"Well, it's in God's hands now."

[CurveControl]

Ever say that, or hear it said without an air of hopelessness??
I was thinking about my mother and father and her nuttiness from lupus induced psychosis, and his denying her issues and hiding all problems with Ten High and cola, and there is NOTHING I can do.
last time they got help it was because HIS pancreas blew out and we couldn't handle HIS near death crisis and deal with her bizarre delusions so we had her invol committed.
It took a year of rehab for him and a year in the nuthouse for her (9months before they realised she has Lupus and 3 months of Lupus meds, Not psych drugs) and they were great for 5 years.

The invol commit isn't possible now. Lupus induced psychosis is a physical illness, not a 'committable mental illness' .
So I was thinking and praying and I thought "Well, it's in God's hands now.".
When WASN'T it?? Why is it a last resort to let it be in God's hands?? Why does it feel so hopeless when we give it up to God? Is it me control freakishness coming out?

5 years is all I have of my parents, and they are going to let it all fall to **** again? SHE is sick, I know that, but she is into the Paranoid level where she won't take meds or, for that matter go the the Rhumey to GET the drugs. Because HE just drank away the reality of her situation again.

As long as he is drunk he dosn't have to pay attention to her crazy ass behaviors, and as long as he is drunk she gets away with being nuts.

My WHOLE DAMN LIFE.

I am So ANGRY!

Free Will SUCKS.
But It is in Gods Hands now.
*sigh*

[CarolynF]

Molly: My heart goes out to you in this difficult situation. The whole God's hands thing is interesting. I think you can place your parent's situation in God's hands and trust Him for the outcome and that He will guide you in your relationship with your folks. But YOUR parents are also responsible to God, too. They have to pray and ask God for guidance, too.

My mom had Alzheimers after my dad died, so it was simpler for US to make decisions for her life with God's guidance. It's very difficult to see your Mom
become paranoid, etc. Luckily, my mom only lived 4 years with Alzheimers..that was a true blessing, believe me. She (in her normal self) would have been mortified if she actually "knew" what she was doing. I'm sure your mom would feel the same way. Your dad is probably coping with
this difficult situation by drinking. Would your Mom be better off in a nursing home with people helping her??? Hugs to you..

[senorina]

Cathy

[CurveControl]

Originally Posted by CarolynF

Molly: My heart goes out to you in this difficult situation. The whole God's hands thing is interesting. I think you can place your parent's situation in God's hands and trust Him for the outcome and that He will guide you in your relationship with your folks. But YOUR parents are also responsible to God, too. They have to pray and ask God for guidance, too.

My mom had Alzheimers after my dad died, so it was simpler for US to make decisions for her life with God's guidance. It's very difficult to see your Mom
become paranoid, etc. Luckily, my mom only lived 4 years with Alzheimers..that was a true blessing, believe me. She (in her normal self) would have been mortified if she actually "knew" what she was doing. I'm sure your mom would feel the same way. Your dad is probably coping with
this difficult situation by drinking. Would your Mom be better off in a nursing home with people helping her??? Hugs to you..

I am so sorry about your Mom.
No a nursing home is not an option at this point. Neither of them will admit there is anything wrong. Dad just says 'She has her quirks". Ok A Quirk is wanting all the vacuum cleaner marks to line up. Just Plain Nuts is Vacuuming your legs to remove the microscopic devices the government is dropping from the sky before they work into you skin. A QUIRK is showing up late for a funeral wearing a weird hat, Just Plain Nuts is Not Going to you best friend since hichschool's funeral because you 'had things to do' ( Like use the vacuum....)
Thank you for the kind words. I wish I could belive that if she were 'herself' she wouldn't be like this, But She was like this for over 20 years, and in the 5 ish years we had her 'normal' she would not even speak about what had gone on. No acknowledgement or even an "I'm sorry I didn't get help sooner, and made your growing up tears terrifying"
I have NO comprehension of what HE is thinking. It took him Months in rehab after hed DT's and Wernicke's~korsakoff syndrome ( a disease alcoholics get because the stop absorbing Niacin~ Most do NOT recover and end up in a nursing home) He had to learn to SIT UP, and feed himself, and relearn how to WALK for god's sake. He was fully sober for 5 years and for the last 3 has worked his way up to always smelling like whisky~His body is no longer keeping up with his consumption. He could go 2 days w/o a drink and still flunk a breath test because he is saturated.
No, I belive neither of them Want help, and that is up to them.
When it gets bad enough, AND IT WILL, then DD will finaly move out and get her own place or move into the Dorms (I have been trying to get her to do that for ages!)

[Sydney]

Originally Posted by CurveControl

Ever say that, or hear it said without an air of hopelessness??

I say it all the time. When I have done everything in my own power to influence/change a situation, then I have to let go, and let God.

[CurveControl]

Thanks for the hugs Syd.
What started as an observation about how controlling it seems to feel hopeless instead of empowered when I accept that I can't 'Fix" stuff turned into a personal rant.

[Sydney]

Sometimes just putting it out there helps. I'm the Queen of Rant, myself.

[CurveControl]

Originally Posted by Sydney

Sometimes just putting it out there helps. I'm the Queen of Rant, myself.

Long live the Queen!


I do run a close second~ If only for the crap I post and then delete!!

