Stress is KILLING ME ...

[ColoradoSweethart64]

or making me want to kill myself.

It started last week, my Stepdaughter had bronchitis for 2 weeks (she's 17) and then had been throwing up off and on allegedly since, well she states 2 1/2 months (since her boyfriend robbed us) ...

So Friday night she has "the worst headache" ever, states she's throwing up, so I take her to the ER. Her labs come back NORMAL ... amazing for someone who's been vomiting for that long. Her CT of the pelvis/abdomen said "mild mesenteric lymphadenitis" ... slightly swollen lymph nodes. Well she calls her Mom (who kicked her out last year because she's a pathological liar) and her Mom, who works for a vet, consulted the Vet with these rather benign results. The Ex calls us and yells at her daughter that those HAVE to be biopsied right away they could be cancer (so says the Vet) ... Now I'm not dissing vets, but that's not exactly who I'd ask a medical opionion on a child. Anyway I went over all this with 2 internal med docs, 1 infectious disease doc and a cancer doc and they all said the same thing ... they would not biopsy or even pursue this, she's fine.

Now, Monday I tell Stepdaughter that from now on I want to see all her vomit so I can see it and tell the MD ... and she stutters, "well, um, sometimes it's spit" ... and guess what ... she has NOT vomited since. Amazing recovery. And during the whole time she's been "sick" she eats pizza hut, taco bell, McDonalds. Funny, if I was that sick, it's the last food I'd want to eat.

So the Ex calls yesterday and is talking to my husband, demanding this test and that test because the VET said so. I went off and told DH that your insurance will NOT pay for unnecessary tests that aren't warranted. So he holds his hand OUT to me and yells, I'm sick of getting crap from both ends here. I lost it and screamed ... his ex emails later that I must be unstable to yell like that, unstable HELL, I am fed up with the theatrics from her lying, self centered child.

So my Valentine's day ended up being a cold, miserable day. His ex emailed me so many times that I told her to leave me alone.

Did I cheat, no I drank a few low carb margarita's which probably wasn't fair because my DH is a recovering Alcoholic (9 mos sober) ... and ate steak. But I'm sooo hurt, and so fed up. Trying to find a marriage counselor now, I have to much love for him and too many years invested to walk out. His daughter is moving back to Cali in June after she graduates. But in the meantime her antics made MY daughter move back to Missouri because she, too was fed up, and I am too.

HELP!!! I am at my wit's end and feel like my world is falling apart.

[Zenngrl]

Never been in your shoes, so no advice..... just

[ColoradoSweethart64]

Originally Posted by Zenngrl

Never been in your shoes, so no advice..... just

And I hope you never are!!!! Thanks for the hugs, felt good to just vent.

[Tylar_Connar]

i am so here w/u. there is always something wrong w/my dh son he is 15. he has problems w/his feet, toes, knees, back, ring worm that has spread cause he wont take care of it, always has a cold, its always something. i say something or yell cause i am fed up w/ their crap and dh says i am psycho. and yes the mother that just up and left them calls and *itches cause we dont take the hpyochodriact (sp) to the dr at ever sniffle...vent to me anytime! i do understand!!

ETA I WOULD HIGHLY ENCOURAGE ANYONE TO STAY AWAY FROM A STEP PARENT SITUATION. I KNOW I WOULD NEVER PUT MYSELF IN THIS SITUATION AGAIN. KIDS KNOW HOW TO PLAY ON THE PARENTS.

[ColoradoSweethart64]

Originally Posted by Tylar_Connar

i am so here w/u. there is always something wrong w/my dh son he is 15. he has problems w/his feet, toes, knees, back, ring worm that has spread cause he wont take care of it, always has a cold, its always something. i say something or yell cause i am fed up w/ their crap and dh says i am psycho. and yes the mother that just up and left them calls and *itches cause we dont take the hpyochodriact (sp) to the dr at ever sniffle...vent to me anytime! i do understand!!

ETA I WOULD HIGHLY ENCOURAGE ANYONE TO STAY AWAY FROM A STEP PARENT SITUATION. I KNOW I WOULD NEVER PUT MYSELF IN THIS SITUATION AGAIN. KIDS KNOW HOW TO PLAY ON THE PARENTS.

I am so sorry that you, too are going thru this. I am so ready to walk out on this marriage; but I also keep thinking just a few more months and she's gone. The ex had the nerve to call me "unstable" because I was yelling, Jiminiy Christmas I am soo sick of the dramatics, and I lost it. I guess I can't yell but she can. Thanks for listening.

[Tylar_Connar]

I to am ready to walk right out the door, many times. I keep thinking they..he has two will be off to college in 1 and 3 more school years and it will all be ok..we will see. We have two littleones tohether or i would have been outta here a long long long time ago.

