Your Opinions Please

CourtneyC · 01-07-2008, 10:04 AM

Good morning fellow L-C Friends. I have a situation that'd I'd love your opinion on....

My best friend thinks that this is horrible (the situation) and is offended by this, however, I don't see anything wrong with it. It has to do with losing weight...

The scenario:
The man that I am seeing know's how important losing weight is to me. It's so important I have considered Gastric Bypass surgery. He is opposed because he had an aunt who passed from complications... We were talking last night and we've been dating a few months; we are not too serious and are still "seeing other people". I am ok with that because we have both been on dates with other individuals. Anyways, I would like to make things more serious. We talked last night and he is basically afraid. He was engaged to someone he was with for over 10 years and he's not ready for a committment right now; again I'm still ok with that.

We were discussing my struggle to lose weight and he said, how about we make a bet. Since you are determined to lose the weight, what is your goal. I told him. Which is my half way goal. He said that if I reach that goal, he'll stop dating and we'll be "exclusive". This goal is not unattainable, it is not a far goal (meaning it shouldn't take a long time).

To me, this is very motivating. We know that we'll be together; it's pretty much a given..I said ok. When I told my friend, she is extremely upset and thinks' that this is horrible and she can't believe that he even said that. I know that it was his way of motivating me. He also said he'd work on losing 70 pounds too.

My question is....am I just naive? I really don't think he meant it to hurt me; I am certainly not offended but my freind is. I am extremely encouraged because it's almost like I want to do this for myself first and foremost and now I have something as an encouragement. What's the difference between this and someone's significant other saying he'd take them on a trip or buy them something they want? She is also overweight and unhappy in her marriage and thinks that people shoudl accept me even though I'm a big girl. I agree but in reality, I am NOT happy with my appearance...

Your thoughts please!!!

Beth1121 · 01-07-2008, 10:09 AM

Usually, I'd agree and say that was pretty offensive. That being said, you were there and had the conversation and did not find it to be offensive. If it doesn't bother you, then just let it go. It may be one of those "you had to be there to understand" type of things. Good luck!

DorianH · 01-07-2008, 10:13 AM

Well, if it didn't offend you, then I suppose it shouldn't offend your friend. Nobody understands your relationship better than you.

However, that being said, I do kind of understand why your friend would be taken aback. He told you no, yet dangled that carrot "if" you lose the weight. If he's so certain he could commit then, why can't he now? Or is it more that he believes you'll never reach your goal?

Either way, it's not terribly flattering toward you- but again, how deeply offended you are (or not) depends on the nature of your relationship.

My husband and I have jokes and comments that probably would offend other people, but we "get" each other.

lisabinil · 01-07-2008, 10:14 AM

Courtney hon you wanted opinions well, here goes. This stinks, this really stinks. You have to lose weight before he'll commit? WTH!!! I was 287 lbs and my husband loved me for me and I didn't have to have my gastric bypass for him to commit to anything-I already had his love. A love commitment is not the same as being offered a trip when you reach goal-no way, no how, not even close. Step back girl and take a long long look at this situation-I think you're girlfriends right on about this one. You are worth so much more as the beautiful woman and person you obviously are right NOW and if he can't see this and want you for who you are and commit now that's his problem.

jezzie · 01-07-2008, 10:16 AM

I would find it offensive. I don't think people are to be won in a contest.

However if you have a different take on it ... what I think, your girlfriend thinks, is a non-issue.

Best of luck to you.

Tylar_Connar · 01-07-2008, 10:17 AM

Like other said you were there and were not offended.

However, I think I would be offended. You lose x amount of weight and we will be exclusive. Although, its a great motivation I think it should be more like you lose x amount of weight and we will go somewhere or something.

I mean if he is not ready to commit now because he is afraid your weight loss is not going to change him being afraid.

CurlsNCuffs · 01-07-2008, 10:19 AM

You say you are okay with seeing other people but, are you really?

You say he'll "committ" if you make your goal. Personally, I would be offended. But, it is your life.

Also, I'd be concerned about him being with someone (engaged) for 10 years and not committing.

