Help me I am about to breakdown

Tylar_Connar · 02-09-2006, 12:01 PM

cry, go crazy whatever. i have a 2 year old who is mean, talks back and wont listen at times he is sweet. A 7 month old who cries all day if not held and wont sleep unless held and wont even talk about the husband. I have had a few times away from them. I am also watching my brother who is 4 and him and the 2 yr old fight constantly!!! I dont know wht to do...i am about to go cry.....any suggestions? how to deal w/all ways have to be held and crying 7 month old and a terrible 2 year old. i love my kids to death but the are two hard kids and are working on my nerves and insanity...i use to be a veryyyyy patient person!!!!

catr31 · 02-09-2006, 12:08 PM

My oldest son was just like your 2 yo at that age. The only thing that worked for me was to ignore him. He would yell and kick and get really upset. I would just pick him up and put him in his room. If he came out and was still that way he would go back in. While he was acting that way, I never aknowleged him except to say I will talk to you when you calm down. Now for the baby, I would start putting him down and letting him cry. Start with just a few minutes and then do longer and longer periods. Mine both had baby seats and I would just put them beside me while I was washing dishes, paying bills, folding laundry, ect. The whole time I would talk calmly to them, even if they were crying. And I just want to add, they do outgrow this.

fatbottomgirl · 02-09-2006, 12:27 PM

Put him in his room and make him stay there until he is nice. He may spend most of his day there, but he will eventually learn.

It will pass, they will get older, and you will make it!

Tylar_Connar · 02-09-2006, 12:38 PM

allll of his toys r n there....

Quote:

Originally Posted by fatbottomgirl

Put him in his room and make him stay there until he is nice. He may spend most of his day there, but he will eventually learn.

It will pass, they will get older, and you will make it!

Kattbelly · 02-09-2006, 03:15 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Tylar_Connar

allll of his toys r n there....

The idea is not to make him miserable, but to teach him that anti-social behavior will not be tolerated and he will have to be removed from other people until he learns to control himself.

Small children don't know how to control themselves yet, and this kind of "conditioning" helps them to learn that there are consequences to his behavior. He is craving guidance at this young age. Little kids are actually comforted by knowing that their parent is a solid authority figure that they can rely on to always be in charge.

It's hard at first, but if you are consistent you will see results quickly.

I wish you all the best!

Tylar_Connar · 02-13-2006, 03:06 PM

See, this is my problem...dh thinks that he doesnt know right from wrong. and when he throws a tantrum, screams, cries he gives in. me, i dont and dont want him to. If he hits me or throws things or will not pick up something...i tell him once and then say if you dont you will have to sit in time out....and if he doesnt do it then i set him in time out and then make him pick up or whatever he didnt do and explain that it hurts or we dont do whatever he did. the big things now are hitting me when he gets upset, telling me no, throwing things, or just not listening, and throwing tantrums. it would be easier if dh and i were in agreement. he thinks he is to young to undertand...I DONT! a

Kattbelly · 02-13-2006, 10:09 PM

Sorry you're having this problem Tylar. It's rough when parents don't agree on how to discipline. You're right that he's not too young to understand. However you decide to handle this, consistency is the key.

Maybe you could help your husband to understand by pointing out to him that even little bitty kids are smarter than an animal, say a dog or a cat. But if you consistently train even a pet that only goes by insticts, you'll get good behavior. How much more so an intelligent child. Consistently training children how to behave properly-rewards, such as praise, for good behavior, punishment, such as time-outs or being spoken to firmly, for bad behavior.

You obviously really care about the welfare of your children, and that is terrific. So many parents today don't ask for help or put much effort into figuring out how to really solve problems, and I really commend you for trying.

