Facing Rejection Because of Your Weight ... AGAIN! %&*#

kiwicherryprincess · 01-02-2007, 01:47 AM

Okay guys! I've been told now twice in the same month (by the opposite sex) that I have to lose weight! And this time by a guy who has some weight to lose himself!!! I don't know what's happening and how these losers find ME? I think I would be insulted if I wasn't so annoyed.

Believe me when I say I am not the one choosing these people! They find me, and then feel it their goal to be completely honest and blunt to a fault. Should I look at this on the positive side: Men appear to be compulsively honest with me. (???)

I also want to say, I wish everyone a great New Year, and I hope yours got off to a better start than mine!

Smythe · 01-02-2007, 03:34 AM

OK, these are obviously guys who need to make you feel bad in order to make themselves feel better

I had an old coworker (male) tell me it looked like they were feeding me well at my new job!! Hello??? I'm 132lbs...is he kidding me? However the damage has been done and now I avoid seeing my old crew because of it. And yes, he is a 300 lb diabetic

...like he's got room to talk.

LowCarbChick · 01-02-2007, 05:26 AM

I'm so sorry to hear that!!! I think I would be CRUSHED if anyone said that to me!!! I've always been scared that would happen.

At 158, I'm sure you look really great! It looks like you're doing a wonderful job!

aunatural · 01-02-2007, 05:41 AM

It's amazing the double standard in our society.

Men are somehow allowed to be pudgier with no stigma but not women. You see it played out on television all the time (According to Jim, King of Queens, etc...) I hope you told him exactly what you thought of his size since he feels that honesty is so important. I think honesty is important too but not when you run the risk of hurting someone's feelings.

sbarr · 01-02-2007, 06:30 AM

Sorry to hear that - you're not morbidly obese and are not at a weight where you expect people to curiously eyeball your shopping cart and think: "what does she really eat?" How old were these fellows? What kind of shape where they in? Was it a relevant part of the conversation? At 5'1" possibly with a small frame, it's all how you carry the weight. How about next time someone says that, you get the chance to smile, say: "Well, you should have seen me 40# ago" and walk away with a spring in your step. Last laugh is yours - and hopefully these are acquaintances, not men you're dating. However, I did take a similar statement as constructive criticism from my ex-BF who was absolutely cut - he pointed out areas where I needed to lose and suggested exercises.

Smyth - sounds like jealousy to me - you look great and no 300# diabetic has ANY credibility about weight - talk about throwing rocks in glass houses.

kiwicherryprincess · 01-02-2007, 12:18 PM

Hi guys! Thanks for all the support (again!) Luckily, it wasn't so bad this time since I wasn't the least bit interested in this guy. But the last time it happened (which was also just recently), well, I was beginning to really like that guy.

All of these guys were in their 20's. And it's funny you bring that up, sbarr, because I've never noticed it coming from men in their 30's (I"m 26).

Quote:

Originally Posted by sbarr

However, I did take a similar statement as constructive criticism from my ex-BF who was absolutely cut - he pointed out areas where I needed to lose and suggested exercises.

Did you ask for the constructive criticism? I don't care, cut or not, did he look like Brad Pitt??? LOL He KNEW you were working on things. I hope it was advice you sought and not advice he offered on his own. I think it's very rude for people to try to tell us what to do differently while we're working on things. It's a human body, PEOPLE, it takes time to respond to change. *sheesh*

Smythe, What was this guy flipping insane??? Okay, if I'm still getting that comment at 132 lbs, I think I'm going to start smacking people.

P.S. aunatural, I love that show! I'm always suprised when I see they casted a big guy for the role too.

peanutte · 01-02-2007, 06:43 PM

Oy, what is wrong with people? Some men are fat-phobic because of how they think it will reflect upon THEM if they find a fat girlfriend sexy. In other words, they are cowards.

I'm five three and around 190, but somehow I don't look obese, just chubby. I wear a size 14. My boyfriend thinks I'm hot and I have ahard time believing him, but he's very persuasive. I'm sorry those guys were jerky to you, kiwi. And smythe, that guy is just insane who said that to you.

sbarr · 01-02-2007, 09:15 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by kiwicherryprincess

\
Did you ask for the constructive criticism? I don't care, cut or not, did he look like Brad Pitt??? LOL He KNEW you were working on things. I hope it was advice you sought and not advice he offered on his own. I think it's very rude for people to try to tell us what to do differently while we're working on things. It's a human body, PEOPLE, it takes time to respond to change. *sheesh*

Actually, I did - while there were other things he didn't do well, he was constructive about what to work on and exercise - I was 163# or so when we met and was working out like a madwoman and by the time we broke up, I was 143#. I was standing stark nekkid in front of a mirror - patting myself down after getting on the scale, he asked what I weighed (he's 155# and was 160# when we met - and the first time I admitted my weight to him, we were both 160#) - and he said I looked so much more toned, that my belly didn't hang (yikes, that hurt a bit, but it was true) and that really all I needed to do was work on the abs and the upper arms and he actually taught me some variations of situps, etc. and different ways of using barbells for the triceps.