If it were me, I'd run............................the other way!

dointhis4me · 01-07-2008, 10:20 AM

Like the others said if it didn't offend you then it shouldn't matter what your friend thinks. I must mention I would find it offensive but I am ultra sensitive so maybe thats why

But something to think about...what if you reach your goal, he stops dating others then you start to regain your weight...does that mean the deals off and he's going to start dating others again? Just a thought.
Good luck to you in both your weight loss and relationship

cleochatra · 01-07-2008, 10:29 AM

I think he sounds like an absolute butt. I'd dump him. You have other options!

itsmevkb · 01-07-2008, 11:23 AM

I can see where this would be motivating. However, I think you need to lose the weight because you want to and understand that once you've lost it he may still be unable/unwilling to commit. Either he loves you enough to commit to just you or he doesn't. That shouldn't change based on your weight.

I totally understand the situation you are in because I was in a similar situation myself. I began dating a man and it was casual for a while and then I wanted more and we talked but he said that he didn't think he ever wanted to get married and he certainly never wanted to have children. I wanted those things so we agreed to keep dating other people but to keep seeing each other casually. I dated lots of other guys and at one point met a really nice one and went out on a bunch of dates with him and that is when the first guy woke up to the fact that he was going to lose me to someone else. He committed and we are now married and have a child! It's amazing how love can make you change your mind about things but it doesn't sound like your guy is there yet...........and you need to realize that he may never be.

My advice would be to lose the weight for yourself and to keep dating other people. If you meet someone else who is willing to commit then great, if not then at least you have someone you like to hang around with who may at some point in the future commit to you, but just don't expect that. Accept what you have now for what it is and live your life accordingly.

CourtneyC · 01-07-2008, 01:22 PM

Thank you all for your opinions and comments. I must say that the relationship that I have with this person is very honest and we are very close and do joke with each other and encourage each other. We also tell it like it is too. I am not offended because I know that he likes me and HE knows that this weight is a big issue for me. He believes in me and has been VERY encouraging and not mean or condescending at all. I dated a man for three years who commented on my weight and made me feel horrible. This man has never made me feel insecure or that he doesn't want to be with me because of my weight. I KNOW that his intention was for motivation. I am fully aware that he may never want to commit and I'm prepared for that. He's was engaged once and was "jilted" so I know he's insecure in some areas too.

I am not losing the weight for anyone but myself. I also don't ever hold back my opinions with him either. I tell him like it is too and if he does upset me he certainly hear's about.

I just wasn't offended by that....

Our society is messed up. I am not trying to condone someone's behavior or think that it's acceptable. However, it is a fact that MANY, MANY people out there would not date a fat person. Especially someone who is morbidly obese. It's amazing to me how an individuals who is 300+ pounds can lose a lot of weight and all of a sudden they are dating, they feel better about themselves and they are truly happier as people. I think it's different when you are with a significant other and you gain weight during the time of your relationship; than meeting someone who is obese and you initially start dating. I know I'm angering some of you and I'm sorry...I've heard many times, even in my own church services, the pastor talk about women who "let themselves go" after they get married. Their marriages suffer; so I ask, what's the difference? Weight is such a touchy subject for people because sometimes we (even myself) want others to accept me for who I am. I agree! However, I'm not happy with who I am or how I look; how can I expect my partner to be too?

Just some food for thought..I may not be making ANY sense and I hope I didn't offend anyone; it was truly not my intention. I firmly believe that you should be happy with yourself but alot of us here are not happy which is why we're doing something about it!

Jennyl · 01-07-2008, 09:20 PM

I am on the same page as your friend. I think that if he was really that into you then he would be wanting to date you exclusively now....not when you've lost weight. Maybe he's just trying to support and encourage you with your goals....but I think the reward he proposed is something that would put me off....sorry

SugarDoll · 01-08-2008, 12:47 PM

what i get is this.. you aren't worthy enough to date seriously until you lose weight.. not cool

Tea Cozy · 01-08-2008, 02:41 PM

My take:

If he isn't ready for an exclusive relationship, he isn't ready, for whatever reason. We all have our issues to deal with, and this is his. Are these issues simply going to change because you lose weight?

