can i ask for opionions

meowville · 07-20-2006, 10:11 PM

my dh and i were on vacation (technically we still are). we went on a road trip to south dakota where he's never been before. we were supposed to be gone from last friday @ 1500 until sunday the 23rd. i thought it was going good. we were taking it easy since he tends to like more down time that i does. last night we checked into a dissappointing hotel and had some rather dissappointing massages. we were out for supper and i asked if he was enjoying our vacation. his response "well it's time off from work" and its been kinda of boring. this upset me greatly. the biggest part being "well it's time off from work". now mind you yesterday was our wedding anniversary- the 9th to be exact. am i wrong for being very upset? i can handle the boring part, but it really upset me that he said nothing spending time together- just "its time off from work. needless to say i got upset and said let's go home. woke up this am at 530 and said let's leave. we were on the road by 615 am and arrived home this evening. right now i'm ready to say screw it and call a divorce lawyer. mind you i haven't been taking my anti-deppressant meds lately

Denise85 · 07-21-2006, 10:04 AM

It would bother me but I would not be thinking divorce at all unless something else was going on. Did you talk to him about it? Did you let him know it hurt your feelings? Dh and I discuss everything. If he said somethiing like that to me I would naturally tell him how it made me feel and we would sort things out. Don't leave things unresolved. It'll just build up.

mork · 07-21-2006, 10:21 AM

Yeah, I would be annoyed too but I would talk to him about it. Sounds like something my husband would say too without much thought to houw it sounded to me!
I am sure he didn't mean it that way. Talk to him, tell how it made you feel-see what he says then.

SoHappy · 07-21-2006, 04:14 PM

Well, what did your husband say when you COMMUNICATED your thoughts and feelings to him? Did the two of you communicate when the trip was planned? Did you communicate with him about what you would like to do on your anniversary? Did you ask that he communicate with you about .......

It's the most important thing there is to ensure that both partners feel they are on the same plane when it comes to their marriage.

Plus, I think you should get back to your Doc and get your prescription for anti-depressants renewed.

Don't throw in the towel too quickly. After your meds have kicked in and you feel better emotionally/mentally, why don't you tell your husband that you want a lot more in-depth dialogue between the two of you. If you think a trained counselor might help, make an appointment with one. Sometimes they can help put the finger on just where a problem lies and help a couple nip a little problem in the bud before it grows into a huge, full-blown problem!

Good luck. You have my best wishes.

Shantony · 07-21-2006, 06:30 PM

I'd take the anti-depressants. The world is such a happier, lovelier place on anti-depressants. If you had been taking them, you might not be as upset. Because maybe he was thinking in his mind we are together but thought you just meant in general. Maybe he was referring to the crappy hotel and services and that was the cheeriest thing he could think of.

meowville · 07-21-2006, 06:30 PM

thanks for all the help. we got back last evening. we had to go to my parents to pick up our cats and then came home. he decided that he needed a sugar fix and went up to the local grocery store- i don't buy ice cream and the like because he od's on it when its in the house. he came home and said look honey at all the coupons and catalinas (the red striped coupons that print out at the registers) that i found for you. he knows i try to cut our grocery bills whenever i can.
our trip started out bad. originally we were supposed to go to california to see his sister, her husband, and their son. his sister got the days mixed up and was going to be out of the country during our vacation. i have to request vacation at least 45 days in advance and being it was during the summer it was impossible to change the dates. i said we'll go visit his sister another time, but since we had the days off let's go somewhere. i started naming places (south dakota, being one of the places). he said let's go to s.d. i know that it wasn't his first choice of a vacation spot. i guess it just brings back memories of wonderful family vacations i had growing up, so maybe i was in a bit of a fantasy world. his life was vastly different to mine growing up. the first time he left the state of mn was when he went into boot camp when he was 18. his parents are divorced, he hasn't seen his dad in over 20 years and his mom was killed in a car accident when he was 21 (he has 5 sisters and 1 brother, his youngest sister and his brother were only 11, 13 when his mother was killed so 2 of the older sisters raised the them) i however still have the original set of parents who have been married for over 40 years, plus there's only my sister and i.
needless to say he is a bit of a pessimist. to me the glass is always half full, to him the glass is not only half empty, but cracked as well so no matter what you pour in it leaks.
deep down i do love him, i just get very frustrated. i think counseling would actually be very good for both of us. just need to find a place that our respective insurances would cover, plus we live in the middle of nothing, so finding a place we can both get to easily.

as far as the anti-depressants go it's my own da*# fault. i have the pills in the bathroom just haven't been taking them. 2 reasons (not good ones mind you but reasons none the less) is that i have to take my synthroid on an empty stomach and the anti-depressants with a full stomach which presents a bit of a sceduling issue, plus the fact that i've had a gastric bypass which makes all pill taking an extra issue. the other issue i know deep down is a kind of alcoholic/bipolar way of thinking-- that is i feel good so why do i need this (meaning the anti depressants) of course it's probably the anti-depressants actually working which makes me feel like i got things under control.

