I need to VENT!!

[LaDolceVita]

So I am in the middle of a move right now, tomorrow I leave Nashville after 2 years to return home to Ft. Lauderdale. I called my Mom and Dad to let them know how packing was going and when they could expect me to be back in town.

I opened up to my Dad (what a stupid idea) and told him how hard it is to convince myself to stay on-plan right now. Moving has been so stressful, all my pots and pans are packed, fridge is emptied out..so basically i'm living on bunless fast-food hamburgers..YUCK.

So we get on the topic of how my weight-loss is going..and of course, this is my DAD..he knows me as big as i can get and as small as i can get. He is not a big person and neither is my mother. I seem to be the only one who got that gene...lucky me! One thing leads to another and he starts to flat out chastise me for my weight problems!!

I have had this problem my entire life, how could I have brought this on myself as a chunky 6 month old? 3 year old? 10 year old? I wasn't even aware i was MAKING choices at that point.

He says "I know you have worked hard (hell yes i have!)..but If you ask me anything over 200 is just UNACCEPTABLE". He really has some balls. "It doesn't look good, it's not ok for your heart, and It's just plain not OK"

Thanks..because I never realized that!

I've about had it up to here with people who really honest-to-god believe we knowingly did this to ourselves!! With knowing the misery and the health problems that come along with all of this..the struggles we have to face everyday, just to try and be normal like everybody else. How dare anybody say we brought this on ourselves!!! That really takes some audacity.

How come my sister can eat me under the table and stay 120 lbs? She doesn't ever even get off the couch. I whole-heartedly believe we are pre-disposed to this problem. And not only that, but it is even HARDER to get it off because our bodies fight against us losing weight. Our choices are everything it's true. But some place between A and B (Skinny and Fat) something had to NOT be our fault.

I guess i'm just mad right now..because it hurts to hear that from somebody i love (he's always been pretty insensitive to the weight issues). I've had to let ALOT of off-hand comments roll off my shoulders from him. I know he cares about me but sometimes i wish he would just keep his mouth closed. Reminding me that i have a shortcoming wont make it change any faster. Nobody knows what we all go through unless they've been through it too.

It's gotten to the point right now where i'm not as worried about moving and driving 15 hours..i'm worried to see my parents. I hate that they scrutinize me, and as happy as i am with my HUGE weight loss, i'm sure that to them i'm still just their one overweight kid. I'm going nuts over here!

This problem has a bad reputation of making lots of us very sensitive..i wonder if i'm being oversensitive?? What do you guys think? I feel like I already went through this in grade school..i've had enough people tell me what THEY think about my weight..as if i give a **** what their take on it is!! (pardon the french!)

How do you deal with people like that? I want everybody to be honest, were any of you able to heal the scars of an overweight life and become a strong person again..or are you still very sensitive?

OK..rant is done!! I feel way better now..

[JuliaL]

Boy do I know how you feel! I'm moving next week and in the middle of packing too. You're right, it's hard to stay on plan, but just do your best and remember that this is a lifestyle, not a diet. Make the best choices you can make and don't go back to your old, bad eating habits.

I don't think your dad did the right thing by lecturing you about your weight. It's probably better to find someone else to confide in - come here instead But I'm sure he also is just worried about you.

I hope you don't take this wrong, but I think you need to stop focusing on why you're overweight, why other people seem to be able to eat more, and why it's not your fault, and just focus on what you're going to do about it. You're not destined to be fat. You have a choice. Don't berate yourself, don't beat yourself up, but also don't look for someone to blame. Be positive! It's a stressful time right now, but replace those negative thoughts with positive ones. When you feel mad and hurt by what your dad said, just resolve not to talk to him about this again, and just show him how strong, healthy and beautiful you are.

Instead of thinking about how lucky your sister is to be able to eat so much and not gain weight, think about how your body deserves only the healthiest, best food you can give it. Think of this way of eating as a gift you're giving to yourself.

Hang in there! Once you get moved and settled things will look brighter!

