Grieving

[LiveNLaugh]

I'm sure they're getting tired of me whining on the playground, so I thought I'd unload on you guys here. Lucky you!

I just lost a dear friend to diabetes, and I'm having a horrible time coping. I can't stop crying and rethinking every event we shared. Honestly, I haven't ever lost someone close to me before. I've lost relatives, but I didn't know them well. I just had no idea how painful this could be.

I wanted to share a story, though... We first met Denis at a golf event. I remember us all connecting right away, and we were all joking around. I looked up and said something about how the full moon brought out all the crazies that night (myself included) and we all laughed.

Tonight, I was running errands, and broke down crying (once again... gah!). I happened to look up at the night sky, and there it was...a full moon. It was like he was speaking to me, laughing, and saying, "All the crazies are out tonight, eh?" I gasped, literally, when I saw it.



Anyone have any ideas on coping with the loss of a loved one? I appreciate any help you can give me, and thanks for letting me vent/cry/share.

[pri17cess72]

Hi LiveNLaugh,

Sorry to hear of your loss. It is hard to deal with a loss so close to you. I lost my Dad 6 years ago on Valentines Day to Diabetes. I was 24 years old and it was hard for me to cope with. The best advice I can give you is to cry and let all of your emotions out. Talk out loud to Denis and tell him how you feel. Remember the good times and eventually you will start feeling better. It may take a long time. Feel free to get to know your emotions and know that it is okay to cry and to feel very emotional. I know it helped me to be able to cry when I needed to. I also went to the bookstore and bought several books on grieving. It helped to read about how others handled their losses and it helped me move on. I still miss my Dad very much and there is not a day that goes by that I dont think about him. I still cry to this day about losing him. I know my Dad is very proud of me and he would not want me to grieve for him too long.

There are sevral stages of the grieving process. I dont remember them all but I am sure you can google it and learn more about the process. Lots of people feel exactly how you do. You are not alone. I will say my prayers for you and know that you will make it through this. It gets a little better each day.

I hope what I am saying helps you and makes sense.

Take Care and Denis would be proud to read your siggy line.


Liz

[LiveNLaugh]

Thank you so much, Liz.

All I want to do is sleep so I don't have to think about it. It's like I think I can sleep until the pain passes.

Thank you for your kind words. You must have had a very special dad.

[Dedee62]

My husband lost his 25 yr. old daughter in a horrible accident in Feb. 2005. It was 1am and she was trying to cross a highway bridge and she and her boyfriend didn't know there wasn't any walkway between the east and westbound lanes. They fell 80 feet killing them both instantly. This happened early on a Saturday morning and since no one knew of their whereabouts their bodies were not found until the following Monday.

Without my husband's deep religious faith he would not have coped as well as he has. For him reading his Bible and praying daily has been his saving grace.

Sorry to hear about your friend. Everyone copes with death in their own way. Just don't hold anything in.

[LiveNLaugh]

I just searched our email account, and pulled up all of the emails from him that had been archived. It was so comforting, and made me smile to read his silly jokes. I'm so thankful they never got erased.

[LiveNLaugh]

Originally Posted by Dedee62

My husband lost his 25 yr. old daughter in a horrible accident in Feb. 2005. It was 1am and she was trying to cross a highway bridge and she and her boyfriend didn't know there wasn't any walkway between the east and westbound lanes. They fell 80 feet killing them both instantly. This happened early on a Saturday morning and since no one knew of their whereabouts their bodies were not found until the following Monday.

Without my husband's deep religious faith he would not have coped as well as he has. For him reading his Bible and praying daily has been his saving grace.

Sorry to hear about your friend. Everyone copes with death in their own way. Just don't hold anything in.

What a tragic story!

Thank you for reminding me of the comfort that can be found in God's word.

Blessings to you both.

[LiveNLaugh]

I had to drive by his house today, and all of the places we all used to go together. I thought I was almost through this, but I guess that's a not yet...

