Whats the right thing to do?

elyseelyse · 04-11-2006, 12:04 PM

. . .regarding people who snubbed you when you were at your heaviest and now they appear "friendly"?

Let by gones be by gones? Or, just ignore them the way they did to you before?

High Hopes · 04-11-2006, 12:07 PM

I think it would depend on who it is. If it's relatives, to keep peace in the family I'd ignore the past and go with what's happening now. If it's others like co workers and such, I'd be cordial but not "into them". The reality of it is if they weren't your friend before, they really aren't now.

whippetlady · 04-11-2006, 12:09 PM

What a dilema! How about asking them point blank if they perhaps think that "Fat" is contagious???
Seriously I don't think I would want to be freindly with people who are so prejudiced.

AmyJuli · 04-11-2006, 12:13 PM

Personally, it depends on the situation, but for the most part I'd give the benefit of doubt. Maybe I was more introverted then, now that I'm skinny I smile all the time and skip in the hallways. (Well, almost.

) And people are naturally attracted to upbeat people...

nina_2021 · 04-11-2006, 12:16 PM

I guess I'm not that forgiving. I figure, if they didnt like you then are they really the kind of people you want in your life? A person's essense, I believe, doesnt change. Cruel will always be cruel, they just learn to hide it. The

jedswife · 04-11-2006, 12:18 PM

tell them to kiss your butt! i hate people like that! i wasnt good enough then but i am now - tell them to bite you.

Colo Alex · 04-11-2006, 12:20 PM

I don't think I would ignore them, but I would not become their friend either. Who needs friends like that??

Tylar_Connar · 04-11-2006, 12:20 PM

If it was a guy I would say forget you. If its family and friends...what do they care how big/small you are?

MaWhit · 04-11-2006, 12:23 PM

I'd be friendly and polite, but I don't think I'd ever trust them with my heart.

Going2 · 04-11-2006, 12:24 PM

Also, sometimes you change too. Maybe you're projecting more confidence and are feeling well and that's making you come across as more approachable or friendly.

Tylar_Connar · 04-11-2006, 12:25 PM

And yes, I would say ppl change to...if you have then i would take that into consideration. But I am a shy person smaller and fat...

Hoops · 04-11-2006, 12:34 PM

I agree with Amy. You probably are smiling more and more confident. People gravitate towards happy, confident people.

Do whatever feels right.

SummerWind · 04-11-2006, 12:41 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Colo Alex

I don't think I would ignore them, but I would not become their friend either. Who needs friends like that??

Exactly! I couldn't say it more simply or better.

Just think how lucky you are. They've already shown you their character.

elyseelyse · 04-11-2006, 12:49 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by SummerWind

Exactly! I couldn't say it more simply or better.

Just think how lucky you are. They've already shown you their character.

How very true indeed! I have one VERY specific person in mind who is the self proclaimed leader of the "lets make certain people feel as unwelcomed as possible when they move on to our street." I want to tell her where to go more than you can EVER imagine . . . . but common sense prevails and I keep my comments to myself.

beachlvr58 · 04-11-2006, 12:51 PM

I would not give them the time of day..Lisa

happy2Bhere · 04-11-2006, 01:12 PM

I don't know the reason for their sudden willingness to be your friend, but I do know that when I am feeling better I "act" nicer. Could it be that they are reacting to your new found happiness or maybe a more outgoing personality? Are you just generally more fun to be around now?

Edited to add that I hadn't read Going2's thread yet, but I obviously agree.

Jennyl · 04-11-2006, 01:29 PM

I don't think I would be able to trust them. I would have a civil relationship but I doubt it would become a meaningful friendship.

Cookie41 · 04-12-2006, 04:02 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by elyseelyse

. . .regarding people who snubbed you when you were at your heaviest and now they appear "friendly"?

Let by gones be by gones? Or, just ignore them the way they did to you before?

Gee this is a hard one, I couldent be friends with a person that just saw the outside of me and not the inside it just seems to fake how can a person like and be nice just because you are thin?? That is odd?? To me it is

RogerD · 04-12-2006, 06:31 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Jennyl

I don't think I would be able to trust them. I would have a civil relationship but I doubt it would become a meaningful friendship.

Same here. Show your character by being polite.

