really Sad and Depressed. What kind of jobs can you get when you CAN'T SPEAK?

[metqa]

I have had laryngitis for 2 1/2 months now. I'm supposed to be a receptionist but since I can't speak loud enough to be heard over the phone, they've had to reshuffle the other employees to help to do that job. I've been given LOTS of other work to do to "carry my weight" and have been fussed at cause it looks like I'm not doing enough, but I'm still doing most of the stuff the other person is supposed to do, who is now the receptionist..

I"ve been to the ENT and they are clueless, no answers at all. No solutions to get my voice back I finally got reffered to a specialist and was sure my boss would be happy to hear that something was happening but all she did was make it sound like I've been doing nothing, and I had to have a "concrete" explanation about my voice and how and when I'm going to get it back and retake my position, or there might be other areas in the company that could use someone who can't speak! All the work they dumped on me doesn't required anybody to talk in order to do that but I guess since that is not what I was hired for, then I'm expendable. I don't care really, I don't like the job anyway, but it is horrible having your boss, (who never smiles at you , but laughs at the least thing everyone else says) tell you that you are a burden and practically useless and unless you get better all of a sudden (and start doing the job that would end up hurting the very thing you are trying to heal) that you 'll be got rid of.

I want to leave and get a different job, but what can you do without a voice! It doesn't matter what you can do if you can't talk. I'm an ESL teacher on the side and I can't even teach my class properly. I can't be a salesperson, or a secretary, or anything that requires talking . What am I supposed to do, Manual Labor?

I'm feeling so useless right now. I can't even cry properly cause I don't have a voice. How Stupid Is That!!!

It doesn't matter anyway, cause evern when I could talk, nobody really listened.

[walkingwoman]

I'm so sorry I don't have any great words of advice but I wanted to give you some hugs and some for you health.

[Jete1421]

I just read your post, metqa, and my heart goes out to you. It really hurts when you are trying your best and your boss does not empathize with you. It sounds as though doctors have not helped either.

Please know that you can come to this board and vent anytime. You write very well, even if you cannot speak. Writing is a skill and talent that few people have. You are one of them.

Take care.

Gerry

[metqa]

thanks, I've had a chance to "talk" to my boyfriend and mom and cool down a bit. It really hurt my self esteem, and I started having doubts about my worth, since I thought it was obvious the work I'd been doing (despite having to guess at everything new). It was a shock to realize that she had never thought It was good enough. My Mom says it's her fault she is so stress out cause She, as the boss, has spread herself too thinly, and is taking out her frustration on me since I seem to be part of the problem, even though I have no control over this mysterious condition.

I appreciate y'all letting me bawl all over you. Luckily we are having an inclement weather day, so I don't have to show up to work with puffy eyes and a tension headache.

[Jete1421]

Hi Metqa. Please keep "talking" here, too. This board is supportive and I know that I am always happy to listen.

I went through major clinical depressions during my life and know how necessary support systems are. My husband has always been there for me, thank heavens.

Hope you have a good day off from work. Be kind to yourself today. You deserve the best.

[CatMom]

Metqa, I'm so sorry to hear that you are going through this. I can relate as my daughter went through a year and a half with absolutely no voice while she was in college. It started as a virus and laryngitis that she never recovered from. It's a very long and involved story and needless to say she had every test known to man and saw many specialists in the Chicago area that couldn't figure out what was wrong. She was looking at a lifetime of using an electronic voice box when we received the best advice that we have ever gotten. One day her regular doctor called me up and said "listen, there isn't a doctor in these parts that is going to be able to help you. You must take her to Mayo Clinic or John's Hopkins because they see strange things all the time. If anyone can help her they can". We took that advice and she went to Mayo Clinic in Rochester, MN. She had one visit with one of the voice specialists there and he immediately knew what was wrong. She had massive scarring on her vocal chords but it was hidden on the sides and around the back. She's had three surgeries there since and now she has a normal voice again! I don't want to scare you but if you are not having luck with the specialists in your area then you need to go to someplace like Mayo or John's Hopkins! I wish you the best as I know just how hard it is to be with no voice!!

[metqa]

Happy Meow Monday CatMom!