I'd prefer someone who was constructive and honest, rather than a "honey, you look fine". Three relationships of those types of men, who ate poorly, didn't push me took me from: 125 to 180, 130 to 175 and 150 to 200 respectively. A relationship with an exercise fanatic who ate low carb and really cared about how he looked allowed me to ride down from 163# to 143# in 5 months.

So, I've found through past behaviors - when I'm single, I lose weight, when I get into a relationship and get complacent I gain - so, I'll opt for someone who's as motivated or more motivated than myself. Now I just need to find the right one who actually cares and wants a life together.

pri17cess72 · 01-02-2007, 10:12 PM

Hang in there Kiwi...start looking for some more mature men. Usually there are not so superficial.

I know it is hard being in your 20's and having weight to lose especially when you see all of those rail thin girls who have good metabolisms and the all the junk food they eat hasnt caught up to them yet....oh but it will....it will!

Take care,
Liz

sbarr · 01-02-2007, 10:25 PM

Kiwi - yep, I also think it's age. I'm sure with your weight you look pretty good, but if these are post-teenagers, well you remember how a lot of the GIRLS looked in high school. Well, laaa deee daaaa, we don't look like waifs when we get older. And, those skinny girls from high school, well, I think I see them in the mall.

Can I give you a little more encouragement - I read somewhere that the average female is 150# and 5'4". Think of it this way, you're slightly above - and I'm sure you'll be down by the end of the month and slightly shorter, but, in reality, you're pretty close to the national average - and you're on your way down. If you want to feel good about yourself, go to the mall.

As you say, men in their 30's don't act that way - so trash the post-high school critics and enjoy your body, improve what you want and enjoy life.

kiwicherryprincess · 01-02-2007, 11:45 PM

Whoa! You go girls! I know you are all totally right! I get so riled up by the support! I feel like I'm at a pep rally!

sbarr, I do like to think I look okay. I guess there's just something about me that makes men expect more. Does anybody know??? If there is ever a woman out there that can figure a man out, she better share the 411 that's all I gotta say. As far as your future for romance goes -- Well, things always happen when we least expect it.

At least you're feeling good about yourself and that's the important thing! The rest will fall into place when the time is right. Good luck!

sbarr · 01-03-2007, 05:18 AM

Hi Kiwi - no, it's not about you. It's about those particular shallow men. If those are the people you interact with, then yes. But, no, I don't think you walk around with a sign on your back that says: "Tell me I'm fat".

That said - feeling good IS about you. And you're the one who can do that best!

JRo · 01-06-2007, 03:21 AM

sweetie, that's terrible. He'll be the same guy who is knocking on your door when you've lost the rest of the weight. Trust me, I've been there. And you'll enjoy slamming it in his face.

peanutte · 01-06-2007, 06:10 PM

Make sure and tell him "No way would I go out with someone who can't tell the difference between a person and a body."

sbarr · 01-06-2007, 07:42 PM

I like that.... "difference between a person and a body"

peanutte · 01-06-2007, 09:20 PM

Well, it's a pet peeve of mine that people get married and then the wife puts on some weight and the husband says obnoxious things like "This isn't the woman I married!" when what he means is "This isn't the BODY I married!" I can't even tell you how much that angers me.

esmeralda · 11-15-2008, 08:34 PM

You know I had a similar thing happen to me recently. I was at a work party and my bosses neighbor had volunteered to bring wine and bartend. I had never met him before. I would say he was probably about 75. Anyway, we exchanged some witty banter and he offered to read my palm. His wife was there and she rolled her eyes and said, "careful, he does this to all the pretty girls" so I went along with it. He was very serious and he told me I had a really long life line. "you are going to live to be at least 90" But then came the shocking part. He said, "but you have to lose weight (I was up about 225) you are going to live a very long time, so you need to decide if you really want to do that in a wheelchair" Bam! His wife tried to apologize, but you know what? In this case I didn't get offended. For several reasons, a)he was clearly attracted to me so it wasn't a looks thing and b)he was right. It was just really weird because I actually took it to heart. No one in my circle had the nerve to say anything like that to me. When I would complain about my weight they would say, "oh you are beautiful" but as nice as that is, the truth is that I have back problems, knee problems, foot problems and if I don't do something about it soon I really will spend a good chunk of the last of my 90 years in a wheelchair.