But as the others stated, it may be your increased confidence instead of your decreased size.

Bubbles · 04-12-2006, 05:31 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by elyseelyse

. . .regarding people who snubbed you when you were at your heaviest and now they appear "friendly"?

Let by gones be by gones? Or, just ignore them the way they did to you before?

Some women would date them anyway.

True friends do not judge you on looks. My buddies come in all shapes,sizes, ages etc. If someone cannot see inner beauty then don't waste your time with them. YOU didn't change, you just lost weight.

Barbara Ray · 04-12-2006, 07:38 PM

I do think that one projects more confidence when they feel good about themselves. However - IF someone didn't like me when I was FAT and all of a sudden thought I was "worthy" of their friendship now that I'm thinner - I would have a problem accepting their "hand of friendship".

Proverbs 17:17 says a "friend" loveth at all times!!! - doesn't say only when a friend meets your expectation of what they're supposed to look like.

gettingstrength · 04-12-2006, 09:19 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by whippetlady

What a dilema! How about asking them point blank if they perhaps think that "Fat" is contagious???
Seriously I don't think I would want to be freindly with people who are so prejudiced.

ditto

elyseelyse · 04-14-2006, 06:04 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by RogerD

Same here. Show your character by being polite.

But as the others stated, it may be your increased confidence instead of your decreased size.

I would love to give the benefit of the doubt to certain people regarding that statement. It is just hard to do when they look you up and down as you approach. You can't help but know what is going thru their minds. I have always been me - I am pretty confident of that. I am loyal to the end - but scr3w me once, and I will remember it like no one's business. The thing that stings the most - my kids were not invited to things like holiday gatherings, pool parties and outings because for some reason or another I was not "good enough" for their moms. Don't get me wrong - I have plenty of friends (both w/ and w/o young kids) who like me for me. I just am so unsure now what to do about certain people. Carry a life long grudge or put it in the past and be social. I will never trust them either way - but I am uncertain what the right answer is regarding exploring any type of interaction.

angela233 · 04-23-2006, 02:51 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by elyseelyse

How very true indeed! I have one VERY specific person in mind who is the self proclaimed leader of the "lets make certain people feel as unwelcomed as possible when they move on to our street." I want to tell her where to go more than you can EVER imagine . . . . but common sense prevails and I keep my comments to myself.

i would never want to be TRUE friends with someone like that, if you need to be cordial ( so kids get invited to neighborhood parties) do so, but obviously you can't be real friends with people that play these games (I'm trying to teach this idea to my dd (she's 10))

angela

Antigone · 04-23-2006, 04:16 AM

hmn, this has never happened to me actually but if it does, id just take it with a grain of salt, be nice to them, but I don't think they'd ever be my friends.

nedgoudy · 04-23-2006, 01:38 PM

Do not place complete trust
in any human being, animal
or situation. In all cases,
expect the best but prepare
for the worst.

I try to live by those words...

shananigan · 04-23-2006, 03:40 PM

I have difficulty with this. However, I know the Bible says we forgive those who treat us badly, even if they do it over and over, we are always to forgive them.
That does not mean we have to be "friends" but let it go!

lexus4me · 04-23-2006, 03:43 PM

I would let bygones be bygones, You don't need the negative feelings pent up inside of you.

elyseelyse · 04-25-2006, 10:51 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by angela233

i would never want to be TRUE friends with someone like that, if you need to be cordial ( so kids get invited to neighborhood parties) do so, but obviously you can't be real friends with people that play these games (I'm trying to teach this idea to my dd (she's 10))

angela

That is exactly it, a game. I think some people wanna be queen bee at all costs. If that means picking and choosing when others can come into their lives, then that is what they do.

lostdixiechic · 05-20-2006, 06:55 AM

The proverbs verse above teaches how to tell an acquaintance from a true friend. Jesus teaches us in John 13:34 "So now I am giving you a new commandment: Love each other. Just as I have loved you, you should love each other."

Be kind to everyone, those who are worth your friendship will be there for the long haul, those who aren't will eventually go away on their own. And just because you are nice to someone does not make them a friend who you confide in.

