If I hear these comments one more time...

[Stuckon240]

...I am going to go postal on someone. I know our friends and family mean well, especially those that don't and have never had a weight problem, but when they offer up these comments I am about to go postal : (see if these sound familiar)
1. You just don't have enough will power to lose weight
2. You really don't want to be slim
3. You must have self-destructive tendencies
4. Eat less and try harder
5. You just don't want to lose weight badly enough

I admit, I am (was) a carbo addict, and still am an emotional eater. A bad combination to say the least. But to hear that you don't want to lose weight badly enough is one of the cruelest things a person can say.

I also have to fight off spousal sabatoge. She just doesn't understand and refuses to read about the low carb WOE because she thinks it is just another fad diet that I will quiet on. I even have to purchase my own low carb meals/snacks just so I will have them on hand when she prepares a regular meal (for her).

I am wandering if I am the only one that feels that way.

[Smythe]

Gary I totally understand what you are saying, but until this last time around I did not want it bad enough. There may be a grain of truth in that last statement...at least for me that was the case.

[sandooch140]

You will get plenty of people here who'll agree with you on this one, Gary.

I really think that you need to make it clear to your wife how much you need her support right now. Losing weight is not easy, and if you don't have the support of the person closest to you, it'll just make this process even harder for you. I think if you point out that you are concerned about your health and that you want to be here for her for many years to come, you will get her on your side and backing you up.

And after she sees the weigh coming off of you, she will realize that you do mean business and may just join you. I'm slowly but surely getting my husband to come to the low-carb side.

[Magicsmom]

Gary, the only way you can prove they are wrong, is to prove TO them that they are wrong. You can do it!

[TaDa!]

I am so sorry to hear that Gary!!! BUT ... once she sees how well you do, she'll be changing her tune and may even decide to join you!!! LOL!!!

As for unsupportive friends and family (outside of the home), at the beginning I basically cut those people off from any news about my food plan, my lowcarb life and friends and when they'd start to ask me about my weightloss, I would be very vague - no specific numbers, etc. I'd be ever so polite -- but would not share intimate details with those who I could not trust to support me ...

That said, people have come around in amazing way since I have lost so much and I feel I get a lot of respect .. maybe even more than I am due, lol!!!

You can do this! Stick with your online lc community, stay the course, and show them all!!!



Pauline

[Stuckon240]

I hear you all loud and clear. For a long time I did not like myself for the weight I had gained. I decided when I started this past Thursday that I was going to take care of me FIRST, then worry about others. Seems selfish at first glance, but I am refusing to binge or eat the wrong food just because someone wants me to or that is all there is to eat at the time. My resolve is very strong and I do think if I drop about 20+ pounds or more my wife will then understand why I eat bacon and eggs for breakfast.

I just had to get that off my chest.

[Pam in TX]

I can tell you I have tried WW, Slim-Fast, diet pills and was contemplating getting the weight loss surgery.... I figured I would give this a try...... Well, something about this way of eating clicked and it has worked for me.....

I was so afraid of failing on this also, that I didn't even really tell anyone until I had already been eating LC for almost 2 weeks.....

I am sorry that you don't have the support of your family..... Give them time and when they see your successes they will come around.....

Hang in there and come to these boards for support.....

[megz]

I feel so bad about myself, that I told my husband that we will make our "reapperance" this summer...I haven't seen my parents since Christmas, and they live 20 minutes, nearby...I have a super close family, but right now, I just can't face them...because of this very reason...they look at me with total disgust, I know they do, and remarks made about my weight, really make me feel like eating a pizza and washing it down with some italian bread....
I use to see a therapist...she had some wonderful insights on people that try to derail what you are trying to do in life...nod, shake your head, smile, and stay on the rail to success... in the end, make em' eat their words...

[Stuckon240]

No pun intended Megz about making them "eat their words" I wonder if they are low carb?

[TaDa!]