Zer · 11-15-2008, 08:52 PM

What a positive response to a weight comment. So glad you brought this thread up to date (from its Jan.2007 start) with your current post - and I see that your current weight is a healthy one. I too am doing LC for my health, as my hinky hip is not happy with the weight I've asked it to carry for more than half my 64yrs.

Ricardolowcarbo · 11-27-2008, 05:40 AM

I am so sorry to hear this. If a guy can't see a person for who they really are (their inner self). Some guys are just (I want to say a bad word) but lets say really stupid. Its strange. There is a huge double standard. No one talks about a guys weight. when I feel really bad about myself, I joke around and say things about myself being overweight etc. I don't know what to say but also are society perpetuates (spelling?) it. I see my daughters Barbies.

Someone in this thread said and he'll be the first loser to bang on your door after you lose the weight.

Know that who you really are is your spirit and inner self and no one can damage that.

01-02-2007, 01:47 AM	#1
kiwicherryprincess Senior LCF Member Join Date: Nov 2006 Location: San Francisco, CA Posts: 126 Gallery: kiwicherryprincess Stats: 192/meter me!/103 : 5'1" WOE: Cal Watch / Reg Exercise Start Date: 03/05-12/05 ... 10/06-present	*Facing Rejection Because of Your Weight ... AGAIN! %&# Okay guys! I've been told now twice in the same month (by the opposite sex) that I have to lose weight! And this time by a guy who has some weight to lose himself!!! I don't know what's happening and how these losers find ME? I think I would be insulted if I wasn't so annoyed. Believe me when I say I am not the one choosing these people! They find me, and then feel it their goal to be completely honest and blunt to a fault. Should I look at this on the positive side: Men appear to be compulsively honest with me. (???) I also want to say, I wish everyone a great New Year**, and I hope yours got off to a better start than mine!

01-02-2007, 06:30 AM	#5
sbarr Very Gabby LCF Member!!! Join Date: Aug 2005 Location: Albany, NY Posts: 3,008 Gallery: sbarr Stats: 203/173/135 WOE: Basic Low carb, slow, steady, some stumbles Start Date: Jan 2005 (again)/15-Apr-2008 (after baby)	Sorry to hear that - you're not morbidly obese and are not at a weight where you expect people to curiously eyeball your shopping cart and think: "what does she really eat?" How old were these fellows? What kind of shape where they in? Was it a relevant part of the conversation? At 5'1" possibly with a small frame, it's all how you carry the weight. How about next time someone says that, you get the chance to smile, say: "Well, you should have seen me 40# ago" and walk away with a spring in your step. Last laugh is yours - and hopefully these are acquaintances, not men you're dating. However, I did take a similar statement as constructive criticism from my ex-BF who was absolutely cut - he pointed out areas where I needed to lose and suggested exercises. Smyth - sounds like jealousy to me - you look great and no 300# diabetic has ANY credibility about weight - talk about throwing rocks in glass houses. __________________ Don't worry about momentary cheats or stumbles, focus on succeeding in the long run. Always keep your eye on the target and if you stumble, get back up and stay in the race. What we weigh is the result of a meal, a day, a week, a month, a year of choices...

11-15-2008, 08:34 PM	#17
esmeralda Senior LCF Member Join Date: Jul 2002 Location: California Posts: 560 Blog Entries: 11 Gallery: esmeralda Stats: 215/150/135 WOE: Moderate carbs Start Date: June 2004	You know I had a similar thing happen to me recently. I was at a work party and my bosses neighbor had volunteered to bring wine and bartend. I had never met him before. I would say he was probably about 75. Anyway, we exchanged some witty banter and he offered to read my palm. His wife was there and she rolled her eyes and said, "careful, he does this to all the pretty girls" so I went along with it. He was very serious and he told me I had a really long life line. "you are going to live to be at least 90" But then came the shocking part. He said, "but you have to lose weight (I was up about 225) you are going to live a very long time, so you need to decide if you really want to do that in a wheelchair" Bam! His wife tried to apologize, but you know what? In this case I didn't get offended. For several reasons, a)he was clearly attracted to me so it wasn't a looks thing and b)he was right. It was just really weird because I actually took it to heart. No one in my circle had the nerve to say anything like that to me. When I would complain about my weight they would say, "oh you are beautiful" but as nice as that is, the truth is that I have back problems, knee problems, foot problems and if I don't do something about it soon I really will spend a good chunk of the last of my 90 years in a wheelchair. __________________ Tracey Restart 11/3/08 212/195/145

