Marraige on the rocks

lisabinil · 05-26-2007, 09:20 AM

I have never posted this or expressed this to anyone. My husband is not the same man I married 4 yrs ago. He binges on alcohol on the weekends and this is tearing me apart watching him. He refuses help and has become quite mean and bitter. I am slowly preparing myself to leave him. I know he must find it in himself to battle his own demons. I was diagnosed at the Mayo Clinic in 2005 with Fibromyalgia. He was supportive at first but now takes no interest in family life or joy in anything but drinking on the weekends. For my sake and my sons I am going to start my life over. We have not shared a bed since October and he has no interest in intimacy or the loving things we once shared. Oh he will gladly have sex and then go his own way but I refuse-I'm not a booty call,I'm his wife. I pray for God to give me strength-I just started a new job in February after being off because of illness for 7 months. I know I have to do this but it's hard. I feel like I am whining and moaning-so sorry-but I had to get this burden off my chest...

Edin · 05-26-2007, 09:47 AM

hi lisa, wish i could give you a real hug. you are not whining. you are in pain. the man you have loved for years has chosen a destructive path, and he doesnt even graps what it is doing to you all. the alcohol will cause him to withdraw and he is numbing out.

i would encourage you to try attending some ala-non meetings, to help you cope and walk thru this. i have friends who have attended since they have a family member who is abusing alcohol, or who is an alcoholic. you will find support, understanding and information.

you are greiving, and actually something would be wrong with you if you didnt. stop in, post a lot. maybe also find an on-line group for ala-non for those nights when the walls kind of close in.

my x-husband was abusive. he also abused alcohol, however the alcohol was not the cause. it was just one more way he avoids looking at himself, and it helps him avoid taking responsibility for his cruelty, anger, and hardness of heart. alcohol helps him avoid the fact that he enjoys being mean.

pls take good care, and i am just so sorry that you are having to go thru this, but as you know with the fibromyaliga stress, etc aggravates it. getting out from under this pain will help your body heal.
God bless you, sweetie. hugsssss

lisabinil · 05-26-2007, 10:52 AM

Thank you so much-you don't know how much support and your kind words mean to me right now. This morning he is surly after waking up and swearing-he finished 3/4 of a bottle of mescal last night. He stomped into the home office and has shut the door and is playing video golf. He has no interest or concern in me or my 13 yr old son (his stepson). It is so hard to live with someone like this-and my mind is made up-I am going but money is holding me up now. I am checking into getting a small place for my son & I but we have a dog & 2 cats and in my area no one takes pets in apartments. I will keep looking and I know something will open up-I must focus on the positives in my life right now-my son, my job,my pets-these give me joy and I must not give in to despair or I know I will get ill.

Edin · 05-26-2007, 09:40 PM

sending you hugs for the night, lisa!! i know thw ache that you feel and so wish i could send you some kind of balm to help your hurting heart. i am so glad you are making decisions that are good for you and your dear son.

your DH is in a bad place. and there is nothing you can do to wake him up. pls be good to yourself, and also if i can send you a hug, or just listen, i am here, ok??

they have free will, and sadly that includes their right to make bad, destructive decisions.

you deserve so much more.

sending hugs and prayers,

stephanie

Jake · 05-26-2007, 09:43 PM

I wonder why he started drinking so heavily.

Blessings to you and your family. I hope it all turns out well for you and your son.

godsbeloved79 · 05-26-2007, 09:49 PM

Prayers of comfort for you and your family. I know it can hard at time

.

Dimples · 05-26-2007, 09:51 PM

I am so sorry to hear about your marriage. It is very difficult when you have a partner who is drinking and doesn't care about his family. My husband and I went through some very bad times and I really should have gotten out but....I didn't. I think you are doing the right thing (and being very brave) for making the decision to leave. You have to put you, your son and your pets first. Please know I will keep you in my prayers as you go through this very difficult time.

Please take care.

