Alone Again

nitenurse · 08-04-2007, 05:23 PM

Wondered if anyone else could use a thread about being single again, (or still). I am 2 years widowed, sometimes I feel so disconnected from everyone who is so involved with spouses, significant others, children, etc...both in my everyday life, and on these boards. I don't begrudge anyone, but like I said, sometimes I just really feel like I'm out in orbit somewhere else.
Have no expectations, just wanted to hear from some others in the same boat.

rockysmom · 08-04-2007, 08:33 PM

HI,
I too am alone. I was married once upon a time, but divorced now for 18 years. I have no children (just my doggie).
While I totally enjoy this board, I often wish I had more to contribute. I read a lot, laugh a lot, and sometimes even cry a lot. But I have so little in common with most of the members that I don't have much to contribute.

Same goes with real life.

My life basically revolves around work and house work , sigh.

sillygirl · 08-04-2007, 09:07 PM

I am new to reading this section of the board, but please don't feel like you have nothing to contribute! You have life experiences that others don't have and different perspectives! You have a lot to contribute!

quiggley · 08-04-2007, 09:43 PM

I am single, and have no Kids so I understand. I talk to My Sister who lives here a lot but we have nothing in common she has 4 kids and has a very full life with them and her DH

I do not work now because of my Lymphedema so I do not even have that outlet. I know more people over 70 from taking My Mother to Buffets it is sad I need a Life LOL

I have gotten to where I do not post much anymore because I have nothing to say I am trying to change that.

Butternut · 08-04-2007, 10:42 PM

I think I live in fear of being alone.... My husband is ill, my parents are in their eighties and my daughters have their own families to care for. I have a sixteen yr old son at home and I realize he will be making his life soon.
After everything, what do we do with the rest of our lives? I go to church and I work but I feel impending doom sometimes. Anyone relate? Maybe I'm losing my mind....LOL.

yoshi · 08-04-2007, 11:37 PM

I can totally relate. I've been divorced for almost 25 years. I have one son who is 26. He's developmentally disabled, with some minor physical disabilities. He has the emotional maturity of a 13-year-old and has the academic level of a third-grader. I worry what will happen to him when I can no longer take care of him. Two months ago, I was severely ill and hospitalized and required surgery. The surgeon gave me a 50% chance of surviving the surgery. My son was totally traumatized by the situation. I was so worried about him and felt so helpless, being in a hospital 45 miles away. I had friends and neighbors checking on him regularly, but for him it wasn't the same as having family to lean on. He was by himself for 3 days, until my mom and aunt could get here from California. I've been taking care of him by myself for most of his life. I understand him, but it's so hard for other people to relate to him or figure him out. Raising him has been rewarding, but very hard, and it left little room for developing any kind of romantic relationship. At one time, I would have liked to remarry. Now, I feel too set in my ways to pursue a relationship. Even though I know God is with me, and I have my son and my dog, I feel so lonely sometimes, especially now. The healing process is long, and there are many things I still can't do physically, along with being swamped with medical bills. It would be nice to have someone to lean on and share the burdens.

orlyon · 08-04-2007, 11:51 PM

I have been single for 8 years. I have dated here and there but nothing substantial. I also work shifts and move a lot. I do have a child but she spends 50% of the time with her father so there are many times when i am very much alone. Part of losing weight is that i feel it might improve chances of finding "the one". Though health is the primary reason. I used to joke to my friends that i would end up as the crazy cat lady living in a trailer... the joke is not so funny anymore, now that im getting older.

Butternut · 08-05-2007, 12:02 AM

I think a lot of my fear concerns finances and the ability to maintain one's self without a partner to discuss things with and fall back on, lean on. My DH illness has REALLY opened my eyes!

Determinedtolose · 08-05-2007, 04:45 PM

Hi Ladies,
I was just reading your posts, I'm married myself and I haven't had the situations happend to me as you all have but I just wanted to respond, if I may. First of all I agree with Sillygirl about what she said!

Please don't be be discouraged or afraid, you all have some wonderful qualities that alot of people don't.
To go through the things that you have, by taking care of a loved one by yourself and still showing love towards them, by having your health given back, is truly a gift from God. I don't believe that you will always be alone or feel alone, I know God can bring the right relationships into your lives.

I know that God will bless you back 100 fold, and He will restore to you what was lost and taken away, whether it be financial, relationships or family. God is able!