Take care-

JanMarie3 · 02-27-2006, 01:46 PM

When my last two kids were small, husband and I didn't agree on disipline either. We found a parenting class at the YMCA, which really helped us both out.........especially dh

Tylar_Connar · 02-27-2006, 02:34 PM

thank you...thats a good idea...he has two older children and says he did fine with them...getting him to those classes would be way difficult..but worth a try!!!

tfaith7 · 02-28-2006, 03:33 PM

I read your post yesterday but didn't reply, and couldn't get you out of my mind all day today. I'll try to make this post short but I have a 4-year-old daugher and a 2-year-old son, so I can relate to what you're going through. It sounds like you are going through what every parent periodically goes through: a rough season. It seems like your seven-month-old is right on target developmentally ... I think their crying when they can't be next to you, though it will drive you crazy, is completely normal. Take courage! This too shall pass. I would work on the sleeping thing first (what a blessing we give our child when we teach them how to get to sleep on their own) and I think the daytime thing might take care of itself. What helps get me through those times is when I remind myself, "Okay, I don't need to worry so much. They won't be [insert irritating behavior ... like wanting to be held nonstop, draining sippy cup on carseat, etc] when they are thirty."

Now your two year old is a different story. I think if you don't get the behavior thing under control now, you will have serious problems when the little guy is thirty. My daughter is very compliant and loves to please mommy. My son popped out with a temper. What has really helped us is doing exactly what the others suggested. When he starts an inappropriate behavior, I tell him, "Mommy loves you, however you must go to your room and stay there until you can [calm down, stop hitting, get yourself under control, etc.] You may rejoin the family when you can calm down." I also often say, "I love you but no one wants to be around you when you behave this way, so go to your room until you can stop." From what I understand, this has to be done 1) in love, and 2) without condemnation or anger. Mommy has to remain calm and in control.

Sometimes if my son doesn't calm down, I'll go in and check on him. If he's still angry, I'll repeat myself and leave him be. If he's crying because he's sad (repentant), I'll hug him and tell him, "I'm so proud of you! I knew you could stop (whatever it was he was doing)."

I know those toys are in there but the discipline is in the removal from the safety of the family circle (though not removal of love). Everyone needs to learn that bad behavior = no fellowship.

I remember reading about how mama horses discipline their young colts and they do the same thing.

Okay, I know I've written a book here but you sounded so stressed. Remember, this is only a season and you'll make it. Bear down and remain strong and consistant, and you probably won't remember all this a year from now. I'm sure you're a great mom! You sound like it, and I can tell you really love your children ... just pushed to the limit like we all get. Hang in there, girl!

megz · 02-28-2006, 03:40 PM

Time out....my husband and I deal out the time outs....BUT never in their rooms, never by a t.v., never near something that will hold their interest.
This does work, but you have to be willing to try it out the first few times.
When the kids act up, as they do, we sit them on the steps in our living room, the bottom step. There is NOTHING TO DO on that step, except look into space. There are no pictures, no toys, just he/she on the step. 2 minutes on the step, is like an eternity to a child of 2 years old.
NOW, that being said, they will get up and try to get off the step. That's when you exercise your muscle and pick them up and put them back....they cry, kick, scratch, fight, but hold your ground, and be firm....add 30 seconds for each time they attempt to "escape".
Funny story, our nephew was here at Christmas, 5 years old, and he got the step...and we forgot about him...poor lil guy was on the step for 20 minutes!!! But he didn't act up again, and he knew that he didn't want to go back there again!

Spider_Lily · 03-01-2006, 04:23 PM

I agree with catr31 and tfaith7 and you need a day for yourself or a couple hours isn,t there someone who could help give you a breather.If I lived there I would help you. A sister brother mother or inlaw someone.

Tylar_Connar · 03-02-2006, 06:08 AM

Good morning and thank you for your replies. I have been doing the replies. Things are getting better. We are still working on things. And even dh has put him in time outs a few times.

