IS anyone out there afraid of getting..

[SEE3ga]

Is there anyone out there afraid of getting thinner in fear of looking too good? I know that probably doesnt make sense but as I am losing weight my Dh is excited over my new body... kinda makes me feel dirty if you know what i mean.... I am probably the one one who feels like this but I don't want to stay fat beacuse i am afraid to look good..I really detested dirty old men when i was in my teens (cuz they were hitting on me) am I the only one???

[sbarr]

That happened to me in my early 20's when I went down to 116 and I hated the attention I got. I think it's different when we're older.

At 40 - if I get a whistle (hasn't happened yet), I'm gonna flaunt it and say thanks! OK, I lied - at 41.

Please - don't feel dirty.

You're a beautiful woman - now, later, any weight. Revel in YOU thinking YOU are beautiful. Buy those clothes you couldn't wear before and be comfortable in your new skin at any weight. And if your husband likes the way you look, well hubba hubba hubba.....

[SEE3ga]

Thanks For that encouragment!! Wiping the tears away as i type

[sbarr]

Oh honey - I do think it's different when we get older. We're stronger, learning to be more confident in our own skins. I'm an entirely different person than I was almost 60# ago. And compared to when I was 21 and actually left a restaurant in fear because 2 guys sent me over a drink, I'm an entirely different animal.

Needless to say - if I heard some of the things that horrified me 20 years ago, I'd probably stop my bike and say: "What the heck are you saying, chile? I could be your mother" and then laugh and ride away.

You get the last laugh - you have your DH, you are earning your confidence and look out world!

[ixtapacheryl]

I also resented the attention I got after I lost the weight. The only thing that changed with me was how I looked - I was still the same person inside. Why couldn't people see that when I was heavy?

I also have men waving at me from their cars when walking out of stores, talking to me when I am filling the car with gas, neighborhood men putting their hands on my shoulder when engaging in conversations, etc. Definitely a difference now than when I weighed 183#.

I do understand how you are feeling but as you said it is not a good reason to sabatog your WOE. We just have to figure out why we feel this way. I am sure the word I used "Resentment" is not the right one so maybe another poster could clarify why we are feeling this way....

[My_Sharona]

Sonya, wipe those tears, don’t look at sex as dirty especially with your DH who is probably very proud of you and loves you very much.

If it helps any, look at yourself as not getting sexy but how healthy you are getting. Healthy as in good physical shape, strong and well being.

Stay strong girl, you’re doing wonderful! KUTGW!

[Funshine]

I used to hate the attention I got when I was thinner... but I don't get the attention anymore and I actually miss it. Who would have thunk it? I can't wait to lose it... but I guess that might be weird? hehe. I recently left a relationship that was VERY STALE after I gained weight, so I will welcome any positive attention I get... but I'm not desperate for it, it's just nice to feel attractive, I guess. Definite confidence booster.

[shars]

I liked the attention I got when I was thinner! It was nice to be noticed and complimented. Maybe because I am closer to 50, than 40!

[sbarr]

Cheryl - I know what you mean about the resentment. We're definitely the same person as before - but, I'd also suggest, that for me, I do carry myself with more confidence, will look someone in the eye more than I did 60# ago. Society is superficial - strangers and those who know us treat us differently when we're thin. It's sad, but not anything we can get away from.

On the other hand, I don't think it's entirely weight. I have a g'friend who weighs 30# more than I do - definitely needs to lose and she gets a LOT more attention because of the way she carries herself - she loves herself and flaunts it. I admire that - I'm much more sedate and low key.

Sharon hit the nail on the head - it's about health! Do it for health - both physical and emotional.

[Funshine]

Sbarr - you're right society really is superficial. Just went out to lunch last week with an old friend that used to think I was really attractive and liked me. Since we went to lunch and he saw how big I've got... he no longer contacts me like he did before we went out to lunch. I'm no different personality-wise than I was 3 years ago (the last time I saw him)... only about 80 pounds heavier.

