if you gained alot of lbs or binged in teens...

[hani]

what did your parents/siblings do or say that was helpful? hurtful? what do you wish they had done?

[luckylychee]

I wish my parents had knowledge of low carbing. My family would tell me I needed to lose weight, but would feed me awful high carb high fat foods. I was also kept indoors when I should have been let out to play and exercise.

I don't blame them though, they did what they thought was best for me. I'm glad to know what I know now, so that my daughter won't have to go through what I did.

[Maid of Erin]

I can tell you what was NOT helpful. Calling me chubby, fatso, porky, saying "a moment on the lips, lifetime on the hips" everytime I was eating something. Telling me I would always be fat because it's genetic.

Ignoring a child's weight problem, or hoping he/she will grow out of it, but meanwhile supplying them with a mountain of junk food and refined carbs.

Having my dinner in front of the TV almost every night.

Not allowing them to join any sports because you don't feel like driving them to practice.

Not allowing them to go to weight watchers because they don't feel like driving and it 'won't work anyway'.

[Swifty1014]

I wish my whole family was healthier in general. Instead we made eating an event all the time. Some of us have taken control of our weight, others have not. Wish I had been forced into more activities in school.

[Cathlena]

Grandparents: "You're fat, you need to lose weight"
Uncle: Would grab me/sister and say "Pinch an Inch, maybe 2"

My Mother was in a deep depression after my fathers death (I was 2)and both of her parents soon after that (within 3 years). My sister and I grew up using food for comfort...My mother would get on a cooking streak or knew she needed to teach us healthier ways of eating..but it wouldn't last very long or be very consistant...We ate out a lot...

When I was around 13 my Mother went on an all liquid diet (in the 80's) and lost a lot of weight. Gained it all back plus a lot more. It didn't help me or my sister mentally as far as how to lose weight or that you could keep it off after losing it.


Having more support for our family while growing up would have been nice. Counseling too!! I think it could have made a HUGE difference...

[BZ130]

This is a good thread. My brother teased me about being fat my entire life, it hurt. I don't resent him for it really I love him. I do have huge self esteem issues resulting from it though. I have always settled for things especially relationship wise because I thought I was lucky to have what I did because no one else would want me. My first husband was a real prize!! I guess that is why he is my first husband!! My self esteem has definately improved as I have aged, become a mother, and and been in a nurturing loving relationship for the last 8 years or so. When I think of the past is when I truly count my blessings for today. My motto has always been "what doesn't kill us makes us stronger!!" I probably will always be that fat little girl inside because I don't know how to get her out.

[shopafrolic]

Originally Posted by Maid of Erin

I can tell you what was NOT helpful. Calling me chubby, fatso, porky, saying "a moment on the lips, lifetime on the hips" everytime I was eating something. Telling me I would always be fat because it's genetic.

Ignoring a child's weight problem, or hoping he/she will grow out of it, but meanwhile supplying them with a mountain of junk food and refined carbs.

Having my dinner in front of the TV almost every night.

Not allowing them to join any sports because you don't feel like driving them to practice.

Not allowing them to go to weight watchers because they don't feel like driving and it 'won't work anyway'.

i second this... my parents put me on a diet when i was very young and i ended up Anorexic, even hospitalised.

Unfortunately my relationship suffers with them deeply because of this, I have forgiven them but i am still a little resentful, i missed out on a LOT of years because i was counting grapes and rice crispies, living on broth and not having the strength emotionally or physically to do much.

I've spent a lot of my live moving further and further away from them... so its come round and bit them in the ass.

to top it off, my dad is now in seirous poop with his blood pressure, partly due to the amount he weighs
My Mother however is naturally skinny, not because of her genes, because she never binges, always eats decent meals and just has self controll built into her, she doesnt even think about it.

[exactly150]

My mother and grandparents would say "you'd be pretty, you know, if you weren't so fat". thanks, as they say that out of their own 250lb mouths.
Then, after my mother would say stuff like that, she would do her weekly Saturday eating. She would hit every fast food place, chinese place, hero joint she could fit into the day and eat and eat and eat and eat and take me along for the ride.

