I didn't think I'd feel this way

[afrodite]

I've lost over 60 lbs this past year (actually lost most the first 5 months then maintained) and I feel energized, my health is 150% better, etc.

It's not all positive though. Some people now comment about how huge I was back then in very mean ways. Someone said I looked like a frog back then (my posture was bad because of the huge weight), others comment on my love handles, triple chin, etc.

I can sense that affecting me a lot even if I try to stay positive. In fact, I feel bigger now than I did back then.
When I'm at the gym, instead of checking my posture in the mirror, I stare at my love handles, belly, bat wings, etc. And I just wanna puke

And I don't have loose skin or anything, it's just that I now notice my flaws a lot more and I'm a lot more critical of my body than I was at my highest.

I know I shouldn't feel this way, but when I'm at a restaurant, if I see a person who is bigger than me, then I get very tense and can't eat at all. I am deathly scared of gaining weight back and as a consequence, I exercise a lot and eat very little and constantly evaluate my body. Some pants I bought last Thursday (16 slightly tight) are now worn with a belt since I'm losing fast. I don't have a scale so I don't know how much I've lost but I'm guessing about 5 lbs in 5 days.

Does anyone else feel/has felt like this?
Will I ever get over this feeling?

[Squiggle]

, so many hugs.
You've done so well, I hope that through the negative feelings you are still EXTREMELY proud of yourself. You really should be.

I understand how you feel... my family is saying 'wow you lost a ton of weight' etc, which is nice and all... but a 'ton'? really? I was that big?

I was pretty confident at that weight, but maybe because I didn't look in the mirror as much... Now I can actually face the mirror, and smaller clothes... but I scrutinize myself much, much more.

The people making these comments to you (and I realize they may be loved ones and friends, I don't mean to be harsh) are extremely ignorant to your feelings.

I'm sure they've never been overweight, or maybe they have and are just trying to be supportive.

It's misguided support/love, but it's still there

When I see a person bigger than me walking down the street, I also feel really sad (for them) and afraid (for me). I don't want to end up like that, and I wish I could grab them and show the wonderful way of eating that I've stumbled upon.

I think you'll feel better once you find new ways to keep motivated and discover you WON'T be gaining it back. I did

[jezzie]

I am deathly scared of gaining weight back and as a consequence,
I exercise a lot and eat very little and constantly evaluate my body.

Can't say I relate because I don't.
The only advice I can think of is to surround yourself with more positive people.

Congratulations on your loss.

[AiricaMarie]

afrodite ~~ I am really sorry that people are making you feel this way. It's not you IT'S THEM. These are the same people who felt comfortable around you when you were big, right? Of course they did, at that weight, you made them feel like they looked so much better than you did. Ever heard of "the fat friend"? I don't know you're whole situation, but I would bet that the people who are saying these things to you, can't handle the competition (and I'm not just trying to be supportive). MOST people who are insecure try to make themselves feel better by making others feel bad.

I have a friend just like that. When I start making great progress **noticeable progress** she finds every single thing she possibly can to make me feel insecure. It's not fair. These people are not your friends. No matter if you have known them all your life. If they cannot give you "constructive criticism" then they should have no place in your life. You know that you still have some problem areas, and still have a little ways to go. If they are pointing these things out to you in a mean way, then tell them to butt out.

Right now, you should be feeling absolutely elated. You should be feeling like you can conquer the whole entire world. You should be finally finding out who you are and becoming comfortable in your own skin. You should NOT be feeling like you are disgusting. You are simply a work in progress or "under construction" so to speak. By the way, when you are heavy, you are invisible...that is why you never felt so self conscious before. The fat was like a cape, and now that you have started to loosen the cape, you are being noticed more, which is causing YOU to notice more...make sense?

My advice? Get rid of anyone toxic in your life. I know that may sound a little harsh, and if you can't write them out of your life, then I would sit down and let them know how their comments are affecting you. This is YOUR life, not theirs, and if they haven't lost 70 pounds who are they to be saying these things to you anyways. Losing weight is not ONLY losing weight. It is reevaluating EVERYTHING. Sometimes, even the people who we thought loved us and would support us no matter what.

I truly hope that you can get over this feeling and start FEELING like you are doing the right thing. Not eating is not the answer. These comments are giving you an eating disorder (over exercising is a disorder too) and you cannot let your wonderful success go by the wayside now. Keep on pushin, you are on the right path.

Someone once said this to me a long time ago, and it has stuck with me all these years...
"Never make someone a priority when all you are is an option"

[HevinMonkey]

I have felt pretty much all of the same things you are describing, and I'm sorry you are having to deal with these things...its not easy.