I know when our life seems empty, it's because there is that void that needs to be filled. That's were we need to trust in God to fill our needs.
I'm not trying to know how you feel or I can't even pretend to know what you've all gone through, but I do know loneliness, I think we've all gone through that. Some more extreme than others, but I know that by speaking life and good things in our lives makes such a difference.
As hard as it may be, it does get easier and pretty soon you will be so full of life.

I'm sure that you all have alot of interests that you could post.
And I bet we all have something in common too. We won't know for sure until somebody brings it up.

I just wanted to encourage you all and for you to know that you are all loved and that you are special, because there is no one like you.
God Bless,
Diana

Butternut · 08-05-2007, 09:02 PM

Diana, thank you for your kindness and uplifting thoughts. Counting one's blessings helps so much! I need to remind myself to do that more often.
This board is such a life-saver! So many good people!
Thanks everyone and keep posting!

Determinedtolose · 08-06-2007, 11:12 AM

Your welcome Butternut, anytime you need to talk, I'm here for you, and everyone else.
God Bless,
Diana

nitenurse · 08-06-2007, 11:44 AM

Looks like this hit a nerve with a few people besides myself. Maybe we could share some practical things-that work. I found that I needed to do alone the things I was afraid of-like driving long distances alone. Just to know that I could. Just needed to push myself into the first little step.
ElaineMT

Butternut · 08-06-2007, 10:30 PM

A lot of my fears are what ifs.

yoshi · 08-06-2007, 10:46 PM

Hobbies are wonderful things to help get you through the rough times. I used to knit and crochet when I was a kid (learned from my grandmother). When my son was older and didn't need as much constant attention, I rediscovered my love of crocheting. In the past few years, I've added cross stitching and discovered I like to design my own patterns. I'm already a voracious reader and often listen to books on tape or CD while I'm working on my hobbies. Something else I do when I'm feeling like life has jipped me out of being part of a couple is to come up with reasons I like about being single, no matter how silly they may sound, like having sole possession of the TV remote or not having to explain to anyone why I spent $20 at the book store or playing with my son and dog in the wading pool rather than doing housework or being able to read in bed until I'm sleepy.

rockysmom · 08-06-2007, 11:37 PM

Elaine- the one thing I STILL don't/won't do is eating out at a nice restaurant alone. Just can't bring myself to do it. (but my Dad does it all the time)

It is hard to attend functions when you're the only "single" one
It's hard to make friends with things in common.....most of the time conversations strike up about kids.

Most of the time I really enjoy my life now, but there are still times. I will do things like shopping, bowling, yard sales, etc alone, but they're so much more fun to do with other people!

Good things: the tv and remote as someone else wrote.
eating what and when I want
dressing in work out clothes or sweats at home, no make up
cleaning- or not
cooking- or not
I can read for hours on end and no one will interrupt me

Butternut · 08-07-2007, 12:41 AM

Like who will help us when we are too sick to take care of ourselves?
Who will pick up my medicine when I can't?
Whose shoulder will I cry on?
Who will encourage me to toughen up?
Who will .......?
Who will I cook for?
Who would want me again?
I have never been alone........what a big crybaby!

Zenngrl · 08-07-2007, 09:05 AM

My philosophy as of late has been that WE are all WE have. If we cannot live with ourselves, love ourselves, depend on ourselves, we indeed have nothing. I've gone the route of having to or *thinking* I had to have someone else in my life to make it complete. But what I didn't realise is that I was losing myself little by little to these "so important" other people.

Please try not to live in "what if" land. I know it's hard and I even find myself there sometimes, but I try to snap out of it.

We come in all alone and we leave all alone. And I find nothing wrong or sad about living alone.

Love to all that feel alone, just know that you're not.

Mickey Lou · 08-08-2007, 08:53 AM

Nitenurse....have you read the book "Love you, mean it". It's written by 4 widows...it's very good. I can barely get through a chapter without welling up.

My Mom was widowed- my stepdad- she's been single since, and this was 19 years ago. I'm not sure how she coped totally- but she was tired and not herself for a couple years.

My best friend was widowed in 99- I know she got through it by the love of her friends and family and keeping busy. SHe's now remarried with 2 babies by the new hubby, very happy.

Do you have a support group, or at least a few people? Friends? Sister? Do you have someone that it's okay to relive these feelings with? The book I'm reading talks about how it was so important for them to have each other because no one else knew what they were going through, nor could they talk about it with others without feeling they were weighing the person down. First, know there's 100's of us on the board who HAVE the time to hear you out, every detail- every thought and emotion- but I would encourage you to find a support group, at least a confidant who's suffered the same loss.