[hani]

i guess many of us have had some rough moments. thanks all for sharing.

but what can we do with our own kids when they are bingeing, overeating, hiding food, etc. all the stuff many of us did. it is hard to watch a kid do damaging stuff. can we stop him, should we? or just love him?

and can we insisit our teens get more exercise? i always wonder at what point i, as a mother, could make a differnece. would i have listened if someone insisted i take a walk?

when i was taking frozen bread out of the freezer at age 7, and eating it frozen, i am not sure how i would have acted if someone had taken that away. i think i really needed it. maybe if someone had ignored that and later said let's talk a walk or play a game, taht would have created a good environment, maybe for long-term health. but i think if someone had messed with my bread "fix", well, i would not have been responsible for my actions. (my brother once ate the last ice pop and i hit him so hard--i was 6, he 16--i had to get my fist x-rayed).

[telemetrynurse]

My parents lacked an understanding of what the foods they ate and fed me and my brother was doing to our bodies. They were both very obese and both died WAY too young from cardiovascular disease (Dad in 40's , Mom in 50's)

Nothing was EVER mentioned about my weight by my family because my entire family was obese. It was "normal" for us, unfortunately.

I wish, with all of my heart, that they had been aware of the repercussions of our unhealthy diet. I really don't think that there was as much health/dietary information available then (in late 70's, 80's) as what there is now.

[that1redhead]

I don't think it is right to NOT say anything to our children about being overweight and just letting them eat whatever. However, it is a fine line. My son lost 35 lbs doing low carb but has become less disciplined lately and has gained back 12 of it. It is hard and it is impossible to know if you are doing damage to them by whatever action you take. It truely depends on the child I think

[maybell]

I binged in private as a kid.
My dad would ask me how I was gaining weight when I didn't eat but I was too embarrassed to tell him.
I knew I needed help but I didn't know how to stop.
I would get my kid into therapy if they were bingeing because it's a very sad way to comfort yourself and it's a very temporary fix.
Bingeing can mean you're probably out of balance emotionally and trying to get some sort of relief.
this was true for me and I wish an adult could have helped me with this when I was a teenager.

[BZ130]

We do alot of family exercising and outings like hiking biking and swimming. I think it has helped us all. My DD is overweight just as I was at her age I don't understand why because she is very active plays every sport available and doesn't eat badly she could clean it up and eat smaller portions but when I talk to her about it she gets her feelings hurt and I hate making her feel that way I am at a loss of what to do!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I so much want for her to be thin because from experience life is easier if you are Just my opinion. I want better and easier for her than I had!!!

[daisymaiz]

1. I wish my mother wouldn't have made weight such an issue when I was growing up. She was a few pounds overweight, not obese by any means, but constantly on whatever diet was new and popular. Always complaining about how fat she was. Then, when I got to be about 11-12 and started "developing" she would continually comment, to everyone, on how I inherited her big behind, hips, and thighs, how unlucky that was for me, comparing me to my stick-figure sister, etc. After years of hearing her complain about how fat she was, to hear that my body was just like hers made me feel disgusting, especially at an age when I was awkward and insecure already.

2. I agree with the poster who said that it should be treated as an emotional problem. My mom treated it as a behavioral problem. She caught me bingeing and purging when I was 12 or 13-she yelled at me, told me to never do it again, and that was that. Needless to say I continued to do it. For some reason she also didn't understand how embarassing it was and would bring the subject up in front of other people. For example, one time a bag of donuts was missing (I had taken it and lied about it). She decided that the best time to confront me about this was in front of several of her friends from church. She just said "I know what happened to those donuts, I found the bag in your room," and then they all laughed because apparently it was funny. I didn't think it was.

So basically I don't recommend commenting on your child's body at all unless they bring it up. If they are bigger than all their friends, they already know it and don't need you to point it out. If they trust you enough they will come to you for help. If you do need to talk with them about this issue, for heaven's sake do it in private. Even if you aren't sure that there is a problem, don't assume that it's a funny subject to joke about or something to visit about with your friends. It's embarassing and very personal, especially for a teenager. And, again, it is not a behavioral issue. There is usually something else going on. I have not personally been through therapy so I can't vouch for it's effectiveness, but it will be my first step if I ever find out my daughter has any of these behaviors.