Marie

Ntombi · 05-26-2007, 10:24 PM

What a hard situation to be in. I also suggest Al-Anon for you (and maybe your son). I hope it turns out well for your family, as soon as possible.

CRosie · 05-27-2007, 07:57 AM

Honey,

you are not moaning, you are in pain...what you describe is a natural reaction to what has happened to your marriage.

Whatever happens to your marriage, know that others are praying for you and wish you well.

Hugs, Ro

lisabinil · 05-28-2007, 06:11 AM

Thank you so much for your support. As my husband puts it he likes to drink and smoke and has no reason to stop. He does this on Friday & Saturday nights. After Friday he was better when his kids (from first marraige) were over, I put my foot down and he agreed, he needs to take responsibility for them on visitation and that means no drinking so he doesn't drink when they're over. After they left last night he did drink beer and made margaritas but was in a good mood. I am so tired of not knowing which way the wind will blow on the weekend but I am taking it day by day. As soon as finances allow I will leave and then he can make the decision if he will seek help and try to save our marraige. I really am trying to return to the faith and Christianity my parents raised me with. I know deep down when we have crises or obstacles in our life-God never really deserts us and we are not alone in our pain. I will find the strength somewhere and pull through this.

godsbeloved79 · 05-28-2007, 07:38 PM

Hi,

I'm happy to see that things are a bit better

. We can only take it one day at a time. I do pray that you return back to your Christianity, cause it makes living life a whole lot easier. Trials and tribulations do come, but there is always a way of escape with the Lord.

Edin · 05-29-2007, 09:40 PM

hi lisa, i wanted to pop in and send you some hugs. and i wanted to know that i am praying for you. God will make a way for you. and this all grieves Him even more than you hurt. He is your Abba (Daddy), and He wants good for you. sadly people make choices, and your husband has made some bad ones. just know that good things are ahead no matter what, ok??

hugsssssssssss God bless

Sydney · 05-30-2007, 07:54 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by lisabinil

As soon as finances allow I will leave and then he can make the decision if he will seek help and try to save our marraige.

Have you asked him to go to marriage counseling now, before leaving?

jtinker · 05-30-2007, 03:12 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by lisabinil

Thank you so much for your support. As my husband puts it he likes to drink and smoke and has no reason to stop. He does this on Friday & Saturday nights. After Friday he was better when his kids (from first marraige) were over, I put my foot down and he agreed, he needs to take responsibility for them on visitation and that means no drinking so he doesn't drink when they're over. After they left last night he did drink beer and made margaritas but was in a good mood. I am so tired of not knowing which way the wind will blow on the weekend but I am taking it day by day. As soon as finances allow I will leave and then he can make the decision if he will seek help and try to save our marraige. I really am trying to return to the faith and Christianity my parents raised me with. I know deep down when we have crises or obstacles in our life-God never really deserts us and we are not alone in our pain. I will find the strength somewhere and pull through this.

you are a brave woman, maybe after you leave he will See he has a reason to stop, your doing the right thing for your kids, my husband drinks maybe 5 times a year and he is a nasty drunk,,,, i dont know how you do it each weekend, and as far as the sex, its not you , men who drink, cant proform in the right way, if you know what i mean, i did dated a drinker once, just fast.. at the end, it was all he was able to do, but they will never admit it. my thoughts are with you and i pray you have the strength,

... Joan

srmil30 · 05-30-2007, 07:29 PM

I am so sorry you are going through this. My prayers are with you.

PhoebeHerself · 06-09-2007, 09:59 AM

Woman Typing Badly · 06-09-2007, 09:42 PM

Star123 · 06-09-2007, 11:12 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by lisabinil

Thank you so much for your support. As my husband puts it he likes to drink and smoke and has no reason to stop. He does this on Friday & Saturday nights. After Friday he was better when his kids (from first marraige) were over, I put my foot down and he agreed, he needs to take responsibility for them on visitation and that means no drinking so he doesn't drink when they're over. After they left last night he did drink beer and made margaritas but was in a good mood. I am so tired of not knowing which way the wind will blow on the weekend but I am taking it day by day. As soon as finances allow I will leave and then he can make the decision if he will seek help and try to save our marraige. I really am trying to return to the faith and Christianity my parents raised me with. I know deep down when we have crises or obstacles in our life-God never really deserts us and we are not alone in our pain. I will find the strength somewhere and pull through this.