[Sydney]

Originally Posted by CurveControl

I do run a close second~ If only for the crap I post and then delete!!

I don't have the power of delete, so you must be the Queen.

All I can do is....

.

[CurveControl]

No, Before I post it.

Usually if it made it past my delete button to the Post button I figure "screw it".

and wait for the smackdown.

[gotogirl]

Hang in there! None of this is your fault, either if both of them are implying that if you'd been "better, more attentive, smarter, helped more, etc." things would have been different. If you're still living with them, (I think that's what you said), then I'd start making plans to move out. You deserve a fresh start. No guilt!!!!

[CurveControl]

Originally Posted by gotogirl

Hang in there! None of this is your fault, either if both of them are implying that if you'd been "better, more attentive, smarter, helped more, etc." things would have been different. If you're still living with them, (I think that's what you said), then I'd start making plans to move out. You deserve a fresh start. No guilt!!!!

No, I have been out ot that house a long time. My DD who is 22 lives w/ them and won't move out while she is in college.

[gotogirl]

Maybe your daughter can be more objective about them because they didn't raise her. When it's our parents, their voices are still in our heads from our childhood. And she probably doesn't have anger built up inside. As long as she's handling it and it helps her to have somewhere to live while she's in college, I say "more power to her". But, in your case, you need to protect yourself from them.
Be good to yourself.

[CurveControl]

thank you.

[Tracey40]

Molly - I'd have to wave my hands up! This is for sure a hard situation! I think you need to vent or at the very least ask why! You can't help the situation, what can you do? I'm glad you at least got it out there, I can't imagine the daily stress this is!!!

[CurveControl]

Thanks Tracey. I just asked DD not to tell me anything that my Mom does, because I can't help, and I just don't want to know. KWIM?

[gotogirl]

That's a great idea for your daughter not to tell you. If she wants to live with her, she'll have to handle it without your help. Every time she tells you, it makes it seem like she's asking for you to change her and you can't do that.
Best of luck!

[la.lady]

Lupus is a disease that needs to be taking seriously...
I am not sure about your attitude about this but then it is none of my business.
My 19 year old Granddaughter has CNS Lupus and she is very sick. We are very distraught and if it were not for our belief in God we would not be able to get through this, and yes I put her in God's hands. The type of Lupus Whitney has causes her to have swelling around her brain. We have come very close to losing her. There is no cure for Lupus but sometimes can be controlled with meds.
I hope that your Mom and Dad gets the help they need.

[CurveControl]

Originally Posted by la.lady

Lupus is a disease that needs to be taking seriously...
I am not sure about your attitude about this but then it is none of my business.
My 19 year old Granddaughter has CNS Lupus and she is very sick. We are very distraught and if it were not for our belief in God we would not be able to get through this, and yes I put her in God's hands. The type of Lupus Whitney has causes her to have swelling around her brain. We have come very close to losing her. There is no cure for Lupus but sometimes can be controlled with meds.
I hope that your Mom and Dad gets the help they need.

Trust me, I have learned more about lupus than I ever wanted to know. But as she refuses meds there is Nothing we can do. Nothing. I have been a RMA for over 20 years, and there is nothing harder than knowing there is treatment and not being able to get her to get treated. All you can do is watch them self destruct.
Only about 5% of systemic lupus sufferers (there are only 4 kinds~Discoid (Skin), Systemic, drug induced and neonatal.) will have CNS involvment. Also there are times that the Meds used to treat Lupus flares in other parts of the body will cause CNS symptoms.
At this point she is delusional/paranoid enough to refuse all meds. I wish it were swelling around her brain, because then she would have to get help, and be willing to get help, and it wouldn't be swelling IN her brain causing Lupus induced psychosis.

[la.lady]

WHITNEY HAD DELUSINAL/ PARANIA WHEN THEY FIRST FOUND OUT THAT SHE HAD CNS LUPUS. SHE IS ONLY 19 YEARS OLD, BUT SHE IS ON MEDS AND IS ABLE TO FUNCTION ALMOST NORMAL AND WE ARE PRAYING FOR COMPLETE REMISSION OF LUPUS. WHITNEY WAS BORNED PREMATURE AND THIS IS PROBABLY THE CAUSE OF HER DISEASE.
IS THERE NOT ANYWAY THAT YOU CAN GET HER TO TAKE THE MEDS? MAYBE HIDE THEM IN FOOD OR SOMETHING. SHE PROBABLY DOESN'T EVEN REALIZE WHAT SHE IS DOING.

[CurveControl]

I wish we could, Patty. But she is pretty far into her paranoia now, and I live 6 hors away.
We will be visiting for a few days next week, So I will be able to evaluate her better then, and send a more detailed letter to her doc. I Know him well, and I know he is trying to help, But there is just so much he can do, KWIM? My Brother has medical POA but He is useless.
Thank you so much for your support and for your Granddaughter. Neonatal Lupus is so awful.
Mom's last remission lasted about 5 years so maybe if we can get her to take her meds she will be better.
If it gets really bad again I will just drive up and stay with them and ask that her doc prescribe injectables so I can just inject her. I used to work in her doc's practice so they know my training and abilities.

[la.lady]

Thanks for praying for Whitney and be assured that your Mom and Dad are in mine.