If yes, than he's not worth your time. Get out now.

If no, than this is a whole other deal. He is, in effect, making a promise that he either hasn't thought through - - - (what happened if you managed to loose the weight in 6 weeks? I have no idea if your stats are current, but for the sake of arguement, lets say they are - and somehow you DID loose it all in that time). Has he somehow managed to fit his own therapy and healing into a timetable - - - or that he has no intention of delivering on, which signifies an issue of not keeping one's word.

If you say that you honestly think he meant to be encouraging, I believe you. I do think, however, that he was as dumb as a box of rocks to put THAT on the table as a goal reward. It takes things into consideration that CAN'T be figured on. He should have come up with something else. And, if he's as supportive as you think he is, he should have realized it.

Long story short, I'd be offended, but for my own set of reasons. Do it for YOU, regardless of him.

CourtneyC · 01-08-2008, 04:16 PM

GOOD POINTS. I guess I am looking at things two-fold. One, I am losing weight for me. Two, if he isn't good on his word then I really don't care because there's someone better out there for me. I do enjoy his company and maybe he'll never be ready to commit. I'm not being unrealistic, I do see that as an option and if he isn't; then I'm moving on.

Tea Cozy · 01-09-2008, 09:59 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by CourtneyC

GOOD POINTS. I guess I am looking at things two-fold. One, I am losing weight for me. Two, if he isn't good on his word then I really don't care because there's someone better out there for me. I do enjoy his company and maybe he'll never be ready to commit. I'm not being unrealistic, I do see that as an option and if he isn't; then I'm moving on.

I'm glad you realize that. Because, when you get to your goal - assuming that you're still together - he's going to have one heck of a decision to make. Don't pin YOUR happiness on his ability or lack of same to make a decision.

cleochatra · 01-09-2008, 10:50 AM

Seriously, girl!

I'd still lose the weight-- HIM-- and go looking for a real man who isn't putting material conditions on your relationship.

What happens down the line if you were disfigured in a car accident? Is this guy going to leave you because your nose ends up where your ear was? Is he going to micromanage your meals? He sounds controlling. Joking words are still words he chose to spoke. He means what he says, and I see this as a red flag.

He's someone whose company you can enjoy, but he's not who you want to spend your life with.

You are worth so much more!

{{{{{{you}}}}}}}}

CourtneyC · 01-09-2008, 11:29 PM

Thank you! I can see your points and they are very valid. I guess I'm sort of blinded by "like" right now that I didn't really look at the whole picture...Thats why I love this site so much; you can get help and support not only for l-carbing but for life situations as well!

sandboxPirate · 01-10-2008, 12:16 AM

I agree with TeaCozy, WRONG choice for a reward! Also, if he was really as interested as he says, he would make it exclusive now. Why wait if the love is real?

Btw, if my Gf is out there.. I

you!

Debralynn · 01-10-2008, 01:04 AM

I say string him along, and then when you lose it, tell him you changed your mind. Then he can see what it's like.

If you really like him, tell him that you are going to do this for you, and you'll give him a call if you are still interested down the road.

I saw your shrinking face thread, darling. You are soooo beautiful, and deserve so much more than this. DON'T SELL YOURSELF SHORT!

CourtneyC · 01-10-2008, 10:03 AM

Thanks Deb. I am so frustrated because it seems very hard to meet a nice guy lately. I've been spoiled with an awesome dad and three older brothers who treat their wives great. I know he's out there somewhere...

hippiegirl · 01-10-2008, 10:21 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by CourtneyC

Thanks Deb. I am so frustrated because it seems very hard to meet a nice guy lately. I've been spoiled with an awesome dad and three older brothers who treat their wives great. I know he's out there somewhere...

I know exactly how you feel! I admire you for putting yourself out there. After the last one, I had seriously decided that I just needed to come to terms with the fact that I would never meet someone who would treat me right. Then, out of the blue, he came into my life. It's still hard to believe!

