Low Self-Esteem

Antigone · 01-29-2008, 06:54 AM

I am contemplating on meeting up with a guy online (who I really click with) but I am having second thoughts because, well, I am fat.

There. I said it. I have low self-esteem.

I'm 5'7" and 191 pounds this morning.

I keep considering pushing the meeting next weekend, deluding myself I can lose around ten pounds before meeting him.

Am I crazy?

quizzical1 · 01-29-2008, 06:59 AM

i think you are pretty. so let me get this right.. you meet a nice guy and you are going to maybe not go see him because of a few extra lbs? chica, there arent that many nice guys in the world and a lot of ladies who want nice guys, and he is into Y-O-U.

If he meets you and isn't wild about you because you think you are a bit overweight, then he isnt the guy for you anyway

xx

nadi namaki · 01-29-2008, 07:01 AM

quizzical is right, let him see your real you. You are a young beautiful woman, dont worry... And keep us posted!

epix · 01-29-2008, 07:02 AM

Just go, you have nothing to lose.. lots of guys (especially nice guys) will have the same issues you do.

Like quiz said, if hes not into you, hes not the one and just move on.. plenty of fish in the sea as they say.

JennyJ · 01-29-2008, 07:10 AM

I agree with everyone else!!! BUT I did want to add: BE CAREFUL.

DorianH · 01-29-2008, 07:12 AM

Well, I'm 5'2" and 225 and my hubby still thinks I'm a hottie. I mean, sure I need to lose some weight, but I can still work it, lol.

What have you got to lose? Go meet him and have fun- be safe.

homestretch · 01-29-2008, 07:20 AM

You know I often think that we judge ourselves a lot harsher than others judge us. If you go and he does not like you because of your weight do you really want to be with someone like that anyway? When I was heavier it always came as such a surprise to me when men flirted with me just proving my point that we are harder on ourselves than others are on us.

WATCH-ME-SHRINK · 01-29-2008, 07:47 AM

Go for it -- with confidence -- and you'll do fine. Self-confidence is so sexy -- men love that in women, you know!

When you meet him, stand straight, smile and look straight ahead, and you'll immediately look and feel more confident.

Your beauty and confidence comes from within.

(And yes, be careful!)

ChristyLee07 · 01-29-2008, 08:21 AM

I have met someone online and it went well. I also had issues about thinking I was to heavy and my younger sister put it the best way... We aren't in high school anymore and guy's don't look as much into weight issues as they used to. Every person is different and I'm sure no matter what you think he is just as nervous as you are. Even skinny minnie's have self esteem issues. We all do! Just go thinking hey if he likes me great, hey you never know you may not like him... whatever happens you gave it a try and if he doesn't like you OH WELL!!! you never have to see him again...lol Just remember personality goes further then looks no matter what size you are.

lowcarbn · 01-29-2008, 08:26 AM

Girl, you need to go for it. Just be yourself and confident I am sure you will knock his socks off- I agree w/Jenny- be very careful and have fun.

Jen415 · 01-29-2008, 08:28 AM

If you give off the "I'm too fat" vibe--he'll pick up on it.

That being said...does he know your size?

ixtapacheryl · 01-29-2008, 08:31 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Antigone

I am contemplating on meeting up with a guy online (who I really click with) but I am having second thoughts because, well, I am fat.

There. I said it. I have low self-esteem.

I'm 5'7" and 191 pounds this morning.

I keep considering pushing the meeting next weekend, deluding myself I can lose around ten pounds before meeting him.

Am I crazy?

5'7" and 191# is not bad. I'm sure you hide it well. You are such a pretty girl ..... go for it. If he is disappointed (which I doubt seriously), then he's not worth your time of day....

Antigone · 01-29-2008, 08:31 AM

He saw my pic, and I repeatedly told him I'm very very fat, but he seemed not to believe it. He even asked me if the picture's photoshopped as according to him I didn't look fat in it.