Thanks for the reply! I don't feel so oddball knowing that. I think I'm beyond being scared, and I appreciate knowing that someone else has triumphed over this mysterious Issue. I also feel better because it has been intimated that I am having a psycological, not physical, problem. That if I wanted to, I could heal myself and be normal again.

Noone around me has ever heard of someone having laryngitis more than a couple of weeks, Tops! I am going to see the voice and swallowing specialists at St. Josephs in Atlanta. If that doesn't produce any information, then I will definately take your advice! AAMOF, I will look them up before hand, just in case.

THANK YOU! Thank You.

[CatMom]

Yeah, they thought it was a psychological problem with my daughter, too. The top specialist in Chicago thought that she had been raped or something equally bad in school and that this was her way of repressing it. He talked us into letting him do this proceedure where they injected her with a bunch of drugs like truth serum and such in the hopes that while she was drugged he could get her talking and they would tape her and show her to prove that she could speak if she wanted. This was the first time they had ever done this in this hospital and they were all freaking out about it. Well guess what, she wasn't psycho and when she was totally drugged she couldn't speak. She didn't recover from these drugs for over a week! He suggested a hypnotist after this fiasco. We suggested he take a hike!

When you go see the specialists in Atlanta tell them to look on the sides of the vocal chords and around the back for scar tissue. That is where my daughter's was hidden. There is also another vocal fold problem called disphonia something or other. My daughter knows someone that has this and she needs to get botox injections every few months to have a voice.

Good Luck!!

[Jete1421]

Hi Metqa and CatMom,
I have been following your last emails and am so glad that CatMom could relate, in a practical way, to your issue, Metqa. It would be nice if all our problems could be solved by thinking positively, but that is not reality.

Good luck, Metqa, on your medical journey. I will be praying for you. I don't know if you believe in prayer, but you probably do not have to for mine to help.

I love the photo with your signature, CatMom. We have two cats and they are our "babies."

[metqa]

Jete1421
My Yoga instructor said you can send healing energy to someone who doesn't know it and they will recieve it.
So I accept any you have to send BTW thanks for what you said in post #3. I really appreciate that.


CatMom,
I will ask them to look more thoroughly, thanks to your instructions. It's really odd, since they sent me a patient questionaire, but except for the videostroboscopy that was requested I have NO idea what they plan to do to me.
Personally I think that is poor. I don't know what I need to do to prepare for this Procedure. Should I not eat breakfast, avoid certain whats? My boyfriend took off from work to drive me there and back just in case they use any drugs on me. I really AM in the dark on this.

I found your answer to your doctor about hypnosis, hilarious!

[CatMom]

Jete1421, Thanks! We have 6 "babies"!!

Metqa, My daughter had a videostoboscophy done every time she saw a doctor. While they are not pleasant, there is nothing you need to do to prepare. There are no drugs involved other than to spray down your throat so that they can get the strobe inserted. You will probably have a sore throat the rest of the day. If they can't get the right angle by going down your throat then they will do a nasal version but it's usually just down your throat. Hopefully you don't have an exaggerated gag reflex!!!

[metqa]

You are such a relief to me! Thank you so much. I guess my BF didn't have to take off( But he wanted to. . .)
I guess I'll just have an Atkins Shake for breakfast that day, in case I do have a gag reflex.
It will be gone by the time I get there. I'm suprised it took so many times to find the problem, with the scope.
My ENT only stuck a mirror into my throat and gagged me several times.

Thanks again. I'll let my BF read all this so he can commnunicate for me. I know HE's full of questions.

[liz1114]

I totally went through this my freshmen year of college as well ugh how frustrating i know exactly how you feel when the doctors keep saying just talk......Umm hello i am always talking do you THINK I like this???? Mine was gone for 2 months and after a lot of steroids and a correct diagnosis it finally came back. Thank God it came back because if i ever had to get another scope up through my nose and down my sinuses to my throat I would kill someone so painful. They finally figured it was because I was allergic to ciggertte smoke, not that I was smoking but I was around people who were, you know how it is in college. I have learned my lesson to stay away. I hope they figure yours out soon and I am so sorry you have to deal with an a-hole boss I hope that next time she gets sick people don't turn their back on her because what goes around comes around. Good Luck with everything!

