I have a strange marriage

karenb · 11-26-2006, 11:49 PM

My husband make most of the decisions, not that his is physically or emotionally controlling. He's just very intelligent and usually correct about things. He grew up poor with a controling mother and now if he sees something he needs or wants he buys it. I've been on antidepressants from before I met him.

There has been a lot of things I want to do to the house or yard but he never agrees with it and just usually ignores it. I've been on disability for over 10 years now and it is much less than I used to make so we didn't have the extra money we used to. When his mother died he inherited all her estate and didn't share any of it with me, and legally didn't have too. But I think it's all gone except her house which is being rented out and I don't know what he does with that money. He deposits his payroll check and I pay all the bills from it so I know where all that money goes. He's not into sports, drinking, gambling and I know his time schedule and he doesn't have time for women.

My sister died recently and left me money that I can use to do things around the house that I've been wanting to do. I don't plan to share it with DH either. I've even considered divorce but I'm afraid of that. I wouldn't have any medical insurance. I could go on medicare but it wouldn't cause all my doctors and meds and I if I had to pay those myself I wouldn't be able to live alone.

So to night I just decided to screw him and do the things that I've wanted to do to the house all along. Things like storm windows, a glass door for the fireplace and other, basically money saying devices.I have allergies and asthma and dusting and vacuuming wrecks heck with my breathing. I want to hire someone to come in to dust and vacuum twice a week.

I need help to get and keep me on a diet and phyical workout system. Now I can hire someone to help me.

MY mom is doing fairly well finacially but with the markets going down and interest from my deceased step fathers investments is going down. Now I can put extra money in her account every month. Whether she uses it or not doesn't count it's there for her from me and my deceased sister.

Pamalee63 · 11-29-2006, 07:07 PM

I'm sorry because I have been in the same situation, feeling forced to stay.

angela233 · 12-07-2006, 11:32 PM

karen,

you sound really depressed - have you thought about seeing a doctor?

good luck

angela

Portia · 12-11-2006, 12:40 PM

Karen - how are you doing?

Fizgig · 12-11-2006, 01:41 PM

I wish I had seen this earlier.

Karen, I hope that things get better. I don't have any relationship advice - people are who they are and you can't really change anyone, it's just a question of whether you're happy living with him. Financially, though, I want you to be protected. You say he's not controlling, but it sounds like he kind of is. Is the house in both of your names, or his name only? If the house is in his name, I don't think it's a good idea to spend a lot of cash on the house. You might need that money to start your own life, and if the house is in his name it could be tricky to get your money back.

Wishing you the best.

Edit - I'm very, very sorry about your sister.

11-26-2006, 11:49 PM	#1
karenb Way too much time on my hands! Join Date: Jun 2002 Location: Texas Panhandle Between New Mexico and Oklahoma Posts: 13,559 Gallery: karenb	I have a strange marriage My husband make most of the decisions, not that his is physically or emotionally controlling. He's just very intelligent and usually correct about things. He grew up poor with a controling mother and now if he sees something he needs or wants he buys it. I've been on antidepressants from before I met him. There has been a lot of things I want to do to the house or yard but he never agrees with it and just usually ignores it. I've been on disability for over 10 years now and it is much less than I used to make so we didn't have the extra money we used to. When his mother died he inherited all her estate and didn't share any of it with me, and legally didn't have too. But I think it's all gone except her house which is being rented out and I don't know what he does with that money. He deposits his payroll check and I pay all the bills from it so I know where all that money goes. He's not into sports, drinking, gambling and I know his time schedule and he doesn't have time for women. My sister died recently and left me money that I can use to do things around the house that I've been wanting to do. I don't plan to share it with DH either. I've even considered divorce but I'm afraid of that. I wouldn't have any medical insurance. I could go on medicare but it wouldn't cause all my doctors and meds and I if I had to pay those myself I wouldn't be able to live alone. So to night I just decided to screw him and do the things that I've wanted to do to the house all along. Things like storm windows, a glass door for the fireplace and other, basically money saying devices.I have allergies and asthma and dusting and vacuuming wrecks heck with my breathing. I want to hire someone to come in to dust and vacuum twice a week. I need help to get and keep me on a diet and phyical workout system. Now I can hire someone to help me. MY mom is doing fairly well finacially but with the markets going down and interest from my deceased step fathers investments is going down. Now I can put extra money in her account every month. Whether she uses it or not doesn't count it's there for her from me and my deceased sister.

12-11-2006, 01:41 PM	#5
Fizgig Blabbermouth!!! Join Date: Sep 2003 Location: Space City Posts: 5,770 Gallery: Fizgig Stats: 5'7", usually 135-140 WOE: Moderation Start Date: It's just life	I wish I had seen this earlier. Karen, I hope that things get better. I don't have any relationship advice - people are who they are and you can't really change anyone, it's just a question of whether you're happy living with him. Financially, though, I want you to be protected. You say he's not controlling, but it sounds like he kind of is. Is the house in both of your names, or his name only? If the house is in his name, I don't think it's a good idea to spend a lot of cash on the house. You might need that money to start your own life, and if the house is in his name it could be tricky to get your money back. Wishing you the best. Edit - I'm very, very sorry about your sister. __________________ Cleverly disguised as a responsible adult

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11-29-2006, 07:07 PM	#2
Pamalee63 Very Gabby LCF Member!!! Join Date: Dec 2004 Location: Lubbock, TX Posts: 4,735 Gallery: Pamalee63 Stats: 246.5/240.8/175 (highest 260 in 1999) WOE: Atkins Start Date: 11/15/2008	I'm sorry because I have been in the same situation, feeling forced to stay.

12-07-2006, 11:32 PM	#3
angela233 MAJOR LCF POSTER! Join Date: Feb 2004 Location: SF bay area Posts: 2,136 Gallery: angela233 Stats: 142 5' tall WOE: atkins	karen, you sound really depressed - have you thought about seeing a doctor? good luck angela

12-11-2006, 12:40 PM	#4
Portia MAJOR LCF POSTER! Join Date: Mar 2005 Location: NYC Posts: 1,567 Gallery: Portia Stats: 228/204.5/160 WOE: Atkins/whole foods Start Date: 7/15/08	Karen - how are you doing?