Someone posted a thread recently about feeling like they wouldn't ever get married. There was a lot of good advice, but the one that was repeated over and over, and that resonated with me was: Be picky!

Don't try to justify anything. Decide what you want, and believe you deserve it. And demand that it be so.

BTW, the one I found has posted in this thread

SugarDoll · 01-10-2008, 10:48 AM

for what its worth, after you lose weight, it doesnt get any better. after i lost 100 lbs i still have troubles with men

its not us, its them

CourtneyC · 01-10-2008, 11:21 AM

The funny thing is....I truly 100% without a doubt believe that he has worse self-esteem issues than myself. Go figure.

sfmama123 · 01-10-2008, 01:15 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by CourtneyC

Good morning fellow L-C Friends. I have a situation that'd I'd love your opinion on....

My best friend thinks that this is horrible (the situation) and is offended by this, however, I don't see anything wrong with it. It has to do with losing weight...

The scenario:
The man that I am seeing know's how important losing weight is to me. It's so important I have considered Gastric Bypass surgery. He is opposed because he had an aunt who passed from complications... We were talking last night and we've been dating a few months; we are not too serious and are still "seeing other people". I am ok with that because we have both been on dates with other individuals. Anyways, I would like to make things more serious. We talked last night and he is basically afraid. He was engaged to someone he was with for over 10 years and he's not ready for a committment right now; again I'm still ok with that.

We were discussing my struggle to lose weight and he said, how about we make a bet. Since you are determined to lose the weight, what is your goal. I told him. Which is my half way goal. He said that if I reach that goal, he'll stop dating and we'll be "exclusive". This goal is not unattainable, it is not a far goal (meaning it shouldn't take a long time).

To me, this is very motivating. We know that we'll be together; it's pretty much a given..I said ok. When I told my friend, she is extremely upset and thinks' that this is horrible and she can't believe that he even said that. I know that it was his way of motivating me. He also said he'd work on losing 70 pounds too.

My question is....am I just naive? I really don't think he meant it to hurt me; I am certainly not offended but my freind is. I am extremely encouraged because it's almost like I want to do this for myself first and foremost and now I have something as an encouragement. What's the difference between this and someone's significant other saying he'd take them on a trip or buy them something they want? She is also overweight and unhappy in her marriage and thinks that people shoudl accept me even though I'm a big girl. I agree but in reality, I am NOT happy with my appearance...

Your thoughts please!!!

Hi, JMO, but I think the difference is that a trip or some jewelry or a trip to the spa is a material reward and is conditional upon you achieving your goal, whereas love should be given completely and unconditionally, regardless of circumstance or achievement. It's not merit based. Hope that helps.

LoraJR72 · 01-10-2008, 01:57 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by SugarDoll

for what its worth, after you lose weight, it doesnt get any better. after i lost 100 lbs i still have troubles with men

its not us, its them

01-07-2008, 10:04 AM	#1
CourtneyC Senior LCF Member Join Date: Aug 2004 Location: Mokena, IL Posts: 597 Blog Entries: 4 Gallery: CourtneyC Stats: 381/349/150 WOE: Atkins Start Date: Re-Induction 11/6	Your Opinions Please Good morning fellow L-C Friends. I have a situation that'd I'd love your opinion on.... My best friend thinks that this is horrible (the situation) and is offended by this, however, I don't see anything wrong with it. It has to do with losing weight... The scenario: The man that I am seeing know's how important losing weight is to me. It's so important I have considered Gastric Bypass surgery. He is opposed because he had an aunt who passed from complications... We were talking last night and we've been dating a few months; we are not too serious and are still "seeing other people". I am ok with that because we have both been on dates with other individuals. Anyways, I would like to make things more serious. We talked last night and he is basically afraid. He was engaged to someone he was with for over 10 years and he's not ready for a committment right now; again I'm still ok with that. We were discussing my struggle to lose weight and he said, how about we make a bet. Since you are determined to lose the weight, what is your goal. I told him. Which is my half way goal. He said that if I reach that goal, he'll stop dating and we'll be "exclusive". This goal is not unattainable, it is not a far goal (meaning it shouldn't take a long time). To me, this is very motivating. We know that we'll be together; it's pretty much a given..I said ok. When I told my friend, she is extremely upset and thinks' that this is horrible and she can't believe that he even said that. I know that it was his way of motivating me. He also said he'd work on losing 70 pounds too. My question is....am I just naive? I really don't think he meant it to hurt me; I am certainly not offended but my freind is. I am extremely encouraged because it's almost like I want to do this for myself first and foremost and now I have something as an encouragement. What's the difference between this and someone's significant other saying he'd take them on a trip or buy them something they want? She is also overweight and unhappy in her marriage and thinks that people shoudl accept me even though I'm a big girl. I agree but in reality, I am NOT happy with my appearance... Your thoughts please!!! __________________ I want to be the woman who gets up, put's her feet on the floor and the devil says, "Oh Crap, She's Up!" (Taken from TexasFirefighter)~Thanks!