Hi Lisa, you don't know me... but I simpathize with you. I've been a christian most of my life... but 4 years ago I lived with a man that was both mentally and physically abusive to me. I was with him for 11.5 years. Now I'm divorce and a changed women.

The first years weren't so bad I thought... o.k. I can handle this... but as time went on things got extremely worse. First came the heavy drinking... then drugs... and finally crack cocaine!!! It got so back that we were moving every 6 months... and finally I cried out to God in desperation... and he heard me, because he took me out of that darkness and safely into his loving arms of God.

I'm happy to say... I'm a better and stronger person for it... and he is answering my prayers in a mighty way... and I have a new church family that accepts me for who I am... doesn't judge me or my past. They are my family and I love them dearly.

My advice... get out as soon as you can... because I'm telling you from experience... it's going to get worse, even dangerous... he could really hurt you and your son. I know what it's like and I've lived it... take heart my friend... and ask God to protect you and he will help you make the right move... he will act swiftly on your behalf!!!

God knows your siduation and wants you to come back to him in a fresh new way. All you need to do is say... "Lord I'm yours... I put everything in your hands. You didn't do this to me... and it wasn't my fault... but I recommit my life to you right now... forgive me and cleanse me and guide me in your way. And Keep my son and me safe... in your name Jesus, amen.

I'll keep you in my prayers... that God will protect you and your son... with his protective angels at your side... amen!

God Bless you,

Edin · 06-10-2007, 10:08 PM

checking on you, lisa........

hugssssssssss God bless!!!!!

05-26-2007, 09:20 AM	#1
lisabinil Big Yapper!!!! Join Date: Apr 2007 Location: suburbs of Chicago Posts: 9,772 Gallery: lisabinil Stats: 214/185/180 287 in 00 WOE: higher carb Atkins for optimum health Start Date: SBD 3/5/07,Atkins 4/18/07	Marraige on the rocks I have never posted this or expressed this to anyone. My husband is not the same man I married 4 yrs ago. He binges on alcohol on the weekends and this is tearing me apart watching him. He refuses help and has become quite mean and bitter. I am slowly preparing myself to leave him. I know he must find it in himself to battle his own demons. I was diagnosed at the Mayo Clinic in 2005 with Fibromyalgia. He was supportive at first but now takes no interest in family life or joy in anything but drinking on the weekends. For my sake and my sons I am going to start my life over. We have not shared a bed since October and he has no interest in intimacy or the loving things we once shared. Oh he will gladly have sex and then go his own way but I refuse-I'm not a booty call,I'm his wife. I pray for God to give me strength-I just started a new job in February after being off because of illness for 7 months. I know I have to do this but it's hard. I feel like I am whining and moaning-so sorry-but I had to get this burden off my chest...

05-26-2007, 09:47 AM	#2
Edin Big Yapper!!!! Join Date: Nov 2006 Location: So. Calif Posts: 7,667 Gallery: Edin WOE: South Beach Start Date: November 2006	hi lisa, wish i could give you a real hug. you are not whining. you are in pain. the man you have loved for years has chosen a destructive path, and he doesnt even graps what it is doing to you all. the alcohol will cause him to withdraw and he is numbing out. i would encourage you to try attending some ala-non meetings, to help you cope and walk thru this. i have friends who have attended since they have a family member who is abusing alcohol, or who is an alcoholic. you will find support, understanding and information. you are greiving, and actually something would be wrong with you if you didnt. stop in, post a lot. maybe also find an on-line group for ala-non for those nights when the walls kind of close in. my x-husband was abusive. he also abused alcohol, however the alcohol was not the cause. it was just one more way he avoids looking at himself, and it helps him avoid taking responsibility for his cruelty, anger, and hardness of heart. alcohol helps him avoid the fact that he enjoys being mean. pls take good care, and i am just so sorry that you are having to go thru this, but as you know with the fibromyaliga stress, etc aggravates it. getting out from under this pain will help your body heal. God bless you, sweetie. hugsssss __________________ - Stephanie "A Man Is Only As Tall As The Sum Of His Deeds" "Be careful the environment you choose for it will shape you; be careful the friends you choose for you will become like them." - W. Clement Stone

