My friend is having surgery - feeling frustrated :S

[mikeysmommy33]

I sent an email to my friend the other day who was doing Atkins for a while and asked her how she was doing because I had not talked to her in a couple of months - just little emails etc since we are 3 hours away from each other and she sent this email back to me - it makes me feel frustrated....somewhat hopeless but also somewhat motivated to try even harder not to end up like this but the WHAT IF monster keeps rearing it's ugly head....it's a weird feeling that I feel. Maybe I feel because she is having the surgery that I am going to still be struggling and she will hit goal so much faster - I guess maybe I feel that she will have the magic bullet etc.....I can't afford the surgery plus I am too afraid to do it but I will admit that I have WISHED that I had been able to have it when I see the success stories out there (what has stopped me from persuing is cost and also the fear because I have seen the horror stories when it goes WRONG)...here is her email that has caused me some hopeless/strange feelings - maybe afraid of not succeeding.

I have been doing Atkins for so long I can't even remember when I
started!
I hit a plateau long ago and could not get past it (275) even after
being
good for months. I then started being bad again and gained some back
but
still not close to my all time high. I have actually decided I am
having
surgery. I'm tired of fighting this losing battle and even when I am
eating
less than a rabbit and exercising I am still not losing. I don't know
what
else to do anymore. I have had myself all checked out and luckily I am
still as healthy as a horse, but I am worried about getting diabetes or
having my blood pressure go higher or the many other wonderful side
effectst
that come with being overweight. I have been seeing Dr Oh in Federal
Way
who has done surgery for at least 10 girls that I work with and seeing
their
great progress has inspired me to do the same. I had an EGD last week
to
make sure my tummy is all healthy and there was no visible ulcers or
anything but he did a biopsy. I get the results of my biopsy next week
and
also have to get an EKG, lung scan (and I quit smoking!!) and more
blood
tests done. Surgery is scheduled for June 13. This is my happy 30th
b'day
gift! YEAH, pain and no appetite! I know it will be worth it and the
recovery time is fairly short since I am doing a laporscopic surgery.
I'm
just a little nervous since I have never had surgery before. I was a
little
nervous last week to before my EGD because I had never had anesthesia
before, but that turned out to be alright. The lady at St Francis was
shocked when she asked me where i wanted the IV and I said wherever you
normally put it because I have never had one before! I figure I am
lucky
enough to have insurance that covers and I am going for it. I got my
insurance approval letter about two weeks ago. So that's whats been
going
on with me lately, a whole lot of appointments.

She was one of the people that I was so inspired by to do Atkins because I watched her shrink from over 300 I think like 320 or something maybe more - pounds and this makes me feel a little frustrated...I know everyone is different I just don't want to have to be a person that fails and fails and then has no other option in their mind but to have surgery! She use to be SOOOOO inspiring to watch or even to listen to...and I was expecting her to say I am at this size etc...lost this much more etc...and instead I got the surgery email..... why am I having such strange mixed uneasy feelings abou this? am I afraid of the same outcome? failing?
FEED BACK PLEASE!!!!

[pugluv9802]

Your friend will still have to watch what she eats after the surgery, just because your stomach is smaller doesn't mean you can't strech it. Does she know all the side-effects? She will gas for the rest of her life, certain foods will make her want to throw up, and she may develop other health issues. She will HAVE to make sure she takes her multi-vitamins, also watch the iron levels in her blood. Belive me, its not a quick fix, but a life-long thing. Some people only think this will solve their problems but it may add more to them. If you are losing weight without the surgery, I would stick to that plan. Even at 5lbs a month that would be 60 off in a year. Just want to let you know that you may see the end results but you have no ideal what they have to put up with in getting there, and afterwards as well. I don't mean this to be a downer but its realistic, hope this helps you some,

[mikeysmommy33]

Hi Pugluv9802,
Thanks - it does help. I know in my heart it's not the right decision for ME. I would be too afraid. Any surgery is scary - anything could go wrong. I am plugging away at trying to accomplish this on my own. I watch that show Starting Over House (LOVE THAT SHOW) and there is one girl on there that had the surgery and she has so much to work on with making sure it doesn't come back etc. she met with someone on the show (a specialist) and they told her that it's common to gain back 50% of the lost weight easy. She got freaked out. It was amazing to watch her. She also had major scars on her left arm (the back of it) where she had some skin cut off - lypo or whatever it was and it left a horrible scar so she feels ugly and ashamed of it now so the people on the show (her life coaches) are helping her with it. It's really an eye opener. I guess I really just got shocked when my friend emailed me about the surgery. I have read and read and read the side effects and complications of the surgery and it scared me really bad!

