I'm new to this board, so I aplogize....

[mcwehrle]

you'll probably want more deets, so feel free to ask, I gues....

short story, four years ago tried to commit suicide the first time. Had many problems with DH, our internet use, more the inappropriateness of it...it started out as a "shared" thing, then morphed into something ugly. I was not getting treatment at the time, did everything online BUT have an actual affair, so did DH, turned allll bad, tried to kill myself again, moved out, tried to work it out, got divorced, ended up back dating each other, he asked me to move back, I did in Jan this year...and now....it's like we're room mates....his only comments have been "I just wanted it to be like it was before"...and my thoughts are NO, I don't...that's what got us divorced in the first place. We do love each other, we don't want to "be" with anyone else, neither of us chats online anymore inappropriately....by that I mean I chat ONLY to my girlfriends, and he to a couple of people we both have known forever.

There's so much more in the buildup/destruction story that I just don't want to type it all out, but as most of you know,. there was a WHOLE lot more going on that what I've said. Now, it's like he doesn't care if I am here or not, if I get really sad, he'll help out, but I am done whining or beeeyotching about it. He didn't help me move. not a single thing. it's all piled in a spare room, he's not done anythign to make me truly think he's happy to have me back, except for saying "thanks" for making dinner every night. He's not approached me romantically in over 6 weeks, and the last time was a "quickie before work" thing. I wonder why I am even here. Did he just say he wanted me back because he wanted a maid/cook/grocery runner? Did he just want my (substantially more than when I left) paycheck to come back?

And quite honestly, and I know I'm wrong here, but I am NOT dragging him into "talking'. if I do that, he's all set for a fight, when I don't want to.

Either way, I gave up my rental house for him, and as long as I am here, I'm just going to go on, help with bills and stockpile money. I really have no idea what the coming year is going to bring.

We were together 7 years before the problems started. And yes, I went through two years of counseling, still go occassionally, but he won't even consider couples counseling.

I really wanted this to work, and I think I'm just "convenient" for him. I guess the upside is I'm not his sex toy, because we don't have sex. We've barely touched each other in 7 weeks.

I'm not sure what I was looking for when I posted this, maybe I just needed to get it out.

Thanks for listening.

~Mer

[Bubbles]

Oh sweetie. I am so sorry. I think you know deep down you are not happy and need a change. Clinging to each other for fear of change is not good. You need a mate that supports you and wants you body and soul.
I think you both need to sit down and talk about what you want out of the relationship/life.

[Kiara874]

Yep, want more details.

How does he treat you?

Does he want to spend any time with you?

Are you getting ANYTHING out of this relationship?

[beckyb17]

(((Merry)))

[sillykimmie]

I'm wishing the best for you!

[JanMarie3]

That's okay if he won't go to counseling, but his unwillingness to go, should speak volumes.

Figure out with your counselor what is best for YOU.

Sex isn't everything as long as you both agree on the frequency..........is there a lot of romantic gestures? I would at least need that, sex at a certain time in life is highly overrated. just my .02

[mcwehrle]

To answer as best I can, he treats me VERY well....lots of hugs, kisses, grins, we talk about our days, and the "little" things that mean so much...he always takes out the trash as soon as it needs it, shovels the snow, helps keep up with laundry and dishes....there's nothing lacking in the "everyday" things....now, I'm not looking for the "rocket ship shooting stars every friday night" that we used to have, because we've been literally through hell and back, and I know that that is unrealistic. I just....well, would like HIM to start something....yanno? I "got the ball rolling" yesterday afternoon, and it was all you could ever want.....but, am I wrong to feel that maybe he could "start something" too? Or am I just being selfish...it wasn't always this way, he and I were previously sorta "equal" for starting things, for lack of a better way to say it.....I don't expect him to make the first move all the time, but I don't want to be the one all the time...

am I making any sense?

[mcwehrle]

but at the same time....I know this sounds like a contradiction.....I don't feel he's "wanting/needing" me here.......

[gettingstrength]

[JanMarie3]

One thought here.........is his lack of getting the ball rolling due to a medical reason?

My dh hardly ever "wants" it anymore because he is taking medication for his high cholestoral which affect his sex drive. I was begging him to talk to his doctor about this and find some help for the problem. He is very slow in reacting to my suggestions

Then, I hit menopause and don't really feel like it anymore either, so we are more compatible now

I do understand about your feelings of rejection because he is not approaching you. But as long as there are hugs and kisses.........to me that would be more important.