First and Last Date .. Fuming!!

[Xcali]

Need to vent a bit ... at first I wasn't going to post anything, but I just can't shake my mood and maybe venting will help

I met a guy a few weeks ago at a friend's party. He asked me out and I said "sure, why not". Now .. he's a bigger guy, probably about 50 - 75 lbs. overweight, but that's ok with me. He seemed really nice and we had a lot to talk about at the party.

Tonight was our first date, so as most people do, we went out to dinner.

We went to a really nice steakhouse. Had a few drinks at the bar, all's going well. We get seated and start looking at the menu.

Here's where the aggravation begins. First, of course there's bread on the table, which I don't eat. He butters a piece for himself and offers me some, I say no thanks. He says "you don't know what your missing, they made all the bread fresh here". I still say I'll pass but thanks. When we order, I ask the waiter if I could sub asparagus instead of potato, waiter says no problem. My date asks about the sub thing. I tell him I don't eat certain foods. He says in a half joking way "you're not like Sally in "When Harry Met Sally" are you? Always changing the way the food is served?" I say no, but there are just some things I don't eat.

He of course asks why. He says "you're so skinny, you could probably eat anything you wanted". I tell him I wasn't always thin, that I have to watch it. He gets into this "oh come on, one piece of bread, one potato, isn't gonna kill you". I tell him, I understand that, but its just a personal choice, I found a way to eat that I like and that works for me.

So he starts asking about what I do eat, why, etc. etc. etc. Now, I'm not the preacher type. I never, never tell a heavy person they should eat better or try Atkins or anything of the sort. I hated when people did that to me in my heavier days. However, if asked, I will share my WOL.

Anyway, he goes into this thing about how I might be a little too obsessive about it, how I lost the the weight so now I should just relax and enjoy the "no-no" foods. I try to explain that's not how I work, and I really don't miss those foods, really, I don't. He just doesn't get it, and keeps pressing me about my choices, as if they are silly and vain.

I finally say "Look, I'm not bugging you about what you're eating, so why are you so critical about what I'm eating, is there a problem?" He says he's just tired of dating women who are "all vain and so into themselves". I tell him I don't think someone who wants to eat healthy is being vain, or obsessive. Anyway, he disagrees and goes on and on about society and too much emphasis on looks and weight, and how women feed into all of it.

By now I'm extremely annoyed and NOT enjoying the evening. I feel like I'm the defensive of my choices and its really pissing me off. Finally I say "Look, this isn't working for me, I'm not used to being cross examined on a date, so lets just call it a night" I open my wallet, pull some money out and put it on the table, at this point, I don't need or want him to pay for my dinner.

He has the nerve to say "Oh, sensitive are we? .. Maybe you're just resentful because I'm eating stuff you really want but are too shallow to admit"

Oh .. grrrrr .. that's was it!! I'm not a mean person, really, but sometimes my mouth works before my brain ... I said "Perhaps you should look in the mirror sometime, a little of my shallowness and vanity might look better on you than those size 46 pants I'm figuring your wearing" He just looked stunned. I felt really bad for saying that, but I was just so mad

I hated when people made comments about my size when I was heavy, and here I did just what I hated. Now I'm just sitting here, torn between still being pissed off, and feeling like a poop cause of what I said.

Ugh Anyway, thanks for listening, sorry so long.

[anneefreez]

YOU GO GIRL!!!. I would have done the same thing.

[My_Sharona]

OMG, some people sure have nerve! What an A-H!

[RITA04]

Don't feel upset in anyway for what you said.. enough is enough and he has no sense, he should appericiate a female that eats healthy and wants too look good.. and don't be mad for what he said to you either... because he isn't worth renting space in you mind... just relax and forget you met the biggo dummy!!

[Jewelthief]

Good grief, sounds like it was him having a problem with weight issues, not you. What a rotten way to spend an evening. Yeah, maybe you mouthed off finally, but seriously? It doesn't sound like it was wholely undeserved. Try not to be so hard on yourself.

Sometimes we get mad at people when they seem to hold a mirror up to our faces, and we don't like what we see there... (meaning his attitude, not yours!)

Karyn

[Crohnie]

How did you get home? damn, some people just do not get it.

Thank god I am not dating anymore

[Xcali]

Originally Posted by Crohnie

How did you get home? damn, some people just do not get it.

Thank god I am not dating anymore

I make it a rule to always meet a date wherever we're going until I really get to know him. I feel trapped without my own means of transportation. Plus, I kinda have a rule about men in my house that I don't know well..this way I don't have to invite them in when they pick me up or drop me off.

I'm getting over it, dating stinks. I would've had more fun staying home and watching some of the shows I've saved on Tivo and haven't had a chance to watch yet.

I don't date very often, tonight reminds of exactly why

[Swissmom]

I think alot (certainly not all) men are hypocritical (and I love men!) But did you notice how he did not ask out a woman who was 50-75 lbs. overweight?? He asked you out - the "skinny/vain" woman. There are alot of me (again-not all) who will say, "I love a woman who is all natural" then when a Pam Anderson look alike enters the room, he can't keep his eyes off of her.