01-07-2008, 10:13 AM	#3
DorianH MAJOR LCF POSTER! Join Date: Dec 2007 Location: RI Posts: 1,431 Gallery: DorianH Stats: 247/???/150 WOE: Moderate Carbs/Dairy Free Start Date: restart 7/7/2008	Well, if it didn't offend you, then I suppose it shouldn't offend your friend. Nobody understands your relationship better than you. However, that being said, I do kind of understand why your friend would be taken aback. He told you no, yet dangled that carrot "if" you lose the weight. If he's so certain he could commit then, why can't he now? Or is it more that he believes you'll never reach your goal? Either way, it's not terribly flattering toward you- but again, how deeply offended you are (or not) depends on the nature of your relationship. My husband and I have jokes and comments that probably would offend other people, but we "get" each other. __________________ "Between stimulus and response, one has the freedom to choose" ~ Stephen Covey Check out my column: The Food Allergy Examiner

01-07-2008, 10:14 AM	#4
lisabinil Big Yapper!!!! Join Date: Apr 2007 Location: suburbs of Chicago Posts: 9,772 Gallery: lisabinil Stats: 214/185/180 287 in 00 WOE: higher carb Atkins for optimum health Start Date: SBD 3/5/07,Atkins 4/18/07	Courtney hon you wanted opinions well, here goes. This stinks, this really stinks. You have to lose weight before he'll commit? WTH!!! I was 287 lbs and my husband loved me for me and I didn't have to have my gastric bypass for him to commit to anything-I already had his love. A love commitment is not the same as being offered a trip when you reach goal-no way, no how, not even close. Step back girl and take a long long look at this situation-I think you're girlfriends right on about this one. You are worth so much more as the beautiful woman and person you obviously are right NOW and if he can't see this and want you for who you are and commit now that's his problem. __________________ 26 hrs of 10 in 10 Callanetics completed Walk Away The Pounds Challenge-52.5 miles Last edited by lisabinil : 01-07-2008 at 10:15 AM.

01-07-2008, 10:17 AM	#6
Tylar_Connar Way too much time on my hands! Join Date: Nov 2005 Posts: 12,439 Gallery: Tylar_Connar Stats: 198177150 WOE: 27 lbs to go for now Start Date: 10/14/06-165, 11/23/07 180	Like other said you were there and were not offended. However, I think I would be offended. You lose x amount of weight and we will be exclusive. Although, its a great motivation I think it should be more like you lose x amount of weight and we will go somewhere or something. I mean if he is not ready to commit now because he is afraid your weight loss is not going to change him being afraid. Last edited by Tylar_Connar : 01-07-2008 at 10:19 AM.

01-07-2008, 10:19 AM	#7
CurlsNCuffs MAJOR LCF POSTER! Join Date: Sep 2003 Posts: 2,450 Gallery: CurlsNCuffs Stats: 240/145/125 5'2 WOE: Atkins Start Date: April 2, 2003	You say you are okay with seeing other people but, are you really? You say he'll "committ" if you make your goal. Personally, I would be offended. But, it is your life. Also, I'd be concerned about him being with someone (engaged) for 10 years and not committing. If it were me, I'd run............................the other way! Last edited by CurlsNCuffs : 01-07-2008 at 10:20 AM.