Could I hook you up with my friend?

shmabby · 08-10-2007, 06:03 AM

you ladies make a good point
there are times when not having a significant other is a blessing

for me the list includes
not having to be the ex's maid any longer
being able to spend as much time as I care to in the grocery store

but then there are the times when
i just really really feel the hole caused by not being with another person. I don't mean friends or doing things. I have a daughter and friends and cats who i care for deeply. I mean being in love and having someone in love with me.

I always hear better to not be in a relationship and want to be in one than to be in one and want to not be but while that does makes sense it only goes so far....

i'm 49 spent many years in a rather negative marriage and honestly just don't see a deep loving relationship in my future and sometimes that just makes me sad, hearing of someone else's relationship problems doesn't make my situation any less sad.

I understand the importance of gratitude, and i do have lots, but.....

thanks

elizabeth

LaRae · 08-10-2007, 11:55 AM

I can relate to your fears and to being single. I am married now, but I was widowed at age 30. My husband suffered with a progressive kidney disease, dialysis and a transplant. Within months of the transplant, he died. That was in 1980, so things have changed a lot now.
I had a six-year old son at the time, but God always provided for us. I think the best thing that one can do is put our faith in God and pray.
I was single for over 14 years, and I never minded being single. Sure, there are pros and cons for being single or married. I still love time to myself and miss a few things from my single life, but, at the same time, I love being married and not having to pump my own gas!

I think when we get involved with others, giving and helping, we can't concentrate on ourselves. If you don't have to work, then do volunteer work. There is so much that needs to be done. I started volunteering at my church, then went to work there (loved it!) and eventually met my husband!
I'm certainly not saying that I know it all, but I have seen changes in people when they don't focus only on themselves. Turn it over to God and pray.
Have any of you joined a Singles' Group at your church? It can not only help your spiritual life, but introduce you to some good single friends and some activities!
LaRae

nitenurse · 11-30-2007, 03:47 PM

Looking over this site again, holidays coming and make this issue acute again.

Snickygirl · 11-30-2007, 03:59 PM

I did not respond the first time this was posted, but very much feel alone as the holidays approach. I feel like everyone else has christmas parties and family events to partipcapte in, and I don't. I am not working now, which makes it even worse. I tend to hibernate and eat more carbs this time of year too.

nitenurse · 11-30-2007, 07:41 PM

Snickygirl, this is a tough time when everything is geared to families (commercial geared, that is who spends the most money). There's still that little kid feeling that everything should be wonderful, and Santa should come, etc. and the disappointment when it never did happen.
I sound like a Grinch.
A lot of communities have holiday dinners open to everyone, and a good place to go and help and meet some people, if there is such a thing in your area. Check it out. Do you have any friends you could potluck a dinner with? Sorry if the suggestions are things that would just not work. There are a lot of people alone on holidays though, if you could just find a way of connecting with them.

sallyT · 11-30-2007, 10:57 PM

I wish I could give you ladies a real hug

This thread breakes my heart , makes me want to cry.

I'm sorry your feeling lonely

Maybe look into helping out in charities, or church sociales, maybe book club etc... there is a few different ways to meet people and make new freinds.

Sending more hugs

nitenurse · 12-05-2007, 07:36 AM

I don't want to make anyone feel sad; just looking for those who understand. But thanks for caring, I don't know anyone who doesn't have a rough road to walk, this is just one of them. With the holiday season coming on, I guess I am grateful that I don't have to do much about it, have a little tree up and a candle in the window. This year I am going to write to old friends, I have neglected that the last couple years or so, and I really don't want them to think I am not remembering them fondly.

ReneeD70 · 12-06-2007, 04:25 PM

First of all, hello. I am so sorry for how low some of you (us) are feeling. I am married so I can't understand that loneliness, but I know how it feels to yearn for something so strongly that it hurts, truly hurts. My husband and I haven't been able to have children. That is SO hard for me. I feel like I do not fit in at all. Everyone my age has kids and activities and so much to do. I feel left out a lot. Whaaaaa....I know but I get scared too when I think of the future. Like another person mentioned...who will help us? Who will drive us when we can't drive anymore? Who will come to holiday dinners? Who will be there when your spouse is gone? The holidays do make it more difficult. Do you know what I do when I think my heart can't take the pain anymore? I pray! I sing! I cry! I let God know I am angry! He can take it. Then I think why I do I deserve better than God's own Son? He suffered, greatly suffered more than any of us will know....just for us. I try to count my blessings. I have much to be grateful for. A warm, safe home, a decent car to drive, food in cupboard, and this computer that has my friends IN it