tonight he said why don't we go to the farmers market tomorrow, meaning the one i love to go to which is about 30 miles away, but is huge and kind of a whole morning experience. i used to love going to it on weekend mornings when we lived about 25 miles closer. i guess this his is way of an apology and deep down i know i will accept it. i was raised lutheran, but converted to roman catholoism after we got married. actually we got married in the catholic church because my parents were good friends with a catholic deacon and his wife. i love the catholic faith and all of their procedure/formality probably due to my military background. we were going to church fairly regularly around the lenten season and kind of fell off. i swear some times that we are the only people married of child bearing age in this town that don't have kids.
i know this is kind of rambling, but i'm just throwing out thoughts as i think them. thanks again for all your help, and any prayers would be graciously appreciated.
valerie

Shantony · 07-21-2006, 06:40 PM

Meow he loves you. Look how he came back trying to please you. Look how he is trying to rescue the vacation by going to the place you love. Take your pills. Figure it out. Do what you have to do (plan or whatever) and start taking them. Life is so short and there is a MAN shortage in case you weren't aware.

I have taken anti-depressants and I KNOW that the world is so much better when you are chemically balanced.

gettingstrength · 07-21-2006, 07:26 PM

sisterfriend · 07-23-2006, 12:13 PM

Do not get divorced for that! I dont think your husband was saying that time with you is not important. Just that the vacation was a bust. You yourself said it.

You seem to have a preconcieved negitive view of his toughts. Could there be something else driving that? Maybe some onresolved isssue

Never make decisions out of emotion. Calm down and think for a long time.

Make your thoughts based on fact and not feelings which change course like the wind.

love
sisterfriend

karenb · 07-26-2006, 09:34 AM

Your story sounds like mine in general. Get back on you meds and try to calm down. I've been on bad vacations too. And sometimes men talk without thinking. And they want to try to fix what is broken. You husband it trying to fix things now so let him.
Hope you went to the farmers market with him. I've stopped or cut back on my meds just cause I was so tired of taking so many pills. It's never a good idea with out you doctors knowledge. Once you've calmed down you'll find a way to handle your meds with your wls. Maybe you could take one pill before you eat breakfast and your second pill right after you eat.

Candy · 07-29-2006, 05:38 PM

When you don't take your meds because you are feeling better, those who are the closest to you suffer the most. They are the ones that have deal with the ups and downs of depression and walk on eggshells trying to figure out what is going on. Usually those people don't know you have gone off the meds and have become soooo sensitive. Get back on the meds and don't go off them again. They are what makes you feel better.

idioglossic · 08-02-2006, 04:50 AM

you were disappointed in your vacation... mentioned it and he expressed his feelings with out much thought... you suggested going home... he goes along with it...
what is the problem... ??

Congrats on 9 years of marriage

and go take your meds... I take mine

07-20-2006, 10:11 PM	#1
meowville Senior LCF Member Join Date: Apr 2005 Posts: 71 Gallery: meowville	can i ask for opionions my dh and i were on vacation (technically we still are). we went on a road trip to south dakota where he's never been before. we were supposed to be gone from last friday @ 1500 until sunday the 23rd. i thought it was going good. we were taking it easy since he tends to like more down time that i does. last night we checked into a dissappointing hotel and had some rather dissappointing massages. we were out for supper and i asked if he was enjoying our vacation. his response "well it's time off from work" and its been kinda of boring. this upset me greatly. the biggest part being "well it's time off from work". now mind you yesterday was our wedding anniversary- the 9th to be exact. am i wrong for being very upset? i can handle the boring part, but it really upset me that he said nothing spending time together- just "its time off from work. needless to say i got upset and said let's go home. woke up this am at 530 and said let's leave. we were on the road by 615 am and arrived home this evening. right now i'm ready to say screw it and call a divorce lawyer. mind you i haven't been taking my anti-deppressant meds lately Last edited by meowville : 07-20-2006 at 10:14 PM.

07-23-2006, 12:13 PM	#9
sisterfriend Junior LCF Member Join Date: Jul 2006 Posts: 26 Gallery: sisterfriend	wait!!!!!!!!!!!!! Do not get divorced for that! I dont think your husband was saying that time with you is not important. Just that the vacation was a bust. You yourself said it. You seem to have a preconcieved negitive view of his toughts. Could there be something else driving that? Maybe some onresolved isssue Never make decisions out of emotion. Calm down and think for a long time. Make your thoughts based on fact and not feelings which change course like the wind. love sisterfriend

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07-21-2006, 10:04 AM	#2
Denise85 Way too much time on my hands! Join Date: Jul 2003 Location: Chicago burbs Posts: 21,978 Blog Entries: 11 Gallery: Denise85 Stats: 261/141/140-5'5" WOE: Dietician's plan	It would bother me but I would not be thinking divorce at all unless something else was going on. Did you talk to him about it? Did you let him know it hurt your feelings? Dh and I discuss everything. If he said somethiing like that to me I would naturally tell him how it made me feel and we would sort things out. Don't leave things unresolved. It'll just build up.

