i need advice

bethstarr · 07-02-2007, 06:00 PM

Hey guys, recently i made a friend with a girl who has been in a few classes with me in college, We both are into law classes. So we have hung out for about 6 months now, watching movies, going to the movies, or just chilling together. She is a heavy smoker(for those who smoke i don't mean any harm) but i have some serious health issues which she knows about and still chain smokes in front of me. I also have come to realize a few other things about her that either comes against my beliefs or just things that i don't enjoy. The main thing is i don't want to be friends with her anymore. I know we are taking classes together this fall so i don't want to be rude or mean to her i just want her to realize i don't want to be her friend. I have tried ignoring her phone calls, i have used a ton of excuses, and yet she still calls me and says i'm her best friend and her fav person, and she misses me because i have used my summer classes so i don't have to see her. Sorry this is so long i guess i just want to get advice from anyone on how to handle this and if i am wrong to not want to be her friend. I tend to have low self esteem and always feel like i am wrong but if i am in this case i want to know.

what do u guys think? Thx for the help and advice in advance

Blondie Baby · 07-02-2007, 10:10 PM

Sounds to me like you may be her ONLY friend! If you don't want to be freind, I think you should tell her. Explain to her that the smoking is an issue. And tell her that you just do not enjoy her company. It may hurt her feelings but I thinks its the best thing. At least you can look at yourself and know you are being honest and not being a coward. You don't have to be mean or rude. And you are not a bad person for not wanting to be around her! Just be honest and true to yourself.

CarolynF · 07-03-2007, 08:48 AM

Yikes, this is a tough one..The problem was that you were pretty tight with her for 6 months and now you don't really want to see her anymore...Hmm..

Unfortunately, you will see her this fall in school..

The smoking thing is a good "excuse"..but if she says, "I won't smoke around you", then you are stuck..

Most people take the "hint" when people don't return their calls, but obviously, this gal still likes you alot despite the fact that you don't talk to her..

Telling the truth is the best way..We are at different places in our lives and seem to enjoy different things..I still like you as a friend, but I'm so busy with school, etc..etc...Maybe we can grab lunch together at school..or something like that, but my free time is study time..

Then you need to get busy and join some groups so you can meet people who lift you up..

Keep us posted..

You COULD write her a letter..if you are too chicken to tell her.

bethstarr · 07-05-2007, 12:48 PM

thx for the great advice guys. I will keep u updated

CarolynF · 07-05-2007, 04:07 PM

Yes, let us know, Beth..

Susie Q · 07-06-2007, 07:43 AM

Beth, I think the best way if honesty for certain. Like the suggestion above, just give it to her straight but kind. Use the principle of the warm fuzzy...."Hey I really appreciate so much about you, but I can't be everyday friends." You can obviously include the smoking, but dont make it about that. Good luck!

bethstarr · 08-03-2007, 11:57 AM

Sorry to leave everyone hanging. Due to some health problems i havent even had time to contact this friend but i am working up the courage to tell her how i feel. I want to make sure i am firm but nice. I think she may have kinda figured something is up do to the fact i haven't been in contact with her. I will post again once i deal with this

Thx again guys for the advice

bethstarr · 08-11-2007, 04:06 PM

Well i finally wrote this girl and just said that We both seem to be going through some things and we were both changing and that at this we both seemed to be going in different directions and that i was glad that she had made new friends at work etc. So this weekend she sends me a text message saying how she misses me and can't wait to get together. Its like it went over her head. So i may just have to come out and say I'm sorry at this time its best we are not friends :0 I hope it doesn't come to that. Take Care

07-02-2007, 06:00 PM	#1
bethstarr Senior LCF Member Join Date: Jun 2007 Location: Maine Posts: 62 Gallery: bethstarr Stats: 235/215/175 WOE: Low Carb Diabetic Start Date: June 11, 2007	i need advice Hey guys, recently i made a friend with a girl who has been in a few classes with me in college, We both are into law classes. So we have hung out for about 6 months now, watching movies, going to the movies, or just chilling together. She is a heavy smoker(for those who smoke i don't mean any harm) but i have some serious health issues which she knows about and still chain smokes in front of me. I also have come to realize a few other things about her that either comes against my beliefs or just things that i don't enjoy. The main thing is i don't want to be friends with her anymore. I know we are taking classes together this fall so i don't want to be rude or mean to her i just want her to realize i don't want to be her friend. I have tried ignoring her phone calls, i have used a ton of excuses, and yet she still calls me and says i'm her best friend and her fav person, and she misses me because i have used my summer classes so i don't have to see her. Sorry this is so long i guess i just want to get advice from anyone on how to handle this and if i am wrong to not want to be her friend. I tend to have low self esteem and always feel like i am wrong but if i am in this case i want to know. what do u guys think? Thx for the help and advice in advance __________________ http://www.myspace.com/dragonstarr9 Love me for me and not for who you want me to be.