God bless you each and everyone. I will say a prayer that God will comfort you all in your time of need.
Renee

LaRae · 12-06-2007, 04:53 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ReneeD70

First of all, hello. I am so sorry for how low some of you (us) are feeling. I am married so I can't understand that loneliness, but I know how it feels to yearn for something so strongly that it hurts, truly hurts. My husband and I haven't been able to have children. That is SO hard for me. I feel like I do not fit in at all. Everyone my age has kids and activities and so much to do. I feel left out a lot. Whaaaaa....I know but I get scared too when I think of the future. Like another person mentioned...who will help us? Who will drive us when we can't drive anymore? Who will come to holiday dinners? Who will be there when your spouse is gone? The holidays do make it more difficult. Do you know what I do when I think my heart

08-04-2007, 05:23 PM	#1
nitenurse MAJOR LCF POSTER! Join Date: Jan 2003 Location: Montana Posts: 1,720 Gallery: nitenurse Stats: 290/250(236)160 WOE: Atkins/PP/IF/EFGT Start Date: 1972	Alone Again Wondered if anyone else could use a thread about being single again, (or still). I am 2 years widowed, sometimes I feel so disconnected from everyone who is so involved with spouses, significant others, children, etc...both in my everyday life, and on these boards. I don't begrudge anyone, but like I said, sometimes I just really feel like I'm out in orbit somewhere else. Have no expectations, just wanted to hear from some others in the same boat.

08-04-2007, 09:43 PM	#4
quiggley Way too much time on my hands! Join Date: Jun 2002 Location: Clearwater,FL Posts: 12,388 Gallery: quiggley Stats: 570+/218/ now 367/367/165 WOE: Atkins Start Date: 1/20/02 restart 7/6/07	I am single, and have no Kids so I understand. I talk to My Sister who lives here a lot but we have nothing in common she has 4 kids and has a very full life with them and her DH I do not work now because of my Lymphedema so I do not even have that outlet. I know more people over 70 from taking My Mother to Buffets it is sad I need a Life LOL I have gotten to where I do not post much anymore because I have nothing to say I am trying to change that. __________________ Jann Myspace http://www.lowcarbfriends.com/bbs/we...y-journey.html Nobody can go back and start a new beginning, but anyone can start today and make a new ending." -- Maria Robinson "You can either make excuses or get results but you can't do both"--Tom Venuto "People will stay the same until the pain of staying the same is greater than the pain of changing"--Tom Venuto

08-05-2007, 04:45 PM	#9
Determinedtolose Way too much time on my hands! Join Date: Jul 2007 Location: Glendale, AZ Posts: 10,104 Gallery: Determinedtolose Stats: 243/197/160 or 150 WOE: Atkins/ mod Fat, mod pro, low carb/Stillmans Start Date: Start: 4/07. 5lbs by 12/2008, 150/160 by 4/09	Hi Ladies, I was just reading your posts, I'm married myself and I haven't had the situations happend to me as you all have but I just wanted to respond, if I may. First of all I agree with Sillygirl about what she said! Please don't be be discouraged or afraid, you all have some wonderful qualities that alot of people don't. To go through the things that you have, by taking care of a loved one by yourself and still showing love towards them, by having your health given back, is truly a gift from God. I don't believe that you will always be alone or feel alone, I know God can bring the right relationships into your lives. I know that God will bless you back 100 fold, and He will restore to you what was lost and taken away, whether it be financial, relationships or family. God is able! I know when our life seems empty, it's because there is that void that needs to be filled. That's were we need to trust in God to fill our needs. I'm not trying to know how you feel or I can't even pretend to know what you've all gone through, but I do know loneliness, I think we've all gone through that. Some more extreme than others, but I know that by speaking life and good things in our lives makes such a difference. As hard as it may be, it does get easier and pretty soon you will be so full of life. I'm sure that you all have alot of interests that you could post. And I bet we all have something in common too. We won't know for sure until somebody brings it up. I just wanted to encourage you all and for you to know that you are all loved and that you are special, because there is no one like you. God Bless, Diana __________________ DIANA Wilkommen, bienvenu, welcome, c'mon in!! DOWN 46LBS 199, 198, 197, 196, 195, 194, 193, 192, 191, 190, 189, 188, 187, 186, 185, 184, 183, 182, 181, 180, 179, 178, 177, 176, 175, 174, 173, 172, 171, 170, 169, 168, 167, 166, 165, 164, 163, 162, 161, 160 MAYBE GOAL, 159, 158, 157, 156, 155, 154, 153, 152, 151, 150 GOAL! It's not what I've done, or can do. . .but what He has done for me. It's Faith plus Nothing!!! Diana's Journal

