WHY do people act like this?

[Racquel]

Geez ... I am about at the end of my rope. We've been living with SIL since the end of May. Thankfully we'll be out next week!

Anyway, there are always comments about people about how fat they've gotten, how they've porked up, how they are huge. This is someone who is about a size 7 and thinks she's gotten horribly fat because she's now 140 intead of 120. I suppose I'd be thin too if I drank all day and only ate dinner at night. We were watching a talent show one night and there were 4 plus sized ladies on singing. I only wish I had enough self-confidence to be any one of them. SIL makes comments the whole time about how gross and disgusting they were. I, not wanting to make waves here, didn't say much except that they are beautiful women. She shook her head the whole time. I wanted to melt into the couch.

DH left Monday for the week to work with his brother so the conversation between me, SIL and BIL turns to weight loss. She asks me what my goal is and I tell her 120. Both of them lambast me and say it's unrealistic and I'll never make it. That I should face reality and shoot for 135.

Thankfully, I've not put anything on since moving here even though we've eaten like crap. We usually trade off cooking but sometimes she beats me too it and it's just plain junk. BIL hates it when I cook. So this week with DH gone I've gotten back on LC and have dropped 5 pounds so far. SIL makes comments about what I eat. I said "hey, I eat good and the weight is dropping again". She tells me it's impossible and anyone can eat bread, rice, pasta and potatos as long as they limit them.

Yesterday I'm elated because I feel good, energy is up and pounds are dropping again. She says "oh that's good, I'm baking BIL his favorite cookies today". She doesn't bake them, she mixes it up and leaves it in the fridge. Going to bake them today she says. This person hasn't baked a danged thing the whole time we've been here until now when I get back on LC. I will NOT touch them. I will make my goal!

Sorry so long, I had to get that out.

[gettinserious]

Perfectly fine. People suck! *hugs*

[jezzie]

It's tough when toxic people are members of the family.
Puts you between the rock and the hard place.

[AiricaMarie]

Racquel ~~ People hate other people's success...for the most part. It may not even be the fact that you are trying to get healthy that she is miffed about. It may be that you are a positive person. and you seem to be rather happy. People who are miserable hate nothing more than people who are not. She obviously has issues that have nothing to do with weight, only with making herself feel like a winner. Take pride that you are a happy, healthy person and don't feel the need to put others down to be that way.

[chipmunkis]

Don't let her get to you...You CAN and WILL be successful!

[Racquel]

It sssuuuuuuuuuccccccckkkkkkkksssssss!!!

All of this comes from someone who starts with the beer at noon. Yesterday she sat down and had a glass of something green. Asked what it was. She said Boonesfarm ... it's really cheap. Can we say alcoholic? Then complains about the paunchy belly and love handles. I just want to scream "HELLO! Cut out the daily drinking". She doesn't understand how I can live without bread as it's a staple on the dinner table. It's easy ... I eat bread, I gain weight.

[fluliaflox]

People like that can be frustrating. When I was a vegetarian for 6 1/2 years (in my younger days) my mom didn't cook anything on the holidays that didn't have pork in it. I swear she found a way to incorporate pork into EVERYTHING she made so I was only ever able to eat biscuits. Ever since my sister and I started Atkins she doesn't make anything that doesn't have flour and sugar in it. Now she's putting sugared salad dressing on salad BEFORE she serves it so we can't have it, and adding floured gravy to everything. I know she means well, and we can't expect her to cater to us everytime she has us over, but it's a little irritating since she knows what we can and can't have. Everything is always commented on also... if I only have steak I get the "That's ridiculous, you're going to lose your kidney" speech. She doesn't realize that that's all I'm eating there because it's all I CAN eat there. Sorry to go off on a tangent on your thread... it's just a personal frustration for me too. Hang in there though, you'll be out of there soon and you can make your own positive environment without their negative nay-saying

[gettinserious]

flulia- I would just take my OWN food. Luckily my mom fully supports my efforts, but it took her like 6 years of me doing this and getting heavier (pregnancies suck weight wise), now that I'm at my all time high, she is doing everything she can to support it.

[telemetrynurse]

Racquel~
I'm sorry you have to deal with such negativity.
Personally, I would feel sorry for her because she is obviously a very unhappy person who has some major problems.

