Friendships & Weight - sigh

Rosetta · 06-02-2006, 11:25 AM

Will heavier friends forever reject me now that I've lost the weight and kept it off? I was definitely not someone other women wanted around when I was the really skinny girl, back in my teens, 20's. That seems like teenager logic to me.....but wait, is it true at any age? Am I headed back to that sort of rejection? I stumbled into the "club" when I got pregnant (and fat). Suddenly most women were nice to me, for the first time, ever.

To make matters worse, my group is an Atkins crowd. My friends have all done Atkins, lost weight, and then gone back to old habits, either partially or fully. They've gained back some or all the weight + more.

They are forever pushing me to "indulge" in foods I don't even want. I think because I didn't cheat ( I hate even the word) my taste buds truly changed in a way their tastes never did. Everyone thinks Atkins is a diet, a temporary fix to remove unwanted pounds, although Dr. Atkins took such pains explaining it is really a WOL.

I know some people think it's positive, but when others want me to eat cake or junk food, it bugs me and it feels like they just want me fat again. I don't want or need that kind of "compliment" and I'm frustrated that they won't let it go.

Believe me, I have tried to explain that it's a WOL, but their eyes glaze over. That's fine, I am not pushing anything on anyone. If they want to go back to old habits and gain it back, it's their biz. However, I wish people would leave me alone. Nothing I have said or done has stopped the comments. They are throwing jabs at me, instead. "One cupcake won't kill you, you know." "You can't be perfect forever." "When are you going to quit?" Like I haven't said a million times that it's for life.

They resent my change for life. They think losing weight is a licence to eat. I'm feeling left out, more & more. I never tell anyone what to eat or not eat, but just the way I eat makes them feel bad. So, they can't enjoy their cake as much, I think.

I've heard about times I haven't been invited and how they all ate so much pie or cake! I was like

that they didn't invite me and that they were taking the time to tell me about it! Apparently, I ruin the fun by being there if I don't join in on pigging out

Charski · 06-02-2006, 11:35 AM

Living well is the best revenge - human nature is a strange strange thing!

Good for YOU for sticking with your WOL and they have to do what THEY have to do - too bad they take it out on you though!

HUGS and hey, WE are your friends too!

Char

SugarFreeSheila · 06-02-2006, 11:35 AM

With their choices and attitudes toward you, the Complacent Club hasn't outgrown you - you've outgrown them. Time to find new girlfriends!

Mel78 · 06-02-2006, 11:42 AM

I've noticed people like that here at my work. Even the other way around though... Skinny people now saying hi in the hallways or asking me to "sit at their lunch table"... While the people I usually would talk to or eat with don't ask me any longer nor do they come and have "chat sessions" any longer

. Its sad, and when I asked one girl about not asking me to lunch she just said, "we just figured there wasn't anything there you could eat!" They went to a mexican restaurant - c'mon!!! So, I told her I understood and it was thoughtful that they thought that and I just left it at that. They know this WOE and that I have said numberous times I can eat ANYWHERE! It's their choice and I just hope it's nothing I'm doing that's pushing them away.

At the same time, I'm not doing this for THEM, I'm doing it for ME... so ultimately, who cares! What kind of "friends" are they really if they can't support me and be happy for/with me.

So... that's that.

Cheer up! You always got the wonderful folks here!!!

ToothPick · 06-02-2006, 11:52 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by SugarFreeSheila

With their choices and attitudes toward you, the Complacent Club hasn't outgrown you - you've outgrown them. Time to find new girlfriends!

Yep, it is time for you to find people who will appreciate the effort you are putting into being healthy. Don't look at it as losing friends...look at it as gaining even more self respect. You inspire me!

G

igirl · 06-02-2006, 12:00 PM

Alot of it is just plain jealousy. By you succeeding, you are reminding them that they have failed.

I have several "friends", or who I thought were at least, who I KNOW are just sitting around waiting for me to gain weight again. Sorry, not gonna happen.

I agree, it's time to find people who love and support you for who you are, and are willing to accept you no matter your eating preferences. THat's what I've tried to do, and I'm much happier!

phibi · 06-02-2006, 12:01 PM

There are women out there (me and my girlfriends) that support one another and keep ourselves strong about food choices and eating habits. It's wonderful to have the support.

