PM	#11
janamonkey Very Gabby LCF Member!!! Join Date: Jan 2007 Location: Oregon Posts: 4,028 Gallery: janamonkey Stats: 153.2/153.2/140	Thanks everyone for the wonderful advice I wish I could just figure all this out right now, and be done with it! I know that I need to wait, and be patient, but it is so hard sometimes!

05-19-2008, 09:49 PM	#14
CarolynF Way too much time on my hands! Join Date: Jun 2002 Location: Kansas Posts: 20,522 Gallery: CarolynF Stats: 195/150/139 WOE: Eat Fat, Get Thin/I Can Make You Thin Start Date: January 2001	Jana: Don't go to another church without your dh. My friend plays the piano for the church next door and her dh/dd attend our church. This is not a good thing at all. Couples should be in church together. Your marriage comes first and the husbands are supposed to be the spiritual leaders of the family. God will bless you for your obedience. It's a hard one, but sometimes obedience comes with a price of what we want.. Hugs and prayers for you.

05-20-2008, 06:17 AM	#16
Livywilltim-mom Very Gabby LCF Member!!! Join Date: Apr 2007 Location: Red Sox Nation Posts: 4,579 Gallery: Livywilltim-mom Stats: 200/196/110 WOE: Atkins Start Date: Last Start Date: Dec. 30, 2008	Dear Jana, I completely understand your situation and feelings. Here is my prayer for you: Heavenly Father, guide Jana and her DH as they pray and remain open to Your Will. Lead them along Your path and clearly show them where You would have them go. Through Jesus Christ our Lord, who lives and reigns with You and the Holy Spirit, one God for ever and ever, Amen. Peace