I'm happy for you that you are getting OUT of her house very soon!!!

[gngr]

She's not a good person.....just goes to show, you can't pick family! She would make me really want to try harder...every negative comment she makes...tell yourself that's one more reason I why I can stick to this WOE!

Hopefully she will be out soon...that much negativity around has got to be a bummer!

[Racquel]

You guys hit the nail on the head ... VERY negative. Everything is negative ... from money, to work (which she refuses to do), to her husbands trucking, to life in general. Her motto is bury me with a smoke in one hand and a beer in the other.

Just really needed to vent. Can talk to DH but it's his sister so he just shrugs it off. Plus he just lets everything roll off his back. What irritated me most though is when we were watching those ladies on TV and he said nothing. I told him how horrible I felt ... because I know that she's spewed crap about me and my weight ... he said he didn't know what to say.

You're right, can't pick family.

[HappyHomeschoolMom]

{{{Hugs}}}

Have you read the book Boundaries by Cloud and Townsend? They would help you understand how to set boundaries with your family.

[KristenT]

Why does she do it? Well, some people are never happy unless they are making someone else uncomfortable, angry, sad, or upset. She's most likely miserable with herself and taking it out on you, since you seem to be an easy target to her. I would continue to ignore it, and whatever you do, do not let her see that her comments get to you. Hang in there till you and your DH move and then don't associate with her if you can help it.

[Jennyl]

sounds like it's definitely time to get your own place. Being around negative people can be very draining

[kbetz0419]

Like many have said, you cant chose family and chances are your not going to win the battle over your way of eating with her. Just do your things and fly low.
This is to the flip side of this, although it might still apply since SIL seems to think she is horrable fat.

Have you guys ever noticed that your heaver friends dont comment as much as your average/thin friends do when you start to loose? My SIL made this statement to me a few years back when we both first started Atkins. I think its like people are afraid of being left behind, or not being the center of attention. . Some times people who have lost weight them selves, but by a different maybe harder/more restrictive way, also are not the most supportive.
Alot of people who are low fatters or low calorie dieters or worse yet diet pill junkies have a hard time dealing with someone doing this WOE. I suppose there are people who are low carb preachers who are just as much of a pain as the others.

What do you guys think about this?

[brooke&kaitlynsmom]

Racquel,
I'm sorry you are having to deal with this problem. It's even harder to deal with when you are trying and succeeding in anything. I know it is hard. Like the saying goes "misery loves company". I can tell you firsthand that there are people out there that are miserable with themselves and/or their lives and absolutely CANNOT be happy unless they can get someone else to be miserable also. I get this everyday from my boyfriend. (my choice, and my own fault cause I let him stay.) You said that you all would be out next week. That's probably for the best and maybe then you could "limit" the time you have to be around your SIL. At least then, it would be your choice to be around her and you can leave when you want.

I wish you luck. Hang in there. Just consider the source when she talks and try to ignore it as much as possible.

[Zenngrl]

I have an Aunt like this. She isn't a smoker or a drinker, but she is always going on and on about how "fat" she is. She is 5'7, 53 years old and weighs in at around 138. I tell her constantly that she isn't overweight, but she says for her she is, she was one of the naturally skinny people most of her life, now that she is getting older, she is becoming very obsessive. ( I keep threatening to send her a bikini pic of me for her fridge...ha! )

But what she doesn't realize is that she makes me feel bad in the process. She also makes comments like this person or that person is huge, then come to find out, they weigh very close to what I weigh or sometimes are smaller than me!

But the woman you are describing is just down right being mean. I'm sorry you have to deal with her. *hugs*

[Pcola Girl]

Some people are just rude and like to make others feel bad thats all. I know people like that and I just ignore them. When they say something rude they are just wanting your attention and some one to notice them thats all.

[Orphalie]

Its alot harder to look at yourself when you're sooo concerned about what others are/doing/said. She sounds like she definately needs the distraction of pointing out everyone else flaws so that she doesn't have to deal with her own issues. The drinking also indicates she may have some serious issues underneath. Every time she says something just remind yourself who its comming from.


As for the person who said their chubby friends/people ect often don't comment on their weightloss as much...

For me this isn't true. My 2 chubbiest girlfriends are my biggest supporters. I sware they notice every pound!