I don't want to eat anymore.

[metqa]

I don't feel like, don't want to , can't be bothered with, cooking or eating anything. Everybody hates the foods I eat, nobody wants to stuff I make, when I do make something is always not good enough for anyone else, so why bother to eat it? My food doesn't taste as good as my boyfriends or my other friends, everyone is suspicious of what I cook, I never get objective opinions, it is always "is that some weird food" or eww you eat that, or it's okay but I wouln't eat it. I don't enjoy my food anymore and I feel like I have to hide what I eat or eat alone or not eat. I'm only five ounds over but I want to try to eat low carb and healthy but I feel so outside and I'm very sensitive about my food. Ever since i was a kid people commented negatively on what I chose to eat.

All the vegetables I like my BF hates, and if I dare eat anything with garlic he goes on and on about how my breath smells, and he says things like that dish would be better if you made it with rice or bread or changed it. I always completment his cooking but he always has some critique of mine, and He won't listen when he askes me for cooking advice then blames me when he doesn't listen to what i actually told him to do. And my own cooking seeems to get worse and worse.

I've been taking CLA and coconut oil. the CO takes away my appetite and I don't feel like eating. Since I think I can't make good food anymore anyway, I feel like I should just eat as little as possible. and not eat around anybody else ever again. I feel like hiding even to eat a handful of almonds. '

people think I'm a vegetarian all the time, then when they find out I low carb they tell me how I'm so unhealthy. I feed my cat raw, and I get told how that's so unhealthy. I cook with cheese and cream and lard, and I get told I'm gonna die. I wish I could just remove food as a topic from my life. I'm sick of being the weirdo in everything! I'm sick of being rejected for jobs, I'm sick of having my hobbies ditched on, I'm sick of being asked advice and then ignored, I'm sick of people telling me who I should be and being dissappointed that I'm not, I'm sick of being criticize for trying to be healthy. My food doesn't even taste good to me anymore. It is such a chore, and not even satisfying. IF I could just not eat anything but CO at least I might loose the extra pound and at least be able to fit my clothes again.

I've got so many other stupid things happening, or not happening, in my life. Even the new thing I like to eat , the cocoa bark, my bf totally ditched on. That was my faulth though cause I tricked him into tasting it knowing he didn't like coconut, but I am so sick of him saying my food is not good enough I guess I figured I'd get him back by letting him eat something I knew he would reject. Maybe then he'd have perspective, but he never trusted my cooking be fore. "is this low carb stuff? I probably won't like it" Of course now he doesn't trust me at all but what do i care. He doesn't really like any of my cooking anyway so why should I bother letting him taste anything in the future? But It still hurt cause now I feel like the CO bark really is disgusting and that there is something wrong with me for liking it. I don't like coconut myself.

Any way, I figure there must be something wrong with me and my tastebuds that I like so many things that don't taste good, so I don't want to eat anymore.

this is stupid I don't expect any replies. But if you want to say how silly it is to not eat or how I shouldn't listen to BF, Ill expect that. I'm just so weary right now. I want to be right about something. the less I eat the less wrong I can be about that at least.

[PrettyPaula]

take it from a fellow sufferer of depression, it sounds to me like you are really low, do you feel like crying when your typing it? for no real reason other you feel sad?

[metqa]

Yes. I woke up this morning and it was like everything had finally fallen down. Again. My eyes are horrible looking and red.

I had to go vote today and even while driving I kept all of a sudden crying. I still haven't eaten today, cause I just feel crappy in the head.

[anniemo]

it also sounds to me like you are depressed. my dp doesn't eat the way i eat. he definitely thinks some (most) of the things i eat are odd. you should have seen his face the first time he saw me drink a fawn shake. he is completely grossed out by my swishing of coconut oil when i oil pull. at first i was weary of letting him and my friends in on what i was doing. then i got over the "care" hurdle. now, i just don't care what anyone thinks. i have the information to back up my decisions and i know how great the wol is for my health.

it sounds like you may need to have a heart to heart with your bf. let him know that you need support and that comments from him on what you put in your body are hurtful. that telling you to add rice or another starch is counterproductive to steps you are taking to be healthy. that comments about your breath after consuming garlic are ridiculous and he should remember the saying, "if you have nothing nice to say, then do not say anything at all". re-read atkins (i see that is the program you are following) and understand the science behind why you are on this woe.

most importantly - eat. i know it is hard. i'm struggling right now because of meds and some depressing family issues but i'm taking active steps to put my body first. when you fill your body with the food it needs your mind can't help but become a little clearer. also, we are here for you and if you need to PM me or talk please feel free.

sending loads of love your way!