[metqa]

Thanks, all. Well, I'm not going to die, as a matter of fact my vocal cords have healed fairly well. The problem now is the muscles around my larynxe and my tongue have so much tension, they are pulling funny on my larynx and that keeps me from making sounds proper. I was able to make a pretty loud middle E, sound, but I can't "transfer" that ability to higher or lower pitches, so Im going to need to see a vocal specialist to retrain my muscles.

Thanks for all the advice y'all, I am so glad I had you on my side,and that it turned out to be less medical than I feared.
Have a Happy Friday.

[CatMom]

Metqa,

I'm so glad to hear that it is something that the Voice Pathologist can help with! Good luck.

[Jete1421]

Metqa,

Keep us informed of your progress. Your perseverance in trying to find the answer is admirable. So many would just give up.

[LowCarbRachel]

I know a little of what you are experiencing...I "lost" my voice in college and it took several years for them to figure out what was wrong with me (mine is neurological and can't be fixed, only temporarily relieved...). It's so hard to not be able to speak in the way that you've always been able to communicate. It sounds like they have come up with a good solution for you, but if you ever need to talk, please send me a PM.

[metqa]

Hi All!

This week end I practiced vocalizing and I have a bit more range than before, and I can get my volume up also. The only thing I'm having trouble with is involuntary pitch control. If i am thinking about a tone, I can talk , in that tone, and change volume. I can even change the pitch while talking , but if I'm caught off guard, or have to speak suddenly, it's gone.

The Speech Pathologist advised me to learn to limit a vocal response to stress (increased pitch, tension, etc) and excitement to try to have more control over the muscles surrounding my larynx that are tense.

The worse part is that I actually feel an uncomfortableness (is that a word) in my throat now that I'm using it properly, whereas before, I had not much discomfort at all. Se La Vi!

Socially, people look at me strange, (more than before) It is more acceptable to have no voice than an odd voice. I sound like those computer voices that read your typing to you. (tee hee).

Thanks for the encouragement.

[Jete1421]

Best wishes, Metqa, as you begin your vocalization journey. I hope that the discomfort passes soon. Don't worry about what people think. Mary Tyler Moore always says, "What people think of me is none of my business."

Keep us posted.

[Jake]

Hi metqa - I totally feel your frustration. I rarely ever have a voice. If I go on these very long runs of prednisone, I have a voice during the run, but not usually. The longest I ever lost it was 2.5 years. It turns out I have really bad reflux. There's a surgery for it. I'm hoping to get it someday. I know how you feel about the job thing. I have thought to myself before, "wow, what if I lost my job?? Who else would hire me mute??"

God bless you, and good luck.

[metqa]

High Y'all. If you are still subscribed to this post . . .

I wanted to thank you all for your encouragement and support during my rough times. I thought I'd give you some updates:

~My Voice has come back, mostly. I sound as normal as I ever did, sans a few tones when I sing.
~I've been laid off. (which helped my voice to recover in the two weeks after the being laid off, I didn't really talk to anyone.)
~I've just got approval for vocal therapy at the university (seems a little late, but they may help with other voice related issues)
~I'm on unemployment insurance while I try to find a job that does not rely solely (sp?) on my ability to speak constantly.

I'm glad this is coming to a happy conclusion. No permanent damage and life goes on. Have a Happy Summer Everybody!
I still have my ESL class, which is out for the summer, so I get a nice break. And the vocal therapy should help me be better at that also.

[Jake]

Glad to hear things are brighter!

[CarolynF]

This is great news..Glad you are on the mend and will find the perfect job for you!!!

[Tracey40]

I just saw this thread!

I'm so glad you are getting better!!

Not sure what you are interested in as far as occupations, but thought about data entry? Are you an office type person? Maybe go to the temporary/permanent placement company and tell them what you'd like and what you can't do - you know office type worker but maybe more of helper type person, no reception?

Keep us updated on your progress!

[scandalouslyglam]

So glad things finally worked out. Seems as though "work stress" was harming you, too. Nice to see you were able to recover most of your voice.

[rhlong]

I am glad you got better. I had largitis for about 3 weeks 6 months ago. I had never had it before and started to get scared when it didn't go away the first week. But I'm glad you have recovered from this, I can't imagine going months without being able to speak properly.

[Jete1421]

Hi Metqa,
I'm so happy that you are better and shared that information with us. I hope that each day brings more health.