01-07-2008, 10:09 AM	#2
Beth1121 aka fuelmanswife Join Date: Oct 2004 Location: The Peach State Posts: 2,730 Gallery: Beth1121 WOE: Basic LC Start Date: Which time?	Usually, I'd agree and say that was pretty offensive. That being said, you were there and had the conversation and did not find it to be offensive. If it doesn't bother you, then just let it go. It may be one of those "you had to be there to understand" type of things. Good luck!

01-07-2008, 10:16 AM	#5
jezzie Old Wise One Join Date: Oct 2000 Location: Hudson River Valley Posts: 37,425 Blog Entries: 77 Gallery: jezzie Stats: choosing to be scale-free; WOE: YOU:on a Diet - Dr. Oz Start Date: 04/22/07 - lightbulb; started YOU forthwith	I would find it offensive. I don't think people are to be won in a contest. However if you have a different take on it ... what I think, your girlfriend thinks, is a non-issue. Best of luck to you.

01-07-2008, 10:20 AM	#8
dointhis4me MAJOR LCF POSTER! Join Date: Apr 2007 Location: Central Ohio Posts: 2,220 Gallery: dointhis4me Stats: (was 246+ in 3/07) lc start wt- 239+/164/146 WOE: Atkins-ish Start Date: 4/4/07-5'6" and 31 y.o.	Like the others said if it didn't offend you then it shouldn't matter what your friend thinks. I must mention I would find it offensive but I am ultra sensitive so maybe thats why But something to think about...what if you reach your goal, he stops dating others then you start to regain your weight...does that mean the deals off and he's going to start dating others again? Just a thought. Good luck to you in both your weight loss and relationship

01-07-2008, 10:29 AM	#9
cleochatra Big Yapper!!!! Join Date: May 2005 Location: Denver, Colorado Posts: 7,939 Gallery: cleochatra Stats: 350/264/125 WOE: Atkins Start Date: January 1, 2008	I think he sounds like an absolute butt. I'd dump him. You have other options!

01-07-2008, 11:23 AM	#10
itsmevkb Junior LCF Member Join Date: Dec 2007 Location: Milwaukee, WI Posts: 35 Gallery: itsmevkb Stats: 232/226.4/175, mini-goal 222(pre-pregnancy weight) WOE: Medifast Start Date: January, 2008	I can see where this would be motivating. However, I think you need to lose the weight because you want to and understand that once you've lost it he may still be unable/unwilling to commit. Either he loves you enough to commit to just you or he doesn't. That shouldn't change based on your weight. I totally understand the situation you are in because I was in a similar situation myself. I began dating a man and it was casual for a while and then I wanted more and we talked but he said that he didn't think he ever wanted to get married and he certainly never wanted to have children. I wanted those things so we agreed to keep dating other people but to keep seeing each other casually. I dated lots of other guys and at one point met a really nice one and went out on a bunch of dates with him and that is when the first guy woke up to the fact that he was going to lose me to someone else. He committed and we are now married and have a child! It's amazing how love can make you change your mind about things but it doesn't sound like your guy is there yet...........and you need to realize that he may never be. My advice would be to lose the weight for yourself and to keep dating other people. If you meet someone else who is willing to commit then great, if not then at least you have someone you like to hang around with who may at some point in the future commit to you, but just don't expect that. Accept what you have now for what it is and live your life accordingly.