God Bless,
Trisha

04-11-2006, 12:04 PM	#1
elyseelyse Way too much time on my hands! Join Date: Oct 2005 Location: Just north of the Peoples Republic of Cambridge Posts: 12,884 Gallery: elyseelyse Stats: Still too much....grrrrrr.... WOE: Counting calories w/ a LC emphasis Start Date: Sept 2005	Whats the right thing to do? . . .regarding people who snubbed you when you were at your heaviest and now they appear "friendly"? Let by gones be by gones? Or, just ignore them the way they did to you before?

04-11-2006, 01:12 PM	#16
happy2Bhere MAJOR LCF POSTER! Join Date: Aug 2005 Posts: 2,020 Gallery: happy2Bhere	I don't know the reason for their sudden willingness to be your friend, but I do know that when I am feeling better I "act" nicer. Could it be that they are reacting to your new found happiness or maybe a more outgoing personality? Are you just generally more fun to be around now? Edited to add that I hadn't read Going2's thread yet, but I obviously agree. Last edited by happy2Bhere : 04-11-2006 at 01:14 PM.

04-11-2006, 01:29 PM	#17
Jennyl Way too much time on my hands! Join Date: Apr 2003 Location: calgary Posts: 24,141 Gallery: Jennyl Start Date: manana	I don't think I would be able to trust them. I would have a civil relationship but I doubt it would become a meaningful friendship. Last edited by Jennyl : 04-11-2006 at 01:29 PM. Reason: sp

04-12-2006, 07:38 PM	#21
Barbara Ray Senior LCF Member Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: Miami-Dade, Florida Posts: 691 Gallery: Barbara Ray Stats: 230/150/162/150 WOE: Low Calorie/Low Glycemic Load/Low Carb	I do think that one projects more confidence when they feel good about themselves. However - IF someone didn't like me when I was FAT and all of a sudden thought I was "worthy" of their friendship now that I'm thinner - I would have a problem accepting their "hand of friendship". Proverbs 17:17 says a "friend" loveth at all times!!! - doesn't say only when a friend meets your expectation of what they're supposed to look like. Last edited by Barbara Ray : 04-12-2006 at 07:39 PM.

04-11-2006, 12:07 PM	#2
High Hopes Senior LCF Member Join Date: Apr 2006 Posts: 111 Gallery: High Hopes	I think it would depend on who it is. If it's relatives, to keep peace in the family I'd ignore the past and go with what's happening now. If it's others like co workers and such, I'd be cordial but not "into them". The reality of it is if they weren't your friend before, they really aren't now.

04-11-2006, 12:09 PM	#3
whippetlady Blabbermouth!!! Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: OH Posts: 6,623 Gallery: whippetlady Stats: 157/133/130 5'5 small frame WOE: Protein and Bourbon Start Date: Feb. 22, 2006	What a dilema! How about asking them point blank if they perhaps think that "Fat" is contagious??? Seriously I don't think I would want to be freindly with people who are so prejudiced.

04-11-2006, 12:13 PM	#4
AmyJuli Blabbermouth!!! Join Date: Oct 2003 Location: Manchester, NH Posts: 7,134 Gallery: AmyJuli Stats: 177 high, 122 low, lots in between WOE: Atkins Start Date: 7/9/03	Personally, it depends on the situation, but for the most part I'd give the benefit of doubt. Maybe I was more introverted then, now that I'm skinny I smile all the time and skip in the hallways. (Well, almost. ) And people are naturally attracted to upbeat people...

04-11-2006, 12:16 PM	#5
nina_2021 MAJOR LCF POSTER! Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: Upstate New York Posts: 1,007 Gallery: nina_2021 Stats: 18-20plus-size/14-misses/10 WOE: low carb Start Date: 2/20/2006	I guess I'm not that forgiving. I figure, if they didnt like you then are they really the kind of people you want in your life? A person's essense, I believe, doesnt change. Cruel will always be cruel, they just learn to hide it. The

04-11-2006, 12:18 PM	#6
jedswife MAJOR LCF POSTER! Join Date: Feb 2003 Location: Texas Posts: 2,909 Gallery: jedswife Stats: 220/160/140 WOE: Body By Atkins	tell them to kiss your butt! i hate people like that! i wasnt good enough then but i am now - tell them to bite you.