11-27-2008, 05:40 AM	#19
Ricardolowcarbo Senior LCF Member Join Date: Nov 2008 Posts: 345 Gallery: Ricardolowcarbo Stats: 187/176/160? WOE: South Beach from Atkins Start Date: November 2008	I am so sorry. I am so sorry to hear this. If a guy can't see a person for who they really are (their inner self). Some guys are just (I want to say a bad word) but lets say really stupid. Its strange. There is a huge double standard. No one talks about a guys weight. when I feel really bad about myself, I joke around and say things about myself being overweight etc. I don't know what to say but also are society perpetuates (spelling?) it. I see my daughters Barbies. Someone in this thread said and he'll be the first loser to bang on your door after you lose the weight. Know that who you really are is your spirit and inner self and no one can damage that. __________________ Rich

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01-02-2007, 03:34 AM	#2
Smythe MAJOR LCF POSTER! Join Date: Aug 2004 Location: New York Posts: 2,727 Gallery: Smythe Stats: here we go again 10/8/4-6 WOE: Atkins Start Date: August 2004 Goal Nov 2005 reinducting 1/2008	OK, these are obviously guys who need to make you feel bad in order to make themselves feel better I had an old coworker (male) tell me it looked like they were feeding me well at my new job!! Hello??? I'm 132lbs...is he kidding me? However the damage has been done and now I avoid seeing my old crew because of it. And yes, he is a 300 lb diabetic ...like he's got room to talk.

01-02-2007, 05:26 AM	#3
LowCarbChick Senior LCF Member Join Date: Oct 2002 Posts: 343 Gallery: LowCarbChick Stats: First Time -265/219 RESTART 8/20/08 - 252/246/150 WOE: Atkins, baby! Start Date: Start - 12/27/06 - Restart 8/20/08	I'm so sorry to hear that!!! I think I would be CRUSHED if anyone said that to me!!! I've always been scared that would happen. At 158, I'm sure you look really great! It looks like you're doing a wonderful job!

01-02-2007, 05:41 AM	#4
aunatural MAJOR LCF POSTER! Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: Atlanta, GA Posts: 1,049 Gallery: aunatural Stats: 150/Pregnant/125 WOE: Somersize/Schwarzbein Start Date: 02/06/06	It's amazing the double standard in our society. Men are somehow allowed to be pudgier with no stigma but not women. You see it played out on television all the time (According to Jim, King of Queens, etc...) I hope you told him exactly what you thought of his size since he feels that honesty is so important. I think honesty is important too but not when you run the risk of hurting someone's feelings.

01-02-2007, 06:43 PM	#7
peanutte MAJOR LCF POSTER! Join Date: Sep 2003 Posts: 1,814 Gallery: peanutte	Oy, what is wrong with people? Some men are fat-phobic because of how they think it will reflect upon THEM if they find a fat girlfriend sexy. In other words, they are cowards. I'm five three and around 190, but somehow I don't look obese, just chubby. I wear a size 14. My boyfriend thinks I'm hot and I have ahard time believing him, but he's very persuasive. I'm sorry those guys were jerky to you, kiwi. And smythe, that guy is just insane who said that to you.

01-02-2007, 10:12 PM	#9
pri17cess72 MAJOR LCF POSTER! Join Date: Nov 2006 Location: SF Bay Area CA Posts: 2,506 Blog Entries: 1 Gallery: pri17cess72 Stats: 187/180/130 5'5" WOE: Atkins Start Date: Re-start 12/27/08	Hang in there Kiwi...start looking for some more mature men. Usually there are not so superficial. I know it is hard being in your 20's and having weight to lose especially when you see all of those rail thin girls who have good metabolisms and the all the junk food they eat hasnt caught up to them yet....oh but it will....it will! Take care, Liz

