Sons Drinking Problem

Fender · 02-25-2006, 06:55 PM

I am at my wits end! My son just recently turned 21. He has been at the bars every weekend since turning this age! Before he turned 21 he said he would not drink and drive. Well.............that was a lie! I find things out about him all the time. He still lives at home so what I dont find out here from seeing him I get my information elsewhere. He stays out until the bars close and then sleeps it off and gets up and starts drinking again. He has a drinking buddy. Misery loves company I guess. I tell these guys all the time to not drink and drive! I tell them how concerned I am. It all falls on deaf ears. His friend is only 20 and a few months ago he was so bombed out of his mind he wrecked his car and got a DUI Well he got a good lawyer and he got him off of all charges! I thought that was ridiculous! I keep telling my son that he is just asking for trouble! I said you are either gonna kill yourself or someone else! Please stop it! He just thinks he is so cool being 21. I need prayers and advice on how to handle this situation. An ex girlfriend of his picked him and his friend up earlier and took them to the bar. As soon as they left I grabbed all of the car keys and hid them! This wont work every time tho!

Daisy · 02-25-2006, 07:45 PM

My only suggestion would be to consider going to an Al-Anon meeting...

http://www.al-anon.alateen.org/

I'm sending lots of prayers your way.

Daisy

RobinB · 02-27-2006, 09:43 AM

Good idea, Daisy.

I don't have advice either except what I've heard works for some families: tough love. Don't let him live with you if he doesn't follow your rules.

Good luck!!!

JanMarie3 · 02-27-2006, 01:30 PM

My dd had a drinking problem when she was 17/18, she lives with her dad, so I was not even aware of it and I guess he wasn't either.

Finally she got caught at an underage drinking party down the street........she came clean, pulled out the case of wine coolers from under her bed and said she needed help. She went into AA and NA and today has her problem under control.

Until he accepts that he has this problem, I am not sure there is much you can do but go to Al-non meetings and kick him out if he doesn't obey the house rules. I can understand how this part would be very difficult for you.

Cindy P · 02-27-2006, 01:49 PM

My sil was going thru the drinking and driving (from her son) and going out every night........ the drunk driving scares.....the friends doing the same....She finally put her foot down and told him that it had to stop or he had to move out. He moved out in December 28, on Dec 31 he was stopped for drunk driving. Now he is seeing what being a adult is all about. The 300 hours of community service, the fines, the losing of the driving license, the embarrasment that everyone knows he screwed up. I hope your son smartens up before it is too late.

Fender · 02-27-2006, 03:53 PM

Thank you so much for your advice. I had a talk with him yesterday. I can only hope that I got through to him. His father and sister have also spoken to him. Time will tell.

ChefDeb · 02-28-2006, 08:01 AM

I hope this link works....this just happened in our community over the weekend. Such loss and so young. http://www.kcci.com/news/7518735/detail.html
Your son is in my prayers.
Deb

Mule_Freak · 02-28-2006, 10:53 AM

My spouse is an alcholic. He has had so many run ins w/the law. Some how he can get out of being in "big trouble". I try and tell him that he is one day going to take the life of a child/adult that just happened to cross his drunken path. I have tried tears, begging, hiding keys, you name it for 16 yrs I have tried. On top of this when he does get home he is very abusive to me. Mostly verbal, but has been physical, only have myself to blame for that

Finally the straw broke the camels back, he called me to tell me one day he was on the way home, his words to me were "B**ch, you better have dinner ready for me or I will kick your f***ing arse" enough was enough, I was scared. I had to use drastic measures, so I called our local sheriff and begged them not to tell him, they sat at the end of our road and busted him. I thought for sure this would be a "wake up" call, still drinks and drives. I have pretty much come to the conclusion he will only stop when he wants to admit he has a BIG problem, but I dont really think I want to or will be around for the next episode of his. I have beyond had it with him. I just hope and pray your son "wakes up" and see what horrible things can happen w/drinking and driving, my prayers are with you

TUBBY10 · 02-28-2006, 04:08 PM

Set the rules he has to live by in your house. If he chooses not to follow them make him move out. What he does is not out of the ordinary though. I was the same way up until I was 23. The drinking age was 18 then. Usually it is a phase some of us go through and most outgrow it.