And as for the 7 month old now 8 months...he is doing better. we switched his formula and we were only putting half of the directed powder in his bottles and we were directed to try what it is called for which is 4 scoops per bottle. OH my gosh I have a total different child now. It is like night and day. I guess maybe he was just hungry all the time. He now will play, sleep in his bed sometimes for nap and atleast for about 4 hours at night, and he doesnt have a bottle in his mouth all the time and he is having reuglar and not so hard bm's which was a big problem before. My 2 ds are totally different. I think my little 8 month old will be one of those ones who wants to please, he is very timed (how you spell that word), scared easily, and needy. As my other son was needy and wanted to please at times, he is a dare devil, push you to your wits end!!

I think that I will try the time out in the hall...there is nothing there. Sometimes time out doesnt phase him. He will do something and I will say T go and pick that up and he will say or I will sit and time out and he has even went to time out himself.

Thanks again and have a great day!!

Marlee · 03-26-2006, 01:02 PM

I think a group program like parents annoynmous would be great for you. You get to talk to other parents going through the same stuff you are. They have all sorts of activities and the one here even offers child care right on site during the meetings.

Tylar_Connar · 03-26-2006, 01:12 PM

Things are better...two year old listens at times. And 9 month old is all smiles....thank you!!

02-09-2006, 12:01 PM	#1
Tylar_Connar Way too much time on my hands! Join Date: Nov 2005 Posts: 12,439 Gallery: Tylar_Connar Stats: 198177150 WOE: 27 lbs to go for now Start Date: 10/14/06-165, 11/23/07 180	Help me I am about to breakdown cry, go crazy whatever. i have a 2 year old who is mean, talks back and wont listen at times he is sweet. A 7 month old who cries all day if not held and wont sleep unless held and wont even talk about the husband. I have had a few times away from them. I am also watching my brother who is 4 and him and the 2 yr old fight constantly!!! I dont know wht to do...i am about to go cry.....any suggestions? how to deal w/all ways have to be held and crying 7 month old and a terrible 2 year old. i love my kids to death but the are two hard kids and are working on my nerves and insanity...i use to be a veryyyyy patient person!!!!

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02-09-2006, 12:08 PM	#2
catr31 MAJOR LCF POSTER! Join Date: Apr 2003 Posts: 1,206 Gallery: catr31 Stats: 205/150/130	My oldest son was just like your 2 yo at that age. The only thing that worked for me was to ignore him. He would yell and kick and get really upset. I would just pick him up and put him in his room. If he came out and was still that way he would go back in. While he was acting that way, I never aknowleged him except to say I will talk to you when you calm down. Now for the baby, I would start putting him down and letting him cry. Start with just a few minutes and then do longer and longer periods. Mine both had baby seats and I would just put them beside me while I was washing dishes, paying bills, folding laundry, ect. The whole time I would talk calmly to them, even if they were crying. And I just want to add, they do outgrow this.

02-09-2006, 12:27 PM	#3
fatbottomgirl Hawtie in charge of mischief Join Date: Jul 2003 Location: Olathe, KS Posts: 6,180 Gallery: fatbottomgirl Stats: 157/115 5'3" WOE: Low carbin again Start Date: March 15	Put him in his room and make him stay there until he is nice. He may spend most of his day there, but he will eventually learn. It will pass, they will get older, and you will make it!

02-13-2006, 03:06 PM	#6
Tylar_Connar Way too much time on my hands! Join Date: Nov 2005 Posts: 12,439 Gallery: Tylar_Connar Stats: 198177150 WOE: 27 lbs to go for now Start Date: 10/14/06-165, 11/23/07 180	See, this is my problem...dh thinks that he doesnt know right from wrong. and when he throws a tantrum, screams, cries he gives in. me, i dont and dont want him to. If he hits me or throws things or will not pick up something...i tell him once and then say if you dont you will have to sit in time out....and if he doesnt do it then i set him in time out and then make him pick up or whatever he didnt do and explain that it hurts or we dont do whatever he did. the big things now are hitting me when he gets upset, telling me no, throwing things, or just not listening, and throwing tantrums. it would be easier if dh and i were in agreement. he thinks he is to young to undertand...I DONT! a

