"The Fat Bridesmaid...Support Needed, Please!!!

cmd1974 · 07-29-2007, 02:49 PM

I didn't know where else to turn and this seemed like the most logical place.

I was invited to be a bridesmaid in my cousin's wedding in October. I love my cousin to death and I am trying to focus on being a part of her special day. It is an honor to be included and I know that she doesn't give a hoot about my weight. The problem is that I DO. She is 5 feet tall and weighs about 100 pounds. Always been naturally thin and fit. The other two bridesmaids have the same body type: tall (about 5'7) and thin. We went to order our dresses and theirs were a 4 and a 6. Mine? Mine was a 22. I felt like a whale.

So not only am I going to look and FEEL completely out of place next to them, but my aunt has already made a few comments to me about my weight. HURTFUL comments. Things like "You should really try to lose some of that weight before the wedding comes." "Are you wearing a shawl or a jacket with that (strapless) dress?" "Aren't they (the other girls) so tiny?! Look at that waist!"

Ya know, because I didn't realize I was overweight until you pointed it out to me! Thanks! I always thought that 253 lbs. was totally average.

During a time when I should be happy for my cousin and focused on this special time, I am filled with anxiety and dread. I get a lump in my throat every time I remember that the wedding is fast approaching. I have even given serious consideration to backing out of the wedding or creating some sort of fake emergency the week before so I can't make the trip. It's that bad.

Any support or advice would be greatly appreciated. I just don't know what to do. I don't think I've ever felt so humiliated to be me. Ugh.

Determinedtolose · 07-30-2007, 05:13 AM

Hi Cindy, my name is Diana.
The First thing you need to know is the Lord loves you, no matter how we feel about ourselves or what others say about us. It's what He says and thinks towards us.
Our confidence is in our Lord and Saviour and not in just trying to lose weight. We need to trust in Him and turn to Him otherwise without knowing Him everything will be a struggle for us.

Okay with that said, I know what you're going through, I was that size too. I have felt the same way about myself too and know how frustrated and depressed we could get.
So it looks like you doing Atkins? Are you in the induction phase or the OWL phase? If you are doing it now, you should be able to lose enough weight before the wedding. At least 30 lbs, maybe more! I started at the end of April and I've lost aroung 30 lbs. I have not been as strict and if I was I could have lost alot more. So if you really want to lose the weight, eat exactly what you're supposed to. You will be surprised at house much you can lose between now and then.

Don't give up hope, you can do it by the grace of God, and He will give you strength to not give up.
Take one day at a time, don't focus on tomorrow, because today is all we can handle and the Lord will make a way for you to get through it.

Remember we are all here to encourage and support one another so please write back and let us know how you're doing. You can do this!
God Bless!

Diana

LaRae · 07-30-2007, 09:44 AM

I know exactly how you feel, as most of us do, I'm sure. I have been so embarrassed about my weight that I have let it almost rule my life. When DH and I moved back to our home state of Oklahoma, I would not (and still haven't) gotten in touch with old friends because I am embarrassed for them to see me.

There were occasions when I would decline going to some get-together with people that I was to meet for the first time. I would rather that they picture me in their mind as to what DH's wife looked like than to see me in person and KNOW.
I know what I would do in your situation, but I don't know if it is the right thing to do. I'm sure that I would have declined, but, again, I am not saying that this is what you need to do.
Sometimes I wish I had a sign around my neck saying "I am on Atkins - I am losing weight because, yes, I know I am fat"! People can be so cruel. When I lose my weight, I will never, ever, criticize someone struggling with weight or any other issues. I never have, never would. LaRae

lisamoran · 07-30-2007, 10:02 AM

You know what I would do... I would workout at least 4 days a week until the wedding. Try walking or whatever and I would work on my arms and chest area. The exercise will build your self esteem and nothing looks better in a strapless dress than a nice chest area and arms.

Be proud of you and remember that you are BEAUTIFUL and son't have to be a size 6 to be so!

cmd1974 · 07-30-2007, 10:16 AM

Thank you everyone, for your kind words. I KNOW I am a good person and my weight does not define me. It's just hard sometimes when the outside is not congruent with the inside. But then again, that's why I am HERE!

I am doing Atkins and back in the Induction phase to get rid of cravings. You're right...I have a solid 10 - 12 weeks before the wedding and I plan to work my size 22 butt off in that time!!!!