Sorry for going on and on but this subject touches a nerve with me!!

[budilove]

Get kids into sports..its one of the best things that could ever happen to them. My uncle got his kids into sports from the time they hit 5yrs. Soccer and lacross late spring into early fall, hockey for the winter and swimming too. They are so active....the youngest 5yrs loves soccer...and he is now started hockey and is doing pretty well, Like last saturday he had a soccer game in the morning and a hockey game late afternoon....and still had lots of energy after that. The older kid...11yrs had 2 hockey games both saturday and sunday...lots of energy.
They go for practice nearly everyday....and i think they do thier own version of lowcarb..thier best breakfast is pancakes made out of Tofu, eggs, flax seed,sugar free pumkin mix/verylittle pancake mix with some milk.
Then there is the psychology part of binging....therapy is needed here.

[hani]

how would you define bingeing? is it eating a bag of popcorn quickly?

any suggestions for getting teens to be more active?

anyone interested in some sort of challenge regarding helping our families get fitter? helping with the food side as well as exercise and emotional sides?

the family of the fittest?

[daisymaiz]

Originally Posted by hani

how would you define bingeing? is it eating a bag of popcorn quickly?

I guess it depends on the person and what they would consider a "binge," but I would consider that just a bad choice/overeating more than a binge.

The DSM-IV defines binge eating as (1) eating, in a discrete period of time, an amount of food that is definitely larger than most people would eat during a similar period of time and under similar circumstances (2) a sense of lack of control over eating during the episode (eg a feeling that one cannot stop eating or control what or how much one is eating)
That's what it is to me-it's like once you start you just compulsively eat one bad thing after another and can't think, so you don't stop you just keep doing it even though there is no reason for it and you don't understand why you are doing it.

[daisymaiz]

Also, getting kids active and educating them about nutrition is perfect if the problem is that they are making bad choices or overeating. But, if they are truly bingeing, then there is probably something psychological going on and they may need more than that.

[basketbalhotty22]

hani- just so i know, why are you asking about teens and binging? did that happen to you?

i am a teenager (17yrs old) and i binge all the time ...and it is horrible

bingeing is NOTT eating a bag of popcorn really quicky

two things i have for you
1. go to good and type in Bingeing ..or Bingeing Eating Disorder (<-- is IS a disorder)
2. I started a thread a month or so ago about bingeing..i'll give you the link ...please try to read all of it...it gives a lot of information and advice about bingeing..

[basketbalhotty22]

Who here is a binge eater?

please go to that..tons of information

[basketbalhotty22]

hani--okay, coming from a teenager, this is what i have to say..
as a mom..seriously BE INVOLVED..it really makes me angry when my parents ARE involved, at that particular moment, but if they werent involved with my eating/bingeing problems, i'd feel that they didn't care...

the only thing, is , dont be too nagging...don control too much..
how old is this teenager of yours? and is it a boy or a girl?

i say, make sure you let him/her know that you are there for them ..to help support them but that they really need to start exercising and eating healthier. say you'll do it as a family....and if you do this, trust me on this part, your son/daughter will go through MANYYY emotional rides (ups and downs)...like, days that i eat bad and what not..i get really crabby and really mean towards my mom..i take out my anger on her...so just be prepared for him/her to be on an emotional roller coaster while going through this

also...if you can afford it, buy a family membership to the gym..and start out with going at LEASTTT 3 times a week..together...don't be by his/her side 24/7 because trust me, it'll get annoying real fast...

when i say dont be too nagging, its because, if you DO nag TOO much..your intentions of helping your son/daughter may backfire on you..when i was a bit younger, my mom would try very hard to help me with eating, but i'd get so mad at her for it, that i'd just eat more...

i hope this helps

[hani]

thank you all.

i am writing with my teen aged daughter in mind. i guess the popcorn wasn't a binge, but she ate it quite quickly and determined, if you know what i mean. i am sure part of the whole issue is that she has gained weight recently (after 2 successful yrs of LC, then one of adding too much stuff so now gaining lbs). i am nervous for her, and me too if you know what i mean.

thank you all who wrote. i appreciate your answers!
hani

[pointboy]

I ate out of sadness, frustration, maybe even revenge. It's funny, but I feel that things that happened to us in our childhood/teens/young adult life really has a profound affect on us in our aduult years.

