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#1 |
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MAJOR LCF POSTER!
Join Date: Jan 2006
Location: Oviedo, Florida
Posts: 1,199
Gallery: Deb2005
Stats: 160/99?/115 5' 1 3/4"
WOE: Carnivore, Baby!
Start Date: January 2003
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Caly, SugarFreeShiela, Heatha....
.... And all the others I missed......This is going to sound a little lame, but I have to know.
Do people take you seriously? Caly, I remember a post you made regarding people assuming you are snotty or stupid or stuck up or all 3. It got me thinking about certain types of prejudice. I found that when I was overweight, I was kind of dismissed. Now that I look totally different, I get treated like I have no brains whatsoever. This isn't meant to sound like "I am so dang hot--what a curse", it just seems that few people (outside of close friends and family), assume that because I'm considered pretty that I'm dumb as dirt. I guess I'm venting a little today. Had a pretty bad experience with a client yesterday and it ticked me off. Anyone have any thoughts? Thanks, ya'll Deb
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"I'm not fat...It's all this fur --it makes me look poofy " Where's the Beef? Last edited by Deb2005 : 01-27-2006 at 07:51 AM. |
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#2 |
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Big Yapper!!!!
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you know...when i lost the weight is when people BEGAN to take me seriously...because i was actually committed to something....
However,wheni was heavier I was a "fat bit#h....not I am termed "intimadating" and unapproachable....WTH! |
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#3 |
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MAJOR LCF POSTER!
Join Date: Jan 2006
Location: Oviedo, Florida
Posts: 1,199
Gallery: Deb2005
Stats: 160/99?/115 5' 1 3/4"
WOE: Carnivore, Baby!
Start Date: January 2003
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Well, I'm not saying people aren't "nice" to me (I'm talked to and all, unlike when I was bigger), but it's more patronizing than anything else.
People (usually men) talk to me like I couldn't spell my own name without a cue card and I don't understand why. I have an extremely high IQ (not Mensa material, but high enough) and have a profession that most people don't even understand (I have to explain it over and over and over.....). I don't know.....maybe I'm just being oversensitive or something. Could be that today's just a bad day. But it still doesn't mean I like being treated like a dumba$$. Deb |
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#5 |
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Heart Writer
Join Date: Aug 2004
Location: Maryland
Posts: 2,170
Gallery: RobinB
WOE: Atkins
Start Date: restart March '07
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I found that when I was a size 2 and blonde, and young, I had the same problem until I got into a decent conversation with people. I think it's not just a sexy look that causes the attitude, but being young (or younger than someone else) that causes a reaction.
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#6 |
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MAJOR LCF POSTER!
Join Date: Jan 2004
Posts: 2,011
Gallery: mybigbutt
Stats: 188/184/120
WOE: Atkins
Start Date: 5/29/08 again...
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This is funny, because I have been thinking about this lately. I have a similar problem with the moms at my son's school (and even one of the teachers!). They completely snub me, and when I say hi to them they say hi back in the most unfriendly way possible. I have had this problem (with women only...) my whole life. I am so tired of people holding it against me because they are obviously insecure about themselves. I think if it was truly just me having some sort of a b*tchy or unfriendly "look" then I would have the same problem with men talking to me, right? But, I don't - far from it actually. Ugh. Or, how about the women who chat freely with you, but then when their husbands are around they try their hardest to ignore you. That's great.
Whew. Sorry for the rant. |
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#7 |
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MAJOR LCF POSTER!
Join Date: Feb 2002
Location: Northern California
Posts: 1,671
Gallery: lalabella
Stats: 269/249/160-ish 5'9"
Start Date: restart Oct 08
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i had the same problem. I was blonde, cute, in college (had lost weight and gone down to 165 which was just about right for me) and suddenly all the women seemed to think i was a ***** and all the teachers were patronizing to me. I was furious. I felt alone and was struggling with my new body. Men we approaching me too and it scared me.
But the thing that really made me mad was that people talked to me like i was dumb. Drove me nuts. ![]() edited to add: i usually have more female friends when im fat... and they disappeared once i lost weight. Same thing with the other mom's at school... nobody seems to like a mom who has self esteem... weird.