05-26-2007, 09:40 PM	#4
Edin Big Yapper!!!! Join Date: Nov 2006 Location: So. Calif Posts: 7,667 Gallery: Edin WOE: South Beach Start Date: November 2006	sending you hugs for the night, lisa!! i know thw ache that you feel and so wish i could send you some kind of balm to help your hurting heart. i am so glad you are making decisions that are good for you and your dear son. your DH is in a bad place. and there is nothing you can do to wake him up. pls be good to yourself, and also if i can send you a hug, or just listen, i am here, ok?? they have free will, and sadly that includes their right to make bad, destructive decisions. you deserve so much more. sending hugs and prayers, stephanie Last edited by Edin : 05-26-2007 at 09:52 PM.

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05-26-2007, 10:52 AM	#3
lisabinil Big Yapper!!!! Join Date: Apr 2007 Location: suburbs of Chicago Posts: 9,772 Gallery: lisabinil Stats: 214/185/180 287 in 00 WOE: higher carb Atkins for optimum health Start Date: SBD 3/5/07,Atkins 4/18/07	Thank you so much-you don't know how much support and your kind words mean to me right now. This morning he is surly after waking up and swearing-he finished 3/4 of a bottle of mescal last night. He stomped into the home office and has shut the door and is playing video golf. He has no interest or concern in me or my 13 yr old son (his stepson). It is so hard to live with someone like this-and my mind is made up-I am going but money is holding me up now. I am checking into getting a small place for my son & I but we have a dog & 2 cats and in my area no one takes pets in apartments. I will keep looking and I know something will open up-I must focus on the positives in my life right now-my son, my job,my pets-these give me joy and I must not give in to despair or I know I will get ill.

05-26-2007, 09:43 PM	#5
Jake zombie cricket Join Date: Dec 2000 Posts: 13,318 Gallery: Jake Stats: 6'4" 412/389/382 Mini Goal WOE: Eggy Baconarian Start Date: 12/14/08	I wonder why he started drinking so heavily. Blessings to you and your family. I hope it all turns out well for you and your son.

05-26-2007, 09:49 PM	#6
godsbeloved79 Atkineer For Life Join Date: Sep 2004 Location: Pompano Bch, FL Posts: 14,706 Gallery: godsbeloved79 Stats: 207/205.5/162 WOE: Atkins - Induction Start Date: 1/3/09	Prayers of comfort for you and your family. I know it can hard at time .

05-26-2007, 09:51 PM	#7
Dimples Senior LCF Member Join Date: May 2007 Location: Alberta, Canada Posts: 120 Gallery: Dimples Stats: 310.25/290.5/169 WOE: Crack the Fat-Loss Code Start Date: July 21, 2008	I am so sorry to hear about your marriage. It is very difficult when you have a partner who is drinking and doesn't care about his family. My husband and I went through some very bad times and I really should have gotten out but....I didn't. I think you are doing the right thing (and being very brave) for making the decision to leave. You have to put you, your son and your pets first. Please know I will keep you in my prayers as you go through this very difficult time. Please take care. Marie

05-26-2007, 10:24 PM	#8
Ntombi Blabbermouth!!! Join Date: Aug 2002 Location: Boston, then OH, then NYC, now SoCal. Whew! Posts: 17,840 Gallery: Ntombi Stats: original:325+/259.6/180? restart:325/---/180? WOE: Atkins works when I work it. Start Date: Original: 8-23-02 Restart: over and OVER and OVER!	What a hard situation to be in. I also suggest Al-Anon for you (and maybe your son). I hope it turns out well for your family, as soon as possible.