[Pam in TX]

Let me give you another piece of information......

My closest friend had the surgery (lapband) about the same time I started the LC eating.... We had both talked about doing the surgery and I decided that I wanted to give this a try before going that route....

She has lost 65 lbs, while I have lost 104 lbs..... I have noticed when we go do stuff I eat healthier choices... for instance I had a turkey leg and she chose nachos, then later ice cream, on a recent shopping trip we did together....

You keep hanging in there..... I have tried many different ways of losing weight.... This one has worked for me........ You have to want it bad enough.......

[JuliaL]

Moni - I can understand how that email must have made you feel, but just because your friend decided that surgery was the right thing for her doesn't mean that you will not be successful with diet and exercise. Obviously I don't know your friend, but I also have a friend who had the surgery, lost over 100 pounds and has gained back most of the weight. Like Pam's friend, when we go out to lunch together she chooses things like fried fish with extra tartar sauce, potato chips, etc. She never eats veggies or salads and she has told me many times that she doesn't exercise.

I do think some people need the surgery because without it they can't get their eating under control. Or they've gotten to such a high weight they need to take drastic measures to reduce it before they get diabetes or have a heart attack or something. But the surgery is just a tool, it's not magic. You have to change your lifestyle to maintain the loss.

Keep coming here every day to post and read for inspiration and support. You can do this!

BTW, your baby is adorable!

Good luck!
Julia

[DEBI IN OHIO]

I posted to u over in the 50 in 4 months challenge
::::

[animalcrackers]

I had a doctor suggest the surgery to me one time and I said "no thanks". So far everyone I know who has had the surgery has gained their weight back over time. The surgery severally limits your food and it's not guaranteed you won't gain weight again. The funny thing is I was just thinking about the surgery the other day and thanking God I never decided to go that way. I'm successfully losing on Scarsdale and Atkins and not putting my life at further risk by surgery. I'm losing weight the old fashion way, diet and exercise. It works every time as long as you work it!

[Lisa Rae]

I think each person has to find their own path. Just because her path is not what you have chosen..doesn't mean it won't work..or it isn't the best plan for her. I thought about surgery many times over my adult life..and just felt for me it wasn't a solution to my much bigger problems. Weight for me was just a symptom of many life changes that needed to happen. Maybe the surgery will be a first step for her in finding her path to a happier healthier life. I would simply suport her in this just as you did Atkins, and do what YOU need to do to make your life all it can be

[mikeysmommy33]

Thanks!!! I love reading these posts! SO HELPFUL and supportive to keep me on the right track.
Pam - WOW you have lost so much weight - YOU ARE AN inspiration to me! That's so amazing and you are so dedicated - the choices your friend makes with the bad foods sure are a problem I see. With low carb you HAVE to chose the right foods - the better nutritious foods - looks like also Julia's friend doesnt' make wise choices either - I am sure if eating like that continues the pounds are going to come back. That would be horrible because then they would feel like there was NO solution since not even the surgery worked WOW! oh and thanks for the comment on my baby I just LOVE HIM SO MUCH!!! he's my handsome little man. Deb in Ohio I just read the post in 50 in 4 and if your friend does gain the weight back then I think she is going to regret it! Your stats look great so I have no doubt that you are going to reach goal the safe way! I am so happy to have this site - everyone is sooooooo supportive and helpful. Animal crackers - you are right! Diet (a plan you can stick to and work's for you) and exercise work every time as long as you work it!
Happy Easter to all - I am just getting ready to go and make brunch for me and hubby and my son. Then we are headed to my parents house for dinner - and I feel confident about what is going to be there. My Mom and Dad know that I am trying to low carb and they want to watch their weight some too so we are having ham , two vegetables , deviled eggs (hubby's request so I am making those also this morning to take) and my Mom said she is making rice pudding for dessert but I won't be having any. I am going to bring a little bit of cream cheese and splenda and cinnamon and have a very filling low carb treat - I might even make the mock danish to take - probably that. I feel confident in my choices. Also, my little one will do his easter egg hunting in my parents house! We are going to video tape it - when he gets excited and finds something he makes this super surprised look on his face and his mouth turns into a tight little circle we laugh. This should be fun. He watched me color eggs last night and was just ohhhh and awwwww and squeeling and just delighted so he will be happy to see them again today.
Hugs to all and thanks for the encouraging words!

[Psi]

To each their own
but Atkins is a healthier choice & can't pple gain weight even after having SX if they aren't careful( didn't Al Roker gain a bit weight back,yes not all but it is possible right?) Plus what about the risks? I was always neuteral about this sx thing, yes people chose what they feel is best for them.
But in the past year 2 women died after having weight loss sx,that worked in the same small hospital I do. One I believe died within a year , and another 3 yrs and 100 lbs later ( I used to see her daily, she was such a nice woman only 33). So now I'm not sure it's such a good choice anymore.
Just my opinion.