Jen415 · 01-29-2008, 08:35 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Antigone

He saw my pic, and I repeatedly told him I'm very very fat, but he seemed not to believe it. He even asked me if the picture's photoshopped because I don't look fat in it.

191 lbs at 5'7" is NOT "very very fat"....not even close! I would KILL to be your version of "very very fat"!

Come on girl--you are FANTASTIC just the way you are!! Let him meet the real you!!

ixtapacheryl · 01-29-2008, 08:36 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Antigone

He saw my pic, and I repeatedly told him I'm very very fat, but he seemed not to believe it. He even asked me if the picture's photoshopped as according to him I didn't look fat in it.

In YOUR mind you look fat. I don't think so and in fact he is going to be pleasantly surprised when he sees you in person.... GO FOR IT and be sure to give us an update. When is this meeting taking place?

Yummy's_Girl · 01-29-2008, 08:37 AM

I agree with everyone here. Just have some confidence in yourself for who you are, and go for it.

My cousin met a guy online awhile back and was in a similar situation. They hit if off perfectly online but she was so afraid to meet him because she is so overweight. They hit it off beautifully and are still together.

If he doesn't like you for who you are, then he isnt right for you anyway.... And that is regardless of if you are thin or heavy.

You are a pretty girl. Have confidence in yourself for the person you are.

We all deserve to be loved/cared about for the person we are inside. You deserve that and don't settle for less.

Antigone · 01-29-2008, 08:40 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ixtapacheryl

In YOUR mind you look fat. I don't think so and in fact he is going to be pleasantly surprised when he sees you in person.... GO FOR IT and be sure to give us an update. When is this meeting taking place?

This weekend. I am excited since I really like him - I mean even without the love angle (and there really isn't, aside from some jokes which he does from time to time), he's someone I'd want to be friends and hang out with.

But I'm also so nervous because, well, I know if he doesn't like me it's not the end of the world, but I'm pretty sure I'd have a hard time nursing my bruised ego.

Which was why I was thinking of inducting until Thursday next week and just meet him next weekend.

Sassay · 01-29-2008, 08:47 AM

Anitgone... I hope works out for you, you are a very pretty girl. Please touch back with us when you get back home. I always worry about online meetings, so please touch back and at least let me know you are safe. Thanks

ixtapacheryl · 01-29-2008, 08:47 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Antigone

This weekend. I am excited since I really like him - I mean even without the love angle (and there really isn't, aside from some jokes which he does from time to time), he's someone I'd want to be friends and hang out with.

But I'm also so nervous because, well, I know if he doesn't like me it's not the end of the world, but I'm pretty sure I'd have a hard time nursing my bruised ego.

Which was why I was thinking of inducting until Thursday next week and just meet him next weekend.

Today is only Tuesday ..... you've got 5 days till Sat. ..... you can accomplish a lot in 5 days.

squeakie · 01-29-2008, 09:02 AM

You shouldn't postpone your meeting with him... if he doesn't like you just because you have a few extra lbs then you'll know he's not good for you anyway. I totally understand how you feel though... I have the same issues myself... everyone tells me I'm not fat and I look good, but I don't feel that way and I don't see that when I look in the mirror. You look very nice in your pic and you don't look fat at all. Good luck, I hope he turns out to be a nice guy.

... just have to add that I know there are lots of men who like heavier women... maybe he is one of those guys, since he didn't seem bothered by the fact you told him you were fat.

DaisyGG · 01-29-2008, 09:19 AM

An - I met my wonderful boyfriend online and we've been dating for nearly three years! Do it! He could be the one.

Jayelgee · 01-29-2008, 09:34 AM

I agree with everyone who has already posted.