Determinedtolose · 07-30-2007, 01:48 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by cmd1974

Thank you everyone, for your kind words. I KNOW I am a good person and my weight does not define me. It's just hard sometimes when the outside is not congruent with the inside. But then again, that's why I am HERE!

I am doing Atkins and back in the Induction phase to get rid of cravings. You're right...I have a solid 10 - 12 weeks before the wedding and I plan to work my size 22 butt off in that time!!!!

That's the Time!! See we need to have a good attitude about what we do, otherwise if continue to talk negatively that only gets us deeper in the darkness. Step into the Light and say, I will lose weight and I will be the size I want to be, and I won't let what anybody say's about me affect how I feel because God created me and loves me! By the Grace of God I will lose weight!!

You can lose this weight, because Hon, if I can anybody can. Don't give up!
Please let us know how you are doing, okay!
God Bless,
Diana

Lash · 07-30-2007, 10:04 PM

Your cousin wanted you there knowing your weight issues. Your aunt really needs some etiquette lessons for talking to you like that. How dare she? Take the time you have before the wedding to do what you can...healthfully and just determine that you are going to have a great time. Don't let anyone else's bad manners make you feel badly.

amiga74 · 07-31-2007, 11:09 AM

yeah, screw your aunt and think about your cousin who asked specifically for your presence.
whether you lose weight or not before the wedding should not determine whether or not you go. you should go! it will be fun!
one thing i do, is think, when i am on my deathbed, looking back over the years, won't i be glad that i went? vs. regretting you weren't there

hang in there,
mg

Denise85 · 08-01-2007, 12:43 AM

Be happy with yourself and forget about what others think. Enjoy being in the wedding and know you're a good person. It shouldn't matter if you're 250 or 150. Your cousin asked you.

I wanted to add that I'm sorry you had to hear your aunt make hurtful comments. That was completely wrong of her.

ChristiansMom · 08-02-2007, 10:32 PM

I know how you feel. I agree with the others, it's your cousin's wedding and she doesn't have an issue with your weight. Focus on that and not your rude Aunt who needs a few lessons on how to keep her shallow opinions to herself. Try to do what you can before the wedding, but I only say that so YOU will feel better.. and then go with a smile on your face knowing that you are loved by your cousin and important enough to her to be included in her special day.

My childhood bestfriend got married when we were in our 20's and didn't ask me to be in her wedding. It hurt my feelings so bad. She asked girls who were basically strangers to be in it but because I was the 'fat' friend and would make her pictures look bad.. I guess I wasn't good enough. Instead she asked me to be the girl who sits at the table with the guest book greeting everyone. It has been many years, but I will never forget where I stood on her friendship chart.

When my nephew got married last summer, his sister (my niece) was one of the bridesmaids and was the biggest girl in the group but she looked gorgeous and on that day, no one cared about her size.. they just cared that she had a smile on her face and the bride and groom were happy.

I hope you have a great time at your cousin's wedding.

07-29-2007, 02:49 PM	#1
cmd1974 Senior LCF Member Join Date: Jul 2003 Location: I'm a Jerzee Girl Posts: 348 Gallery: cmd1974 Stats: 268/249/160 WOE: Atkins...REAL Foods Start Date: Tested the waters, back to Atkins as of 1/2/08	"The Fat Bridesmaid...Support Needed, Please!!! I didn't know where else to turn and this seemed like the most logical place. I was invited to be a bridesmaid in my cousin's wedding in October. I love my cousin to death and I am trying to focus on being a part of her special day. It is an honor to be included and I know that she doesn't give a hoot about my weight. The problem is that I DO. She is 5 feet tall and weighs about 100 pounds. Always been naturally thin and fit. The other two bridesmaids have the same body type: tall (about 5'7) and thin. We went to order our dresses and theirs were a 4 and a 6. Mine? Mine was a 22. I felt like a whale. So not only am I going to look and FEEL completely out of place next to them, but my aunt has already made a few comments to me about my weight. HURTFUL comments. Things like "You should really try to lose some of that weight before the wedding comes." "Are you wearing a shawl or a jacket with that (strapless) dress?" "Aren't they (the other girls) so tiny?! Look at that waist!" Ya know, because I didn't realize I was overweight until you pointed it out to me! Thanks! I always thought that 253 lbs. was totally average. During a time when I should be happy for my cousin and focused on this special time, I am filled with anxiety and dread. I get a lump in my throat every time I remember that the wedding is fast approaching. I have even given serious consideration to backing out of the wedding or creating some sort of fake emergency the week before so I can't make the trip. It's that bad. Any support or advice would be greatly appreciated. I just don't know what to do. I don't think I've ever felt so humiliated to be me. Ugh. __________________ Cindy "You can't go back and make a brand new start, but you can start from now and make a brand new end." If you dropped one egg on the floor, would you throw away the whole carton? I will NOT let one slip-up turn into a day/week/month off plan!!!! Last edited by cmd1974 : 07-29-2007 at 02:58 PM.

