I am so hurt and I am hating right now.

[beeb]

Well, after 22 years of marriage I finally realize that it's over and that it has been so totally emotionally abusive that my head is whirling!! It was like someone threw a glass of ice water in my face the other day and made me realize how my husband has ALWAYS emotionally abused me, even from the beginning of dating him. I hate him right now for doing what his father did to his mother to me, and for me allowing him to do it The stories are too many and too long to get into, but I am leaving my marriage as soon as I can. I am just so sad that this has happened and that at 49 I have to begin to live a different life than the one I have known for 24 tears. Oops, years!! Wow that sentence was an eye openner. I am looking at this as a new beginning, though and know with the help of my angels I will come out on top and whole again.

Anyway, just wanted to vent and say I could use your prays right now to do the right thing for me and my kids.

Thank you,
Beeb (Linda)

[KarbieGrl]

[Denise85]

I'm so sorry Linda. I wish you the best.

[Princess Di]

[indogia]

I am so sorry ((hugs)),please know that we care of how you feel,I hold you within my heart.

you can handle it
have no fear

[ira500]

Stay strong Linda...You'll get through this, and you won't always feel this much hate. I got over mine falling apart 20+ years ago (okay, so I still feel a little hatred), but we NJ kids (hightstown grad 1975) are a tough lot. Good luck.

[lalabella]

Linda! i have been thinking about you. I'm so sorry you have to go through this.

I know it hurts now... but you will get through this... You deserve to be happy and never abused again.

[walkthebeach]

I am sorry you're facing this, Linda, but you will be better off in the long run. Heck, you're not fifty yet, girl! You're still a youngster.... Do lots of things for yourself and to stay supported, too. Post here, we'll listen to ya!

[gettingstrength]

[mrsislandqt]

Please take care of yourself.

[mmmommmy]

Oh, Linda, my heart goes out to you. I'm going through the same thing, except he filed prior to our 22nd anniversary and told me on our 22nd anniversary. I wish I could tell you that I am getting better but I can't, but I can tell you that you and I will both be okay. You will be in my thoughts and prayers.

[sunset]

I am sorry you are going through this. Just be glad you are physically able to leave. My girlfriend is so disabled she cannot leave him. There is no way financially that she can make it on her own, with her medical problems.

[BuckeyeLori]

There are some great books out there about recovering from emotionally abusive relationships. You're not alone in having to deal with this. Will keep you in my thoughts; take care of yourself through this.

[JanMarie3]

Your only 49.......you have a long, wonderful life ahead of you, I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers Linda

[CarolynF]

Linda: I was so sorry to hear this news. He's not willing to go to counseling??
My prayers are with you, my dear..

[idioglossic]

Linda

I am so sorry. That said... better now than in 10 years...

Life is Good and you will be fine.... I am 56 and have been thru my share.. and what I love about my life is that I always survive and keep on keeping on... finding strength moment by moment praying for wisdom and grace and mercy in my time of trouble.. from God..

You will get thru this... it is not cancer.... yes it hurts like nothing else has... I too have been thru divorice... abuse and adultry..cronic.. and then watching and helping take care of my X with a brain tumor then cancer ....
he passed I hope to heaven in '03.... never would have drempt.... but then as you sow, so shall you reap!!!! seeing it in living color was not fun... it was so sad cuz I loved him... with pure love... and there is nothing wrong with that..

God says vengence is mine... I shall repay...

Linda... get out of the way...

and again

[angela233]

Linda,

I am going thru the exact same thing right now. My husband of 16 years and I are divorcing right now and I'm 42 years old - so very similar to your situation. I am also realizing how emotionally abusive he has been to me this entire time. would love to "talk" more

angela

[gadgetsgirl]

Same thing happened to me after 21 years of marriage, 3 kids,etc.etc.etc, however, divorcing me was the best thing he ever did! He refused to pay alimony and I was in no emotional state to argue, he said I didn't deserve it, after 21 years????? bs He was an abusive alcoholic and very controlling. My kids got 1 pr of shoes a year, etc. Christmas would come and I'd get a card with an IOU in it, never got to cash them in though. Yet I still loved him, actually I was hopelessly dependant upon him. I had only a high school education and there was no way for me to support myself and 3 kids. Anyway, we split, 5 years later after quite a bit of daitng (my kids coaxed me into that) I met and re-married a wonderful man. He has allowed me to go back to school and get my A.A. degree and I am currently working on my B.S.
It was hard, and heartbreaking BUT... I did get through it and you will too. You are a wonderful, strong caring, loving woman and YOU DESERVE BETTER. Let him eat crow.