I met my husband online and I was what you would consider "very very fat". Then I had his babies and got even bigger. He still thought I was smokin' hot. (I thought he was nuts lol)

Just gooooo! If you're not confident, fake it! Have a good time, and be safe!

erickajean · 01-29-2008, 10:07 AM

This very same thing happened to me! I joined eHarmony and clicked with someone really special! I was scared to meet him in person, I was worried he wouldn't like what he saw. Somehow I got up the courage to do it, and long story short, we now live together. That was a year ago and we moved in together 2 months ago. If I hadn't gathered up the courage, I never would have met him, and I would have missed out on so much. Now, I am in a loving relationship with someone who loves me, despite my flaws.

If you really feel a connection, you should go. If you don't, you may always have regrets. And guess what, if it turns out your weight is an issue with him, then you'll know he isn't everything you thought and good riddance!

Good Luck!!!

PalmTreeGal · 01-29-2008, 10:10 AM

I met my husband online at my then-highest weight ever! Since we got together I have lost to my lowest adult weight and regained it all (freakin' grad school . . .). Don't miss out on a potentially good thing because of your weight.

Hot Tamale · 01-29-2008, 10:17 AM

Yep... Like a few others on here, I, too, met my (now) husband on-line. I stated up front that I was overweight and yes, I was very nervous to meet him, but he ended up loving me for me - and that was about 7 years ago (got married 1-19-02...).

Next: I know you don't like your size - but I'd give my eye teeth to be 5'7 and 191!!!
Its all relative. Wear something you like and RELAX. Things will be fine!!! Good Luck!
PS - You could lose 3 or 4 pounds by Saturday if you worked at it...

anniemo · 01-29-2008, 10:32 AM

antigone - i also want to point out that a woman's version of what is fat often differs from a man's. i have a female friend who is continuously talking about what celebrity she would prefer to look like and my partner and his friends usually think that most of those women are too skinny. we are also hardest on ourselves and usually have a very skewed view on what we actually look like. if you keep yourself from going out you are only perpetuating the self-hate inside you which often leads to binges, going off-plan, self-abuse. also, i don't believe that two halves make a whole when it comes to people. i don't want to be with a halve, i want to be with a whole. make sure you are happy in yourself. your self view is WAY more important than any outside view. you are a beautiful person and you deserve to love yourself. weight does not equal love.

rhlong · 01-29-2008, 10:44 AM

You probably fit in normal sized clothes 14/16? I don't see where that is grossly abnormally fat. To most guys that is normal.

kbeth · 01-29-2008, 10:45 AM

I can't tell you how many things I have put off "until I lose the baby weight.." It makes me sad now that I've missed so many fun things and great opportunities.
Please go, enjoy, and be careful.

01-29-2008, 06:54 AM	#1
Antigone Guest Join Date: Apr 2006 Location: Earth Posts: 2,114 Gallery: Antigone	Low Self-Esteem I am contemplating on meeting up with a guy online (who I really click with) but I am having second thoughts because, well, I am fat. There. I said it. I have low self-esteem. I'm 5'7" and 191 pounds this morning. I keep considering pushing the meeting next weekend, deluding myself I can lose around ten pounds before meeting him. Am I crazy?

01-29-2008, 08:21 AM	#9
ChristyLee07 Junior LCF Member Join Date: Jan 2008 Location: Florida Posts: 3 Gallery: ChristyLee07 Stats: 213-168-160 WOE: Atkins Start Date: Jan 14, 2007	I have met someone online and it went well. I also had issues about thinking I was to heavy and my younger sister put it the best way... We aren't in high school anymore and guy's don't look as much into weight issues as they used to. Every person is different and I'm sure no matter what you think he is just as nervous as you are. Even skinny minnie's have self esteem issues. We all do! Just go thinking hey if he likes me great, hey you never know you may not like him... whatever happens you gave it a try and if he doesn't like you OH WELL!!! you never have to see him again...lol Just remember personality goes further then looks no matter what size you are. __________________

01-29-2008, 08:31 AM	#13
Antigone Guest Join Date: Apr 2006 Location: Earth Posts: 2,114 Gallery: Antigone	He saw my pic, and I repeatedly told him I'm very very fat, but he seemed not to believe it. He even asked me if the picture's photoshopped as according to him I didn't look fat in it. Last edited by Antigone : 01-29-2008 at 08:34 AM.