I started the following thread some time ago and it really has helped me with some of the issues you bring up Gary. I do a lot of reading and this topic struck me. I see you have a good attitude and mental strength to go at this! There are some ideas in here that might be a little relevant:

Topic For Thought: Setting Boundaries In Your Life From Those Who Would Violate Them

Topic For Thought: Setting Boundaries In Your Life From Those Who Would Violate Them

[cdn_gal]

1. You just don't have enough will power to lose weight
2. You really don't want to be slim
3. You must have self-destructive tendencies
4. Eat less and try harder
5. You just don't want to lose weight badly enough

Hey Gary, I have heard everyone of these statements and more.... It's probably why I stayed over weight for so long, I was beat down and defeated before I even had a chance to start and try to succeed..... You know the old saying, If you hear it all the time, you start to believe it..... I am also a carb addict, and a binger..... So I know exactly how you are feeling... I have no idea what your going through with the fight of spousal sabatoge, I have never been in that situation, but I cant imagine it being very good.... I just cant fathom why there is no support on her part to help you in any way possible?.....But, just know that we are here to support you in anyway we can..... You are doing so awesome so far, try not to let words of ignorance get ya down.....KUTGW!!!....

[Stuckon240]

Thanks CDN Gal for the encouragement. It is not that she is angry at me for being on this diet, I guess she has seen me try and fail so many times and then I resort back to binging on junk food. I guess the proof will be in the sugar free pudding, huh? I will just have to prove it.....and I will.

[Yellobrix]

FWIW, I think sometimes when we hear people telling us these things, part of why we feel terribly upset is because they are the same things we have been telling ourselves! Truthfully, part of the appeal of Atkins for me is that it does a fine job of killing my hunger pangs. When I get right down to it, the truth is that I honestly have NO willpower. I can't eat just two cookies and think, "Mmm-mmm! That's enough!" Oh, no... I have to eat the entire BOX! With a chocolate milk chaser! Obviously, I didn't gain weight purely by accident.

But part of regaining control is realizing that I don't just naturally have self control, that I have to carefully plan and monitor what I eat, that I have to be watchful of situations that will tempt me, like feeling down or feeling like a celebration.

Another thing that I have to admit to myself is that my weight provides a certain type of safety. Men don't flirt with me. People tend to think of me as thoughful and intelligent rather than sexy -- which sometimes makes me be taken more seriously in the office. I have to admit that by losing weight, I also am making a choice to appear more attractive -- which can be scary.

You have to pick yourself apart -- these comments from others are unwelcome and hurtful -- but that doesn't mean there isn't some truth in there. But this is the cool part -- you get to CLAIM and OWN and CONTROL the truth for yourself, and use it to empower you when you're feeling weak or down.

If you're feeling especially feisty, you can always turn the looking glass back on the other person, and ask them, "Do you feel good about yourself when you say things like that to me?" Or, "What is it, exactly, that you think you're trying to do for me when you say something like that?" They probably won't come back for seconds...

[SugarFreeSheila]

Megz, I cannot imagine you feeling that way about yourself. You're beautiful! If only you knew how others must see you ...

[Tater Head]

Originally Posted by Smythe

Gary I totally understand what you are saying, but until this last time around I did not want it bad enough. There may be a grain of truth in that last statement...at least for me that was the case.

I agree with this because sometimes we don't want it bad enough or we would stick to plan better and not cheat, holding hand up If you look at my sign up date on LCF you'll see I should be thin by now . Something happened this year were I said enough talk about LC dieting, now you need to really do LC for real and stop playing around with it. I am now losing at a steady rate this time around. I stopped cooking all the LC treats on the recipe board and I count everything I eat and measure and weigh my food too.

My son who is 33 years old weighed what you weigh now, he is now 193,thanks to good old Dr. Atkins so it can be done. He didn't cheat like his old mom did and it paid off for him. My point is this, I agree with some of those statements to some degree because I've been there and done that.


Deb....



.

[kviolette]

Thank you for sharing Gary - I just spent the better part of the weekend with people who historically have been either insulting, teasing or just plain mean about my food and refusal to eat something because of the potential for carbs. Why can't people be more like my dad who tells me whatever I need? (My dad isn't great in a lot of ways but around this he is exemplary.)

I am glad that you shared this with us today. The support here is amazing - best wishes to you on your continued journey.

[Smythe]

My mother has tried to sabotage my wt loss. Unfortunately she lives with me! She'll put real bbq sauce in the meat loaf and deny it's in there! I have had to be very careful walking thru that mine field!! Now she says thing sthing like "your skinny now so you can eat normally". My point is that there is always gonna be somebody who wants to derail your progress/success for whatever reason. The trick is seeing them as the ones with the problem and not making their problem yours!
You can do this Gary. For me it took 3 times to get it right and I struggle everyday to keep on track. getting here was the easy part....staying here is the challenge now!