YOU GO GIRL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[DENMW]

Linda,
sending up a prayer for you right now.

[Queeny]

Beeb I'm so sorry this is happening to you. This may end being a blessing disquise. My divorce was for me. I wish you the best and the strength to go through this.

hugs,
Queeny aka Vodoo Queeny

[beeb]

Thank all of you for keeping me in your prays and thoughts. Things are working out amazingly well for me right now. He has excepted that it is over and is trying to be very nice, but I'm not that stupid, but it does make life a little easier than fighting for myself EVERYDAY! I have moved into our daughters old bedroom and for the first time in years I am getting more than 5 hours of sleep. I sleep so well now, it is just incredible! We have decided to live this way until our son graduates next year, or until one of us can't stand it anymore. We don't do things as partners anymore, but on our own and I have so many wonderful friends to hang with here and at home that I'm doing great. He still tries to push those buttons, but I don't hate him anymore so it doesn't bother me anymore. I have no emotion toward him and it feels wonderful.

Taking it day by day and thanking God and the universe for the help and guiding hand they are giving me.

Love to you all,
Linda

[idioglossic]

Linda.... sounds like a plan to me... wonderful you are moving on..

this too shall pass...

[Edin]

hi linda, i am so sorry for all you have experienced. i have been thru the same things, so pls know i will be praying for you. that is why i gained the weight. i am still trying to heal from it all. if you need the names of some great secular and/or christian books on abuse, let me know. also, i can recommend a great site i visit, that has been my God-send. it has been a place of healing and education for me. take good care, and pls know that God made you to be cherished, and not abused. God bless

[MOMofMICKEY]

Originally Posted by beeb

Thank all of you for keeping me in your prays and thoughts. Things are working out amazingly well for me right now. He has excepted that it is over and is trying to be very nice, but I'm not that stupid, but it does make life a little easier than fighting for myself EVERYDAY! I have moved into our daughters old bedroom and for the first time in years I am getting more than 5 hours of sleep. I sleep so well now, it is just incredible! We have decided to live this way until our son graduates next year, or until one of us can't stand it anymore. We don't do things as partners anymore, but on our own and I have so many wonderful friends to hang with here and at home that I'm doing great. He still tries to push those buttons, but I don't hate him anymore so it doesn't bother me anymore. I have no emotion toward him and it feels wonderful.

Taking it day by day and thanking God and the universe for the help and guiding hand they are giving me.

Love to you all,
Linda

Linda, I came into this forum...which I have never been in....to see if it would be the place for me right now. You and I ...unbelievable!!!! 3 weeks ago my husband of 15.5 years told me he wants a divorce. I was blown away even though I have always known it would come to this. My hurt is so deep though because I truly do love him. He says he loves and cares for me but since day 1 has been so emotionally abusive that I had a complete breakdown almost 6 years ago. I got better but he still was mean. Unlike you though I have had my own bedroom for years now.....not because I wanted it that way. He stopped wanting me physically 11 years ago and I was 135 pounds then so I know it wasn't the weight. Right now I am being so dumb and I know it. I am still doing every little thing for him but I tell myself it keeps me busy as I don't work and also he is supplying the roof over my head right now. What I can't take and what is really killing me is his coldness. He comes home and says nothing to me. Then he sits down to eat the supper I have made him....will talk to me about his workday if he feels like it and then becomes totally cold towards me. THEN........he puts on music.....love songs for pete's sake!!!!! I end up in tears everynight listening to them as he sits in his stereo chair listening away for 30 minutes. I live on an island and am 1400 miles from my family. Due to the fact that winter is coming and getting to the mainland in the winter can be a pain because sometimes the ferry sits for 2 or 3 days....and because the roads in Northern B.C. can be closed down due to snow...I am stuck here till March or so. Not a clue as to how I am going to handle this. He wants to do this without lawyers which only tells me 1 thing....he thinks I am an idiot! I am contacting a lawyer today to help me out. I will have to go through legal aid but at least I will get the giudance I need. Bad side to this........I am now at 199 as of today and have lost 15 pounds in the last 9 days but it is because I cannot eat. No appetite at all and even the thought of food makes me heave. I know in my head that I have to eat to be strong...I just can't seem to do it.
Linda...this is my second marriage. The 1st lasted 13 years and he put me in the hospital 3 times. I still have bone chips in my jaw from 1 awful punch. I walked out at 2am with 3 dollars in my pocket. This time I am not leaving empty handed. I just have to try really hard to keep myself together. I am 50 and will have to move back to a place a haven't lived for over 15 years and move in with my Mom. I am scared to death but I keep reminding myself that it will be better than continuing on in this 1 sided relationship.
Mt heart is with you.