[ColoradoSweethart64]

Originally Posted by Tylar_Connar

I to am ready to walk right out the door, many times. I keep thinking they..he has two will be off to college in 1 and 3 more school years and it will all be ok..we will see. We have two littleones tohether or i would have been outta here a long long long time ago.

I guess I'm lucky there, we don't have kids together. I have a 21 yr old daughter that he and she got into a physical fight on Memorial Day (he was drunk, has gone to rehab and 9 mos sober) ... she refused to press charges ... Then I have a 18 yr old that his daughter ran out of my house with her crap and she's back in MO with her Dad and refuses to come back (she is going to college here in the fall) until HIS daughter leaves, which should be June 1.

I feel like I'm making him choose, but that's not the case, I am just sick of the antics of this kid. It all has to be about her, for her, and if it's not OH MY GOD here comes a drama, and her Mother is just as bad.

[Tylar_Connar]

I understand. Ad i am sure you resent his daughter for pushing yours out. I am not sure I could take my husband or step child pushing my own daughters out of your/there house!! where is the step daughter going June 1?

Originally Posted by ColoradoSweethart64

I guess I'm lucky there, we don't have kids together. I have a 21 yr old daughter that he and she got into a physical fight on Memorial Day (he was drunk, has gone to rehab and 9 mos sober) ... she refused to press charges ... Then I have a 18 yr old that his daughter ran out of my house with her crap and she's back in MO with her Dad and refuses to come back (she is going to college here in the fall) until HIS daughter leaves, which should be June 1.

I feel like I'm making him choose, but that's not the case, I am just sick of the antics of this kid. It all has to be about her, for her, and if it's not OH MY GOD here comes a drama, and her Mother is just as bad.

[ColoradoSweethart64]

Originally Posted by Tylar_Connar

I understand. Ad i am sure you resent his daughter for pushing yours out. I am not sure I could take my husband or step child pushing my own daughters out of your/there house!! where is the step daughter going June 1?

Back to California. Her Mom has offered to come get her now, but Dad wants her to stay until she graduates. I want her gone now ... I know that's bad. I have never felt so much hatred towards a person/people. It really hurts that DH is being cold to me for speaking my mind, but yet he, his ex AND his daughter can talk about MY kids. Please!!!! I agree, if I was to be single, I would not get involved with ANYONE with kids I'd have to raise or are young. NEVER!!!

[Tylar_Connar]

I have never hated anyone this much either!! My dh older son moved to his moms in Aug. He says cause of me, he had no friends, didnt go out, no girlfriends etc. I resent him. i think he should pay fior his own car b/c we dont have the money to buy him one ..their r 6 of us and dh only one working. i stay home wouldnt benifit us,. well they kept looking at cars and bought one. it was way over price..which i was lied to about. was suppost to get something like a civic came home w/ a red sunbird...sporty!! he wrcked it 2nd week he had it. he isnt paying the insurance either, which his mom was suppost to. she has pais twice i think?? Anyways i know he does alot for them behind my back and that *isses me off to no end. Now, he moved w/his mom and has a job. he said there was no way he could do that here..he has schhol, basket ball didnt have time for it. sure the heck does at his moms..whats up w/that!!! same here and all *e!! breaks loose if u dont say everything nice about his kids but he can say whatever about me or my family and expects me to not say a word! If i were to be single i think i would stay that way cause i would never put my kids or myself (again) through the *ell of step/blended families!!

Originally Posted by ColoradoSweethart64

Back to California. Her Mom has offered to come get her now, but Dad wants her to stay until she graduates. I want her gone now ... I know that's bad. I have never felt so much hatred towards a person/people. It really hurts that DH is being cold to me for speaking my mind, but yet he, his ex AND his daughter can talk about MY kids. Please!!!! I agree, if I was to be single, I would not get involved with ANYONE with kids I'd have to raise or are young. NEVER!!!

[sillykimmie]

YIKES, my heart goes out to both of you. What you're going through sounds very hard.

[ColoradoSweethart64]

Originally Posted by sillykimmie

YIKES, my heart goes out to both of you. What you're going through sounds very hard.

I'd rather have open heart surgery without anesthesia than go through this crap. EVER!!!!