07-02-2007, 10:10 PM	#2
Blondie Baby MAJOR LCF POSTER! Join Date: May 2007 Location: Abu Dhabi, United Arab Emirates Posts: 1,354 Gallery: Blondie Baby Stats: 213/154/130 WOE: healthy	Sounds to me like you may be her ONLY friend! If you don't want to be freind, I think you should tell her. Explain to her that the smoking is an issue. And tell her that you just do not enjoy her company. It may hurt her feelings but I thinks its the best thing. At least you can look at yourself and know you are being honest and not being a coward. You don't have to be mean or rude. And you are not a bad person for not wanting to be around her! Just be honest and true to yourself. __________________ Maryam Proud member of Allies Exercising Around the World/January Challenge

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07-03-2007, 08:48 AM	#3
CarolynF Way too much time on my hands! Join Date: Jun 2002 Location: Kansas Posts: 20,522 Gallery: CarolynF Stats: 195/150/139 WOE: Eat Fat, Get Thin/I Can Make You Thin Start Date: January 2001	Yikes, this is a tough one..The problem was that you were pretty tight with her for 6 months and now you don't really want to see her anymore...Hmm.. Unfortunately, you will see her this fall in school.. The smoking thing is a good "excuse"..but if she says, "I won't smoke around you", then you are stuck.. Most people take the "hint" when people don't return their calls, but obviously, this gal still likes you alot despite the fact that you don't talk to her.. Telling the truth is the best way..We are at different places in our lives and seem to enjoy different things..I still like you as a friend, but I'm so busy with school, etc..etc...Maybe we can grab lunch together at school..or something like that, but my free time is study time.. Then you need to get busy and join some groups so you can meet people who lift you up.. Keep us posted.. You COULD write her a letter..if you are too chicken to tell her.

07-05-2007, 12:48 PM	#4
bethstarr Senior LCF Member Join Date: Jun 2007 Location: Maine Posts: 62 Gallery: bethstarr Stats: 235/215/175 WOE: Low Carb Diabetic Start Date: June 11, 2007	thx for the great advice guys. I will keep u updated

07-05-2007, 04:07 PM	#5
CarolynF Way too much time on my hands! Join Date: Jun 2002 Location: Kansas Posts: 20,522 Gallery: CarolynF Stats: 195/150/139 WOE: Eat Fat, Get Thin/I Can Make You Thin Start Date: January 2001	Yes, let us know, Beth..

07-06-2007, 07:43 AM	#6
Susie Q Senior LCF Member Join Date: Mar 2006 Posts: 789 Gallery: Susie Q Stats: 165/140/135 WOE: Atkins by the Book	Beth, I think the best way if honesty for certain. Like the suggestion above, just give it to her straight but kind. Use the principle of the warm fuzzy...."Hey I really appreciate so much about you, but I can't be everyday friends." You can obviously include the smoking, but dont make it about that. Good luck!

08-03-2007, 11:57 AM	#7
bethstarr Senior LCF Member Join Date: Jun 2007 Location: Maine Posts: 62 Gallery: bethstarr Stats: 235/215/175 WOE: Low Carb Diabetic Start Date: June 11, 2007	Sorry to leave everyone hanging. Due to some health problems i havent even had time to contact this friend but i am working up the courage to tell her how i feel. I want to make sure i am firm but nice. I think she may have kinda figured something is up do to the fact i haven't been in contact with her. I will post again once i deal with this Thx again guys for the advice

08-11-2007, 04:06 PM	#8
bethstarr Senior LCF Member Join Date: Jun 2007 Location: Maine Posts: 62 Gallery: bethstarr Stats: 235/215/175 WOE: Low Carb Diabetic Start Date: June 11, 2007	Well i finally wrote this girl and just said that We both seem to be going through some things and we were both changing and that at this we both seemed to be going in different directions and that i was glad that she had made new friends at work etc. So this weekend she sends me a text message saying how she misses me and can't wait to get together. Its like it went over her head. So i may just have to come out and say I'm sorry at this time its best we are not friends :0 I hope it doesn't come to that. Take Care