I had a really good friend bring me a bunch of pictures she had of me from various events taken throughout the year before I lost weight, and she said she was "embarassed for me" to give them to me before, but now that I had lost the weight she didn't mind. I know she honestly didn't mean to hurt me either, but inside it did.
I had alot of people not even recognize me - which I really liked - then proceed to just cross the line in making a big deal about it. Up to a certain point its very complimentary and right past that point it can be equally as hurtful. On the inside I would feel like screaming "I am the same person, you know?".
Then there are all the people, females especially, that never gave me the time of day before, then were suddenly my best friend, like I had changed, or somehow become a "better", more acceptable person.

I also totally get the ultra self-critical part too. I am currently at a size that previously I would have done anything to get to, wearing clothes I never thought I would be able to wear...and now, its just not good enough anymore. I too have many days where I feel worse about the way I look post-weight loss than I ever did pre-weight loss. I am in really good shape compared to any other time in my life, but it never feels good enough. It can definitely become obsessive emotionally.

I feel best when I am actively "doing something" productive about it, so as long as I am continuing to work out and eat in a healthy low carb manner, I can hold off the worst inner beatings...but I still have those moments.

I wish I could give you the words that would take away what you feel. You should be proud of yourself for taking charge of your weight and your health, then doing what it took to make a difference. The fear you feel sometimes, if kept in check, may serve to keep you committed to eating properly for your body, but please don't beat yourself up over it....you are much more than your weight and have value that far surpasses a jiggle or a wiggle!

[flourchild]

The good news is that this kind of negativity sounds very hard to sustain, in the long-term. I hope you find some inner peace (gawd, that sounds so hippie-ish) long before reaching goal, because your body has served you well despite some of the things that may have been visited upon it. Forgive yourself for being human. Consider those less fortunate than you. And let those "friends" know their comments hurt; they may think you're ready to laugh at their perceptions of the old you, while you may never be.

[KrystaLyn]

I just wanted to say I'm sorry you are feeling this way. You have come a long way and you should be proud of yourself! Sending your way...

[Lucky4]

You're doing this for you and your health--period. People can say all they want but whether we're overweight, handicapped, rich, poor, whatever--people will say nasty things. It's them you should feel sorry for. Don't stress yourself on gaining again because stress will cause a negative backfire. Instead, focus on positive attributes--how good you're feeling, how good you're looking and how wonderful life can be. This is a journey and it's not going to stop. Even when we all get to goal, the journey will continue. Use this time to strengthen your inner character and stay away from those who doing anything other than point you in that direction. Remember too that everyone here on these boards--and there are a lot of us--are going through the exact same journey you are and we're all here to help. Now, take your best foot foward.. you know what they say, a journey of a thousand miles starts with the first step

[tymom]

Just popping in to say a big CONGRATS on your progress and weight loss!!

[fawn]

First of all CONGRATULATIONS ON 60LB LOST! That is so awesome.
Secondly, mean people suck
third....pull your bootstraps up stand proud, quit starving yourself and forge on to the remainder of your weight loss while learning how to properly nourish yourself!

You have come so far and you will go all the way and beyond. Take this time to reflect on your accomplishments and push that other junk to the side. and you need to tell yourself that.

Don't compare yourself to others. You are a unique individual. I beg you to enjoy this journey and the fabulous foods that come along with it.

People that make mean comments about others have self esteem issues themselves. I can't even imagine saying some of these things to other people. They are trying to reflect their misery upon you and you don't have to accept it.

I once had a friend (notice I said once) she said to me one time "here's a pair of jeans that I wore when I was as big as you" That floored me.

Evaluate your eating, make sure your calories are not too low or you will not be successful. Again, focus on you and not what others think, wear, eat or do.

THIS IS ABOUT YOU AND YOU ONLY!

[afrodite]

Originally Posted by jezzie

Can't say I relate because I don't.

You're better off not, really. I eat when I'm literally about to pass out because my blood sugar is way too low.
I've only had a banana and a portion of veggies all day today.
I'm gonna go find some more fruit. That is the only thing I eat guilt-free

Originally Posted by Squiggle

I'm sure they've never been overweight, or maybe they have and are just trying to be supportive.

It's misguided support/love, but it's still there

You're right. No-one in my family has been obese. Most of my family have a few extra lbs, but then again, they're in they're 40s-50s so that's "normal" (and a max of 20 lbs anyway). As for my friends, NONE are overweight so I am even more conscious around them.

Originally Posted by AiricaMarie

By the way, when you are heavy, you are invisible...that is why you never felt so self conscious before. The fat was like a cape, and now that you have started to loosen the cape, you are being noticed more, which is causing YOU to notice more...make sense?

It makes complete sense to me. This is definitely something I have to keep in mind.

Originally Posted by HevinMonkey

I also totally get the ultra self-critical part too. I am currently at a size that previously I would have done anything to get to, wearing clothes I never thought I would be able to wear...and now, its just not good enough anymore. I too have many days where I feel worse about the way I look post-weight loss than I ever did pre-weight loss. I am in really good shape compared to any other time in my life, but it never feels good enough. It can definitely become obsessive emotionally.