[greta_viktoria]

Originally Posted by Xcali

He says "you're so skinny, you could probably eat anything you wanted". I tell him I wasn't always thin, that I have to watch it. He gets into this "oh come on, one piece of bread, one potato, isn't gonna kill you". I tell him, I understand that, but its just a personal choice, I found a way to eat that I like and that works for me.

So he starts asking about what I do eat, why, etc. etc. etc. Now, I'm not the preacher type. I never, never tell a heavy person they should eat better or try Atkins or anything of the sort. I hated when people did that to me in my heavier days. However, if asked, I will share my WOL.

Anyway, he goes into this thing about how I might be a little too obsessive about it, how I lost the the weight so now I should just relax and enjoy the "no-no" foods. I try to explain that's not how I work, and I really don't miss those foods, really, I don't. He just doesn't get it, and keeps pressing me about my choices, as if they are silly and vain.

I can relate to this.
Part of my job is to dine with the clients, so recently I have got so tired of explanations why and what and how ... I started telling that I’m allergic to certain kind of food.

[Valentine Baby]

Good for you! You did the right thing! So you made a comment. Big deal! He deserved it!

Sounds like you're not his type anyway. He's looking for a woman who doesn't care about her health so that way she won't nag him about his bad eating habits.

[Peskie]

Good for you on your comments and love the "This isn't working" and laying the money down (I understand your being upset over the final comment you made, but try not to let it get to you.....he kept provoking you and we all snap eventually )

Sorry you didn't have fun though!!

[emel]

It really wasn't even a food issue, it was a control issue.
The date had an impression of what you "should" do about something. In your case, it was food choices, but it could have easily been where you work, how often you drink alcohol, spending habits, etc.

The point is, he had ideas on how you should choose for yourself and he wanted to force his ideas on you instead of being willing to accept your choices for yourself.

Fight or flight? In this case, I'm pleased that you did a little of both.

[BuckeyeLori]

Way to go! He obviously has his own issues, and wanted to use them to control you. If he'd asked once - or maybe even a couple more times - and you'd snapped, you could feel guilty. But after this much badgering, I think you did EXACTLY the right thing. Enough is enough . . . you do not need or deserve that kind of abuse, and that's exactly what it was! You are my hero of the day!

[ixtapacheryl]

Good for you! I would have done the same thing.

Who knows, maybe your comments will do him some good. You might meet him again in a year or so and he'll thank you for that evening and he will turn out looking like Richard Gere.....

You never know! Stranger things have happened.

[luckylychee]

woooo so then what happened! did you storm out? finish the story!!!

[London]

Good for you!

[GetFitMom]

He dislikes being overweight but doesn't want to change his eating habits. He longs to be with thinner person but would sabatoge their eating in order for his own misery to have company.

Not worth it. I don't blame you for what you said. He came off rude and needed a reality check.

[nonstickpam107]

Well, I guess he was just lining up a future SO to hold his hand after the first big heart attack. Should have told YOU he was 'interviewing'. Good for you. Sorry it didn't go well. And hopeful wishes that you meet a 'date' who is compatible with you in the future.

Pam

[MsTrust]

You did the right thing! Good for you for not taking his crap any longer!

[elyseelyse]

When I was first starting LC, part of me was doing it to look good in bridesmaid dress. People kept saying, oh, she will eat "normal" after the wedding. I mean who eats only the steak off the plate and leaves a perfectly good portion of cheddar garlic mashed potatoes behind? I did and still do. Its ok . . . be sensitive all you want, your body, your choice and your decision. Period. Why must people make remarks about leaving something? I just say I do not like it, and that is that. Do not feel bad, you did not start up with this person, you just finished it. Being "taunted" with food (you very well do not want) is just mean.

[Tylar_Connar]

Good grief. he wouldnt leave well enough alone. Dont feel bad. You were nice til he wouldnt SHUT UP already. Really, on a first date this is how he acts....imagine a 2 or 3...NO THANKS!! YOU GO GIRL!!

[AllieCat0817]

Originally Posted by Xcali

I said "Perhaps you should look in the mirror sometime, a little of my shallowness and vanity might look better on you than those size 46 pants I'm figuring your wearing" He just looked stunned. I felt really bad for saying that, but I was just so mad
.

Dude was BEGGIN to get told. You did nicely. Don't feel bad, he asked for it.

[JuliaL]

Wow! I am totally in awe of how you handled yourself. If you ask me he deserved what you said to him and then some. I can never think of those snappy comebacks at the time, but always think later about what I wish I'd said.

Obviously he's the one with the problem, not you.

[AllieCat0817]

Yeah my mouth woulda put out MUCH MORE than what you said. Cuz I am evil when it hits me, ESP when an overweight person is hounding me about what I eat and my weight. Oh no sir. You were SUPER nice.

[silentkate]

Good for you! It sounds like you handled the situation well.

[CaroleKI61]

You did the right thing, I'm so proud of you. That kind of man would drag you down if you had let him. What a smart girl you are! love Carole

[ixtapacheryl]

You should have asked him if he has enough life insurance and who is he leaving the proceeds to (when he dies early caused by his unhealthy eating, lifestyle). That would have shut him up..... OMG what a jerk!

[AllieCat0817]

Yeah everytime I see a new post on this thread I get even more PIZZED.