I am so depressed today

karenb · 02-02-2007, 08:45 AM

My sister died Oct 26. Next Friday, Feb 9 would have been her birthday. I've heale bad my dpression for the last few weeks but today I just can't crying.I've been on disability for over 12 years and the house is a mess. I've taken extra anti'depressant and i'm drinking run and coke.. My sister was somethimes a difficult person and sometimes easy to to get along with. I think she resented when I got got married amd move away. I guess we were botj difficult people but I had my husband to help me outl I guess we both had difficult personalities at times. She should have retired 2 years ago but she got this weird disease callee cerebral vasculitie. The doctor at May said it was like instead or the viens being nice and smooth there would be smooth spots and then they would closrs down down.the Mayo doctors examined her immediatwly that it would be fatal but they couln't predidt when. It took 4 years from being normal to not being able to do anythin except moving her eyes to answe her questions, then dying from a stroke. She kept as strong as anyone could. We had a strong realtionship most of the time and I enveied her becasuxed that she lived alone and owned her own house and fixed it up and had a nice garden.

Low Carb Mommy · 02-02-2007, 08:53 AM

I'm so sorry Karen. I will say a prayer for you today. Hang in there. Things will get better I promise. Please be careful with the anti-depressants and alcohol. It might help with the pain but not good for the body. Need a friend...I'm here.

karenb · 02-04-2007, 01:30 PM

still depressed. I'm even thinging/ feeling like cutting again. DH is home and he wouldn't under stand the cutting, he's never seen themarks. My massage/therapist/friend had seen the scares but hasn't brought them up. I think I need to see my shrink again for different meds. Between Thanksgiving, Xmas, Dh's birthday, my birthday, and my deceased sister's birthday, she died in Oct. I'm always depressed this time of year but it's worst this time. I think I need differernt meds. I just can't seem to lose weight whatever i do.
Right not I hate my lifend everyone in it. I it weren't for my 91 yr old mother i might do something serious, My Dh could manage every thing just fine. But i don't want him getting any the insurance I got from my sister of my mom./

Dawns40 · 02-04-2007, 03:56 PM

Karen

You need to see your doctor As Soon As Possible. Please don't let this go on any longer without getting help. This is NOT what your sister would want. If it takes keeping your mom in mind until you get help then think of her constantly and keep her in your heart, she needs you. I was in a similar situation once and thankfully I had 3 cats that needed me and I Could Not Leave Them.

Please see your doctor or go to the ER. You need to have your meds adjusted or at least some support to get you through this and help you through the bad times in the future.

I'm so sorry for the loss of your sister

but hurting yourself is not the answer to your feelings toward her.

Peace to you and my thoughts are with you.

beckyb17 · 02-04-2007, 04:34 PM

Karen,please get help!

karenb · 02-05-2007, 11:43 AM

I've made a doc.s appointment for Wed morning. I hope they have something that will help. A dear friend sent me a birthday present that a plate with too little girls holding hands that says' sister's hold hand's for a lttle while then holed them forever.; I love the plate but can't stop crying.

Jake · 02-05-2007, 11:51 AM

I'm sure they will be able to help you! I'm so sorry for your loss. Please don't hurt yourself. Things will get better!

Aakkoul · 02-09-2007, 10:50 AM

Reading this makes me cry. I've been there. cutting, hiding them so no one will see. It's something i've recently thought about cause it use to help me a lot. I'm not sure why and it sounds so... icky... My DBF wouldn't understand, he would probably get more mad than anythng. I'm sorry to hear about your sister. It's so hard to lose someone and than to feel guilty about it is worse. You're a lot like me. I usually take everything a lot harder than everyone. If a friend is sad, I am sad, usually more sad because i couldn't do anything. I still get depressed about when I left my moms house 3 years ago. You should take 100 bucks, and go shopping. That always makes me feel better. Get yourself some new shoes, new earring, a new shirt, then call up anyone and go out for a drink. Sometimes your brain does weird things.. and sometimes the weirdest things can make it better. I KNOW that sitting in my house doesn't make me better, but I do it anyway. Listening to sad music doesn't make things better, but I do that anyway too. Hope things get better... :-(

karenb · 03-07-2007, 09:52 AM

How did this get bumped up there? I was confused when I saw the title since I'm now feeling much better!