I have people that do the "one LITTLE slice doesn't count" and also the guilt route "We brought this in JUST FOR YOU" - WTH? For me? I don't eat that stuff and they know it!

Paty · 06-02-2006, 12:12 PM

Some people don't like their failure and lack of commitment to be rub in their faces and that is why they might distanciate themselves from you. The real question lies in asking where they your friends in the first place. I doubt it... I rejoice with my friends when they succeed in what they chose to do.

Dreams · 06-02-2006, 12:42 PM

Jealousy.

julieboolie · 06-02-2006, 12:51 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by DreamsUnwind

Jealousy.

Yep, I agree. Envy is not a basis for friendship. My own mom is that way. She has already started her "I think you've lost enough weight now, don't go anorexic on me". I weigh 160 lbs! I'm not in danger at the moment

.

It does hurt when those closest to us don't support and celebrate with you. It may be time to let the door close on that part of your friendships with them and keep them at a safe distance. I'm sure you can make newer, fitter and supportive friends that help you make good choices and feel comfortable. I know that's what I've been working on too.

sugarless4life · 06-02-2006, 12:59 PM

Your TRUE friends will want the BEST for you. If these people don't, then they're not worthy of your friendship.

Betty

beckynett · 06-02-2006, 01:09 PM

Back in my old hippie days, my druggie friends gradually dumped me when i quit doing the drugs. Said I was a "buzz-killer" or didn't say anything, just left me out. I was lonely for a while, but I moved on. I hope they did.

I wouldn't go back. I have a great life, great friends. Now, I have great weight loss going on.

Usually people relate to us for what they want from us or how we make them feel about themselves. When we change, the whole equation changes, and they may no longer feel we give them what they wanted from us, or like how we make them feel about themselves anymore.

Let them find another 'fat friend'. Their loss!

Rosetta · 06-02-2006, 02:27 PM

Thanks everyone! It does hurt to get snubbed, but there is no way I'm going to gain weight for anyone. That's not friendship, I agree. I guess I have to look around and start making new friends. Having LC friends here is great, it always keeps me going. I know that even if I don't find new friends in real life right away, I can ALWAYS get support here.

Alcestis · 06-02-2006, 02:55 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by beckynett

Usually people relate to us for what they want from us or how we make them feel about themselves. When we change, the whole equation changes, and they may no longer feel we give them what they wanted from us, or like how we make them feel about themselves anymore.

BRILLIANT! So true, for all of us.

Sharon · 06-02-2006, 03:43 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by SugarFreeSheila

With their choices and attitudes toward you, the Complacent Club hasn't outgrown you - you've outgrown them. Time to find new girlfriends!

DITTO

chakwaina37 · 06-03-2006, 03:29 AM

This shows you there not true friends if they would do you like this over food choices and a choice to change your life for the better. One day they will look back and think wow why didnt we listen to her.

charmedpea · 06-03-2006, 05:53 AM

For me it depends on how long the snide remarks have gone on. And if i'm willing to give up their friendship, if they are truely friends this wouldnt be happening, they would support you and not push food on you.. I would get to the point Since they all have done atkins. I would wait for the next comment to come and be ready to walk aways but not before telling them what I think..

You all know this woe works, yes that one cupcake will hurt me just look at where that one cupcake got all of you!! Have a nice life. and walk away..

charmed

gotogirl · 06-03-2006, 06:16 AM

I've definitely lost some friends among my formerly "fat" friends. I realized that what we had in common was eating. Most of our fun was had over food so no wonder they don't want me around since my not eating those things makes them uncomfortable. But I have made some new friends and I'm still friendly to my former friends when I see them. I do know how you feel!

stephanie34 · 06-03-2006, 07:57 AM

Well I think that sucks for you to. I beleive when you tell someone " no thank you, or I dont want to that" And they keep bagering the issue, they have NO respect for you. ANd ONLY think of themselves and the best thing to do is stay strong and move on. Most people just want you to what they want and have no care for what you really want. Find new freinds at the gym, somewhere else that have the same ideas as you. It is really no ones business what you eat or how you eat. This is about you and no ones else. Stay stubborn in your rights, stay healthy for you. And stand strong. You can do this..

