Hubby feeling threatened

Itspoohla · 01-22-2006, 05:39 PM

My weight loss journey started because my DH and some guys he works with made a bet. I figured if my DH was going to lose weight then I would too. So now I have lost over 52lbs and he lost 70lbs then gained some (13lbs) back because he is not as strict LCing as I am. He has made a new bet with his co-workers to lose weight. He has told his co-worker about my progress. Most the guys he works with are divorced and their negative comments are causing problems. They keep telling him the reason I am loseing weight is because I am going to leave him. When he told me this, I told him he started this, it is because he decided to LC and lose weight that I started LC. I have reassured him I have no plans to up and leave. That he is stuck with me through thick and thin (

).

Anyone have anything like this happen? Any good comebacks to have him tell these insensitive jerks?

tresbonne · 01-22-2006, 05:48 PM

I have an acquaintance who goes through this with her husband. They have a really negative thing going on between them and the weightloss issues. Whenever she gets to a new milestone and starts being more extroverted (going to the store, buying new clothes, working out, etc.) he starts being really needy due to issues at his work, he needs to lose weight, the kids need more attention, the house needs this or that. It seems like he unconsciously tries to create situations to derail her progress.

Arellia · 01-22-2006, 06:07 PM

No comebacks. Just think of the pain those guys are feeling, really. When your world (marriage, family) has ended, it's easy to look at the rest of the world in a negative light. Your husband probably needs some extra reassurance, nothing wrong with that. Remind him that those guys are talking about themselves, not YOU and your husband. Ask your husband how he would feel if you said that all men were jerks because of how one treated you. I'm sure he wouldn't appreciated being included in a blanket statement like that. Likewise for the whole 'she's going to leave you' nonsense.

Midnight Blue · 01-22-2006, 06:13 PM

True. Men need sympathy sometimes, in massive quantities. It's only when they refuse to see sense that I throw my hands up.....reassurance, affirmation and validation from your spouse are essential in a relationship.

BeachTeach · 01-22-2006, 06:50 PM

He could grin and say, "Man, I sure hope so. It'll clear the way for Angelina Jolie to come knocking on my door!"

It sounds like jealousy and bitterness to me. Just be extra sweet to your DH and smooch on him a bit. Men do well with just a little reassurance.

dayz_gone_by · 01-22-2006, 07:36 PM

I think this is a more common problem than people think. When I lost a lot of weight low-carbing several years ago, my wife (now ex) became very insecure/jealous, to the point where she was sabotaging my success. I think you handled it correctly, reassuring your husband is all you can really do.

jwr

nurseypoo5 · 01-22-2006, 10:17 PM

funny this is mentioned. My hubby keeps trying to sabotage me. He keeps saying things like "one piece wont hurt you"...and he always orders the yummiest things when we go out. He wieghs 270lbs and is only 5'9" so you would think that since he has a cook and atkins walking talking encyclopedia he would take advantage of it, instead of trying to ruin it for me.

When i start dropping he starts paying more attention to me. He honostly cant believe ive dropped nearly 20lbs in less than 3 weeks. (he had the stomach band surgery a year ago and has only lost 30 lbs...)....

Men DO get jealous and worried that as thier wives start losing and gaining self confidence and frankly looking HOT they might stray. They need to learn we are wanting this for ourselves (and because other women will be jealous LOL, j/k...sorta)

I swear I get more attention from other women when i start losing. They all want to know the ins and out and the hows and how muches!

mycattaz · 01-23-2006, 04:27 AM

my husband changes when I lose..... more guarded with me, he notice if some guy is looking at me..... He can be a sabotager sometimes buy offering me things he knows i can't have..... I have lost 32.6 lbs since January 6... and I have notice just this past week, he is being so wonderful to me....except for the offering me things I can't eat......

Bluqq · 01-23-2006, 05:21 AM

DH and I started together
I have lost 17 and he has only lost about 11
He keeps saying why do you look so thin now and I dont?
he doesnt try to get me off plan but when I weigh in and he's waiting to hear....well its a bit like a competition!

Shavey · 01-23-2006, 11:58 AM

I think the thing to remember is that we all came to a place in our life when we didn't want to be unhealthy and overweight any more. Until you come to that point, you may "try" to lose weight, only to fail and regain all your previously lost weight. Think about how helpless and how much of a failure you felt like after one of those failed attempts to lose weight in the past.

How does that relate? Well, when one spouse reaches that point and the other is left with the insecurity of their last "failure", there's bound to be an issue between the two of them. It doesn't have to ruin a marriage, but to discount it as "his" or "her" problem is not fair either.

Sometimes we can take on the "it's all about ME and nobody's going to stop me" attitude. That may, indeed, be good for continued discipline and motivation, but it's also pretty self-centered and we come across as someone who lacks compassion and feelings for those closest to us. In this case, a spouse who may not have reached that point where they're ready to change their WOE. Think how difficult it must be for them when coupled with a spouse who is looking better than they ever have, with nothing but an energetic confidence about themselves.

It's not fair for them to try and derail our efforts, but there always seems to be a lot of insecurity, fear, and helplessness behind their actions.

Turn the tables and try and put yourself in their shoes. Can you imagine how frightening and threatening it would be to harbor the fear that your spouse may be working themselves right out of your life, seemingly using a new WOE as the method to do so?

Love them, comfort them, and reassure them, and show how much you care about THEM and their health.

