New BF is sex fiend, makes me want food instead

[Sleek]

Hey all I have done really well maintaining my weight around 125-133 for a long time now.
Im curvy but fit and feel good.
A few months ago a guy whom Im dated long time ago came into my life.
We only dated briefly and he was very nice when we first dated/
I recently moved long distance bck to my hometown. He lives nearby.
After a couple dates we were parted do to travel for my work and his work.
We kept in touch long distance and his communications got more sexual in nature. Finally one night he asked if he could 'trust me' I said yes.
He then proceeded to explain how he would love to tie me up, hurt me a little, force/"pretend" rape me, perform @nal sex and make me his wh0re. And then he sent me pics of his privates. He then asked what I would think of being 'friends with benefits'.
I was so incredibly devastated , shocked and insulted that all I could tell him is Im not that kind of girl and that he should know that from whatve Ive told him (that Ive only slept with one man my long term ex bf of 5 years)
Anyway the shock of his behavior combined with news of two close relatives having major illnesses/accidents has sent me into a profound funk.
Im doing my best to be positive and strong but I cant believe how well my exFlame had me played.
He seemed to have everything Im looking for and I actually cared for him a lot. I have been overeating for last 3 weeks. Put on a good 8-9 lbs. Now my face looks very puffy and older.
Im trying to prep myself to get back on track though. I bought a new elliptical trainer (already started using it) and have siged up for 3 months worth of precooked low carb meals to be delivered to my door.
Im just wondering how I should react if/when I see this twisted exFlame in public. Ignore him ? He's also vindictive so I can just see him snickering and making fun of my sudden weight gain. I think Id want to kick his behind if that happened.

[sillykimmie]

Wow, definitely stay away from that....
But, be good to yourself. You deserve to be healthy, no one should be able to make you feel differently.
Be kind to yourself. Prayers for your friends and family.

[Butternut]

Good thing you found out about him BEFORE an further involvement. What kind of a husband/father would he make?

One that you could never trust.

[CarolynF]

Totally blatantly ignore him if you ever see him..Believe me, he will avoid you like the plague..especially if he thinks that you will totally embarrass him if he approaches you. What a sicko..

[JanMarie3]

I would put him on my permanent ignore list.

[peanutte]

The idea of consensual bondge/power exchange is nothing to be repulsed by, and I don't think it's fair to say he's a sicko on that basis. BUT, Sleek, you have no obligation to be "into" that, and judging from your response I don't think the idea turned you on. People are so freaking clumsy sometimes. Power exchange requires trust and trust must be earned! He was overdoing it by putting that out there so early. And the fantasy about using force and demeaning you is not something many people are comfortable with. Again, where's the trust for such a request? He's missing some serious social cues. Mailing you pictures of his privates is pretty intrusive, if you ask me.

I would cut off the relationship, period. There are vast resources available for the kind of sex play he wishes to pursue. He can find what he wants, but you need to take care of yourself in this vulnerable time. I'm sorry this happened to you, because it doesn't seem like anyhting you need in your life right now!

Don't let it throw you off track, though. Challenge yourself to sit quietly with any unpleasant or painful thoughts you are experiencing for five minutes. Set a timer and just wait it out for five minutes. Breathe deeply, go for a little walk around the block. Food never really helps in these situations. I know that when I stress-eat, I end up feeling worse about myself.

[walkthebeach]

He wanted "friends with benefits?" Well, what a creep. I don't blame you at all for being mad/hurt/shamed. At least he came right out and revealed his creepdom and you didn't get sucked into a relationship and then find out what he was about. Some women are so desperate for a boyfriend they'd overlook the abuse he wants to dish out. Good for you in recognizing "it" promptly. You'll be okay. Pick yourself up, dust yourself off, get on that elliptical and really work up a sweat. And forget about him, because he's not worth wasting any time anguishing over, at all.

[maggieb43]

Be glad you found out before you invested any more time or emotion. I personally try not to judge other people's sexual tastes or preferences, but the way he went about "inviting" you to this party was disrespectful and utterly classless, and since you don't share his "interests" anyway, good riddance. (I know it's hard when you think you've met someone terrific and he turns out to disappoint...but remind yourself he's not who you thought he was and you deserve much better.)

[peanutte]

Yeah, the fact that he talked about a "rape fantasy" and wanting to reduce you to a crumpled heap of a person whose various openings had been invaded was over the top, for me, and believe me, I am kinky and not easily disgusted. It's not something you spring on someone you don't know very well. My God, how clueless. I'm a lot more concerned with how you feel about this, Sleek. I can totally understand if it really freaked you out and still haunts you.

[Allan]

Dump him

[marieze]

This is about him, not you. Please don't feel "demoralized" by this creep. It says NOTHING about you other than you are probably a sweet and loving person he felt he could manipulate!

Marieze