Bubbles · 06-03-2006, 08:02 AM

People who love you will be proud of you, a tad envious and think you look terrific. As far as the food pushers go say No Thanks and go on with your life.

Barbara Ray · 06-03-2006, 08:49 AM

I "had" a friend who when I first embarked on Atkins showed some interest - YET wouldn't even buy the book. She talked about how she just "couldn't" live without bread, pasta, cake, etc. As time progressed and I lost more and more weight - she became real cool - I would try to encourage her to "give it a try" and explained that AFTER the initial two weeks she wouldn't even miss the bread, pasta etc. She wouldn't listen. So I simply never talked about the program with her - but kept losing more and more weight. I got to my goal almost three years ago - she hasn't spoken a WORD to me in OVER three years - and she lives right across the street!!!

Some people just cannot accept the success of others.

So, I would say to you - NOT to obsess over these individuals who can't stand your success - "stay the course" - and don't "hang" around with them anymore.

You know an alcoholic can't be around people that drink - and enourage others to drink as well. So why should WE be any different? Stay away from them - "expand" your horizons - get involved in things (like volunteer work or church) where you'll meet new people.

I have lots of friends who wouldn't ever consider L/C but are happy for MY success. Every Wednesday night I do a "thing" with kids at my church. I generally get there early and go to the Fellowship Hall to "hang" with some of my buddies - dinner is served there every week. I always make certain I've eaten before I go - so I just get a cup of coffee and "socialize". NO one tries to force feed me anything I don't want. These are my FRIENDS!

Cookie41 · 06-06-2006, 02:07 AM

HTML Code:

They are forever pushing me to "indulge" in foods I don't even want.

That is just so wrong! I have friends of all sizes and they have never tried to get me to indulge in wrong foods.
I do have this one Aunt that is always on my case about my WOL she thinks I am doing my body harm by not eating cake lol poor thing I love her and she is good to me but *geez* I want to be healthy!

Good for you for Sticking With It

Beans · 06-06-2006, 03:48 AM

I'm in between right now, so I've been rejected by my fat friends for being a traitor and my skinny friends who think I'm about to become competition. Very, very sad, small people.

gettingstrength · 06-07-2006, 07:10 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by DreamsUnwind

Jealousy.

ditto

06-02-2006, 11:25 AM	#1
Rosetta MAJOR LCF POSTER! Join Date: Jan 2003 Posts: 1,423 Gallery: Rosetta Stats: 198/147.5/135 WOE: Atkins For Life Start Date: July, 2002	Friendships & Weight - sigh Will heavier friends forever reject me now that I've lost the weight and kept it off? I was definitely not someone other women wanted around when I was the really skinny girl, back in my teens, 20's. That seems like teenager logic to me.....but wait, is it true at any age? Am I headed back to that sort of rejection? I stumbled into the "club" when I got pregnant (and fat). Suddenly most women were nice to me, for the first time, ever. To make matters worse, my group is an Atkins crowd. My friends have all done Atkins, lost weight, and then gone back to old habits, either partially or fully. They've gained back some or all the weight + more. They are forever pushing me to "indulge" in foods I don't even want. I think because I didn't cheat ( I hate even the word) my taste buds truly changed in a way their tastes never did. Everyone thinks Atkins is a diet, a temporary fix to remove unwanted pounds, although Dr. Atkins took such pains explaining it is really a WOL. I know some people think it's positive, but when others want me to eat cake or junk food, it bugs me and it feels like they just want me fat again. I don't want or need that kind of "compliment" and I'm frustrated that they won't let it go. Believe me, I have tried to explain that it's a WOL, but their eyes glaze over. That's fine, I am not pushing anything on anyone. If they want to go back to old habits and gain it back, it's their biz. However, I wish people would leave me alone. Nothing I have said or done has stopped the comments. They are throwing jabs at me, instead. "One cupcake won't kill you, you know." "You can't be perfect forever." "When are you going to quit?" Like I haven't said a million times that it's for life. They resent my change for life. They think losing weight is a licence to eat. I'm feeling left out, more & more. I never tell anyone what to eat or not eat, but just the way I eat makes them feel bad. So, they can't enjoy their cake as much, I think. I've heard about times I haven't been invited and how they all ate so much pie or cake! I was like that they didn't invite me and that they were taking the time to tell me about it! Apparently, I ruin the fun by being there if I don't join in on pigging out __________________ ~Rosetta~ 5'5" and in my 50's/Size 8 Reached Goal - 135 lbs. (11-14-03) Thanksgiving 2008 149.5 December 20, 2008 147.5