LeanLioness · 03-08-2007, 08:06 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Aakkoul

Reading this makes me cry. I've been there. cutting, hiding them so no one will see. It's something i've recently thought about cause it use to help me a lot. I'm not sure why and it sounds so... icky... My DBF wouldn't understand, he would probably get more mad than anythng. I'm sorry to hear about your sister. It's so hard to lose someone and than to feel guilty about it is worse. You're a lot like me. I usually take everything a lot harder than everyone. If a friend is sad, I am sad, usually more sad because i couldn't do anything. I still get depressed about when I left my moms house 3 years ago. You should take 100 bucks, and go shopping. That always makes me feel better. Get yourself some new shoes, new earring, a new shirt, then call up anyone and go out for a drink. Sometimes your brain does weird things.. and sometimes the weirdest things can make it better. I KNOW that sitting in my house doesn't make me better, but I do it anyway. Listening to sad music doesn't make things better, but I do that anyway too. Hope things get better... :-(

I could have written this myself. I am also a cutter and bi-polar. I am also unmedicated and I have been going through some things myself. I have a post in here too..........

Things will get better with time..............

02-02-2007, 08:45 AM	#1
karenb Way too much time on my hands! Join Date: Jun 2002 Location: Texas Panhandle Between New Mexico and Oklahoma Posts: 13,559 Gallery: karenb	I am so depressed today My sister died Oct 26. Next Friday, Feb 9 would have been her birthday. I've heale bad my dpression for the last few weeks but today I just can't crying.I've been on disability for over 12 years and the house is a mess. I've taken extra anti'depressant and i'm drinking run and coke.. My sister was somethimes a difficult person and sometimes easy to to get along with. I think she resented when I got got married amd move away. I guess we were botj difficult people but I had my husband to help me outl I guess we both had difficult personalities at times. She should have retired 2 years ago but she got this weird disease callee cerebral vasculitie. The doctor at May said it was like instead or the viens being nice and smooth there would be smooth spots and then they would closrs down down.the Mayo doctors examined her immediatwly that it would be fatal but they couln't predidt when. It took 4 years from being normal to not being able to do anythin except moving her eyes to answe her questions, then dying from a stroke. She kept as strong as anyone could. We had a strong realtionship most of the time and I enveied her becasuxed that she lived alone and owned her own house and fixed it up and had a nice garden.

02-04-2007, 01:30 PM	#3
karenb Way too much time on my hands! Join Date: Jun 2002 Location: Texas Panhandle Between New Mexico and Oklahoma Posts: 13,559 Gallery: karenb	still depressed. I'm even thinging/ feeling like cutting again. DH is home and he wouldn't under stand the cutting, he's never seen themarks. My massage/therapist/friend had seen the scares but hasn't brought them up. I think I need to see my shrink again for different meds. Between Thanksgiving, Xmas, Dh's birthday, my birthday, and my deceased sister's birthday, she died in Oct. I'm always depressed this time of year but it's worst this time. I think I need differernt meds. I just can't seem to lose weight whatever i do. Right not I hate my lifend everyone in it. I it weren't for my 91 yr old mother i might do something serious, My Dh could manage every thing just fine. But i don't want him getting any the insurance I got from my sister of my mom./ Last edited by karenb : 02-04-2007 at 01:33 PM.