08-07-2007, 09:05 AM	#17
Zenngrl Very Gabby LCF Member!!! Join Date: Dec 2002 Location: Ohio Posts: 4,125 Gallery: Zenngrl Stats: Nunya :O) WOE: Low Carb, my way!	My philosophy as of late has been that WE are all WE have. If we cannot live with ourselves, love ourselves, depend on ourselves, we indeed have nothing. I've gone the route of having to or thinking I had to have someone else in my life to make it complete. But what I didn't realise is that I was losing myself little by little to these "so important" other people. Please try not to live in "what if" land. I know it's hard and I even find myself there sometimes, but I try to snap out of it. We come in all alone and we leave all alone. And I find nothing wrong or sad about living alone. Love to all that feel alone, just know that you're not. __________________ Do or do not; there is no try.Yoda (!) Allow me to explain the contamination process. Pine cones go in here, party liquors comes out here and proceed to here...[points to mouth]...Fights begin, finger prints are took, days is lost, bail is made, court dates are ignored, cycle is repeated www.taoteching.org

08-08-2007, 08:53 AM	#18
Mickey Lou Very Gabby LCF Member!!! Join Date: Apr 2003 Location: Broomfield, Colorado Posts: 4,159 Gallery: Mickey Lou Stats: 267/>150<200/150 WOE: death to the marcupial pouch Start Date: Early Spring 2000; 100#off	Nitenurse....have you read the book "Love you, mean it". It's written by 4 widows...it's very good. I can barely get through a chapter without welling up. My Mom was widowed- my stepdad- she's been single since, and this was 19 years ago. I'm not sure how she coped totally- but she was tired and not herself for a couple years. My best friend was widowed in 99- I know she got through it by the love of her friends and family and keeping busy. SHe's now remarried with 2 babies by the new hubby, very happy. Do you have a support group, or at least a few people? Friends? Sister? Do you have someone that it's okay to relive these feelings with? The book I'm reading talks about how it was so important for them to have each other because no one else knew what they were going through, nor could they talk about it with others without feeling they were weighing the person down. First, know there's 100's of us on the board who HAVE the time to hear you out, every detail- every thought and emotion- but I would encourage you to find a support group, at least a confidant who's suffered the same loss. Could I hook you up with my friend? __________________ ~Mickey And let the peace of God rule in your hearts...and be thankful. Colossians 3:15

08-04-2007, 08:33 PM	#2
rockysmom Blabbermouth!!! Join Date: Apr 2003 Location: Michigan Posts: 5,060 Gallery: rockysmom Stats: 197/183/158 (my scale 1st thing in the am) WOE: no chocolate cake-like substances Start Date: over and over since my BC dx	HI, I too am alone. I was married once upon a time, but divorced now for 18 years. I have no children (just my doggie). While I totally enjoy this board, I often wish I had more to contribute. I read a lot, laugh a lot, and sometimes even cry a lot. But I have so little in common with most of the members that I don't have much to contribute. Same goes with real life. My life basically revolves around work and house work , sigh.

08-04-2007, 09:07 PM	#3
sillygirl Senior LCF Member Join Date: Dec 2002 Location: MI Posts: 264 Gallery: sillygirl Stats: 300/285/175 Slow and Steady wins the race! WOE: Atkins Induction Start Date: Restart July 20, 2007	I am new to reading this section of the board, but please don't feel like you have nothing to contribute! You have life experiences that others don't have and different perspectives! You have a lot to contribute!

08-04-2007, 10:42 PM	#5
Butternut Very Gabby LCF Member!!! Join Date: Jun 2002 Location: Indiana Posts: 4,980 Gallery: Butternut Stats: 3x/2x/Med. WOE: Low Carb Start Date: December 2001	I think I live in fear of being alone.... My husband is ill, my parents are in their eighties and my daughters have their own families to care for. I have a sixteen yr old son at home and I realize he will be making his life soon. After everything, what do we do with the rest of our lives? I go to church and I work but I feel impending doom sometimes. Anyone relate? Maybe I'm losing my mind....LOL.