01-07-2008, 01:22 PM	#11
CourtneyC Senior LCF Member Join Date: Aug 2004 Location: Mokena, IL Posts: 597 Blog Entries: 4 Gallery: CourtneyC Stats: 381/349/150 WOE: Atkins Start Date: Re-Induction 11/6	Thank you all for your opinions and comments. I must say that the relationship that I have with this person is very honest and we are very close and do joke with each other and encourage each other. We also tell it like it is too. I am not offended because I know that he likes me and HE knows that this weight is a big issue for me. He believes in me and has been VERY encouraging and not mean or condescending at all. I dated a man for three years who commented on my weight and made me feel horrible. This man has never made me feel insecure or that he doesn't want to be with me because of my weight. I KNOW that his intention was for motivation. I am fully aware that he may never want to commit and I'm prepared for that. He's was engaged once and was "jilted" so I know he's insecure in some areas too. I am not losing the weight for anyone but myself. I also don't ever hold back my opinions with him either. I tell him like it is too and if he does upset me he certainly hear's about. I just wasn't offended by that.... Our society is messed up. I am not trying to condone someone's behavior or think that it's acceptable. However, it is a fact that MANY, MANY people out there would not date a fat person. Especially someone who is morbidly obese. It's amazing to me how an individuals who is 300+ pounds can lose a lot of weight and all of a sudden they are dating, they feel better about themselves and they are truly happier as people. I think it's different when you are with a significant other and you gain weight during the time of your relationship; than meeting someone who is obese and you initially start dating. I know I'm angering some of you and I'm sorry...I've heard many times, even in my own church services, the pastor talk about women who "let themselves go" after they get married. Their marriages suffer; so I ask, what's the difference? Weight is such a touchy subject for people because sometimes we (even myself) want others to accept me for who I am. I agree! However, I'm not happy with who I am or how I look; how can I expect my partner to be too? Just some food for thought..I may not be making ANY sense and I hope I didn't offend anyone; it was truly not my intention. I firmly believe that you should be happy with yourself but alot of us here are not happy which is why we're doing something about it! Last edited by CourtneyC : 01-07-2008 at 01:24 PM.

01-07-2008, 09:20 PM	#12
Jennyl Way too much time on my hands! Join Date: Apr 2003 Location: calgary Posts: 24,146 Gallery: Jennyl Start Date: manana	I am on the same page as your friend. I think that if he was really that into you then he would be wanting to date you exclusively now....not when you've lost weight. Maybe he's just trying to support and encourage you with your goals....but I think the reward he proposed is something that would put me off....sorry

01-08-2008, 12:47 PM	#13
SugarDoll princess of power Join Date: Sep 2003 Location: Missouri Posts: 17,581 Gallery: SugarDoll WOE: stop dieting, start living! Start Date: every day is a winding road	what i get is this.. you aren't worthy enough to date seriously until you lose weight.. not cool

01-08-2008, 02:41 PM	#14
Tea Cozy MAJOR LCF POSTER! Join Date: May 2007 Location: Fargo, North Dakota Posts: 1,115 Gallery: Tea Cozy Stats: 228/199/125 WOE: Atkins 72 Start Date: May 2007	My take: If he isn't ready for an exclusive relationship, he isn't ready, for whatever reason. We all have our issues to deal with, and this is his. Are these issues simply going to change because you lose weight? If yes, than he's not worth your time. Get out now. If no, than this is a whole other deal. He is, in effect, making a promise that he either hasn't thought through - - - (what happened if you managed to loose the weight in 6 weeks? I have no idea if your stats are current, but for the sake of arguement, lets say they are - and somehow you DID loose it all in that time). Has he somehow managed to fit his own therapy and healing into a timetable - - - or that he has no intention of delivering on, which signifies an issue of not keeping one's word. If you say that you honestly think he meant to be encouraging, I believe you. I do think, however, that he was as dumb as a box of rocks to put THAT on the table as a goal reward. It takes things into consideration that CAN'T be figured on. He should have come up with something else. And, if he's as supportive as you think he is, he should have realized it. Long story short, I'd be offended, but for my own set of reasons. Do it for YOU, regardless of him. __________________ Stacey Next Goal: Couch to 5 K

01-08-2008, 04:16 PM	#15
CourtneyC Senior LCF Member Join Date: Aug 2004 Location: Mokena, IL Posts: 597 Blog Entries: 4 Gallery: CourtneyC Stats: 381/349/150 WOE: Atkins Start Date: Re-Induction 11/6	GOOD POINTS. I guess I am looking at things two-fold. One, I am losing weight for me. Two, if he isn't good on his word then I really don't care because there's someone better out there for me. I do enjoy his company and maybe he'll never be ready to commit. I'm not being unrealistic, I do see that as an option and if he isn't; then I'm moving on.