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bella 270 268 266 264 262 260 258 256 254 252 250 248 247 246 244 242 240 238 236 234 232 230 228 226 224 222 . . .170 "When I lay my head on the pillow at night, I can say 'I was a decent person today'. That's when I feel beautiful." -- Drew Barrymore Last edited by lalabella : 01-27-2006 at 08:52 AM. |
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#8 | |
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MAJOR LCF POSTER!
Join Date: Jan 2006
Location: Oviedo, Florida
Posts: 1,199
Gallery: Deb2005
Stats: 160/99?/115 5' 1 3/4"
WOE: Carnivore, Baby!
Start Date: January 2003
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Quote:
), but I get carded when I buy beer at the grocery store. I also get told they think I am my son's older sister....weird.I guess it's just hard to get to a decent conversation, because folks just assume I have nothing intelligent to say so they don't bother. Deb |
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#9 |
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Junior LCF Member
Join Date: Jan 2006
Location: Michigan
Posts: 48
Gallery: Sugar Addict
Stats: 197/190/125 or bust!
Start Date: January 19, 2006
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Hi Deb,
Here's my theory about men in the workplace: I work in a field that not many women choose to partake in. It has been my experience that when a man is even slightly incompetent in his field, he will pick out someone weaker and expose their weakness so that the attention is off of him. He doesn't always pick on the women but sometimes we're easier targets because we carry ourselves different from men. Our body language is different and so is the way that we talk about our jobs. Even if we are just as qualified as the next man, we appear weaker. Now, guys, I'm not male bashing. Men and women communicate differently. It's a fact. And people in general like to use their "power" to intimidate others. So, Deb, my advice to you is to find your "power" and assert it. You'll find the guys will treat you better. Also, I'm not complaining about working with mostly guys. I'd rather do that because I can swear and make lewd jokes and nobody gets offended. ![]() Last edited by Sugar Addict : 01-27-2006 at 08:56 AM. Reason: spelling |
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#10 | |
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MAJOR LCF POSTER!
Join Date: Jan 2006
Location: Oviedo, Florida
Posts: 1,199
Gallery: Deb2005
Stats: 160/99?/115 5' 1 3/4"
WOE: Carnivore, Baby!
Start Date: January 2003
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Quote:
Actually, I run my own consulting firm from my house. This is a guy who wanted to hire me as a consultant, so I went down to see him (for obvious reasons I don't allow consultations in my house). Now, keep in mind I had been having phone calls w/him for over a week, and the tone was much, much different than when I showed up yesterday. He pissed me off so badly that I charged him 3x my normal fee (and he's the stupid one--he accepted it). I'm not crazy--I have no problem taking his money!! Deb |
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#11 | |
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Junior LCF Member
Join Date: Jan 2006
Location: Michigan
Posts: 48
Gallery: Sugar Addict
Stats: 197/190/125 or bust!
Start Date: January 19, 2006
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Quote:
I'm a freelancer in tv, and I have just recently started a new position. Well, this one client got wind of the fact that I was new before the day of the show, and he did everything in his power to belittle me. I'm still smarting from that. If I was a guy, and maybe a bit more muscular, I bet he wouldn't have been half as bad. He wouldn't believe a word that came out of my mouth. And when I woudn't back down on something (becuase I was right), he went and asked the engineer (who just happened to be my husband that day), and tried to make me sound stupid, but guess what, I was right. There's a fine line between being mean and being assertive, and I'm still trying to find that myself. Good luck with your client. Believe me, I know how they can be. Just dazzle him. I'm sure you can! |
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#12 | |
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MAJOR LCF POSTER!
Join Date: Jan 2006
Location: Oviedo, Florida
Posts: 1,199
Gallery: Deb2005
Stats: 160/99?/115 5' 1 3/4"
WOE: Carnivore, Baby!
Start Date: January 2003
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Quote:
I guess I did wow him with my smarts, as he agreed to the exorbitant fee (yay me!). I started speaking to him (toward the end when I was really mad) in a tone that implied "you do know what I'm talking about, don't you". By the time I left, he was just smiling and nodding. Ding Dong. I guess you could call it a victory. I am kinda sensitive sometimes so I forget my little "wins" (if you wanna call it that). But MAN is he lucky I'm a passivist!! Deb |
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#13 |
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Blabbermouth!!!