07-30-2007, 05:13 AM	#2
Determinedtolose Way too much time on my hands! Join Date: Jul 2007 Location: Glendale, AZ Posts: 10,104 Gallery: Determinedtolose Stats: 243/197/160 or 150 WOE: Atkins/ mod Fat, mod pro, low carb/Stillmans Start Date: Start: 4/07. 5lbs by 12/2008, 150/160 by 4/09	There is Hope! Hi Cindy, my name is Diana. The First thing you need to know is the Lord loves you, no matter how we feel about ourselves or what others say about us. It's what He says and thinks towards us. Our confidence is in our Lord and Saviour and not in just trying to lose weight. We need to trust in Him and turn to Him otherwise without knowing Him everything will be a struggle for us. Okay with that said, I know what you're going through, I was that size too. I have felt the same way about myself too and know how frustrated and depressed we could get. So it looks like you doing Atkins? Are you in the induction phase or the OWL phase? If you are doing it now, you should be able to lose enough weight before the wedding. At least 30 lbs, maybe more! I started at the end of April and I've lost aroung 30 lbs. I have not been as strict and if I was I could have lost alot more. So if you really want to lose the weight, eat exactly what you're supposed to. You will be surprised at house much you can lose between now and then. Don't give up hope, you can do it by the grace of God, and He will give you strength to not give up. Take one day at a time, don't focus on tomorrow, because today is all we can handle and the Lord will make a way for you to get through it. Remember we are all here to encourage and support one another so please write back and let us know how you're doing. You can do this! God Bless! Diana __________________ DIANA Wilkommen, bienvenu, welcome, c'mon in!! DOWN 46LBS 199, 198, 197, 196, 195, 194, 193, 192, 191, 190, 189, 188, 187, 186, 185, 184, 183, 182, 181, 180, 179, 178, 177, 176, 175, 174, 173, 172, 171, 170, 169, 168, 167, 166, 165, 164, 163, 162, 161, 160 MAYBE GOAL, 159, 158, 157, 156, 155, 154, 153, 152, 151, 150 GOAL! It's not what I've done, or can do. . .but what He has done for me. It's Faith plus Nothing!!! Diana's Journal Last edited by Determinedtolose : 07-30-2007 at 05:15 AM. Reason: revised

07-30-2007, 09:44 AM	#3
LaRae MAJOR LCF POSTER! Join Date: Jun 2007 Location: OKlahoma Posts: 1,768 Gallery: LaRae Stats: 273 (highest)/268(started Atkins)243/231/150 WOE: Low Carb Start Date: June 13, 2007	I know exactly how you feel, as most of us do, I'm sure. I have been so embarrassed about my weight that I have let it almost rule my life. When DH and I moved back to our home state of Oklahoma, I would not (and still haven't) gotten in touch with old friends because I am embarrassed for them to see me. There were occasions when I would decline going to some get-together with people that I was to meet for the first time. I would rather that they picture me in their mind as to what DH's wife looked like than to see me in person and KNOW. I know what I would do in your situation, but I don't know if it is the right thing to do. I'm sure that I would have declined, but, again, I am not saying that this is what you need to do. Sometimes I wish I had a sign around my neck saying "I am on Atkins - I am losing weight because, yes, I know I am fat"! People can be so cruel. When I lose my weight, I will never, ever, criticize someone struggling with weight or any other issues. I never have, never would. LaRae __________________ God who gave us life, gave us liberty. Can the liberties of a nation be secure when we have removed a conviction that these liberties are a gift of God? ---Thomas Jefferson Ephesians 2:8-9 Faith Plus Nothing IF YOU WANT REAL CHANGE, CHANGE CONGRESS!!! "BIG OIL" IS NOT THE PROBLEM! CONGRESS NOT ALLOWING NEW RESEARCH AND DRILLING IS THE PROBLEM!!!