I can't help but thinking of his kids.

[LiveNLaugh]

I know I'm pretty much talkin' to myself here , but if it helps someone else, then it'll be worth it. Besides, it's helping me to "journal" this way.

Today is better. I have a plan to make a donation in his memory to the ADA on his birthday in Feb., and send a card then to his kids. I am hoping that'll be a gesture that will let his kids know he hasn't been forgotten.

I just wanted to post this to let anyone going through the same thing to hang in there; it does get a little better each day.

[debkeversole]

[LiveNLaugh]

Thank you, deb.

My family seems to be getting through this faster/easier than I have. I guess it hits everyone differently. I tend to be the emotional one of the bunch, but that's okay. Today is not so bad so far.

[Edin]

oh livvy, it is not whining to share, feel the loss, talk about your dear friend. he meant so much to you, and you honor him with your love and devotion. grieving takes time, and has stages, and it kind of feels like you go a few steps forward and a a few back. be gentle with yourself, allow yourself to heal and dont put any expectation on yourself of what you should do/ not do. we are here for you to offer hugs, a shoulder and to listen. and if you need anything you can also pm me, and i will give you my email addy.

i am so sorry for the loss of your friend, but i hope that as you heal you will find comfort in the good memories and that you will see him again someday.

God bless you with peace, sweetie.

[LiveNLaugh]

Thank you so much, Stephanie. You're right; we'll meet again one day.

[scandalouslyglam]

This is a particularly hard time of year. The fact that you can speak so openly and cry when you feel like it is a good thing. It is so much harder for the people who cannot express their grief (me). I think you're doing the right thing, let it out and though you think your talking to yourself...You are NOT alone.

Your friend,

August

[Marlee]

[CurveControl]

[Dede66]

I got chills when I read your post about your friend and the full moon. I saw it the other nite too and it was so yellow and huge still in the eastern sky. I was feeling sad because it was 2 years ago that day that I buried my best friend, my baby sister and I miss her sooooo much .

I feel like sometimes a part of me is gone, other times, I feel she is still with me, still a part of me that even death can not take away.

I too have emails my sister sent me and reading them, well, I feel she is still talking to me, I can almost hear her voice and her laugh as if she just sent them to me.

I am sorry for your loss, I went to a funeral today and these things have been on my mind especially more so these last week or so.

Hugs , dede

[LiveNLaugh]

Thank you all so much for your support and sharing your stories. It really does mean a lot to me, and it really does help, too.

[LiveNLaugh]

We are going to tune in to the TCU game tomorrow and cheer for his favorite team. Not sure why he was such a fan...that is not where he went to college , but oh well (I think it's because his mom was from Ft. Worth). Tomorrow, it's our team, too. Go, Frogs!!!

[Edin]

Originally Posted by LiveNLaugh

Thank you so much, Stephanie. You're right; we'll meet again one day.

checking on you tonight, sweetie. were here for you!!! and if you want to talk, pls feel free to talk here or you know you can also email. i need to email you tonight.
sending hugs and prayers.

[LiveNLaugh]

Thanks, Stephanie! You are such a sweetheart!

I just want to thank you all for making me feel "okay" about being sad. I was feeling like I was really taking it to an extreme, but I didn't really how NOT to. Thanks for letting me know it's okay to feel what I feel.

[Edin]

Originally Posted by LiveNLaugh

Thanks, Stephanie! You are such a sweetheart!