08-04-2007, 11:37 PM	#6
yoshi Senior LCF Member Join Date: Nov 2004 Location: Oklahoma Posts: 65 Gallery: yoshi WOE: whatever works Start Date: November 2004	I can totally relate. I've been divorced for almost 25 years. I have one son who is 26. He's developmentally disabled, with some minor physical disabilities. He has the emotional maturity of a 13-year-old and has the academic level of a third-grader. I worry what will happen to him when I can no longer take care of him. Two months ago, I was severely ill and hospitalized and required surgery. The surgeon gave me a 50% chance of surviving the surgery. My son was totally traumatized by the situation. I was so worried about him and felt so helpless, being in a hospital 45 miles away. I had friends and neighbors checking on him regularly, but for him it wasn't the same as having family to lean on. He was by himself for 3 days, until my mom and aunt could get here from California. I've been taking care of him by myself for most of his life. I understand him, but it's so hard for other people to relate to him or figure him out. Raising him has been rewarding, but very hard, and it left little room for developing any kind of romantic relationship. At one time, I would have liked to remarry. Now, I feel too set in my ways to pursue a relationship. Even though I know God is with me, and I have my son and my dog, I feel so lonely sometimes, especially now. The healing process is long, and there are many things I still can't do physically, along with being swamped with medical bills. It would be nice to have someone to lean on and share the burdens.

08-04-2007, 11:51 PM	#7
orlyon Junior LCF Member Join Date: Oct 2003 Location: Albury, Australia Posts: 25 Gallery: orlyon WOE: Atkins Start Date: Dec 08 (re-start after hiatus)	I have been single for 8 years. I have dated here and there but nothing substantial. I also work shifts and move a lot. I do have a child but she spends 50% of the time with her father so there are many times when i am very much alone. Part of losing weight is that i feel it might improve chances of finding "the one". Though health is the primary reason. I used to joke to my friends that i would end up as the crazy cat lady living in a trailer... the joke is not so funny anymore, now that im getting older.

08-05-2007, 12:02 AM	#8
Butternut Very Gabby LCF Member!!! Join Date: Jun 2002 Location: Indiana Posts: 4,980 Gallery: Butternut Stats: 3x/2x/Med. WOE: Low Carb Start Date: December 2001	I think a lot of my fear concerns finances and the ability to maintain one's self without a partner to discuss things with and fall back on, lean on. My DH illness has REALLY opened my eyes!

08-05-2007, 09:02 PM	#10
Butternut Very Gabby LCF Member!!! Join Date: Jun 2002 Location: Indiana Posts: 4,980 Gallery: Butternut Stats: 3x/2x/Med. WOE: Low Carb Start Date: December 2001	Diana, thank you for your kindness and uplifting thoughts. Counting one's blessings helps so much! I need to remind myself to do that more often. This board is such a life-saver! So many good people! Thanks everyone and keep posting!

08-06-2007, 11:12 AM	#11
Determinedtolose Way too much time on my hands! Join Date: Jul 2007 Location: Glendale, AZ Posts: 10,104 Gallery: Determinedtolose Stats: 243/197/160 or 150 WOE: Atkins/ mod Fat, mod pro, low carb/Stillmans Start Date: Start: 4/07. 5lbs by 12/2008, 150/160 by 4/09	Your welcome Butternut, anytime you need to talk, I'm here for you, and everyone else. God Bless, Diana

08-06-2007, 11:44 AM	#12
nitenurse MAJOR LCF POSTER! Join Date: Jan 2003 Location: Montana Posts: 1,720 Gallery: nitenurse Stats: 290/250(236)160 WOE: Atkins/PP/IF/EFGT Start Date: 1972	Looks like this hit a nerve with a few people besides myself. Maybe we could share some practical things-that work. I found that I needed to do alone the things I was afraid of-like driving long distances alone. Just to know that I could. Just needed to push myself into the first little step. ElaineMT

08-06-2007, 10:30 PM	#13
Butternut Very Gabby LCF Member!!! Join Date: Jun 2002 Location: Indiana Posts: 4,980 Gallery: Butternut Stats: 3x/2x/Med. WOE: Low Carb Start Date: December 2001	A lot of my fears are what ifs.