[ixtapacheryl]

Originally Posted by Funshine

Sbarr - you're right society really is superficial. Just went out to lunch last week with an old friend that used to think I was really attractive and liked me. Since we went to lunch and he saw how big I've got... he no longer contacts me like he did before we went out to lunch. I'm no different personality-wise than I was 3 years ago (the last time I saw him)... only about 80 pounds heavier.

Now that's sad because he's basing it all on the wrong reason! Just think how disappointed he is going to feel when you strut your stuff in front of him after you reach goal. You can just smile, wave and walk right on by I love it!

[sbarr]

Funshine, my dear - bugger him.

Nothing is sweeter than success - and when you're at goal and see him again and see his eyes widen....you decide. You may find that his attentions aren't so desireable anymore.

I'm going through something similar - I've recently endured a heartbreak and when I see him again, possibly in a month when he flies back to NY - I want to look HOT HOT HOT...

Anyways, Sonya, sorry for the threadjack. I think you get the picture - you're beautiful, have a DH that has the hots for you, you're gaining your health and we are all rooting for you!

[ixtapacheryl]

Sbarr: You are right about appearing more self-confident and the way a person carries themselves. I never had the problem looking someone in the eyes - I just could not face looking at myself in the mirror. I'd come out of the bathroom stall and avoid looking in the mirror while washing my hands.... Aren't we strange creatures I do feel differently now.

Hey at age 61 3/4 (tee hee) I guess I should stop complaining and enjoy it for the time being ...... and stop trying to analyze why I feel the way I do...

[sbarr]

Hey - I'd wave at you from the car if you came out of the grocery store in your new bod!!! *snicker*

[ixtapacheryl]

Now that really made me laugh! I was just thinking - OMG here it's New Years Eve and what are we doing - obsessing about our WOE and typing our fool heads off. What's wrong with this picture? Gosh in my 20's there was no way I'd be content laying on my couch in my bathrobe and typing on the computer at 9:36PM on New Years Eve. Oh yes - in the 60's there was no computers in people's homes

[Sleek]

Originally Posted by SEE3ga

Is there anyone out there afraid of getting thinner in fear of looking too good? I know that probably doesnt make sense but as I am losing weight my Dh is excited over my new body... kinda makes me feel dirty if you know what i mean.... I am probably the one one who feels like this but I don't want to stay fat beacuse i am afraid to look good..I really detested dirty old men when i was in my teens (cuz they were hitting on me) am I the only one???

What youre saying makes total sense to me.
Even though Ive lost most of my weight and at a normal enough size, I could lose 10-15 lbs and look my best.

In fact when I was stressed and busy last month my weight dipped down a lot. (its not way back from holidays)
And all of a sudden I got a ton of unwanted male attention.

Ive been lucky to never have been abused, molested or hurt by any guy, but
I hate leering and hate to feel like a piece of prey for male predators.
I may look my best thinner and shapely but I feel stronger with a little bit of weight on.

I know it sounds deranged doesnt it ?

[sbarr]

Sonya - hope our silly antics have made you smile and feel loved.... you're on the way down a great new path and you have lots of support!

[sbarr]

Sleek - not deranged at all. I felt very threatened when I was in my 20's and was newly thin and didn't know what to do with the attention. Maybe age has a lot to do with it.

You do have a point about feeling like prey, but I think we can also use our new bodies to feel STRONGER and more CONFIDENT and ready to take on the world. You should wear the body that makes you feel the most strong and confident! For me, I'd like to lose another 10#, but it's for me and to be able to wear some of the clothes from ages ago.

[Sharon1]

Sonya,

I know what you mean about feeling ashamed or guilty. But we shouldn't!While I am so proud of the new me now, and what's about to come, I worry about the attention. (I have never liked attention, even when I was thin!)