05-27-2007, 07:57 AM	#9
CRosie Senior LCF Member Join Date: Jan 2005 Posts: 770 Gallery: CRosie Stats: 266/186/150 WOE: my own low carb/sometimes lowfat plan Start Date: May 21, 2007	Honey, you are not moaning, you are in pain...what you describe is a natural reaction to what has happened to your marriage. Whatever happens to your marriage, know that others are praying for you and wish you well. Hugs, Ro

05-28-2007, 06:11 AM	#10
lisabinil Big Yapper!!!! Join Date: Apr 2007 Location: suburbs of Chicago Posts: 9,772 Gallery: lisabinil Stats: 214/185/180 287 in 00 WOE: higher carb Atkins for optimum health Start Date: SBD 3/5/07,Atkins 4/18/07	Thank you so much for your support. As my husband puts it he likes to drink and smoke and has no reason to stop. He does this on Friday & Saturday nights. After Friday he was better when his kids (from first marraige) were over, I put my foot down and he agreed, he needs to take responsibility for them on visitation and that means no drinking so he doesn't drink when they're over. After they left last night he did drink beer and made margaritas but was in a good mood. I am so tired of not knowing which way the wind will blow on the weekend but I am taking it day by day. As soon as finances allow I will leave and then he can make the decision if he will seek help and try to save our marraige. I really am trying to return to the faith and Christianity my parents raised me with. I know deep down when we have crises or obstacles in our life-God never really deserts us and we are not alone in our pain. I will find the strength somewhere and pull through this.

05-28-2007, 07:38 PM	#11
godsbeloved79 Atkineer For Life Join Date: Sep 2004 Location: Pompano Bch, FL Posts: 14,706 Gallery: godsbeloved79 Stats: 207/205.5/162 WOE: Atkins - Induction Start Date: 1/3/09	Hi, I'm happy to see that things are a bit better . We can only take it one day at a time. I do pray that you return back to your Christianity, cause it makes living life a whole lot easier. Trials and tribulations do come, but there is always a way of escape with the Lord.

05-29-2007, 09:40 PM	#12
Edin Big Yapper!!!! Join Date: Nov 2006 Location: So. Calif Posts: 7,667 Gallery: Edin WOE: South Beach Start Date: November 2006	hi lisa, i wanted to pop in and send you some hugs. and i wanted to know that i am praying for you. God will make a way for you. and this all grieves Him even more than you hurt. He is your Abba (Daddy), and He wants good for you. sadly people make choices, and your husband has made some bad ones. just know that good things are ahead no matter what, ok?? hugsssssssssss God bless

05-30-2007, 07:29 PM	#15
srmil30 Senior LCF Member Join Date: Jan 2007 Location: North Florida Posts: 112 Gallery: srmil30 Stats: 5' 6" medium build 211/183/150 WOE: Atkins	I am so sorry you are going through this. My prayers are with you.

06-09-2007, 09:59 AM	#16
PhoebeHerself Very Gabby LCF Member!!! Join Date: Jun 2004 Location: Washington, DC Posts: 4,835 Gallery: PhoebeHerself Stats: 195.5 post-partum/190.5/150 WOE: Atkins

06-09-2007, 09:42 PM	#17
Woman Typing Badly Typos, Typos, As Far As The Eye Can See... Join Date: Apr 2005 Location: in a galaxy far far away..... Posts: 11,920 Blog Entries: 20 Gallery: Woman Typing Badly Stats: gravity is turned off so I weigh nothing! WOE: Jedi Mind Trick

06-10-2007, 10:08 PM	#19
Edin Big Yapper!!!! Join Date: Nov 2006 Location: So. Calif Posts: 7,667 Gallery: Edin WOE: South Beach Start Date: November 2006	checking on you, lisa........ hugssssssssss God bless!!!!!