[metqa]

Thanks So much. I really feel better. I guess it wasn't really about the food, but I think I've been sliding down for a couple of days now. I've re-read some of my posts in various boards, I see where I was feeling insecure and defensive about food and supplement choices. My head is spinning just trying to keep up with my life, and I felt I was being bombarded with wrong decisions.

I do need to talk to him to apologize for the coconut incident. That WAS mean on my part. I can't even believe that I convinced myself that I gave it to him cause I thought he might not notice. and might like it. But it was also self defeating cause I know he would knock it and I'd doubt myself even more. But yay I ate one this afternoon and I still like it. So neener-neener-nee- ner to him. can't believe I like coconut oil. Hey it give me more options right?

BF is picking me up to get my car fixed so, later

[anniemo]

i'm glad you are feeling better. it is still hard when we are learning. there is always tons of new information. i've had to retrain myself to think like a scientist. the things i once thought were healthy have been disproven, so i must move on. i found out canola oil was bad for you a few months ago and i was pretty upset.

apologizing is a great thing. have a good hearty (pun intended) talk with him. even though my partner and i eat very different we now support each other. i had to voice my needs though. men aren't normally like women. they aren't as emotionally intuitive. we have to spoon feed them the way we need to be treated.

hope your car gets fixed!

[metqa]

Thanks again, actually the guy to fix the car no-showed so we went to vote and I told him what was happening with me. He got offended at first then finally realized that my perspective on food was different than his, having been eating lowcarb for so long. It was funny cause I was eating the chicken from a sandwich and stated that the bread didn't even smell appetizing and I thought it was stale. He said it was probably because I was use to the soft oopsie rolls Ive been eating and that all bread probably seems hard and stale compared to them. Bingo! He also said that I worry too much about what other people think and that I eat healthier than all of our friends and peers by comparison, and that by LCF standards, thought I seem to know alot, I'm still learning and everyone is the ignorant one for a while and to just go with what I know to be good for now. I should be less sensitive or at least be aware of when I am so I don't get bent.(my word choice)

I'm in a better place tonight. I've got my 5HTP and I had a salad and filet of chicken with my BF. Now my cat is flipping out but I think I can deal with her.

Anyone know how to replace a valve cover gasket?

[metqa]

I'm gonna eat some kimchi tonight!

[anniemo]

hope your kimchi was delicious! glad that you had a good talk with the bf.

[metqa]

Thanks, It was delicious. It tastes much better cold, I think. I love cabbage!

[swinglow]

Hi Metga!

Just wanted to drop in and say, I know how you feel. My bf is Air Force and would go bonkers if he knew what was in every little thing that I cook (I do most of the cooking). But I've found ways to make it so that we generally eat the same things and wanted to pass those tips on to you. Maybe they'll help? I hope so.

I find out what he likes to eat and then I tweak it. For instance, when we first met I was not low carbing and he'd said one of his favorite things to eat was lasagna. So I made him a full out totally carb laden lasagna that he enjoyed very much. Well, these days, I'm low carbing. So when I last got in the mood to make some lasagna I made a spinach lasagna which he raved about. I served it with a side salad that I ate with ranch dressing; he had french dressing. I made him croissant rolls to go with; I passed. I tend to make up batches of things and freeze in individual servings. I had both regular lasagna and spinach lasagna in the freezer, individually wrapped and asked him which one he wanted for lunch the next day. Yeah... he totally chose the spinach version. LOL

I do this with all kinds of things. If I buy a rotisserie chicken from walmart I feed him the breast and I eat the leg or thigh. We both get a green (broccoli, green beans, spinach, etc). I throw together a starch for him and let him eat his with bread. I either have an oopsie or I pass on the bread.

Same with the white castle hamburger pie or any other thing that's getting rave reviews with my fellow low carbing buddies. Thing is, everything we eat has a healthy amount of fat and seasonings so it's bound to taste good to the average non low carber, as well. I just find that they may need some extras to make it feel like a meal for them. I always plan what I want to eat and then add some extras to keep him happy. I get to stay on plan and he's none the wiser.

[swinglow]

Oh, and about your depression. This is something that I've battled for many years and I wanted to share a tool that might help. It's called EFT. Have you heard about it? The maker of it has a web site and has created a free ebook on the subject that you can download from the site. emotional freedom dot com is the site. Don't worry about anything he's selling; everything you need is in the book. The stuff to be sold is mostly for therapists that want to use the techniques with their clients.

It has helped me so very much. Yesterday I'd fallen into a real funk. I did a couple rounds of EFT and felt sublime.

[metqa]

You are a GOOD GF!!

