Help with Teenagers...

Susie Q · 07-02-2007, 08:25 AM

Hey guys just wondering about something...What would you do if a step-son (18) mouthed off to you in serious disrespect. I think we did ok...but wanted opinions. This kid is never wrong, and has no respect for anybody.He does not live with us. Im miserable the whole time he's around, he berates his dad, and never shuts his mouth... I havent 'parented' him and been nice and patient so far. Im going to become the invisible step mom I think

Blondie Baby · 07-02-2007, 09:06 AM

I can't tell you about being a stepmom but I haved through a teenage son of my own and I can tell you - that behaviour is normal for teenage boys. But I would never tolerate being disrespected by my son. You have to find what is important to them and systematically take those things away until they learn to modify their behaviour. Took me ahwile, and between the ages of 15- 17 I swore almost everyday that I would kill my son! But he turns 20 this year and he has turned out pretty good!

Susie Q · 07-02-2007, 02:52 PM

Tell me what you think guys!

CarolynF · 07-02-2007, 02:54 PM

Well, this is really your dh's problem. I'm sure the stepson is angry with his dad about the divorce, etc..maybe the re-marriage, etc..It's very, very common with kids from divorces..

However, your sson is an adult NOW..and his dad needs to teach him how to treat people and deal with his anger issues..

And, if I were you, I wouldn't even attempt "Mom"..I would just be a supporting adult in his life.

Good luck..

Blondie Baby · 07-02-2007, 10:03 PM

Carolyn - I think that is excellent advice!

Susie, it is not your place to be a parent in his life. He already has two of those and will likely end up resenting you if your try. Be a supportive adult role model but at the same time do not allow him to disrespect you and your home. I agree that this is your husbands problem and as long as he allows the kids to act like this, the problem will persist. Maybe you can talk to your husband about getting advice from a professional. Never hurts.

Susie Q · 07-03-2007, 07:11 AM

Guys I dont know if I told you or not, but i studied this at length for 2 years before we got married, and I was a psych. major with Ed. minor in college. I havent been anything but his friend, and have actually done pretty well, the daughter likes me fine. Ive been very good to them, and soft peddled everything. BUT, he smarts off to everyone he's around. Just hard to take, thanks for the input.

CarolynF · 07-03-2007, 08:35 AM

Susie: It's not about YOU..it's about HIM..He needs help...You could be the perfect stepmother, friend whatever in his life..He is angry..and he needs to get some anger management help.

His dad needs to deal with him..and get him some counseling....whether he is dealing with anger from the divorce or whatever..and his dad needs to spend lots of good one-on-one time with him, too..

123Nkechi · 07-06-2007, 09:40 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Susie Q

Guys I dont know if I told you or not, but i studied this at length for 2 years before we got married, and I was a psych. major with Ed. minor in college. I havent been anything but his friend, and have actually done pretty well, the daughter likes me fine. Ive been very good to them, and soft peddled everything. BUT, he smarts off to everyone he's around. Just hard to take, thanks for the input.

Well I don't have children but I have worked with a number of teens in my field and in my experience there is always a reason for behavior. Maybe you can have your DH talk to your stepson and find out why he is acting the way he is acting. Or ask his sister if she knows what is bothering him. Something is obviously bothering him and until it is addressed then it may get worse before it gets better. With teens you have to be firm, fair, and consistent. You have the right to be respected in your home and you really need to address the behavior right away. However you decide to handle this situation make sure you and your DH are in agreement as to how to address the son the next time he gets out of line.

07-02-2007, 08:25 AM	#1
Susie Q Senior LCF Member Join Date: Mar 2006 Posts: 789 Gallery: Susie Q Stats: 165/140/135 WOE: Atkins by the Book	Help with Teenagers... Hey guys just wondering about something...What would you do if a step-son (18) mouthed off to you in serious disrespect. I think we did ok...but wanted opinions. This kid is never wrong, and has no respect for anybody.He does not live with us. Im miserable the whole time he's around, he berates his dad, and never shuts his mouth... I havent 'parented' him and been nice and patient so far. Im going to become the invisible step mom I think

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07-02-2007, 09:06 AM	#2
Blondie Baby MAJOR LCF POSTER! Join Date: May 2007 Location: Abu Dhabi, United Arab Emirates Posts: 1,354 Gallery: Blondie Baby Stats: 213/154/130 WOE: healthy	I can't tell you about being a stepmom but I haved through a teenage son of my own and I can tell you - that behaviour is normal for teenage boys. But I would never tolerate being disrespected by my son. You have to find what is important to them and systematically take those things away until they learn to modify their behaviour. Took me ahwile, and between the ages of 15- 17 I swore almost everyday that I would kill my son! But he turns 20 this year and he has turned out pretty good!

07-02-2007, 02:52 PM	#3
Susie Q Senior LCF Member Join Date: Mar 2006 Posts: 789 Gallery: Susie Q Stats: 165/140/135 WOE: Atkins by the Book	Tell me what you think guys!

07-02-2007, 02:54 PM	#4
CarolynF Way too much time on my hands! Join Date: Jun 2002 Location: Kansas Posts: 20,522 Gallery: CarolynF Stats: 195/150/139 WOE: Eat Fat, Get Thin/I Can Make You Thin Start Date: January 2001	Well, this is really your dh's problem. I'm sure the stepson is angry with his dad about the divorce, etc..maybe the re-marriage, etc..It's very, very common with kids from divorces.. However, your sson is an adult NOW..and his dad needs to teach him how to treat people and deal with his anger issues.. And, if I were you, I wouldn't even attempt "Mom"..I would just be a supporting adult in his life. Good luck..

07-02-2007, 10:03 PM	#5
Blondie Baby MAJOR LCF POSTER! Join Date: May 2007 Location: Abu Dhabi, United Arab Emirates Posts: 1,354 Gallery: Blondie Baby Stats: 213/154/130 WOE: healthy	Carolyn - I think that is excellent advice! Susie, it is not your place to be a parent in his life. He already has two of those and will likely end up resenting you if your try. Be a supportive adult role model but at the same time do not allow him to disrespect you and your home. I agree that this is your husbands problem and as long as he allows the kids to act like this, the problem will persist. Maybe you can talk to your husband about getting advice from a professional. Never hurts.

07-03-2007, 07:11 AM	#6
Susie Q Senior LCF Member Join Date: Mar 2006 Posts: 789 Gallery: Susie Q Stats: 165/140/135 WOE: Atkins by the Book	Guys I dont know if I told you or not, but i studied this at length for 2 years before we got married, and I was a psych. major with Ed. minor in college. I havent been anything but his friend, and have actually done pretty well, the daughter likes me fine. Ive been very good to them, and soft peddled everything. BUT, he smarts off to everyone he's around. Just hard to take, thanks for the input.

07-03-2007, 08:35 AM	#7
CarolynF Way too much time on my hands! Join Date: Jun 2002 Location: Kansas Posts: 20,522 Gallery: CarolynF Stats: 195/150/139 WOE: Eat Fat, Get Thin/I Can Make You Thin Start Date: January 2001	Susie: It's not about YOU..it's about HIM..He needs help...You could be the perfect stepmother, friend whatever in his life..He is angry..and he needs to get some anger management help. His dad needs to deal with him..and get him some counseling....whether he is dealing with anger from the divorce or whatever..and his dad needs to spend lots of good one-on-one time with him, too..