08-06-2007, 10:46 PM	#14
yoshi Senior LCF Member Join Date: Nov 2004 Location: Oklahoma Posts: 65 Gallery: yoshi WOE: whatever works Start Date: November 2004	Hobbies are wonderful things to help get you through the rough times. I used to knit and crochet when I was a kid (learned from my grandmother). When my son was older and didn't need as much constant attention, I rediscovered my love of crocheting. In the past few years, I've added cross stitching and discovered I like to design my own patterns. I'm already a voracious reader and often listen to books on tape or CD while I'm working on my hobbies. Something else I do when I'm feeling like life has jipped me out of being part of a couple is to come up with reasons I like about being single, no matter how silly they may sound, like having sole possession of the TV remote or not having to explain to anyone why I spent $20 at the book store or playing with my son and dog in the wading pool rather than doing housework or being able to read in bed until I'm sleepy.

08-06-2007, 11:37 PM	#15
rockysmom Blabbermouth!!! Join Date: Apr 2003 Location: Michigan Posts: 5,060 Gallery: rockysmom Stats: 197/183/158 (my scale 1st thing in the am) WOE: no chocolate cake-like substances Start Date: over and over since my BC dx	Elaine- the one thing I STILL don't/won't do is eating out at a nice restaurant alone. Just can't bring myself to do it. (but my Dad does it all the time) It is hard to attend functions when you're the only "single" one It's hard to make friends with things in common.....most of the time conversations strike up about kids. Most of the time I really enjoy my life now, but there are still times. I will do things like shopping, bowling, yard sales, etc alone, but they're so much more fun to do with other people! Good things: the tv and remote as someone else wrote. eating what and when I want dressing in work out clothes or sweats at home, no make up cleaning- or not cooking- or not I can read for hours on end and no one will interrupt me

08-07-2007, 12:41 AM	#16
Butternut Very Gabby LCF Member!!! Join Date: Jun 2002 Location: Indiana Posts: 4,980 Gallery: Butternut Stats: 3x/2x/Med. WOE: Low Carb Start Date: December 2001	Like who will help us when we are too sick to take care of ourselves? Who will pick up my medicine when I can't? Whose shoulder will I cry on? Who will encourage me to toughen up? Who will .......? Who will I cook for? Who would want me again? I have never been alone........what a big crybaby!

08-10-2007, 06:03 AM	#19
shmabby Senior LCF Member Join Date: Jan 2002 Location: Atlanta, GA USA Posts: 757 Gallery: shmabby	you ladies make a good point there are times when not having a significant other is a blessing for me the list includes not having to be the ex's maid any longer being able to spend as much time as I care to in the grocery store but then there are the times when i just really really feel the hole caused by not being with another person. I don't mean friends or doing things. I have a daughter and friends and cats who i care for deeply. I mean being in love and having someone in love with me. I always hear better to not be in a relationship and want to be in one than to be in one and want to not be but while that does makes sense it only goes so far.... i'm 49 spent many years in a rather negative marriage and honestly just don't see a deep loving relationship in my future and sometimes that just makes me sad, hearing of someone else's relationship problems doesn't make my situation any less sad. I understand the importance of gratitude, and i do have lots, but..... thanks elizabeth

08-10-2007, 11:55 AM	#20
LaRae MAJOR LCF POSTER! Join Date: Jun 2007 Location: OKlahoma Posts: 1,768 Gallery: LaRae Stats: 273 (highest)/268(started Atkins)243/231/150 WOE: Low Carb Start Date: June 13, 2007	I can relate to your fears and to being single. I am married now, but I was widowed at age 30. My husband suffered with a progressive kidney disease, dialysis and a transplant. Within months of the transplant, he died. That was in 1980, so things have changed a lot now. I had a six-year old son at the time, but God always provided for us. I think the best thing that one can do is put our faith in God and pray. I was single for over 14 years, and I never minded being single. Sure, there are pros and cons for being single or married. I still love time to myself and miss a few things from my single life, but, at the same time, I love being married and not having to pump my own gas! I think when we get involved with others, giving and helping, we can't concentrate on ourselves. If you don't have to work, then do volunteer work. There is so much that needs to be done. I started volunteering at my church, then went to work there (loved it!) and eventually met my husband! I'm certainly not saying that I know it all, but I have seen changes in people when they don't focus only on themselves. Turn it over to God and pray. Have any of you joined a Singles' Group at your church? It can not only help your spiritual life, but introduce you to some good single friends and some activities! LaRae __________________ God who gave us life, gave us liberty. Can the liberties of a nation be secure when we have removed a conviction that these liberties are a gift of God? ---Thomas Jefferson Ephesians 2:8-9 Faith Plus Nothing IF YOU WANT REAL CHANGE, CHANGE CONGRESS!!! "BIG OIL" IS NOT THE PROBLEM! CONGRESS NOT ALLOWING NEW RESEARCH AND DRILLING IS THE PROBLEM!!!