02-13-2006, 10:09 PM	#7
Kattbelly Senior LCF Member Join Date: Jul 2004 Location: San Fran Posts: 910 Gallery: Kattbelly	Sorry you're having this problem Tylar. It's rough when parents don't agree on how to discipline. You're right that he's not too young to understand. However you decide to handle this, consistency is the key. Maybe you could help your husband to understand by pointing out to him that even little bitty kids are smarter than an animal, say a dog or a cat. But if you consistently train even a pet that only goes by insticts, you'll get good behavior. How much more so an intelligent child. Consistently training children how to behave properly-rewards, such as praise, for good behavior, punishment, such as time-outs or being spoken to firmly, for bad behavior. You obviously really care about the welfare of your children, and that is terrific. So many parents today don't ask for help or put much effort into figuring out how to really solve problems, and I really commend you for trying. Take care-

02-27-2006, 01:46 PM	#8
JanMarie3 Very Gabby LCF Member!!! Join Date: Jul 2002 Location: Under the Gateway Arch Posts: 3,586 Gallery: JanMarie3 Stats: 140/134/125 5'3" WOE: Atkins Start Date: Registered: August 2000	When my last two kids were small, husband and I didn't agree on disipline either. We found a parenting class at the YMCA, which really helped us both out.........especially dh

02-27-2006, 02:34 PM	#9
Tylar_Connar Way too much time on my hands! Join Date: Nov 2005 Posts: 12,439 Gallery: Tylar_Connar Stats: 198177150 WOE: 27 lbs to go for now Start Date: 10/14/06-165, 11/23/07 180	thank you...thats a good idea...he has two older children and says he did fine with them...getting him to those classes would be way difficult..but worth a try!!!

02-28-2006, 03:33 PM	#10
tfaith7 Senior LCF Member Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: Alabama girl Posts: 93 Gallery: tfaith7 WOE: no grain, pure foods -- healthy!	I read your post yesterday but didn't reply, and couldn't get you out of my mind all day today. I'll try to make this post short but I have a 4-year-old daugher and a 2-year-old son, so I can relate to what you're going through. It sounds like you are going through what every parent periodically goes through: a rough season. It seems like your seven-month-old is right on target developmentally ... I think their crying when they can't be next to you, though it will drive you crazy, is completely normal. Take courage! This too shall pass. I would work on the sleeping thing first (what a blessing we give our child when we teach them how to get to sleep on their own) and I think the daytime thing might take care of itself. What helps get me through those times is when I remind myself, "Okay, I don't need to worry so much. They won't be [insert irritating behavior ... like wanting to be held nonstop, draining sippy cup on carseat, etc] when they are thirty." Now your two year old is a different story. I think if you don't get the behavior thing under control now, you will have serious problems when the little guy is thirty. My daughter is very compliant and loves to please mommy. My son popped out with a temper. What has really helped us is doing exactly what the others suggested. When he starts an inappropriate behavior, I tell him, "Mommy loves you, however you must go to your room and stay there until you can [calm down, stop hitting, get yourself under control, etc.] You may rejoin the family when you can calm down." I also often say, "I love you but no one wants to be around you when you behave this way, so go to your room until you can stop." From what I understand, this has to be done 1) in love, and 2) without condemnation or anger. Mommy has to remain calm and in control. Sometimes if my son doesn't calm down, I'll go in and check on him. If he's still angry, I'll repeat myself and leave him be. If he's crying because he's sad (repentant), I'll hug him and tell him, "I'm so proud of you! I knew you could stop (whatever it was he was doing)." I know those toys are in there but the discipline is in the removal from the safety of the family circle (though not removal of love). Everyone needs to learn that bad behavior = no fellowship. I remember reading about how mama horses discipline their young colts and they do the same thing. Okay, I know I've written a book here but you sounded so stressed. Remember, this is only a season and you'll make it. Bear down and remain strong and consistant, and you probably won't remember all this a year from now. I'm sure you're a great mom! You sound like it, and I can tell you really love your children ... just pushed to the limit like we all get. Hang in there, girl!