BTW
Teach your son a healthy lifestyle so he can have a healthy long life& you will be there too for a long time to enjoy seeing him healthy and happy!

[IDT]

I know three people who had the surgery and only one actually lost their weight. They all had problems though. Don't worry - you'll remain much healthier and you'll still lose your weight.

[mikeysmommy33]

Originally Posted by Psi

BTW
Teach your son a healthy lifestyle so he can have a healthy long life& you will be there too for a long time to enjoy seeing him healthy and happy!

Absolutely!!! I agree 100% - my little guy is a chicken monster and he loves his scrambled eggs he seems to LOVE all vegetables so far that he has tried and we have tried quite a few of them - PEAS he's not so excited about ha ha - but neither am I or hubby so we can't make him eat them ha ha but he loves broccoli, cauliflower, green beans and eat squash and sweet potatoes. We don't eat potatoes in our house anymore but I know he's getting some at grandma and grandpas because potatoes seem to be a nightly thing there - my Mom is addicted to them - she said it's because she's Finnish and Finn's needs their potatoes ha ha. My son loves fruit too - he thinks raspberries are pretty tasty! I always get big grins for mandarin oranges too. I don't want him to grow up eating fast food kids meals etc - I want him to eat good wholesome foods and treats in moderation. I don't want him to be a chubby kid that has a hard time in school feeling depressed etc or having a fleet of health problems that come with being over weight. I told my husband that he is learning what to eat by example and we need to set a good one for him.

[LStoner]

I posted earlier today in this thread and it's not here now. How strange. I didn't say anything bad. Hmmm.

[Woman Typing Badly]

i have a friend who had the surgery....it fixed her body to restrict her eating but it didn't fix what was going on inside of her head that made her overweight to start with.....

So as she lost the weight she was still emotionally upset that she couldn't eat like she used to....throwing up from eating too much or the wrong foods....it was so much harder for her to eat the post surgery way than atkins ever was for her-vitamins, etc....and the post surgery menu was low carb if you can believe it....her hair fell out, and she became very angry that she could not eat like she could before.....I really don't understand it because she knew going in she would drastically change her eating habits....however...the thing that was going on in her brain that made her eat secretly and hide food to eat later was not fixed with the surgery....she has lost well over a hundred pounds and has started to gain a little of it back....and she is just as unhappy now as she was before she went in for the surgery....

Another eye opener....she runs a daycare and when other people bring in things she can't eat she gets so angry she throw its out....including leftover stuff that the teachers wanted to take home later from parties and such....I cannot stress enough that surgery changes you physically but it fixes nothing mentally.....

I keep watching this and thinking to myself, "well, if the post surgery eating requirements are low carb then why not just do low carb and skip the surgery and work on the mental part...."

Sorry to be so negative...it is the only experience I have firsthand to share.....I am sure there are some positive ones out there.....

[mikeysmommy33]

Originally Posted by LowCarbInFL

the thing that was going on in her brain that made her eat secretly and hide food to eat later was not fixed with the surgery....she has lost well over a hundred pounds and has started to gain a little of it back....and she is just as unhappy now as she was before she went in for the surgery....

I am wondering what is going to happen long term or even really directly after the surgery. I have a feeling that she is going to have a hard time with eating correctly - she has always had a hard time with things like fritos and taco bell and stuff - I used to be her roomy several years ago back and she ate tons of junk food- heck I did too! She seemed to have lots of cheats on ATKINS too - so I am wondering if she is going to really be able to adhere or make up excuses to eat bad after this surgery too. I do know too that she likes to go to the bar and have several drinks etc especially on the weekends. I know that the diet is pretty crucial afterwards in eating appropriately especially since what I have read in the replys to my post. I just hope that she doesn't cause major physical harm to herself. DYING from weight loss surgery or being very sick and not enjoying life afterwards is NOT going to be pleasant if it goes that direction. I think a big part of this too is that she wants to have kids and she said that she thinks that her weight has a lot contributing that she can't have kids or SEEMS to not be able to have kids. She's not married and I think she wants to settle down. She has even made mention to me that she doesn't need to have the man around etc...just wants a baby. I know it's hard for her since she see's so many of her friends with kids and husbands etc. I read in the pros and cons on this one surgery site and it said that sometimes women that get pregnant after the surgery end up with babies with birth defects due to not enough nutrition from the Mom having this surgery! I HOPE everything works out in ALL areas of this surgery and her life afterwards.