[Okira]

I think you should take her to a vet. What a nut!!! I'm so sorry you're dealing with this. My husband's son move in with us when he was 14 and we almost ended up divorced. I never wanted to tell my husband to choose between his son or his wife, but the stress was killing me. This kid was so completely out of control and he was not only destroying his life but also ours. I wish I could help you, but I can't. It's a very tough situation.
Peace,
Okira

[ColoradoSweethart64]

Originally Posted by Okira

I think you should take her to a vet. What a nut!!! I'm so sorry you're dealing with this. My husband's son move in with us when he was 14 and we almost ended up divorced. I never wanted to tell my husband to choose between his son or his wife, but the stress was killing me. This kid was so completely out of control and he was not only destroying his life but also ours. I wish I could help you, but I can't. It's a very tough situation.
Peace,
Okira

I appreciate that, and I'm sorry you had to go through it. How did your situation rectify itself?

The ex has offered to take her back, but he won't send

[silkandsand]

Originally Posted by Okira

I think you should take her to a vet. What a nut!!! Peace,
Okira

Okira, thanks for the laugh! That was perfect! Yes, take her to the vet!

On a more serious note, I am taking this thread as a very sober warning to look seriously at the implications of divorce and step families...

[Okira]

Well, the situation was fixed after I suffered a miscarriage and got pregnant again. I was under SO much stress that my doctor told me I either change my living situation or risk losing the baby. That was all my husband had to hear and he sent his son back to his mother. Your case is obviously different, but your husband has no right to burden you with his daughter if it's causing this much trouble. By doing this he's allowing the behavior and giving her the upper hand. That's unacceptable. Would he consider taking her to see a therapist? Does he understand exactly how much this is affecting your relationship with him? Is he prepared to lose you over his troubled daughter?
Peace,
Okira

[ColoradoSweethart64]

Originally Posted by Okira

Well, the situation was fixed after I suffered a miscarriage and got pregnant again. I was under SO much stress that my doctor told me I either change my living situation or risk losing the baby. That was all my husband had to hear and he sent his son back to his mother. Your case is obviously different, but your husband has no right to burden you with his daughter if it's causing this much trouble. By doing this he's allowing the behavior and giving her the upper hand. That's unacceptable. Would he consider taking her to see a therapist? Does he understand exactly how much this is affecting your relationship with him? Is he prepared to lose you over his troubled daughter?
Peace,
Okira

I'm not sure he understands how much stress we are under. I am making appt w/ marriage counselor.

To top off today ... SD sends me an email ... do you think I have this: HODGKINS DISEASE ... OH MY GOD it's like she WANTS something wrong with her; in that case, I hope they find something horribly wrong, then she'll get her wish and all the f****** attention she wants, and she'll wish she hadn't started this game. I have a call to our PCP, going to talk to her before her appt. next week. This is BS and I don't know what's up with this kid, but it's getting OLD.

[Okira]

This girl needs some serious help and her Dad better realize it before it's too late.
Peace,
Okira

[Okira]

I just thought of something. How does your husband deal with all of her drama? Does he think she needs help, and if so why hasn't he gotten it for her? Does she lie for the attention? The ex says she'll take her back, but is she willing to get this kid some help? If I were in your shoes I'd have a very long talk with my husband. I'd explain, calmly, that she is causing problems for you and that you are turning over ALL responsibility for her to HIM. She is HIS child and NOT yours. She drove YOUR child away. This is very similar to what happened to me. My stepson moved in and my husband traveled ALL the time for his job, so I was stuck taking care of his crazy child. That's a pile of crap and I would stop immediately. Man, I really feel for you
Peace,
Okira

[Tylar_Connar]

The thing is, in my experience if you talk to the husband calmly or not it still isnt their child. i get u just dont inderstand or care its not ur child. My husband thinks he is the best of everything. Last night (like 3) dh said that ds felt hot did he give him medicine no, did he take his temperature no!! This morning is when he told me this. Well he was fine this morning when he woke up so i thought maybe he was just hot not sick hot. so we went outside and played. it was almost 70!!! Then we came in and ds took a nap. when he woke up we went back outside and I was holding him and he felt hot. so we came back in and i gave him medicine. dh got home and said he was gonna take hime to a Basketball game and i told him he felt hot. Dh was here for like 30 minutes and probably said llike 5X well he shouldnt have been outside today. basically blaming me. i started to take his temperature and it got up to 100.3 and he started throwing up. So, i was headed to the bathroom and dh is like u r holding him wrong ur gonna make him choke. I was like here if ur so perfect u take care of him. Then the dumb butt sat him on the couch AND GAVE HIM GUM!! which he usually swallows and i have told him to stop getting it for him. it doesnt really matter what i do its freakin wrong...grrr..just had to vent. am I over reacting...I dont mean to take nething away from ur post colorado!