01-29-2008, 08:37 AM	#16
Yummy's_Girl MAJOR LCF POSTER! Join Date: Aug 2006 Location: Ohio Posts: 1,917 Gallery: Yummy's_Girl Stats: 168/134/130-135 WOE: A way of my own Start Date: June 2006	I agree with everyone here. Just have some confidence in yourself for who you are, and go for it. My cousin met a guy online awhile back and was in a similar situation. They hit if off perfectly online but she was so afraid to meet him because she is so overweight. They hit it off beautifully and are still together. If he doesn't like you for who you are, then he isnt right for you anyway.... And that is regardless of if you are thin or heavy. You are a pretty girl. Have confidence in yourself for the person you are. We all deserve to be loved/cared about for the person we are inside. You deserve that and don't settle for less. __________________ www.myspace.com/yummys_girl Your body is the baggage you must carry through life. The more excess the baggage, the shorter the trip.--Arnold H. Glasgow ~~~~~~Sammi~~~~~~ Last edited by Yummy's_Girl : 01-29-2008 at 08:39 AM.

01-29-2008, 09:02 AM	#20
squeakie Senior LCF Member Join Date: Oct 2000 Location: berlin, germany Posts: 878 Blog Entries: 10 Gallery: squeakie Stats: 131/106/110 (5'1") WOE: low carb Start Date: January 25, 2008	You shouldn't postpone your meeting with him... if he doesn't like you just because you have a few extra lbs then you'll know he's not good for you anyway. I totally understand how you feel though... I have the same issues myself... everyone tells me I'm not fat and I look good, but I don't feel that way and I don't see that when I look in the mirror. You look very nice in your pic and you don't look fat at all. Good luck, I hope he turns out to be a nice guy. ... just have to add that I know there are lots of men who like heavier women... maybe he is one of those guys, since he didn't seem bothered by the fact you told him you were fat. Last edited by squeakie : 01-29-2008 at 09:04 AM.

01-29-2008, 06:59 AM	#2
quizzical1 MAJOR LCF POSTER! Join Date: Dec 2000 Location: London UK Posts: 1,705 Blog Entries: 2 Gallery: quizzical1 Stats: 207/177/145 5'7 WOE: Atkins Start Date: restart 1-January-2008	i think you are pretty. so let me get this right.. you meet a nice guy and you are going to maybe not go see him because of a few extra lbs? chica, there arent that many nice guys in the world and a lot of ladies who want nice guys, and he is into Y-O-U. If he meets you and isn't wild about you because you think you are a bit overweight, then he isnt the guy for you anyway xx

01-29-2008, 07:01 AM	#3
nadi namaki Senior LCF Member Join Date: Aug 2002 Location: Framingham, ma Posts: 900 Gallery: nadi namaki Stats: 162/132/125 WOE: atkins/ induction Start Date: Jan 08	quizzical is right, let him see your real you. You are a young beautiful woman, dont worry... And keep us posted!

01-29-2008, 07:02 AM	#4
epix MAJOR LCF POSTER! Join Date: Jul 2004 Location: SW Michigan Posts: 2,818 Gallery: epix Stats: 426/340(211 low)/175 WOE: Atkins Start Date: July 2004	Just go, you have nothing to lose.. lots of guys (especially nice guys) will have the same issues you do. Like quiz said, if hes not into you, hes not the one and just move on.. plenty of fish in the sea as they say.

01-29-2008, 07:10 AM	#5
JennyJ MAJOR LCF POSTER! Join Date: Nov 2006 Location: California Posts: 2,420 Blog Entries: 2 Gallery: JennyJ Stats: 154.5/138.5/135 ~ 5'7" ~ 39 yo WOE: Atkins Start Date: July 29, 2006	I agree with everyone else!!! BUT I did want to add: BE CAREFUL.