02-28-2006, 03:40 PM	#11
megz Senior LCF Member Join Date: Jan 2006 Location: Pittsburgh, PA Posts: 341 Gallery: megz Stats: FAT/ -11 / 145-150 goal!! WOE: ATKINS Start Date: 1/1/2006	Time out....my husband and I deal out the time outs....BUT never in their rooms, never by a t.v., never near something that will hold their interest. This does work, but you have to be willing to try it out the first few times. When the kids act up, as they do, we sit them on the steps in our living room, the bottom step. There is NOTHING TO DO on that step, except look into space. There are no pictures, no toys, just he/she on the step. 2 minutes on the step, is like an eternity to a child of 2 years old. NOW, that being said, they will get up and try to get off the step. That's when you exercise your muscle and pick them up and put them back....they cry, kick, scratch, fight, but hold your ground, and be firm....add 30 seconds for each time they attempt to "escape". Funny story, our nephew was here at Christmas, 5 years old, and he got the step...and we forgot about him...poor lil guy was on the step for 20 minutes!!! But he didn't act up again, and he knew that he didn't want to go back there again!

03-01-2006, 04:23 PM	#12
Spider_Lily MAJOR LCF POSTER! Join Date: Jan 2006 Location: Alabama Posts: 1,188 Gallery: Spider_Lily Stats: 224/198/150 WOE: Atkins Start Date: recommit 5-5-08	I agree with catr31 and tfaith7 and you need a day for yourself or a couple hours isn,t there someone who could help give you a breather.If I lived there I would help you. A sister brother mother or inlaw someone.

03-02-2006, 06:08 AM	#13
Tylar_Connar Way too much time on my hands! Join Date: Nov 2005 Posts: 12,439 Gallery: Tylar_Connar Stats: 198177150 WOE: 27 lbs to go for now Start Date: 10/14/06-165, 11/23/07 180	Good morning and thank you for your replies. I have been doing the replies. Things are getting better. We are still working on things. And even dh has put him in time outs a few times. And as for the 7 month old now 8 months...he is doing better. we switched his formula and we were only putting half of the directed powder in his bottles and we were directed to try what it is called for which is 4 scoops per bottle. OH my gosh I have a total different child now. It is like night and day. I guess maybe he was just hungry all the time. He now will play, sleep in his bed sometimes for nap and atleast for about 4 hours at night, and he doesnt have a bottle in his mouth all the time and he is having reuglar and not so hard bm's which was a big problem before. My 2 ds are totally different. I think my little 8 month old will be one of those ones who wants to please, he is very timed (how you spell that word), scared easily, and needy. As my other son was needy and wanted to please at times, he is a dare devil, push you to your wits end!! I think that I will try the time out in the hall...there is nothing there. Sometimes time out doesnt phase him. He will do something and I will say T go and pick that up and he will say or I will sit and time out and he has even went to time out himself. Thanks again and have a great day!!

03-26-2006, 01:02 PM	#14
Marlee Very Gabby LCF Member!!! Join Date: Jun 2002 Location: NY Posts: 4,791 Gallery: Marlee WOE: Atkins	I think a group program like parents annoynmous would be great for you. You get to talk to other parents going through the same stuff you are. They have all sorts of activities and the one here even offers child care right on site during the meetings.

03-26-2006, 01:12 PM	#15
Tylar_Connar Way too much time on my hands! Join Date: Nov 2005 Posts: 12,439 Gallery: Tylar_Connar Stats: 198177150 WOE: 27 lbs to go for now Start Date: 10/14/06-165, 11/23/07 180	Things are better...two year old listens at times. And 9 month old is all smiles....thank you!!