Hey! I've been doing EFT since the day after I posted! Wow. Cool that you suggested that. I had to find my manual to remember the points. Thanks for the suggestion, I think it is working, not only for that, but for other things too! I actually made my BF do it, copy cat, cause he was complaining of low energy. He perked up and has seemed energetic days later.

Plus I've got some 5HTP, and that has has a great impact on my levels of "freak out" feelings.

I guess it is hard for BFwhen he visits cause I don't have corn chips, potatoes, bread, or rice, or pretty much anything carby. The thing is he wouldn't make rice or potatoes, or noodles for his own meals so I'm like, well why should I bother if he won't even eat it himself? I've got dreamfields pasta. and Whole wheat flour, I do have one box of blueberry muffins, but I rarely have regular milk, just CC and I won't let him have any of that expensive stuff. I also have one package of ramen on top of the fridge for him.


I do make a lot of his mom's recipes for us, which are naturally low carb because of diabetics in the fam. He likes the way I make those.

[swinglow]

See girlfriend, you're workin it out! Hey have you posted some of his Mom's recipes in the recipe suggestion area? You know we're always looking for good food to share! And here, no one will think you're the least bit weird. We'll just be grateful that you shared something yummy for our tummies.

I love that you're doing EFT! Yeah, my bf thinks I'm nuts! LOL He's incredibly supportive in every possible way but he's a funny guy, see, and he had to make a joke about the EFT cuz it looks kinda weird. And you know what? I just told him that years ago I'd struggled with a dibilitating bout of depression; that I was fortunate to have made it out alive; and that I'll do anything: take my vitamins, eat the right way, tap, hum or whatever to keep from going back to that state. And he totally backed off. Then he said he'd do anything to keep that from happening, as well.

Sometimes we just have to voice our needs and let them know that something is important. Do you watch the dog whisperer? It's like we have to do tiny but effective corrections as soon as something is amiss. And then be really appreciative when things are going as you'd like. Not saying that our bf's are dogs; just saying that, over time, we teach people how to treat us (all people). And it's better to address an issue while it's a mole hill; while we can talk about it without anger or resentment.

[metqa]

Originally Posted by swinglow

See girlfriend, you're workin it out! Hey have you posted some of his Mom's recipes in the recipe suggestion area? You know we're always looking for good food to share! And here, no one will think you're the least bit weird. We'll just be grateful that you shared something yummy for our tummies.

I love that you're doing EFT! Yeah, my bf thinks I'm nuts! LOL He's incredibly supportive in every possible way but he's a funny guy, see, and he had to make a joke about the EFT cuz it looks kinda weird. And you know what? I just told him that years ago I'd struggled with a dibilitating bout of depression; that I was fortunate to have made it out alive; and that I'll do anything: take my vitamins, eat the right way, tap, hum or whatever to keep from going back to that state. And he totally backed off. Then he said he'd do anything to keep that from happening, as well.

Sometimes we just have to voice our needs and let them know that something is important. Do you watch the dog whisperer? It's like we have to do tiny but effective corrections as soon as something is amiss. And then be really appreciative when things are going as you'd like. Not saying that our bf's are dogs; just saying that, over time, we teach people how to treat us (all people). And it's better to address an issue while it's a mole hill; while we can talk about it without anger or resentment.

Ha! when you mentioned the Dog Whisperer and corrections I thought you were referring to US. I cracked up when I realized you meant our BF's.

I think I'm benefiting from the EFT, even the little bit that I've used. Even if it is not the tapping, but just learning to take a step back and become aware of what is troubling me at the moment.

I'm gonna make a main dish for him tonight, surprise Apple pork chops, and I'll post one his favorite recipes later.

[Meekness29]

Be encouraged, honey

[swinglow]

Originally Posted by metqa

Ha! when you mentioned the Dog Whisperer and corrections I thought you were referring to US. I cracked up when I realized you meant our BF's.

That's right! My bf is awesome... the best! But even he sometimes needs input. And I've just figured out that it's better if I can talk to him like a human being, rather than waiting til I'm upset and in tears.

I think I'm benefiting from the EFT, even the little bit that I've used. Even if it is not the tapping, but just learning to take a step back and become aware of what is troubling me at the moment.

I'm so glad you see that it's working for you. At some point in the book it talks about locating every negative experience that's majorly impacted you in your life and EFTing them from different angles; removing the power the negative event has. I can't remember what they called it; the personal peace list? Something like that... anyway, I find that super helpful. I made my list and I EFT a couple every day. I then EFT certain things as spot checks. Like I had some mild cramps last night and couldn't get to my Motrin. A round of EFT eased the pain and allowed me to sleep soundly.

I'm gonna make a main dish for him tonight, surprise Apple pork chops, and I'll post one his favorite recipes later.

Sounds yummy!! Enjoy