07-21-2006, 10:21 AM	#3
mork MAJOR LCF POSTER! Join Date: Dec 2005 Posts: 1,076 Gallery: mork	Yeah, I would be annoyed too but I would talk to him about it. Sounds like something my husband would say too without much thought to houw it sounded to me! I am sure he didn't mean it that way. Talk to him, tell how it made you feel-see what he says then.

07-21-2006, 04:14 PM	#4
SoHappy MAJOR LCF POSTER! Join Date: Feb 2003 Posts: 2,816 Gallery: SoHappy	Well, what did your husband say when you COMMUNICATED your thoughts and feelings to him? Did the two of you communicate when the trip was planned? Did you communicate with him about what you would like to do on your anniversary? Did you ask that he communicate with you about ....... It's the most important thing there is to ensure that both partners feel they are on the same plane when it comes to their marriage. Plus, I think you should get back to your Doc and get your prescription for anti-depressants renewed. Don't throw in the towel too quickly. After your meds have kicked in and you feel better emotionally/mentally, why don't you tell your husband that you want a lot more in-depth dialogue between the two of you. If you think a trained counselor might help, make an appointment with one. Sometimes they can help put the finger on just where a problem lies and help a couple nip a little problem in the bud before it grows into a huge, full-blown problem! Good luck. You have my best wishes.

07-21-2006, 06:30 PM	#5
Shantony Senior LCF Member Join Date: Jun 2006 Location: Somewhere between USA & CA Posts: 796 Gallery: Shantony Stats: 5' 2" -230/188/150 WOE: Low Carb Start Date: June 3, 2006	I'd take the anti-depressants. The world is such a happier, lovelier place on anti-depressants. If you had been taking them, you might not be as upset. Because maybe he was thinking in his mind we are together but thought you just meant in general. Maybe he was referring to the crappy hotel and services and that was the cheeriest thing he could think of.

07-21-2006, 06:40 PM	#7
Shantony Senior LCF Member Join Date: Jun 2006 Location: Somewhere between USA & CA Posts: 796 Gallery: Shantony Stats: 5' 2" -230/188/150 WOE: Low Carb Start Date: June 3, 2006	Meow he loves you. Look how he came back trying to please you. Look how he is trying to rescue the vacation by going to the place you love. Take your pills. Figure it out. Do what you have to do (plan or whatever) and start taking them. Life is so short and there is a MAN shortage in case you weren't aware. I have taken anti-depressants and I KNOW that the world is so much better when you are chemically balanced.

07-21-2006, 07:26 PM	#8
gettingstrength Big Yapper!!!! Join Date: Aug 2003 Location: Tennessee Posts: 9,523 Gallery: gettingstrength Stats: 184 / 170 / ? WOE: atkins Start Date: 6 / 1 / 2002

07-26-2006, 09:34 AM	#10
karenb Way too much time on my hands! Join Date: Jun 2002 Location: Texas Panhandle Between New Mexico and Oklahoma Posts: 13,559 Gallery: karenb	Your story sounds like mine in general. Get back on you meds and try to calm down. I've been on bad vacations too. And sometimes men talk without thinking. And they want to try to fix what is broken. You husband it trying to fix things now so let him. Hope you went to the farmers market with him. I've stopped or cut back on my meds just cause I was so tired of taking so many pills. It's never a good idea with out you doctors knowledge. Once you've calmed down you'll find a way to handle your meds with your wls. Maybe you could take one pill before you eat breakfast and your second pill right after you eat.

07-29-2006, 05:38 PM	#11
Candy MAJOR LCF POSTER! Join Date: Jun 2002 Posts: 2,283 Gallery: Candy	When you don't take your meds because you are feeling better, those who are the closest to you suffer the most. They are the ones that have deal with the ups and downs of depression and walk on eggshells trying to figure out what is going on. Usually those people don't know you have gone off the meds and have become soooo sensitive. Get back on the meds and don't go off them again. They are what makes you feel better.

08-02-2006, 04:50 AM	#12
idioglossic Big Yapper!!!! Join Date: Sep 2004 Location: Virgin Islands Posts: 9,702 Gallery: idioglossic Stats: 172/128/125 5'2" WOE: Stillmans, low carb, low fat, low sodium, 2 meals Start Date: August 29, 2004	you were disappointed in your vacation... mentioned it and he expressed his feelings with out much thought... you suggested going home... he goes along with it... what is the problem... ?? Congrats on 9 years of marriage and go take your meds... I take mine