Good luck!

[Yaylocarber]

The easiest way to deal with not having to eat what others prepare is to prep your entrees ahead of time. My DH can have more carbs than I, so the easiest way to accommodate both of us is to cook up a mess of meat entrees in a very simple way and vacuum seal them and freeze them. We then can add whatever to our meals. Plain meat entrees can be sauced, cheesed, or seasoned however. Add vegetable of choice or salad with whatever ingredients and we both are happy and neither one of us resents the other in the process. If the person who is sabotaging you is told you will only eat what you prepare yourself ahead of time, then they will eventually accept that they are wasting their time with their sabotaging efforts and leave you alone. It will become so part of the routine that they may even see how much easier it is for you to get your meal on the table that they will adopt it for themselves. They can add their high carb ingredients at the table or while reheating their own serving and still be happy. We do it all the time.

[dreamerdee]

Gary I do not think you are a bit selfish to take care of yourself first. That is a healthy attitude in my opinion. At the same time, I don't think you can necessarily expect your wife to read up on your woe unless she feels like it.

My DH is not a sabotager of my woe, even tho his is completely different (low fat, and not very strict), but I take care of my own dietary needs, and he does the same. Some foods we both eat, but our tastes are also very different. I have learned to keep my own boundaries clear by taking care of me, and letting him take care of him. Sometimes out at a restaurant he'll ask if I mind if he gets some dessert, and I always tell him to go ahead if he wants it. With the good effects of ketosis, I am not even jealous.

I wish you much success.

[gavinsmom]

You know what will shut them up.... show them that they are wrong...
Then you will have to worry about comments like this

Tell me how you lost all that weight
Gosh you are getting skinny
You dont need to lose anymore weight
Are you starving yourself

People that make the kinds of comments that you mentioned are not concerned about your best interests anyway. They will probably have something negitive to say even if you weigh 130 pounds. You will be an anorexic then. Just prove to yourself you can do it, and be happy with you. That is what is important anyway.

[Sharon]

Originally Posted by Magicsmom

Gary, the only way you can prove they are wrong, is to prove TO them that they are wrong. You can do it!

I agree -- you go for it.

[Zib]

"I even have to purchase my own low carb meals/snacks just so I will have them on hand when she prepares a regular meal (for her)."

She doesn't really need to prepare a "regular" meal. Explain that for most meals (I'm talking dinner here) you have a protein, veggies and/or salad. All that is different is she may want to add a potatoe, rice, macaroni or such as a side dish for herself that you won't eat.

It's really not that wierd of "faddish" a way of eating and maybe this simple explanation will help her see that it's not that different from how most folks eat.

Dana Carpender had a great article about this once in her lowcarbezine.

[JanMarie3]

I too have failed at many diets, but once I discovered Atkins and it worked for me, I realized this is the ONE for life.

When I first read the book and then decided to go to the store and stock up, I got the rolly eyeballs from my dh, because I am sure he was thinking "here we go again".

Can you accompany your wife to the grocery store so that you can stock up on foods that you need. Once your wife sees the weight dropping off you, maybe that will encourage her to join you?

[Stuckon240]

Yeah, I am thinking that the best way is for her to see the weight loss. My first full week ends this Thursday and my wife was shocked the morning (Monday) when all the snack foods including GS cookies and Little Debbies that she bought Friday were still there after a long weekend of watching college hoops on TV. A typical weekend would have those items gone in a heartbeat. BUT not anymore!!

[tlfarhat]

I used to complain about my weight off and on for years. I gave a lot of diets half-hearted attempts. My dh wouldn't try to sabatoge me but wasn't really supportive of me either.

Once I started Atkins and he saw my resolve and results, he's my biggest support - which my 11yr old son is right behind.

I completely understand the "you don't want it bad enough" comment. It was me to a "t" - you do want but not enough to do something about it. Everyone has to get to their breaking point. At some point you stop wanting it and start doing it. Once you do, most of the nay-sayers will see it for what it is... a GREAT thing.

[TaDa!]

Originally Posted by Stuckon240

... my wife was shocked the morning (Monday) when all the snack foods including GS cookies and Little Debbies that she bought Friday were still there after a long weekend of watching college hoops on TV...

Gary You Rock!! She'll come 'round! You just keeping doing what you need to do for Gary!!!!!!!



Pauline