I was a very overweight child and teen. I dont know how much I weighed, but I was 15 and wore a mens 44 pants. It's so sad, but in Jr. High school (late 70s), people would actually ask me iif I was a boy or girl.

My parents divorced when I was 14, and my mother was the one to move out. My date dated often and his girlfriends were always nice. This one girlfriend of his invited me to go with her to weight watchers (must have been 1979 or 80). My dad HATED that I was fat and each night when we'd come back, he'd say "so, was it a gain or a loss?". I dont know, i still look back on that weekly comment and realize how hurtful that was. Maybe I stayed fat out of revenge or to spite him. I certainly ate though. Lost it all when I went away to college, then in the mid 90's started gaining weight progressively due to an anxiety condition till I ballooned up to over 320 pounds.

I do look back at my childhood, teen years and wish he'd been more supportive. Honestly, dad's were not like dads of the 2000's, he probably did the best that he could.

[daisymaiz]

If your daughter ate the popcorn in front of you, then it wasn't a binge. Binging is usually done in secret. Some behaviors you might want to watch for:

large amounts of food (especially junk food) are missing from your kitchen and there is no explanation for where they have gone

if your daughter seems secretive or defensive about what she is or isn't eating

if she seems embarassed about eating in front of you or other people, or you never see her eat yet she still gains weight

if the first thing she does whenever she's alone in the house is eat-this would be kind of hard for you to monitor, but when I was a teenager and a binger, whenever my parents would leave the house I would head straight for the kitchen, especially if I knew they weren't coming home soon and I wouldn't be caught

That's all I can think of right now, hth.

[basketbalhotty22]

i agree with daisymaiz...when i binge, i do it when no one is by me...because who really wants to eat all that much food in front of someone??

so i do it all by myself

[NoMoSugar4Me]

I have been a binge eater since I was in elementary school. I only remember one comment really. I started with eating more than one PB & J at a time, then more than one dessert, than more than one plate. My mom said once that I would be as big as a house if I ate that way. Being that I was not even 10 yet, I shrugged it off. That was the only thing that I remember. My binges progressed and so did my weight. I am now 28 years old.

I was teased to no end in every school I went to that I was afraid to go to school. I had crowds of kids follow me around, I was not only thunder thighs, but the blob, fatso, grimus from McDonalds... had soda pop tossed on me, people follow me around and make sounds, broke the swing my first day at a week long school camp (at around 220lbs) and tried to hide out in the cabin the rest of the week...etc... Guys? Forget about it, I went to every school dance alone and then refused to go to Prom at all because it would have been the most important dance, and again, I would have been alone... There are more experiences, but I only mention them to say... I wish the teaching style of my family was not "learn by experiencing your mistakes". In not only weightloss, but my finances, I was given free range to do whatever and no advice or idea consequences of what could help me if I was irresponsible and did not take care of either. Sure, we have to learn from our mistakes, but that lack of example, I feel added a lot of pain. Growing up was so painful and I was emotionally beat up everyday, then I learned to emotionally beat myself up and use food to punish myself with and ended up at my 335 high.

I still struggle with binge eating sometimes. I wish I would have had positive ideas drilled into me by a healthy example, eat right etc... I did exercise though, just I could not handle the carbs... it was not lack of exercise until after I had my daughter. I was in T-ball, Track, Basketball, Swim Team and Volleyball growing up...

My daughter is almost 7. I will not let her learn solely by this style... she sees me and knows why mommy does not eat sugar (If I slip, it is not in front of her), I tell her what is healthy and not healthy to eat. She sees me do my exercise tapes, she comes with me to the gym and goes to childcare, she knows mommy does little 5k -8k races and wants to do a marathon next year; and she is in both swim lessons and Capoeira. I will not let her go through emotionally what I did...Period!