That's exactly how I feel. The comment about the frog was actually made after seeing some before pics of me, at my highest weight. And you know what, I know I looked awful and weirdly shaped, but I don't understand why she had to say it to my face
Not only that, but I AM STILL FAT and I don't think they understand that I am still that same 270 lbs person in my head, even if physically, I've moved on.

Thank you so much for your support everyone. I really missed this board

[lilmisssunshine]

just wanted to pop in and say that i understand your feelings.
when i weighed 220+, i'd always look in the mirror and think "hey, i look pretty good"; now that i've lost weight, i'll often look in the mirror and think "could my a** be and bigger?" (even though i know full well that it can).
i never had body image problems before, and now i do. it totally sucks. i feel so stupid about it.

but what works for me...whenever you look in the mirror (or at a picture of yourself or whatever), say "wow i look skinny/great/whatever positive thing" you'll feel totally cheesy when you start doing it, but after awhile, it'll start to work and you'll feel better.
love,
shannon

[shaylabooboo]

Airica,

Just wanted to send you and a great big on your progress so far! Everyone has offered some good advice. Keep your head up girl! Please eat something that is good for you, don't punish yourself for others ignorance. You know what you need to do to lose/maintain your weight, don't reward others with going back to where you came from. I'm soooo sorry that your "friend" would even make such an insensitive comment about how you "used" to look. To me that signals their insecurity and jealousy of your success.

I'm slowly learning that I need this board and the support of others here to give me what I need to do what I know I need to do. Okay I've rambled enough...

[Coal]

I know exactly how you are feeling. My little brother (after I had lost 70 lbs) told me that I look human again. Can you believe that? But the thing is he's never said anything about my weight. It was his way of saying I looked better now. He didn't mean it the way it sounded because he loves me and he's not the type to ever intentionally hurt someone. But it stuck with me regardless.

[Patlaf]

Afrodite, just wanted tosay for the sixty pound loss. That is wonderful. I agree with everything Airica said. She said it so much better than I could.

Pat

[Loretta]

May I suggest reading the book "Passing for Thin: Losing Half my weight and finding My Self" by Frances Kuffel.

In it you will find that she goes through all these things in learning to live in her new body and tells you how she worked through many of them.

It's a book that you won't be able to put down and will come away with a lot of knowledge about how to deal with the weight loss.

[BluesGal]

Originally Posted by afrodite

I didn't think I'd feel this way I've lost over 60 lbs this past year (actually lost most the first 5 months then maintained) and I feel energized, my health is 150% better, etc.

It's not all positive though. Some people now comment about how huge I was back then in very mean ways. ...

... I now notice my flaws a lot more and I'm a lot more critical of my body than I was at my highest.

... I am deathly scared of gaining weight back and as a consequence, I exercise a lot and eat very little and constantly evaluate my body.

First, congratulations on losing over 60 pounds! You have every right to be proud!

Those people who comment about how large you used to be are mean and/or stupid. If I were in that situation, I'd be included to feel anger and contempt for them, but I would strive to feel pity. You could tell those people, "Everyone has flaws." then gawk at their funny nose, their baldness, etc. If they comment again, say, "Do you realize how insulting you sound?"

You mustn't feel bad about your appearance! Not one person in a thousand looks like a model. Please be proud of improving your health. And if you did happen to regain some weight, so what? You know how to lose it!

Best wishes, afrodite.

[zizi]

Congrats on the weight loss!!! Ignore the a**holes!!!

I've experienced similar stuff, especially from family. "OMIGOD, you're THIN now!!!" etc. etc.

I've also lost friends after losing a lot of weight - made them too self-conscious, I guess.

[afrodite]

Thanks everyone. I couldn't find this thread for a while

Thank you for the suggestion Loretta; I'll try to go to Borders this weekend and look it up.

[Dax]

I had a similar experience myself. Lost a lot of weight quickly (helped along by being deathly ill with my gallbladder). The first time I was rostered onto duty in the school tuck shop another woman who would only see me now and then was most impressed by my weight loss. However, I could have died when she went on to say "You look soooo much better now.. your thighs are normal - they used to be like tree trunks!" She then continued in this vein for some time using a variety of different words to describe my pre-diet thighs eg: massive, enormous, round as barrells etc. I was mortified, and so were the other women on duty who were clearly uncomfortable just listening, let alone being on the receiving end.

I came very close to slapping that woman... i wish I had the magic cure for not caring what these people say, but here I am 15 years later still miffed about it!

Dax

[Mickey Lou]

I, too am way more conscientious of my weight, body and appearance than I was 100 pounds ago. In fact, it paralyzes me now sometimes, feeling so low about my appearance.

Crazy, I know. But way back when...I really didn't care. Maybe that's the difference? Now we care?