04-11-2006, 12:20 PM	#7
Colo Alex MAJOR LCF POSTER! Join Date: Mar 2006 Location: Western Colorado Posts: 1,143 Gallery: Colo Alex Stats: 297/217/185 WOE: Eat Right and Exercise!! Start Date: August 2003 - Several Re-starts since!	I don't think I would ignore them, but I would not become their friend either. Who needs friends like that??

04-11-2006, 12:20 PM	#8
Tylar_Connar Way too much time on my hands! Join Date: Nov 2005 Posts: 12,439 Gallery: Tylar_Connar Stats: 198177150 WOE: 27 lbs to go for now Start Date: 10/14/06-165, 11/23/07 180	If it was a guy I would say forget you. If its family and friends...what do they care how big/small you are?

04-11-2006, 12:23 PM	#9
MaWhit Senior LCF Member Join Date: Apr 2006 Location: southern CO Posts: 236 Gallery: MaWhit WOE: healthy gluten-free sugar-free lower carb Start Date: April 2006	I'd be friendly and polite, but I don't think I'd ever trust them with my heart.

04-11-2006, 12:24 PM	#10
Going2 Senior LCF Member Join Date: Jan 2003 Location: Alexandria, VA Posts: 508 Gallery: Going2 Stats: 205/195(166)/150 5'8" WOE: Atkins Start Date: January 2003	Also, sometimes you change too. Maybe you're projecting more confidence and are feeling well and that's making you come across as more approachable or friendly.

04-11-2006, 12:25 PM	#11
Tylar_Connar Way too much time on my hands! Join Date: Nov 2005 Posts: 12,439 Gallery: Tylar_Connar Stats: 198177150 WOE: 27 lbs to go for now Start Date: 10/14/06-165, 11/23/07 180	And yes, I would say ppl change to...if you have then i would take that into consideration. But I am a shy person smaller and fat...

04-11-2006, 12:34 PM	#12
Hoops Very Gabby LCF Member!!! Join Date: Jul 2004 Location: Las Vegas Posts: 4,035 Gallery: Hoops Stats: 5'9" goal size 8/10	I agree with Amy. You probably are smiling more and more confident. People gravitate towards happy, confident people. Do whatever feels right.

04-11-2006, 12:51 PM	#15
beachlvr58 MAJOR LCF POSTER! Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: PA Posts: 1,516 Gallery: beachlvr58 WOE: Low Carbing Start Date: 1/23/06	I would not give them the time of day..Lisa

04-23-2006, 04:16 AM	#25
Antigone Guest Join Date: Apr 2006 Location: Earth Posts: 2,114 Gallery: Antigone	hmn, this has never happened to me actually but if it does, id just take it with a grain of salt, be nice to them, but I don't think they'd ever be my friends.

04-23-2006, 01:38 PM	#26
nedgoudy Senior LCF Member Join Date: Apr 2006 Location: Southern California Posts: 72 Gallery: nedgoudy Stats: 240/153/160 WOE: Whey Protein Milkshakes and Low Carb Dinner Start Date: August 1999	Do not place complete trust in any human being, animal or situation. In all cases, expect the best but prepare for the worst. I try to live by those words...

04-23-2006, 03:40 PM	#27
shananigan Senior LCF Member Join Date: Jul 2002 Location: Vacaville, California Posts: 126 Gallery: shananigan Stats: 270/202/170 WOE: Induction all the way!	I have difficulty with this. However, I know the Bible says we forgive those who treat us badly, even if they do it over and over, we are always to forgive them. That does not mean we have to be "friends" but let it go!

04-23-2006, 03:43 PM	#28
lexus4me Senior LCF Member Join Date: Apr 2005 Posts: 453 Gallery: lexus4me	I would let bygones be bygones, You don't need the negative feelings pent up inside of you.

05-20-2006, 06:55 AM	#30
lostdixiechic Senior LCF Member Join Date: Mar 2001 Location: Texas Posts: 211 Gallery: lostdixiechic WOE: atkins	The proverbs verse above teaches how to tell an acquaintance from a true friend. Jesus teaches us in John 13:34 "So now I am giving you a new commandment: Love each other. Just as I have loved you, you should love each other." Be kind to everyone, those who are worth your friendship will be there for the long haul, those who aren't will eventually go away on their own. And just because you are nice to someone does not make them a friend who you confide in. God Bless, Trisha