I just want to thank you all for making me feel "okay" about being sad. I was feeling like I was really taking it to an extreme, but I didn't really how NOT to. Thanks for letting me know it's okay to feel what I feel.

livvy, i just read your post, and it reminded me re Jesus. when He was told that lazerus had died and had been in the tomb for several dasy, Jesus still wept. i belive He wept because he saw the pain that lazerus' sister felt, and also how she felt so confised and abandoned. Jesus knew the wonderful outcome ahead, that lazerus would rise, and some day also rise again into eternity. yet in spite of all of that, Jesus wept. he was so filled with love, compassion, caring and concern. His flesh felt what we feel. though He did not lack faith, He "still" wept.

the fact that you "feel" is a Godly emotion, is part of how the Lord made us. it is a sign that you cared, and a vent for what fills our heart when someone goes to be with the Lord.

i sense your beautiful and precious heart thru your writing. i think if it was someone else hurting, you would gently be there for them, come along side, and walk thru it with them, without any rigid set of rules or schedule.

you are a precious friend, and denis was so blessed to have you in his life.

we are here for you. we want to listen and offer comfort. pls be gentle with yourself. sending love, hugs and prayers.

[LiveNLaugh]

Stephanie, you could not have given me a better example or more encouraging words. Thank you so much.

[dooy]

Grieving is so hard...it doesn't have a time frame, sneaks up on you when you least expect it...but there's no way around it, just through it. Hang on to God...He holds every tear...and will be with you through it. You sound like you're doing a little better, yes? Hope so!

[LiveNLaugh]

Dooy, thank you so much. Yes, every day gets a little better. The strangest thing happened today--we were talking to our landscaper who has a business over an hour away, and I mentioned something about how we'd put off calling him after our friend died suddenly last week. He said, "Was his name Denis?" Now how odd is that...he knew him, too!!! I think Denis touched a lot of lives, and there's so much comfort in knowing how loved he was here on earth! I have no worries that he's loved even more in Heaven.

[LiveNLaugh]

Ah, and to cap it off, his fav team won their bowl game tonight!! It's nice to smile for him instead of cry.

[dreamerdee]

I have come a little late to this thread, but the title really caught my attention. My best friend, Nava, died in August of 2002, a little short of her 50th birthday. She was staying with me due to needing help with some health problems from diabetes. She was improving. I found her dead one morning after her son called. The hardest thing I ever had to do was call him back to tell him his mom was gone. I still miss being able to see her or call her on the phone. We talked about everything. I am also diabetic, and the next August after she passed, I found Atkins, and feel it has saved my life in many ways. It saddens me that I was not able to share it with her in time. I kind of dedicate my Atkins journey to her. A couple weeks ago her daughter called me out of the blue, and we are reconnecting. It is such a blessing to be able to pass on to her things about her mother that she wasn't quite old enough to understand. In a quiet daily way I kind of feel like she is still with me, sort of cheering me on, encouraging me not to give up when things get tough. We will always have that connection.

What I wanted to say to you about the grieving is that it comes in bits and spurts, and can surprise you at times. After a time, how ever long that may be, it becomes more of a comfort than a pain. I now know I was very blessed to know my friend, and we were both blessed to share the time we did have together.

I am sure you and your friend were blessed in your relationship as well.

[dooy]

Originally Posted by dreamerdee

I have come a little late to this thread, but the title really caught my attention. My best friend, Nava, died in August of 2002, a little short of her 50th birthday. She was staying with me due to needing help with some health problems from diabetes. She was improving. I found her dead one morning after her son called. The hardest thing I ever had to do was call him back to tell him his mom was gone. I still miss being able to see her or call her on the phone. We talked about everything. I am also diabetic, and the next August after she passed, I found Atkins, and feel it has saved my life in many ways. It saddens me that I was not able to share it with her in time. I kind of dedicate my Atkins journey to her. A couple weeks ago her daughter called me out of the blue, and we are reconnecting. It is such a blessing to be able to pass on to her things about her mother that she wasn't quite old enough to understand. In a quiet daily way I kind of feel like she is still with me, sort of cheering me on, encouraging me not to give up when things get tough. We will always have that connection.

What I wanted to say to you about the grieving is that it comes in bits and spurts, and can surprise you at times. After a time, how ever long that may be, it becomes more of a comfort than a pain. I now know I was very blessed to know my friend, and we were both blessed to share the time we did have together.

I am sure you and your friend were blessed in your relationship as well.

Thank you for sharing that...it touched me deeply.