Join Date: Mar 2005
Location: Daytona Beach, FL
Posts: 5,289
Gallery: Heatha79
Stats: 230/134/120 5'6
WOE: PSMF
Start Date: 03/23/07
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Yes, I do get disgriminated against, I see it when I walk in the stores, or everyday trotting around. It's funny cause people were mean when I was bigger. It makes your think that no matter who you are, people are going to disgriminate. There will Always be someone who is turned off by you, jealous, or you just dont get along with. And that is for EVERYONE!!!
If people are talking down to me, I just simply dont give them the time of day. People who truely know me, friends, co-workers, family know the person that I am, and its far from the stereo-typical blonde that i get. Although sometimes I'll use it to my advantage. And you probably wouldnt know by looking at me that I am more than what I got on the outside. I scored above genius level on an IQ test, I'm an incredible artist (from what i've heard), I'm modest, shy, funny, and would help anyone if they were in need. That's the type of person I am through and through. And to everyone else that doesnt want to get past my so called blonde image or take me seriously, well, I simply could care less. hahahahahaha ![]() Last edited by Heatha79 : 01-27-2006 at 09:25 AM. |
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#14 |
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Junior LCF Member
Join Date: Jan 2006
Location: Michigan
Posts: 48
Gallery: Sugar Addict
Stats: 197/190/125 or bust!
Start Date: January 19, 2006
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Once his check clears, go get a massage! You deserve it!
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#15 | |
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Blabbermouth!!!
Join Date: Aug 2004
Location: So. CA
Posts: 6,739
Gallery: sandooch140
Stats: 213/138-143 5'5", 44 years young, size 20/6
WOE: Whatever tickles my pickle! ;)
Start Date: January 2003
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Quote:
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__________________
SANDY Change your thoughts, and you change your destiny! |
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#16 | |
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MAJOR LCF POSTER!
Join Date: Jan 2006
Location: Oviedo, Florida
Posts: 1,199
Gallery: Deb2005
Stats: 160/99?/115 5' 1 3/4"
WOE: Carnivore, Baby!
Start Date: January 2003
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Quote:
Deb |
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#17 |
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Senior LCF Member
Join Date: Sep 2004
Location: midwest
Posts: 107
Gallery: snapsgirl
Stats: 148/141./125
WOE: lowcarb
Start Date: 8/04/2004 restart 3/15/2008
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I know exactly what you mean. Like when you are meeting with friends at a public place there are sometimes people you don't know in the group. Friends of friends, etc.There will be a couple there and the husband will notice you and it just infuriates the wife. You can just see it in her face. Then she will actually go out of her way to be rude or not even acknowledge that you are there. I feel like saying "what did I ever do to you for you to treat me like this?"
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#18 | |
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MAJOR LCF POSTER!
Join Date: Jan 2006
Location: Oviedo, Florida
Posts: 1,199
Gallery: Deb2005
Stats: 160/99?/115 5' 1 3/4"
WOE: Carnivore, Baby!
Start Date: January 2003
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Quote:
Go Figure! Deb |
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#19 |
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Very Gabby LCF Member!!!
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I have had this problem my whole life....