Julia

[LaDolceVita]

Now thats what i call some strong and motivating advice..thank you so much!!

[ixtapacheryl]

There are some people you just can't talk to about your new WOE or weight issues.

I come from a career military family and my father ran our household like an army camp. My three brothers were tall and thin. Of course I also got the "special gene" and have always had to struggle.

When I would see him (since I've been an adult), he would always make little comments about my weight. Of course that hurt me. Now his second wife is heavier than ever. I have been e-mailing them some pics of me since I've lost weight and he's saying NOTHING.... In fact the last e-mail I asked THEM how their diet was coming along. (I did it in a nice way of course - and it gave me such peace)....

So just don't talk to them about your WOE. Brush off his comments and go about your business. Remember, WE are all here for you. No need to talk with him, unless he brings it up.

You only have 40# more to go and are doing soooo well! You are doing this for yourself....

Now have a safe trip to Florida. We are all waiting for your return!

[JoSkids]

Not to worry guys, I made it through my move without all my stuff! 10 days between old house and new. We were transient & I stayed LC! It can be done & yes, a lot of bunless burgers and scrambled egg breakfasts at McD's, but this too shall pass. Keep making the best LC choices that you can!

It's unfortunate that you Dad felt the need to get on you about your weight. I have never had anyone do that so I can't advise you on that just stick to plan & you will get there!

Good luck with the move & living closer to mom & dad.

[Weedydidi]

I wouldn't say we're predisposed to be any weight, but we may have the predisposition to be able to become a certain weight.

In other words, your sister may be able to skarf down anything and stay slim, but you CAN be lighter with the right plan. (IE - you're not helpless. You can't use frustration or your Dad's remarks as an excuse to cheat)

I know you're hurt. I know that hurt. But try to tell yourself that your dad meant well. Then, don't be AFRAID of your parents, but maybe you should sit down with them, and educate them about everything you've been through and everything that you've done and you're doing to be healthy.

Ignorance happens in a vacuum. Try to puncture that vacuum.

[speedymagee]

Well I sure can relate to what you're saying.

I just moved and it's hard, but you can do it. Just make the best choices you can.
You deserve to be healthy, but you don't deserve a lecture. Ouch. It really hurts when the people who should love us unconditionally hurt us so much.

I have a sister who could eat me under the table for years too. What I learned is she suffered from bulimia. So she didn't have a miracle solution either. She was under just as much pressure about her weight, but handled it just slightly differently.

I think you'll find a lot of us here have been in the same boat.
You can make it through!!
Sending you a good thought.

[Patlaf]

Just wanted to send you and to say that anyone who has LOST 165 POUNDS doesn't have to take any guff from anybody. You are doing just wonderfully and I am sure you'll get to goal.

[Buffy45]

I'll never understand parents who feel it is more constructive to be critical rather than supportive????

[gettingstrength]

[JUNEBUG2]

LaDolce, you are doing a great job. Ya know what, I think your Dad doesn't hear the music!! Its not you sweetie, with issues, its him. I mean that in a nice way. I have found that critical remarks come frm insecurites within. You have lost 165 lbs. 165 lbs!!!!! I think you are most successful in your way of eating and I take my hat off to You. It maybe hard during this very brief time of packing and moving, but all drive thrus have salads, and bunless meat. You can do this and arrive in Fla with your eating habits intact. I wish you a safe and cheatless trip and know you are going to love being back in Fla. Remember you will now be seeing your Dad more. Get your grip now..

June

[LauraFL]

So sorry you had to go through that LaDolce! I don't think it matters what started it. You have to deal with the reality of the situation right now. I see you already have with a 165 lb. loss! Congratulations!

You don't have your sister's metabolism or genes. You'll always have to eat one way while she eats another. It's a fact. It is what it is. Just focus on finishing this thing once and for all. Keep on keeping on, because what you're doing is working GREAT!

Are you going to be living with your folks? Either way you'll need to have a heart to heart with your Dad. Sometimes they forget we're adults and still talk to us like we're children. You need to set him straight on that. Good luck!