01-29-2008, 07:12 AM	#6
DorianH MAJOR LCF POSTER! Join Date: Dec 2007 Location: RI Posts: 1,431 Gallery: DorianH Stats: 247/???/150 WOE: Moderate Carbs/Dairy Free Start Date: restart 7/7/2008	Well, I'm 5'2" and 225 and my hubby still thinks I'm a hottie. I mean, sure I need to lose some weight, but I can still work it, lol. What have you got to lose? Go meet him and have fun- be safe.

01-29-2008, 07:20 AM	#7
homestretch MAJOR LCF POSTER! Join Date: Jul 2007 Posts: 1,351 Gallery: homestretch Stats: 206.5/153/155 WOE: Lost 35 on SB/Now Atkins and calorie counting Start Date: 5/26/06	You know I often think that we judge ourselves a lot harsher than others judge us. If you go and he does not like you because of your weight do you really want to be with someone like that anyway? When I was heavier it always came as such a surprise to me when men flirted with me just proving my point that we are harder on ourselves than others are on us.

01-29-2008, 07:47 AM	#8
WATCH-ME-SHRINK Blabbermouth!!! Join Date: Feb 2003 Posts: 6,376 Gallery: WATCH-ME-SHRINK Stats: 166 (12+) /Size 4-6/Fit & LEAN 140-145 (5'7) WOE: Atkins to BFFM to LC/TKD	Go for it -- *with confidence* -- and you'll do fine. Self-confidence is so sexy -- men love that in women, you know! When you meet him, stand straight, smile and look straight ahead, and you'll immediately look and feel more confident. Your beauty and confidence comes from within. (And yes, be careful!)

01-29-2008, 08:26 AM	#10
lowcarbn Senior LCF Member Join Date: Nov 2003 Location: texas Posts: 280 Gallery: lowcarbn Stats: 167/152/140 WOE: low carb/moderation	Girl, you need to go for it. Just be yourself and confident I am sure you will knock his socks off- I agree w/Jenny- be very careful and have fun.

01-29-2008, 08:28 AM	#11
Jen415 Senior LCF Member Join Date: May 2007 Posts: 89 Gallery: Jen415 Stats: 340/325/317.5/whenever my body says DONE WOE: low/moderate carbs Start Date: re-inducting 2/19/08	If you give off the "I'm too fat" vibe--he'll pick up on it. That being said...does he know your size?

01-29-2008, 08:47 AM	#18
Sassay MAJOR LCF POSTER! Join Date: Dec 2003 Location: Florida Posts: 1,071 Gallery: Sassay Stats: 255/183/125 WOE: Low carb Start Date: 3/05	Anitgone... I hope works out for you, you are a very pretty girl. Please touch back with us when you get back home. I always worry about online meetings, so please touch back and at least let me know you are safe. Thanks

01-29-2008, 09:19 AM	#21
DaisyGG Senior LCF Member Join Date: Dec 2002 Location: Minneapolis, Minnesota Posts: 961 Gallery: DaisyGG Stats: 198/195/158 5'8" ~ 220 in 1997 WOE: Low Carb 25-35 and whole foods Start Date: 12.29.08	An - I met my wonderful boyfriend online and we've been dating for nearly three years! Do it! He could be the one.

01-29-2008, 09:34 AM	#22
Jayelgee Senior LCF Member Join Date: Nov 2006 Location: Ft Worth Posts: 995 Gallery: Jayelgee Stats: 222/170/145 WOE: LC Start Date: 7/3/2007	I agree with everyone who has already posted. I met my husband online and I was what you would consider "very very fat". Then I had his babies and got even bigger. He still thought I was smokin' hot. (I thought he was nuts lol) Just gooooo! If you're not confident, fake it! Have a good time, and be safe!