01-02-2007, 10:25 PM	#10
sbarr Very Gabby LCF Member!!! Join Date: Aug 2005 Location: Albany, NY Posts: 3,008 Gallery: sbarr Stats: 203/173/135 WOE: Basic Low carb, slow, steady, some stumbles Start Date: Jan 2005 (again)/15-Apr-2008 (after baby)	Kiwi - yep, I also think it's age. I'm sure with your weight you look pretty good, but if these are post-teenagers, well you remember how a lot of the GIRLS looked in high school. Well, laaa deee daaaa, we don't look like waifs when we get older. And, those skinny girls from high school, well, I think I see them in the mall. Can I give you a little more encouragement - I read somewhere that the average female is 150# and 5'4". Think of it this way, you're slightly above - and I'm sure you'll be down by the end of the month and slightly shorter, but, in reality, you're pretty close to the national average - and you're on your way down. If you want to feel good about yourself, go to the mall. As you say, men in their 30's don't act that way - so trash the post-high school critics and enjoy your body, improve what you want and enjoy life.

01-02-2007, 11:45 PM	#11
kiwicherryprincess Senior LCF Member Join Date: Nov 2006 Location: San Francisco, CA Posts: 126 Gallery: kiwicherryprincess Stats: 192/meter me!/103 : 5'1" WOE: Cal Watch / Reg Exercise Start Date: 03/05-12/05 ... 10/06-present	Whoa! You go girls! I know you are all totally right! I get so riled up by the support! I feel like I'm at a pep rally! sbarr, I do like to think I look okay. I guess there's just something about me that makes men expect more. Does anybody know??? If there is ever a woman out there that can figure a man out, she better share the 411 that's all I gotta say. As far as your future for romance goes -- Well, things always happen when we least expect it. At least you're feeling good about yourself and that's the important thing! The rest will fall into place when the time is right. Good luck!

01-03-2007, 05:18 AM	#12
sbarr Very Gabby LCF Member!!! Join Date: Aug 2005 Location: Albany, NY Posts: 3,008 Gallery: sbarr Stats: 203/173/135 WOE: Basic Low carb, slow, steady, some stumbles Start Date: Jan 2005 (again)/15-Apr-2008 (after baby)	Hi Kiwi - no, it's not about you. It's about those particular shallow men. If those are the people you interact with, then yes. But, no, I don't think you walk around with a sign on your back that says: "Tell me I'm fat". That said - feeling good IS about you. And you're the one who can do that best!

01-06-2007, 03:21 AM	#13
JRo Way too much time on my hands! Join Date: Apr 2003 Location: District of Columbia Posts: 13,277 Gallery: JRo Stats: 205/190/125 WOE: atkins Start Date: August 2008	sweetie, that's terrible. He'll be the same guy who is knocking on your door when you've lost the rest of the weight. Trust me, I've been there. And you'll enjoy slamming it in his face.

01-06-2007, 06:10 PM	#14
peanutte MAJOR LCF POSTER! Join Date: Sep 2003 Posts: 1,814 Gallery: peanutte	Make sure and tell him "No way would I go out with someone who can't tell the difference between a person and a body."

01-06-2007, 07:42 PM	#15
sbarr Very Gabby LCF Member!!! Join Date: Aug 2005 Location: Albany, NY Posts: 3,008 Gallery: sbarr Stats: 203/173/135 WOE: Basic Low carb, slow, steady, some stumbles Start Date: Jan 2005 (again)/15-Apr-2008 (after baby)	I like that.... "difference between a person and a body"

01-06-2007, 09:20 PM	#16
peanutte MAJOR LCF POSTER! Join Date: Sep 2003 Posts: 1,814 Gallery: peanutte	Well, it's a pet peeve of mine that people get married and then the wife puts on some weight and the husband says obnoxious things like "This isn't the woman I married!" when what he means is "This isn't the BODY I married!" I can't even tell you how much that angers me.

11-15-2008, 08:52 PM	#18
Zer Big Yapper!!!! Join Date: Dec 2007 Location: SoCal (Orange County) Posts: 8,058 Blog Entries: 42 Gallery: Zer Stats: 5'10"; 64; 508.7/380/199 WOE: Atkins: <5%Carb; BMR:2423cals; 182gProt; 128ozH2O Start Date: 432.4(2/8) 413.2(4/8) 402.2(6/8) 387.8(10/12)	What a positive response to a weight comment. So glad you brought this thread up to date (from its Jan.2007 start) with your current post - and I see that your current weight is a healthy one. I too am doing LC for my health, as my hinky hip is not happy with the weight I've asked it to carry for more than half my 64yrs.