CarolynF · 02-28-2006, 05:07 PM

Hi..

He needs to move out of your home and find his own place..He is an adult..and you know he won't stop drinking...and you can't control his behavior..It sounds as though he is either an alcoholic OR heading that way..Have you thought of doing an intervention and getting into rehab???? Drastic measures need to be taken..I think..

If he is adult enough to drink, he is adult enough to support himself..Then maybe he
won't have that much money to drink, pay for a good lawyer, etc..if he is paying his
own rent...

Give him a month's notice..Rehab or move out.

Barbara Ray · 02-28-2006, 09:25 PM

Well intentioned people with well intentioned advice. But, I AM an alcoholic (recovering) - so I KNOW what I'm talking about. Threats and ultimatums don't do the trick. NO one ever successfully quits drinking because of SOMEONE else. HE has to hit HIS bottom - then find help either through God, AA or a Rehab facillity. I kind of agree with the lady who said let him go off on his own - you know "tough love". IF he doesn't have someone to "pick up" the pieces - he has to deal with his situation on his own. And again - nagging won't cut it. I do agree that YOU should seek help for yourself through ALANON - it's a wonderful support group - they don't "teach" you HOW to get your loved one to stop drinking. They teach you to deal with your own feelings and emotions.

Believe me - I lost friends - several jobs - got divorced from my first husband - married another alcoholic (that lasted less than two years) - met a wonderful man and married him to ALMOST loose him and alienated my son. None of that mattered to me when I was drinking! There is no drug in this world MORE powerful than alcohol! It's insidious - and PROGRESSIVE.

I've been sober a LOT of years now - but I don't EVER delude myself into thinking because I don't drink anymore I'm not an alcoholic.

One of the things I did learn years ago is that ALL alcoholics are Hypoglycemics - and should not eat sugar or startchy foods - in other words they should eat low-carb. You might try changing what you feed him - feed him what you eat.

Anyway - my advice - PRAY!!! That's the strongest POWER in the world.

My heart goes out to you - because I remember the pain I put my loved ones through. And, it was only through God's intervention and AA that I found my way back!

Jenbo · 03-06-2006, 11:01 PM

Isnt going to the pub every weekend a right of passage?
Confiscate his carkeys on the weekends if he is going out drinking.
Make him catch a cab.

02-25-2006, 06:55 PM	#1
Fender Very Gabby LCF Member!!! Join Date: Feb 2005 Location: In My Own Little World!!!! Posts: 3,012 Gallery: Fender WOE: Atkins Start Date: 6/26/06	Sons Drinking Problem I am at my wits end! My son just recently turned 21. He has been at the bars every weekend since turning this age! Before he turned 21 he said he would not drink and drive. Well.............that was a lie! I find things out about him all the time. He still lives at home so what I dont find out here from seeing him I get my information elsewhere. He stays out until the bars close and then sleeps it off and gets up and starts drinking again. He has a drinking buddy. Misery loves company I guess. I tell these guys all the time to not drink and drive! I tell them how concerned I am. It all falls on deaf ears. His friend is only 20 and a few months ago he was so bombed out of his mind he wrecked his car and got a DUI Well he got a good lawyer and he got him off of all charges! I thought that was ridiculous! I keep telling my son that he is just asking for trouble! I said you are either gonna kill yourself or someone else! Please stop it! He just thinks he is so cool being 21. I need prayers and advice on how to handle this situation. An ex girlfriend of his picked him and his friend up earlier and took them to the bar. As soon as they left I grabbed all of the car keys and hid them! This wont work every time tho!