[Barbara690]

ColoradoSweetHart64 and Tyler,First to you both.
Can I jump on the bandwagon with you too?I am living in stepmom hell to a now 18 yr old girl for the past 6 yrs.I could go on for days with what I have been through.She has stolen from me,abused my animals(caught her in the act),sabatoged my things(for example:hair spray,I can't tell you how many have been disabled right after I get them or any thing with a pump trigger),told numerous lies to her friends parents and they wanted to turn us in for abuse(they have since called us several times to apologize because they have caught her lying so much,she's stolen from them too).
Counseling,therapy,you name it,we have done it.We finally got a diagnosis of Reactive Attachment Disorder,which means she has never developed remorse,empathy,responsibility for her actions,lying is second nature,sociopathic tendencies(think of those kids that torture animals for fun but don't see what they are doing is wrong).I won't leave her alone with any of my animals for a minute.
Anyway,I have gone through so much guilt because over the years I have developed such dislike for her and I have tried everything I possibly can think of to get her help.She is in her senior year of high school and when she graduates she has to move out.I set her dad down and told him that I had kept my promise to help him raise her and now I didn't owe him or her anything else and that if she didn't go I would.I love my husband with all my heart and our only fights are of her but I will pack up and leave so that my life can be normal again.I'm tired of living in fear in my own home.

I may get flame for all of this but anyone that could walk a mile in my shoes would feel the same way and probably wouldn't have lasted this long with her.

[Okira]

Trust me, sweetie...been there, done that with my stepson. I don't blame you ONE bit. There is nothing harder than loving someone elses child when they constantly hurt you. I'm SO glad I don't have to deal with this anymore because it about killed me. The good news is my stepson turned out to be a wonderful man with 4 children who are an absolute joy to me!
Peace,
Okira

[ColoradoSweethart64]

Originally Posted by Tylar_Connar

The thing is, in my experience if you talk to the husband calmly or not it still isnt their child. i get u just dont inderstand or care its not ur child. My husband thinks he is the best of everything. Last night (like 3) dh said that ds felt hot did he give him medicine no, did he take his temperature no!! This morning is when he told me this. Well he was fine this morning when he woke up so i thought maybe he was just hot not sick hot. so we went outside and played. it was almost 70!!! Then we came in and ds took a nap. when he woke up we went back outside and I was holding him and he felt hot. so we came back in and i gave him medicine. dh got home and said he was gonna take hime to a Basketball game and i told him he felt hot. Dh was here for like 30 minutes and probably said llike 5X well he shouldnt have been outside today. basically blaming me. i started to take his temperature and it got up to 100.3 and he started throwing up. So, i was headed to the bathroom and dh is like u r holding him wrong ur gonna make him choke. I was like here if ur so perfect u take care of him. Then the dumb butt sat him on the couch AND GAVE HIM GUM!! which he usually swallows and i have told him to stop getting it for him. it doesnt really matter what i do its freakin wrong...grrr..just had to vent. am I over reacting...I dont mean to take nething away from ur post colorado!

Oh you're not taking over my post, feel free to post, it's nice to know that I am not the only one going thru this.

[ColoradoSweethart64]

Originally Posted by Barbara690

ColoradoSweetHart64 and Tyler,First to you both.
Can I jump on the bandwagon with you too?I am living in stepmom hell to a now 18 yr old girl for the past 6 yrs.I could go on for days with what I have been through.She has stolen from me,abused my animals(caught her in the act),sabatoged my things(for example:hair spray,I can't tell you how many have been disabled right after I get them or any thing with a pump trigger),told numerous lies to her friends parents and they wanted to turn us in for abuse(they have since called us several times to apologize because they have caught her lying so much,she's stolen from them too).
Counseling,therapy,you name it,we have done it.We finally got a diagnosis of Reactive Attachment Disorder,which means she has never developed remorse,empathy,responsibility for her actions,lying is second nature,sociopathic tendencies(think of those kids that torture animals for fun but don't see what they are doing is wrong).I won't leave her alone with any of my animals for a minute.
Anyway,I have gone through so much guilt because over the years I have developed such dislike for her and I have tried everything I possibly can think of to get her help.She is in her senior year of high school and when she graduates she has to move out.I set her dad down and told him that I had kept my promise to help him raise her and now I didn't owe him or her anything else and that if she didn't go I would.I love my husband with all my heart and our only fights are of her but I will pack up and leave so that my life can be normal again.I'm tired of living in fear in my own home.

I may get flame for all of this but anyone that could walk a mile in my shoes would feel the same way and probably wouldn't have lasted this long with her.

I'm sure as hell not gonna flame you ... you've been thru hell, too.

I don't know what my husband believes. Right now he seems to be bending over backwards to do whatever his ex wants. Or whatever the freakin' vet wants. It's getting so old.

I pulled a ton of articles off the internet of people that feign illness to get sympathy, it's pretty widespread!!!