02-09-2007, 10:50 AM	#8
Aakkoul Junior LCF Member Join Date: Nov 2006 Location: New York Posts: 32 Gallery: Aakkoul Stats: 172/157/124 WOE: South Beach Start Date: November 4th 2006	Reading this makes me cry. I've been there. cutting, hiding them so no one will see. It's something i've recently thought about cause it use to help me a lot. I'm not sure why and it sounds so... icky... My DBF wouldn't understand, he would probably get more mad than anythng. I'm sorry to hear about your sister. It's so hard to lose someone and than to feel guilty about it is worse. You're a lot like me. I usually take everything a lot harder than everyone. If a friend is sad, I am sad, usually more sad because i couldn't do anything. I still get depressed about when I left my moms house 3 years ago. You should take 100 bucks, and go shopping. That always makes me feel better. Get yourself some new shoes, new earring, a new shirt, then call up anyone and go out for a drink. Sometimes your brain does weird things.. and sometimes the weirdest things can make it better. I KNOW that sitting in my house doesn't make me better, but I do it anyway. Listening to sad music doesn't make things better, but I do that anyway too. Hope things get better... :-( __________________ Started 11/5/06 Age: 20 Height: 5'5" Weight: 172/157/124 Sizes: 12/8/4 Phase: One Mini goal 1:158 by December 10th Mini goal 2: 148 by Feb28th Mini goal 3:138 by April 28th Main Goal: 124 by June 14 !

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02-02-2007, 08:53 AM	#2
Low Carb Mommy Very Gabby LCF Member!!! Join Date: Jan 2007 Location: Georgia Posts: 3,763 Gallery: Low Carb Mommy Stats: 175/135/125 WOE: Atkins-OWL/Maintenance Start Date: September 2006	I'm so sorry Karen. I will say a prayer for you today. Hang in there. Things will get better I promise. Please be careful with the anti-depressants and alcohol. It might help with the pain but not good for the body. Need a friend...I'm here.

02-04-2007, 03:56 PM	#4
Dawns40 Senior LCF Member Join Date: Jun 2004 Location: Colorado Posts: 431 Gallery: Dawns40 Stats: Uncomfortable/Confident/Comfortable WOE: Just LC Start Date: April 2004	Karen You need to see your doctor As Soon As Possible. Please don't let this go on any longer without getting help. This is NOT what your sister would want. If it takes keeping your mom in mind until you get help then think of her constantly and keep her in your heart, she needs you. I was in a similar situation once and thankfully I had 3 cats that needed me and I Could Not Leave Them. Please see your doctor or go to the ER. You need to have your meds adjusted or at least some support to get you through this and help you through the bad times in the future. I'm so sorry for the loss of your sister but hurting yourself is not the answer to your feelings toward her. Peace to you and my thoughts are with you.

02-04-2007, 04:34 PM	#5
beckyb17 Way too much time on my hands! Join Date: Aug 2003 Location: Boilermaker Country Posts: 12,858 Gallery: beckyb17 Stats: 60 pounds ago WOE: Yo~Yo diet	Karen,please get help!

02-05-2007, 11:43 AM	#6
karenb Way too much time on my hands! Join Date: Jun 2002 Location: Texas Panhandle Between New Mexico and Oklahoma Posts: 13,559 Gallery: karenb	I've made a doc.s appointment for Wed morning. I hope they have something that will help. A dear friend sent me a birthday present that a plate with too little girls holding hands that says' sister's hold hand's for a lttle while then holed them forever.; I love the plate but can't stop crying.

02-05-2007, 11:51 AM	#7
Jake zombie cricket Join Date: Dec 2000 Posts: 13,318 Gallery: Jake Stats: 6'4" 412/389/382 Mini Goal WOE: Eggy Baconarian Start Date: 12/14/08	I'm sure they will be able to help you! I'm so sorry for your loss. Please don't hurt yourself. Things will get better!

03-07-2007, 09:52 AM	#9
karenb Way too much time on my hands! Join Date: Jun 2002 Location: Texas Panhandle Between New Mexico and Oklahoma Posts: 13,559 Gallery: karenb	How did this get bumped up there? I was confused when I saw the title since I'm now feeling much better!