01-29-2008, 10:07 AM	#23
erickajean Senior LCF Member Join Date: Jan 2008 Location: Los Angeles, CA Posts: 503 Blog Entries: 21 Gallery: erickajean Stats: 14/12/4 WOE: Atkins 72 Start Date: January 9, 2008	This very same thing happened to me! I joined eHarmony and clicked with someone really special! I was scared to meet him in person, I was worried he wouldn't like what he saw. Somehow I got up the courage to do it, and long story short, we now live together. That was a year ago and we moved in together 2 months ago. If I hadn't gathered up the courage, I never would have met him, and I would have missed out on so much. Now, I am in a loving relationship with someone who loves me, despite my flaws. If you really feel a connection, you should go. If you don't, you may always have regrets. And guess what, if it turns out your weight is an issue with him, then you'll know he isn't everything you thought and good riddance! Good Luck!!! __________________ *Ericka'Jean* 15 pounds down, 45 more to go! ... Instead of giving myself reasons why I can't, I give myself reasons why I can.

01-29-2008, 10:10 AM	#24
PalmTreeGal MAJOR LCF POSTER! Join Date: Jan 2007 Location: MD Posts: 2,090 Gallery: PalmTreeGal Stats: 181/160.8/120 WOE: LC eclectic Start Date: 9/1/08	I met my husband online at my then-highest weight ever! Since we got together I have lost to my lowest adult weight and regained it all (freakin' grad school . . .). Don't miss out on a potentially good thing because of your weight.

01-29-2008, 10:17 AM	#25
Hot Tamale Very Gabby LCF Member!!! Join Date: Jun 2006 Location: Florida Posts: 3,422 Gallery: Hot Tamale Stats: 375/345/175 WOE: LowCarb Start Date: every 24 hours...	Yep... Like a few others on here, I, too, met my (now) husband on-line. I stated up front that I was overweight and yes, I was very nervous to meet him, but he ended up loving me for me - and that was about 7 years ago (got married 1-19-02...). Next: I know you don't like your size - but I'd give my eye teeth to be 5'7 and 191!!! Its all relative. Wear something you like and RELAX. Things will be fine!!! Good Luck! PS - You could lose 3 or 4 pounds by Saturday if you worked at it... __________________ If it was easy everybody would be doing it." --Me! “All that we are is the result of what we have thought...What we think we become.” Buddha "Things do not change, we do." -Thoreau "If you have time to plan a cheat then plan how NOT to cheat!" --Me!

01-29-2008, 10:32 AM	#26
anniemo MAJOR LCF POSTER! Join Date: Nov 2007 Location: brooklyn, ny Posts: 1,363 Gallery: anniemo WOE: whole organic lc	antigone - i also want to point out that a woman's version of what is fat often differs from a man's. i have a female friend who is continuously talking about what celebrity she would prefer to look like and my partner and his friends usually think that most of those women are too skinny. we are also hardest on ourselves and usually have a very skewed view on what we actually look like. if you keep yourself from going out you are only perpetuating the self-hate inside you which often leads to binges, going off-plan, self-abuse. also, i don't believe that two halves make a whole when it comes to people. i don't want to be with a halve, i want to be with a whole. make sure you are happy in yourself. your self view is WAY more important than any outside view. you are a beautiful person and you deserve to love yourself. weight does not equal love.

01-29-2008, 10:44 AM	#27
rhlong MAJOR LCF POSTER! Join Date: Jun 2007 Location: Las Vegas Posts: 1,510 Gallery: rhlong Stats: 320/ 281/165 WOE: low carb my way Start Date: June 2007	You probably fit in normal sized clothes 14/16? I don't see where that is grossly abnormally fat. To most guys that is normal.

01-29-2008, 10:45 AM	#28
kbeth MAJOR LCF POSTER! Join Date: Apr 2004 Location: Chicago Posts: 1,062 Gallery: kbeth Stats: Before baby: 130/117 Now:151/136/120 5'4" 39 WOE: Atkins Start Date: April 2002/after baby 02/02/08	I can't tell you how many things I have put off "until I lose the baby weight.." It makes me sad now that I've missed so many fun things and great opportunities. Please go, enjoy, and be careful.