02-27-2006, 01:30 PM	#4
JanMarie3 Very Gabby LCF Member!!! Join Date: Jul 2002 Location: Under the Gateway Arch Posts: 3,586 Gallery: JanMarie3 Stats: 140/134/125 5'3" WOE: Atkins Start Date: Registered: August 2000	My dd had a drinking problem when she was 17/18, she lives with her dad, so I was not even aware of it and I guess he wasn't either. Finally she got caught at an underage drinking party down the street........she came clean, pulled out the case of wine coolers from under her bed and said she needed help. She went into AA and NA and today has her problem under control. Until he accepts that he has this problem, I am not sure there is much you can do but go to Al-non meetings and kick him out if he doesn't obey the house rules. I can understand how this part would be very difficult for you. __________________ Jan

02-28-2006, 10:53 AM	#8
Mule_Freak MAJOR LCF POSTER! Join Date: Oct 2004 Location: Ohio Posts: 2,220 Gallery: Mule_Freak Stats: 145/125-130/135 WOE: moderate carbs Start Date: Oct. 2003	My spouse is an alcholic. He has had so many run ins w/the law. Some how he can get out of being in "big trouble". I try and tell him that he is one day going to take the life of a child/adult that just happened to cross his drunken path. I have tried tears, begging, hiding keys, you name it for 16 yrs I have tried. On top of this when he does get home he is very abusive to me. Mostly verbal, but has been physical, only have myself to blame for that Finally the straw broke the camels back, he called me to tell me one day he was on the way home, his words to me were "Bch, you better have dinner ready for me or I will kick your f*ing arse" enough was enough, I was scared. I had to use drastic measures, so I called our local sheriff and begged them not to tell him, they sat at the end of our road and busted him. I thought for sure this would be a "wake up" call, still drinks and drives. I have pretty much come to the conclusion he will only stop when he wants to admit he has a BIG problem, but I dont really think I want to or will be around for the next episode of his. I have beyond had it with him. I just hope and pray your son "wakes up" and see what horrible things can happen w/drinking and driving, my prayers are with you __________________ Sherrie 5' 8 Be A Voice for the Voiceless Just Say NO to Animal Abuse I my Scottish Terrier Quinn From the land of Heather Junie-B my bel rescue horse He's come a LONG way : ) PETERBILT King of the Road

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02-25-2006, 07:45 PM	#2
Daisy Very Gabby LCF Member!!! Join Date: Jun 2002 Location: South Orange County, CA Posts: 3,326 Gallery: Daisy	My only suggestion would be to consider going to an Al-Anon meeting... http://www.al-anon.alateen.org/ I'm sending lots of prayers your way. Daisy

02-27-2006, 09:43 AM	#3
RobinB Heart Writer Join Date: Aug 2004 Location: Maryland Posts: 2,170 Gallery: RobinB WOE: Atkins Start Date: restart March '07	Good idea, Daisy. I don't have advice either except what I've heard works for some families: tough love. Don't let him live with you if he doesn't follow your rules. Good luck!!!

02-27-2006, 01:49 PM	#5
Cindy P MAJOR LCF POSTER! Join Date: Jan 2004 Location: South Georgia Posts: 1,247 Gallery: Cindy P Stats: 347/278/150 WOE: atkins/again after slacking off :( Start Date: june 18, 2003	My sil was going thru the drinking and driving (from her son) and going out every night........ the drunk driving scares.....the friends doing the same....She finally put her foot down and told him that it had to stop or he had to move out. He moved out in December 28, on Dec 31 he was stopped for drunk driving. Now he is seeing what being a adult is all about. The 300 hours of community service, the fines, the losing of the driving license, the embarrasment that everyone knows he screwed up. I hope your son smartens up before it is too late.