06-02-2006, 11:42 AM	#4
Mel78 Big Yapper!!!! Join Date: Jun 2002 Posts: 9,137 Gallery: Mel78	I've noticed people like that here at my work. Even the other way around though... Skinny people now saying hi in the hallways or asking me to "sit at their lunch table"... While the people I usually would talk to or eat with don't ask me any longer nor do they come and have "chat sessions" any longer . Its sad, and when I asked one girl about not asking me to lunch she just said, "we just figured there wasn't anything there you could eat!" They went to a mexican restaurant - c'mon!!! So, I told her I understood and it was thoughtful that they thought that and I just left it at that. They know this WOE and that I have said numberous times I can eat ANYWHERE! It's their choice and I just hope it's nothing I'm doing that's pushing them away. At the same time, I'm not doing this for THEM, I'm doing it for ME... so ultimately, who cares! What kind of "friends" are they really if they can't support me and be happy for/with me. So... that's that. Cheer up! You always got the wonderful folks here!!! __________________ Mel MMFM- September Challenge (Starter Thread Link) "IF YOU FAIL TO PLAN, YOU PLAN TO FAIL" **~~~~~~~~~~~~~**

06-02-2006, 12:01 PM	#7
phibi MAJOR LCF POSTER! Join Date: Jul 2003 Location: Beautiful Scottsdale Posts: 1,350 Gallery: phibi Stats: 5'6" - 142/117/120	Amazingly Enough There are women out there (me and my girlfriends) that support one another and keep ourselves strong about food choices and eating habits. It's wonderful to have the support. I have people that do the "one LITTLE slice doesn't count" and also the guilt route "We brought this in JUST FOR YOU" - WTH? For me? I don't eat that stuff and they know it!

06-02-2006, 01:09 PM	#12
beckynett Senior LCF Member Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: North of Dallas, Texas Posts: 771 Gallery: beckynett Stats: 222/138/118 (5' 1'') WOE: Atkins Start Date: April 28, 2006	Back in my old hippie days, my druggie friends gradually dumped me when i quit doing the drugs. Said I was a "buzz-killer" or didn't say anything, just left me out. I was lonely for a while, but I moved on. I hope they did. I wouldn't go back. I have a great life, great friends. Now, I have great weight loss going on. Usually people relate to us for what they want from us or how we make them feel about themselves. When we change, the whole equation changes, and they may no longer feel we give them what they wanted from us, or like how we make them feel about themselves anymore. Let them find another 'fat friend'. Their loss! Last edited by beckynett : 06-02-2006 at 01:11 PM.

06-03-2006, 05:53 AM	#17
charmedpea MAJOR LCF POSTER! Join Date: May 2005 Location: ohio Posts: 2,080 Gallery: charmedpea Stats: 234/203.5/150 WOE: atkins Start Date: may 2005	For me it depends on how long the snide remarks have gone on. And if i'm willing to give up their friendship, if they are truely friends this wouldnt be happening, they would support you and not push food on you.. I would get to the point Since they all have done atkins. I would wait for the next comment to come and be ready to walk aways but not before telling them what I think.. You all know this woe works, yes that one cupcake will hurt me just look at where that one cupcake got all of you!! Have a nice life. and walk away.. charmed __________________ 234lbs Start weight got down to 163lbs restart 213,208,206.5203.5,195,190,185,180,175,170,165,160,159,158,157,156,15 5,154,153,152,151,150,149 *Their are no strangers Here.. Only Friends we havent met YeT!!