But...What's the most important, and I think our other friend Sharon said it , is HEALTH, and it doesn't hurt that our husbands are having a little bit of excitement. I'm sure that your hubby is like mine and feels bad when we get down on ourselves...My wonderful, wonderful husband gets so excited when he sees that I am making myself happier, and taking more pride in how I look (weight wise). And of course he is proud because I am looking better too! Being confident, and in this case losing weight is our current confidence, makes us more attractive and people, especially to our DH!

Good for you with your current success! You look beautiful!
Keep up the good work, and do this for you! Damn everyone else if you happen to be fabulous!

[Need2LoseNow]

Originally Posted by SEE3ga

Is there anyone out there afraid of getting thinner in fear of looking too good? I know that probably doesnt make sense but as I am losing weight my Dh is excited over my new body... kinda makes me feel dirty if you know what i mean.... I am probably the one one who feels like this but I don't want to stay fat beacuse i am afraid to look good..I really detested dirty old men when i was in my teens (cuz they were hitting on me) am I the only one???

no, youre definitely not. i dont want the extra attention either. its really scary to me.

[xfatchik]

Sometimes the extra attention is irritating. It is not fun being looked at as a piece of "meat". However, sometimes it can be flattering too.

[daisymaiz]

I agree with it being irritating and flattering at the same time.

As far as "dirty old men" go, I think the way we deal with that does change with age. I'm in my late 20's and feel much less fearful around that type of element than I did in my teens and early 20s. I don't think it has anything to do with my weight, because it's gone up and down several times. I think it has to do with me becoming more confident. Predators will prey first on those who appear to be naive, scared, and weak. So hold your head high, ignore the stares and nasty comments, and be proud of yourself!

[Georgia Boy]

Physical attraction and sex between man and wife is a God given beautifull gift.Do not let the action of the dirty define your concept of it.

[relentless]

Originally Posted by SEE3ga

Is there anyone out there afraid of getting thinner in fear of looking too good? I know that probably doesnt make sense but as I am losing weight my Dh is excited over my new body... kinda makes me feel dirty if you know what i mean.... I am probably the one one who feels like this but I don't want to stay fat beacuse i am afraid to look good..I really detested dirty old men when i was in my teens (cuz they were hitting on me) am I the only one???

I imagine your husband is showing his appreciation in this way. Take it as a compliment and lavish yourself with his sexual attention . You deserve it.

[theredhead]

I've enjoyed the attention my DH has lavashed on me. The better I feel about myself and my looks, the more I enjoy the attention from him. I read something that made a real impression on me not too long ago. This is a good way to think about sex. You should never be ashamed of your sexual feelings and your relationship with your husband. God isn't embarassed by sex. He made it and wants you to enjoy it.

[SEE3ga]

Originally Posted by sbarr

Sonya - hope our silly antics have made you smile and feel loved.... you're on the way down a great new path and you have lots of support!

I just want to thank you and everyone else for all your words of encouragement, maybe when i lose more weight I will feel more secure about my self image. I won't quit because i am getting healthy . and if losing weight is a side effect so be it!

[SkeeterN]

My sister has been heavy since she had her daughter at age 18. She is now 36 and has lost quite a bit of weight and losing. What I have noticed is she has more energy and is fixing herself up. Putting on make-up and buying cute clothes instead of hiding behind huge shirts and baggy pants. She smiles more too. Because of this she looks so much prettier. She still has more weight to lose but you don't notice this. It's her face that glows.

Be glad that your husband is enjoying you. There is nothing dirty about your DH desiring you. Enjoy it and stop thinking sex in marriage is dirty. The marriage bed is undefiled. Pursue him and put on something sexy and WOW you can have so much fun.

When I lost my weight I loved the attention I got from DH. But I must say it wasn't until after I got my dental makeover and suddenly could smile a real smile I was getting attention from other men that although flattered me didn't mean anything like it did when my DH said to my DD, "You have one sexy Mama"