11-30-2007, 03:47 PM	#21
nitenurse MAJOR LCF POSTER! Join Date: Jan 2003 Location: Montana Posts: 1,720 Gallery: nitenurse Stats: 290/250(236)160 WOE: Atkins/PP/IF/EFGT Start Date: 1972	Looking over this site again, holidays coming and make this issue acute again.

11-30-2007, 03:59 PM	#22
Snickygirl Junior LCF Member Join Date: Apr 2007 Location: Northern Virginia Posts: 24 Gallery: Snickygirl	I did not respond the first time this was posted, but very much feel alone as the holidays approach. I feel like everyone else has christmas parties and family events to partipcapte in, and I don't. I am not working now, which makes it even worse. I tend to hibernate and eat more carbs this time of year too.

11-30-2007, 07:41 PM	#23
nitenurse MAJOR LCF POSTER! Join Date: Jan 2003 Location: Montana Posts: 1,720 Gallery: nitenurse Stats: 290/250(236)160 WOE: Atkins/PP/IF/EFGT Start Date: 1972	Snickygirl, this is a tough time when everything is geared to families (commercial geared, that is who spends the most money). There's still that little kid feeling that everything should be wonderful, and Santa should come, etc. and the disappointment when it never did happen. I sound like a Grinch. A lot of communities have holiday dinners open to everyone, and a good place to go and help and meet some people, if there is such a thing in your area. Check it out. Do you have any friends you could potluck a dinner with? Sorry if the suggestions are things that would just not work. There are a lot of people alone on holidays though, if you could just find a way of connecting with them.

11-30-2007, 10:57 PM	#24
sallyT Blabbermouth!!! Join Date: Mar 2006 Location: Anaheim, Ca Posts: 6,288 Gallery: sallyT Stats: 167/142/117 WOE: 50%Atkins/50%SEE FOOD DIET ; ) Start Date: January 2006	I wish I could give you ladies a real hug This thread breakes my heart , makes me want to cry. I'm sorry your feeling lonely Maybe look into helping out in charities, or church sociales, maybe book club etc... there is a few different ways to meet people and make new freinds. Sending more hugs

12-05-2007, 07:36 AM	#25
nitenurse MAJOR LCF POSTER! Join Date: Jan 2003 Location: Montana Posts: 1,720 Gallery: nitenurse Stats: 290/250(236)160 WOE: Atkins/PP/IF/EFGT Start Date: 1972	I don't want to make anyone feel sad; just looking for those who understand. But thanks for caring, I don't know anyone who doesn't have a rough road to walk, this is just one of them. With the holiday season coming on, I guess I am grateful that I don't have to do much about it, have a little tree up and a candle in the window. This year I am going to write to old friends, I have neglected that the last couple years or so, and I really don't want them to think I am not remembering them fondly.

12-06-2007, 04:25 PM	#26
ReneeD70 Senior LCF Member Join Date: Sep 2007 Location: South Central Ohio Posts: 680 Gallery: ReneeD70 Stats: nunya :D WOE: low carb Start Date: 9-10-07	First of all, hello. I am so sorry for how low some of you (us) are feeling. I am married so I can't understand that loneliness, but I know how it feels to yearn for something so strongly that it hurts, truly hurts. My husband and I haven't been able to have children. That is SO hard for me. I feel like I do not fit in at all. Everyone my age has kids and activities and so much to do. I feel left out a lot. Whaaaaa....I know but I get scared too when I think of the future. Like another person mentioned...who will help us? Who will drive us when we can't drive anymore? Who will come to holiday dinners? Who will be there when your spouse is gone? The holidays do make it more difficult. Do you know what I do when I think my heart can't take the pain anymore? I pray! I sing! I cry! I let God know I am angry! He can take it. Then I think why I do I deserve better than God's own Son? He suffered, greatly suffered more than any of us will know....just for us. I try to count my blessings. I have much to be grateful for. A warm, safe home, a decent car to drive, food in cupboard, and this computer that has my friends IN it God bless you each and everyone. I will say a prayer that God will comfort you all in your time of need. Renee __________________ "God never promised a day without pain, laughter without sorrow, sun without rain, but He did promise strength for the day, comfort for tears and light for the way." Last edited by ReneeD70 : 12-06-2007 at 04:26 PM.