06-02-2006, 11:35 AM	#2
Charski Way too much time on my hands! Join Date: Sep 2004 Location: Central Coastal CA Posts: 10,673 Gallery: Charski Stats: 174 (WW)/130/150 goal 5'5" 55 years young WOE: ATKINS! now and always.... Start Date: 5/03	Living well is the best revenge - human nature is a strange strange thing! Good for YOU for sticking with your WOL and they have to do what THEY have to do - too bad they take it out on you though! HUGS and hey, WE are your friends too! Char

06-02-2006, 11:35 AM	#3
SugarFreeSheila I'm here to help! Join Date: Oct 2001 Posts: 4,713 Gallery: SugarFreeSheila Stats: 141 to 109 WOE: Atkins Start Date: 2001	With their choices and attitudes toward you, the Complacent Club hasn't outgrown you - you've outgrown them. Time to find new girlfriends!

06-02-2006, 12:00 PM	#6
igirl Big Yapper!!!! Join Date: Jul 2002 Location: A Furnace with cacti Posts: 8,126 Gallery: igirl Stats: 22/12/6 WOE: Atkins Start Date: 8/99	Alot of it is just plain jealousy. By you succeeding, you are reminding them that they have failed. I have several "friends", or who I thought were at least, who I KNOW are just sitting around waiting for me to gain weight again. Sorry, not gonna happen. I agree, it's time to find people who love and support you for who you are, and are willing to accept you no matter your eating preferences. THat's what I've tried to do, and I'm much happier!

06-02-2006, 12:12 PM	#8
Paty MAJOR LCF POSTER! Join Date: Aug 2005 Location: Montreal, Canada Posts: 1,430 Blog Entries: 1 Gallery: Paty Stats: 5'11 212.5/200.5/155 WOE: Atkins Start Date: 18/11/08	Some people don't like their failure and lack of commitment to be rub in their faces and that is why they might distanciate themselves from you. The real question lies in asking where they your friends in the first place. I doubt it... I rejoice with my friends when they succeed in what they chose to do.

06-02-2006, 12:42 PM	#9
Dreams Way too much time on my hands! Join Date: May 2004 Location: Philly Posts: 22,926 Gallery: Dreams Stats: Shrinking WOE: I'll let ya know when I figure it out	Jealousy.

06-02-2006, 12:59 PM	#11
sugarless4life Atkins Ambassador Join Date: Sep 2003 Location: Tampa, FL Posts: 9,967 Blog Entries: 1 Gallery: sugarless4life Stats: 5'3 / 101 pounds / 53 yo /maintaining for 6 years WOE: Lost it with Atkins / RUNNING to keep it off! Start Date: January 19, 2002 - 7 YEARS ON ATKINS	Your TRUE friends will want the BEST for you. If these people don't, then they're not worthy of your friendship. Betty

06-02-2006, 02:27 PM	#13
Rosetta MAJOR LCF POSTER! Join Date: Jan 2003 Posts: 1,423 Gallery: Rosetta Stats: 198/147.5/135 WOE: Atkins For Life Start Date: July, 2002	Thanks everyone! It does hurt to get snubbed, but there is no way I'm going to gain weight for anyone. That's not friendship, I agree. I guess I have to look around and start making new friends. Having LC friends here is great, it always keeps me going. I know that even if I don't find new friends in real life right away, I can ALWAYS get support here.

06-03-2006, 03:29 AM	#16
chakwaina37 Senior LCF Member Join Date: Apr 2006 Location: Nv Posts: 490 Gallery: chakwaina37 Stats: One day at a time WOE: Low carb, suger free Start Date: On and off since 2000	This shows you there not true friends if they would do you like this over food choices and a choice to change your life for the better. One day they will look back and think wow why didnt we listen to her.

06-03-2006, 06:16 AM	#18
gotogirl MAJOR LCF POSTER! Join Date: Oct 2005 Location: Texas Posts: 2,142 Gallery: gotogirl Stats: 148/116/120 5'3" WOE: Atkins for Life Maintenance Start Date: August, 2005	I've definitely lost some friends among my formerly "fat" friends. I realized that what we had in common was eating. Most of our fun was had over food so no wonder they don't want me around since my not eating those things makes them uncomfortable. But I have made some new friends and I'm still friendly to my former friends when I see them. I do know how you feel!