[JanMarie3]

Originally Posted by MOMofMICKEY

Linda, I came into this forum...which I have never been in....to see if it would be the place for me right now. You and I ...unbelievable!!!! 3 weeks ago my husband of 15.5 years told me he wants a divorce. I was blown away even though I have always known it would come to this. My hurt is so deep though because I truly do love him. He says he loves and cares for me but since day 1 has been so emotionally abusive that I had a complete breakdown almost 6 years ago. I got better but he still was mean. Unlike you though I have had my own bedroom for years now.....not because I wanted it that way. He stopped wanting me physically 11 years ago and I was 135 pounds then so I know it wasn't the weight. Right now I am being so dumb and I know it. I am still doing every little thing for him but I tell myself it keeps me busy as I don't work and also he is supplying the roof over my head right now. What I can't take and what is really killing me is his coldness. He comes home and says nothing to me. Then he sits down to eat the supper I have made him....will talk to me about his workday if he feels like it and then becomes totally cold towards me. THEN........he puts on music.....love songs for pete's sake!!!!! I end up in tears everynight listening to them as he sits in his stereo chair listening away for 30 minutes. I live on an island and am 1400 miles from my family. Due to the fact that winter is coming and getting to the mainland in the winter can be a pain because sometimes the ferry sits for 2 or 3 days....and because the roads in Northern B.C. can be closed down due to snow...I am stuck here till March or so. Not a clue as to how I am going to handle this. He wants to do this without lawyers which only tells me 1 thing....he thinks I am an idiot! I am contacting a lawyer today to help me out. I will have to go through legal aid but at least I will get the giudance I need. Bad side to this........I am now at 199 as of today and have lost 15 pounds in the last 9 days but it is because I cannot eat. No appetite at all and even the thought of food makes me heave. I know in my head that I have to eat to be strong...I just can't seem to do it.
Linda...this is my second marriage. The 1st lasted 13 years and he put me in the hospital 3 times. I still have bone chips in my jaw from 1 awful punch. I walked out at 2am with 3 dollars in my pocket. This time I am not leaving empty handed. I just have to try really hard to keep myself together. I am 50 and will have to move back to a place a haven't lived for over 15 years and move in with my Mom. I am scared to death but I keep reminding myself that it will be better than continuing on in this 1 sided relationship.
Mt heart is with you.

My heart goes out to you, please move back with you mom and start your life anew .............I survived two abusive marriages and am now married to a wonderful man............wow.......never thought that would happen in my life, but it can happen in yours too.

[Edin]

hi mom of mickey, i just wanted to weep when i read your story. it shatters the soul and psyche to be abused. if you have not read, i encourage you to read, "the verbally abusive relationship", by patricia evans, along with her other books. i know God used her and her books to help me. there are also a few wonderful christian books on abuse, though not many. i know it seems almost impossible to start over, but if you do, you will be amazed the doors that God will open for you. He WILL make a way where there is no way. be good to yourself. God made you to be cherished, and He abhors abuse.

if i can do anything, pls let me know. i will be praying for you. hugs God bless

[beeb]

Nicole, you are in my prays, too. Go talk to the lawyer. You will be VERY surprised how much you are 'worth' after 15+ years. I don't know the laws in Canada, but here in New Jersey, USA I WILL get at least half if not more of what we have built together, PLUS half his pension and SS. He knows this, so is being very nice right now, but it won't help because I put a lot into this marriage, was his partner through it all, and actually shoulders all of the responsibility myself, so I RESERVE it all!! I cook for him because my son and I have to eat, but it is left on the stove for him to get himself. Unlike you, I am not in love with him at all, so it is easier for me. But ask yourself this question; Do you stay because it is the evil you know vs