08-02-2007, 10:32 PM	#10
ChristiansMom Way too much time on my hands! Join Date: Jun 2003 Location: Southern California Posts: 15,019 Gallery: ChristiansMom Stats: :( :\| :) WOE: LC	I know how you feel. I agree with the others, it's your cousin's wedding and she doesn't have an issue with your weight. Focus on that and not your rude Aunt who needs a few lessons on how to keep her shallow opinions to herself. Try to do what you can before the wedding, but I only say that so YOU will feel better.. and then go with a smile on your face knowing that you are loved by your cousin and important enough to her to be included in her special day. My childhood bestfriend got married when we were in our 20's and didn't ask me to be in her wedding. It hurt my feelings so bad. She asked girls who were basically strangers to be in it but because I was the 'fat' friend and would make her pictures look bad.. I guess I wasn't good enough. Instead she asked me to be the girl who sits at the table with the guest book greeting everyone. It has been many years, but I will never forget where I stood on her friendship chart. When my nephew got married last summer, his sister (my niece) was one of the bridesmaids and was the biggest girl in the group but she looked gorgeous and on that day, no one cared about her size.. they just cared that she had a smile on her face and the bride and groom were happy. I hope you have a great time at your cousin's wedding. __________________ Diąŋą™ I've never been perfect.. But neither have you. - Linkin Park The road to hell is paved with good intentions.

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07-30-2007, 10:02 AM	#4
lisamoran Senior LCF Member Join Date: Apr 2004 Location: Staten Island, NY Posts: 999 Gallery: lisamoran Stats: 188/176:(/150 first goal WOE: WW... for now Start Date: Feb. 06	You know what I would do... I would workout at least 4 days a week until the wedding. Try walking or whatever and I would work on my arms and chest area. The exercise will build your self esteem and nothing looks better in a strapless dress than a nice chest area and arms. Be proud of you and remember that you are BEAUTIFUL and son't have to be a size 6 to be so!

07-30-2007, 10:16 AM	#5
cmd1974 Senior LCF Member Join Date: Jul 2003 Location: I'm a Jerzee Girl Posts: 348 Gallery: cmd1974 Stats: 268/249/160 WOE: Atkins...REAL Foods Start Date: Tested the waters, back to Atkins as of 1/2/08	Thank you everyone, for your kind words. I KNOW I am a good person and my weight does not define me. It's just hard sometimes when the outside is not congruent with the inside. But then again, that's why I am HERE! I am doing Atkins and back in the Induction phase to get rid of cravings. You're right...I have a solid 10 - 12 weeks before the wedding and I plan to work my size 22 butt off in that time!!!!

07-30-2007, 10:04 PM	#7
Lash Senior LCF Member Join Date: Mar 2003 Posts: 174 Gallery: Lash	Your cousin wanted you there knowing your weight issues. Your aunt really needs some etiquette lessons for talking to you like that. How dare she? Take the time you have before the wedding to do what you can...healthfully and just determine that you are going to have a great time. Don't let anyone else's bad manners make you feel badly.

07-31-2007, 11:09 AM	#8
amiga74 MAJOR LCF POSTER! Join Date: Jul 2007 Location: austin Posts: 1,701 Gallery: amiga74 Stats: 150/140/135 - 5'7.5 WOE: super-slow via moderation/organic	yeah, screw your aunt and think about your cousin who asked specifically for your presence. whether you lose weight or not before the wedding should not determine whether or not you go. you should go! it will be fun! one thing i do, is think, when i am on my deathbed, looking back over the years, won't i be glad that i went? vs. regretting you weren't there hang in there, mg

08-01-2007, 12:43 AM	#9
Denise85 Way too much time on my hands! Join Date: Jul 2003 Location: Chicago burbs Posts: 21,978 Blog Entries: 11 Gallery: Denise85 Stats: 261/141/140-5'5" WOE: Dietician's plan	Be happy with yourself and forget about what others think. Enjoy being in the wedding and know you're a good person. It shouldn't matter if you're 250 or 150. Your cousin asked you. I wanted to add that I'm sorry you had to hear your aunt make hurtful comments. That was completely wrong of her.