In hs girls always hated me, called me names and made up rumors about me. That is until they got to know me then we would become the best of friends. I would always hear the same thing "I use to hate you". In the army I was called Combat barbie which really pissed me off because I was a really good soldier. I could out perform most of the men in my company physically. We have a rating scale that goes to 300 pts, I got a 317 (on an extended scale) and even got awards for it. But it didn't make a difference because I was always over looked for promotion. Maybe if I was flirtatious I would have gotten ahead faster. My room mate while I was in Korea was kinda skanky and made her rounds with a lot of higher ups and she was promoted in no time flat. I, on the other hand, was labeled as a b*&^* because I wouldn't put up with being hit on during work or letting a man do my job. I did everything I could do to prove myself as a competent person and it worked. But then i changed units and it started all over. I was like fresh meat, and couldn't stand it. When I got pregnant people started to openly talk about my weight gain like it was an appropriate thing to tell a 7 month pregnant she was a heffer. As far as girl friends, I don't have them. I desperatly want some, but no one will give me a chance. It's like someone else said, it's like a threat. People are pissed that I am losing the weight so fast and are seeming to take it personally, like I am trying to make them look bad (there are women I worked with that gave birth at the same time as me). It really just plain sucks. As far as getting jobs, that the same. I wrote on another post that I went to interview for a job and the lady told me if I came aboard i would have to "ugly myself down" because people in that field wouldn't take me seriously. I sat there and acted like "oh, yeah I totally know what you mean" and in a way, she is right, but her delivery was aweful. I do feel that I have to make myself look older and more conservative to get a good job. I did get one, but all three owners where men. We didn't really talk about the aspects of the job and I was pretty much offered a job on the spot. I took it because I like the atmosphere but now I know that I am going to have to work very hard to prove myself as an asset, rather than just a piece of a**. Anyways, in a nut shell, no--I am not taken seriously. But I have found that in this world you'll always face adversities no matter what you look like. You just have to choose to accept them and do your best or try and change to better suit others. I choose to stay true to myself and if people don't like me for me then &^%$ them. Thanks for letting me rant. ![]()
__________________
Life comes fast. Things happen that you can't change. Life does not care what your plans are. Roll with it and move on. I need to learn to move on. Dance, sing, floss and travel |
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#21 | |
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Heart Writer
Join Date: Aug 2004
Location: Maryland
Posts: 2,170
Gallery: RobinB
WOE: Atkins
Start Date: restart March '07
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Quote:
I think that sums it all up quite nicely! |
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#22 | |
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MAJOR LCF POSTER!
Join Date: Jan 2006
Location: Oviedo, Florida
Posts: 1,199
Gallery: Deb2005
Stats: 160/99?/115 5' 1 3/4"
WOE: Carnivore, Baby!
Start Date: January 2003
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Quote:
I remember you saying that--that's kinda what got me thinking about this (well, that and the garbage that happened yesterday). A while back I worked for a large Advertising Agency in the Internet department---all men. When I was hired, I was so excited because I saw this as an awesome step in my career. I wasn't taken very seriously and I was fought on my ideas, knowledge and suggestions from day 1. They didn't want my expertise, they wanted a hood ornament. I was being asked (out of a staff of 11, all male BTW) to go order/retrieve lunches, answer phones, offer clients beverages (what am I? a stewardess?) and to keep the front area "tidy". I stuck it out for about 6 months (and would literally cry at night because I didnt' want to go back the next day) then couldn't take it anymore. I started my consulting firm from my house. It's much easier, not only because I am here when my kids get home from school, but I don't have to put up w/ that BS anymore. Thanks for the input Caly. BTW--You really look like a model in your avi pick. I would love to have arched eyebrows like yours! Thanks for the reply Deb |
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#23 |
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Senior LCF Member
Join Date: Dec 2002
Location: Raleigh, NC
Posts: 600
Gallery: LoCarbGamer
Stats: 5'3" age 43
WOE: Low Carb
Start Date: Resstart Aug 2007
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I've had the same experiences in the past. Actually, I still am taken as an airhead because I have a "little girl" voice. I can't win.
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#24 | |
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Junior LCF Member
Join Date: Jan 2006
Location: Michigan
Posts: 48
Gallery: Sugar Addict
Stats: 197/190/125 or bust!
Start Date: January 19, 2006
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Quote:
Well, I guess this shows that we still have to fight for what's ours. We're really not that far away from times when the only women in the work place typed letters and made coffee. It's still a struggle for us, especially in technical fields. |
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#25 |
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MAJOR LCF POSTER!
Join Date: Sep 2005
Location: Edmonton, AB
Posts: 1,010
Gallery: vickyraebrown
Stats: 210/145/130
WOE: Simple Low Carb
Start Date: Summer 2004
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I get the same thing. I work at an Engineering Consulting firm with about 90% males. Very very VERY smart people. I have always gotten the impression from them that they think I am an airhead and a skank, just because I don't wear khakis and a blouse to work. The office girls aren't friendly, and give me dirty looks when they think I'm not looking. The fact is, is that I'm NOT a bit.ch. When I see those looks, or |