02-27-2006, 03:53 PM	#6
Fender Very Gabby LCF Member!!! Join Date: Feb 2005 Location: In My Own Little World!!!! Posts: 3,012 Gallery: Fender WOE: Atkins Start Date: 6/26/06	Thank you so much for your advice. I had a talk with him yesterday. I can only hope that I got through to him. His father and sister have also spoken to him. Time will tell.

02-28-2006, 08:01 AM	#7
ChefDeb MAJOR LCF POSTER! Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: Iowa Posts: 1,694 Gallery: ChefDeb Stats: 240/191/150 WOE: Eat Fat, Get Thin Start Date: 12/2005 - Atkins	I hope this link works....this just happened in our community over the weekend. Such loss and so young. http://www.kcci.com/news/7518735/detail.html Your son is in my prayers. Deb

02-28-2006, 04:08 PM	#9
TUBBY10 Junior LCF Member Join Date: Oct 2005 Posts: 10 Gallery: TUBBY10	Set the rules he has to live by in your house. If he chooses not to follow them make him move out. What he does is not out of the ordinary though. I was the same way up until I was 23. The drinking age was 18 then. Usually it is a phase some of us go through and most outgrow it.

02-28-2006, 05:07 PM	#10
CarolynF Way too much time on my hands! Join Date: Jun 2002 Location: Kansas Posts: 20,522 Gallery: CarolynF Stats: 195/150/139 WOE: Eat Fat, Get Thin/I Can Make You Thin Start Date: January 2001	Hi.. He needs to move out of your home and find his own place..He is an adult..and you know he won't stop drinking...and you can't control his behavior..It sounds as though he is either an alcoholic OR heading that way..Have you thought of doing an intervention and getting into rehab???? Drastic measures need to be taken..I think.. If he is adult enough to drink, he is adult enough to support himself..Then maybe he won't have that much money to drink, pay for a good lawyer, etc..if he is paying his own rent... Give him a month's notice..Rehab or move out.

02-28-2006, 09:25 PM	#11
Barbara Ray Senior LCF Member Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: Miami-Dade, Florida Posts: 691 Gallery: Barbara Ray Stats: 230/150/162/150 WOE: Low Calorie/Low Glycemic Load/Low Carb	Well intentioned people with well intentioned advice. But, I AM an alcoholic (recovering) - so I KNOW what I'm talking about. Threats and ultimatums don't do the trick. NO one ever successfully quits drinking because of SOMEONE else. HE has to hit HIS bottom - then find help either through God, AA or a Rehab facillity. I kind of agree with the lady who said let him go off on his own - you know "tough love". IF he doesn't have someone to "pick up" the pieces - he has to deal with his situation on his own. And again - nagging won't cut it. I do agree that YOU should seek help for yourself through ALANON - it's a wonderful support group - they don't "teach" you HOW to get your loved one to stop drinking. They teach you to deal with your own feelings and emotions. Believe me - I lost friends - several jobs - got divorced from my first husband - married another alcoholic (that lasted less than two years) - met a wonderful man and married him to ALMOST loose him and alienated my son. None of that mattered to me when I was drinking! There is no drug in this world MORE powerful than alcohol! It's insidious - and PROGRESSIVE. I've been sober a LOT of years now - but I don't EVER delude myself into thinking because I don't drink anymore I'm not an alcoholic. One of the things I did learn years ago is that ALL alcoholics are Hypoglycemics - and should not eat sugar or startchy foods - in other words they should eat low-carb. You might try changing what you feed him - feed him what you eat. Anyway - my advice - PRAY!!! That's the strongest POWER in the world. My heart goes out to you - because I remember the pain I put my loved ones through. And, it was only through God's intervention and AA that I found my way back!

03-06-2006, 11:01 PM	#12
Jenbo Way too much time on my hands! Join Date: Apr 2002 Location: BrisVegas Posts: 20,627 Gallery: Jenbo	Isnt going to the pub every weekend a right of passage? Confiscate his carkeys on the weekends if he is going out drinking. Make him catch a cab.