06-03-2006, 07:57 AM	#19
stephanie34 MAJOR LCF POSTER! Join Date: Jul 2002 Location: San Marcos, CA Posts: 2,608 Gallery: stephanie34 Stats: 230/188/148 WOE: glycemic load Start Date: 10-13-08	Well I think that sucks for you to. I beleive when you tell someone " no thank you, or I dont want to that" And they keep bagering the issue, they have NO respect for you. ANd ONLY think of themselves and the best thing to do is stay strong and move on. Most people just want you to what they want and have no care for what you really want. Find new freinds at the gym, somewhere else that have the same ideas as you. It is really no ones business what you eat or how you eat. This is about you and no ones else. Stay stubborn in your rights, stay healthy for you. And stand strong. You can do this.. __________________ Exercise is a must. Drink that water. Run Forest Run. Dream: 100 mile ultra, 24 hour, ultra trail run. Upcoming marathons. Carlsbad Jan 25th, 09 the picture of my kids are great but they are 13 and 10 now. The picture is WAY old.. and I am not computer savy. LOL

06-03-2006, 08:02 AM	#20
Bubbles Way too much time on my hands! Join Date: Mar 2003 Location: Live Free or Die Baby!!!!! Posts: 10,100 Gallery: Bubbles Stats: 140 lbs of flabby fun WOE: All the time Start Date: Feb 2003	People who love you will be proud of you, a tad envious and think you look terrific. As far as the food pushers go say No Thanks and go on with your life.

06-03-2006, 08:49 AM	#21
Barbara Ray Senior LCF Member Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: Miami-Dade, Florida Posts: 691 Gallery: Barbara Ray Stats: 230/150/162/150 WOE: Low Calorie/Low Glycemic Load/Low Carb	I "had" a friend who when I first embarked on Atkins showed some interest - YET wouldn't even buy the book. She talked about how she just "couldn't" live without bread, pasta, cake, etc. As time progressed and I lost more and more weight - she became real cool - I would try to encourage her to "give it a try" and explained that AFTER the initial two weeks she wouldn't even miss the bread, pasta etc. She wouldn't listen. So I simply never talked about the program with her - but kept losing more and more weight. I got to my goal almost three years ago - she hasn't spoken a WORD to me in OVER three years - and she lives right across the street!!! Some people just cannot accept the success of others. So, I would say to you - NOT to obsess over these individuals who can't stand your success - "stay the course" - and don't "hang" around with them anymore. You know an alcoholic can't be around people that drink - and enourage others to drink as well. So why should WE be any different? Stay away from them - "expand" your horizons - get involved in things (like volunteer work or church) where you'll meet new people. I have lots of friends who wouldn't ever consider L/C but are happy for MY success. Every Wednesday night I do a "thing" with kids at my church. I generally get there early and go to the Fellowship Hall to "hang" with some of my buddies - dinner is served there every week. I always make certain I've eaten before I go - so I just get a cup of coffee and "socialize". NO one tries to force feed me anything I don't want. These are my FRIENDS!

06-06-2006, 02:07 AM	#22
Cookie41 MAJOR LCF POSTER! Join Date: Jan 2006 Location: Arizona Posts: 1,341 Gallery: Cookie41 WOE: Atkins Start Date: 1/14/06	HTML Code: They are forever pushing me to "indulge" in foods I don't even want. That is just so wrong! I have friends of all sizes and they have never tried to get me to indulge in wrong foods. I do have this one Aunt that is always on my case about my WOL she thinks I am doing my body harm by not eating cake lol poor thing I love her and she is good to me but geez I want to be healthy! Good for you for Sticking With It

06-06-2006, 03:48 AM	#23
Beans Senior LCF Member Join Date: Dec 2005 Location: West Virginia Posts: 172 Gallery: Beans WOE: Atkins	I'm in between right now, so I've been rejected by my fat friends for being a traitor and my skinny friends who think I'm about to become competition. Very, very sad, small people.

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