01-09-2008, 10:50 AM	#17
cleochatra Big Yapper!!!! Join Date: May 2005 Location: Denver, Colorado Posts: 7,939 Gallery: cleochatra Stats: 350/264/125 WOE: Atkins Start Date: January 1, 2008	Seriously, girl! I'd still lose the weight-- HIM-- and go looking for a real man who isn't putting material conditions on your relationship. What happens down the line if you were disfigured in a car accident? Is this guy going to leave you because your nose ends up where your ear was? Is he going to micromanage your meals? He sounds controlling. Joking words are still words he chose to spoke. He means what he says, and I see this as a red flag. He's someone whose company you can enjoy, but he's not who you want to spend your life with. You are worth so much more! {{{{{{you}}}}}}}} __________________ National Low-Carb Examiner Columnist The Lighter Side of Low Carb blog HAPPY HOLIDAYS!

01-09-2008, 11:29 PM	#18
CourtneyC Senior LCF Member Join Date: Aug 2004 Location: Mokena, IL Posts: 597 Blog Entries: 4 Gallery: CourtneyC Stats: 381/349/150 WOE: Atkins Start Date: Re-Induction 11/6	Thank you! I can see your points and they are very valid. I guess I'm sort of blinded by "like" right now that I didn't really look at the whole picture...Thats why I love this site so much; you can get help and support not only for l-carbing but for life situations as well!

01-10-2008, 12:16 AM	#19
sandboxPirate Junior LCF Member Join Date: Dec 2007 Posts: 14 Gallery: sandboxPirate	Hmmm I agree with TeaCozy, WRONG choice for a reward! Also, if he was really as interested as he says, he would make it exclusive now. Why wait if the love is real? Btw, if my Gf is out there.. I you!

01-10-2008, 01:04 AM	#20
Debralynn MAJOR LCF POSTER! Join Date: Jul 2007 Location: AZ Posts: 1,698 Gallery: Debralynn Stats: 222/147/135 WOE: Atkins, chasing after my 2 and 4 year old boys! Start Date: (1997, 2002, 2005) re-start June 1, 2007	I say string him along, and then when you lose it, tell him you changed your mind. Then he can see what it's like. If you really like him, tell him that you are going to do this for you, and you'll give him a call if you are still interested down the road. I saw your shrinking face thread, darling. You are soooo beautiful, and deserve so much more than this. DON'T SELL YOURSELF SHORT!

01-10-2008, 10:03 AM	#21
CourtneyC Senior LCF Member Join Date: Aug 2004 Location: Mokena, IL Posts: 597 Blog Entries: 4 Gallery: CourtneyC Stats: 381/349/150 WOE: Atkins Start Date: Re-Induction 11/6	Thanks Deb. I am so frustrated because it seems very hard to meet a nice guy lately. I've been spoiled with an awesome dad and three older brothers who treat their wives great. I know he's out there somewhere...

01-10-2008, 10:48 AM	#23
SugarDoll princess of power Join Date: Sep 2003 Location: Missouri Posts: 17,581 Gallery: SugarDoll WOE: stop dieting, start living! Start Date: every day is a winding road	for what its worth, after you lose weight, it doesnt get any better. after i lost 100 lbs i still have troubles with men its not us, its them

01-10-2008, 11:21 AM	#24
CourtneyC Senior LCF Member Join Date: Aug 2004 Location: Mokena, IL Posts: 597 Blog Entries: 4 Gallery: CourtneyC Stats: 381/349/150 WOE: Atkins Start Date: Re-Induction 11/6	The funny thing is....I truly 100% without a doubt believe that he has worse self-esteem issues than myself. Go figure. Last edited by CourtneyC : 01-10-2008 at 11:22 AM.