01-22-2006, 05:39 PM	#1
Itspoohla Senior LCF Member Join Date: Aug 2005 Location: Springfield Ohio Posts: 310 Gallery: Itspoohla Stats: 6/6/08 165/143.8/141 by 10/31/08 WOE: Eating healthy Start Date: May 22 2005 LC/ June 5 2008 Eating healthy	Hubby feeling threatened My weight loss journey started because my DH and some guys he works with made a bet. I figured if my DH was going to lose weight then I would too. So now I have lost over 52lbs and he lost 70lbs then gained some (13lbs) back because he is not as strict LCing as I am. He has made a new bet with his co-workers to lose weight. He has told his co-worker about my progress. Most the guys he works with are divorced and their negative comments are causing problems. They keep telling him the reason I am loseing weight is because I am going to leave him. When he told me this, I told him he started this, it is because he decided to LC and lose weight that I started LC. I have reassured him I have no plans to up and leave. That he is stuck with me through thick and thin ( ). Anyone have anything like this happen? Any good comebacks to have him tell these insensitive jerks? __________________ Paula I'm not overweight! I'm undertall! 5'3" 35 yrs old (ideal weight 131-147) 220+ start weight 5/22/05 163.8 current weight 6/7/08 goal of 155 by 6/30/08 goal of 145 by 7/31/08 goal of 135 by 8/20/08 (First day back to shool, want to shock the teachers I work with)

01-22-2006, 06:07 PM	#3
Arellia Senior LCF Member Join Date: Jul 2003 Location: British Columbia, Canada Posts: 651 Gallery: Arellia Stats: 230/155/150 5'8 37 y/o Start Date: January 6, 2006	No comebacks. Just think of the pain those guys are feeling, really. When your world (marriage, family) has ended, it's easy to look at the rest of the world in a negative light. Your husband probably needs some extra reassurance, nothing wrong with that. Remind him that those guys are talking about themselves, not YOU and your husband. Ask your husband how he would feel if you said that all men were jerks because of how one treated you. I'm sure he wouldn't appreciated being included in a blanket statement like that. Likewise for the whole 'she's going to leave you' nonsense. __________________ Theresa Progess Pics 230 Pounds 190 Pounds 185 Pounds 75 pounds gone! Current avatar 165 pounds. Current weight 155 and dropping.

01-22-2006, 10:17 PM	#7
nurseypoo5 Very Gabby LCF Member!!! Join Date: Oct 2002 Location: Keller, TX Posts: 4,757 Gallery: nurseypoo5 Stats: 270/185/160 WOE: just keeping it on the low down >50 carbs per day Start Date: start 2001 restarted a few times since hehe	funny this is mentioned. My hubby keeps trying to sabotage me. He keeps saying things like "one piece wont hurt you"...and he always orders the yummiest things when we go out. He wieghs 270lbs and is only 5'9" so you would think that since he has a cook and atkins walking talking encyclopedia he would take advantage of it, instead of trying to ruin it for me. When i start dropping he starts paying more attention to me. He honostly cant believe ive dropped nearly 20lbs in less than 3 weeks. (he had the stomach band surgery a year ago and has only lost 30 lbs...).... Men DO get jealous and worried that as thier wives start losing and gaining self confidence and frankly looking HOT they might stray. They need to learn we are wanting this for ourselves (and because other women will be jealous LOL, j/k...sorta) I swear I get more attention from other women when i start losing. They all want to know the ins and out and the hows and how muches! __________________ 270(original wt) 192, 188, 185, 183, 180, 178, 1745, 172, 160 goal! One saggy boob said to the other saggy boob: "If we don't get some support soon, people will think we're nuts." Dear Lord, if you cant make me skinny, please make all my friends fat. Amen. My Space Add me!

01-23-2006, 11:58 AM	#10
Shavey Senior LCF Member Join Date: Mar 2001 Location: Goshen, IN USA Posts: 144 Gallery: Shavey Stats: 310/278/200 WOE: Stella Style - George Stella Start Date: January 1, 2006	I think the thing to remember is that we all came to a place in our life when we didn't want to be unhealthy and overweight any more. Until you come to that point, you may "try" to lose weight, only to fail and regain all your previously lost weight. Think about how helpless and how much of a failure you felt like after one of those failed attempts to lose weight in the past. How does that relate? Well, when one spouse reaches that point and the other is left with the insecurity of their last "failure", there's bound to be an issue between the two of them. It doesn't have to ruin a marriage, but to discount it as "his" or "her" problem is not fair either. Sometimes we can take on the "it's all about ME and nobody's going to stop me" attitude. That may, indeed, be good for continued discipline and motivation, but it's also pretty self-centered and we come across as someone who lacks compassion and feelings for those closest to us. In this case, a spouse who may not have reached that point where they're ready to change their WOE. Think how difficult it must be for them when coupled with a spouse who is looking better than they ever have, with nothing but an energetic confidence about themselves. It's not fair for them to try and derail our efforts, but there always seems to be a lot of insecurity, fear, and helplessness behind their actions. Turn the tables and try and put yourself in their shoes. Can you imagine how frightening and threatening it would be to harbor the fear that your spouse may be working themselves right out of your life, seemingly using a new WOE as the method to do so? Love them, comfort them, and reassure them, and show how much you care about THEM and their health. __________________ "It may only be a pound, but it's a pound I no longer have to carry." Shavey

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01-22-2006, 05:48 PM	#2
tresbonne Senior LCF Member Join Date: Jan 2006 Posts: 295 Gallery: tresbonne Stats: 168/135/135 WOE: lc - 20lbs in 2 mos. Goal in 4 more mos. Start Date: 01/12/06 (07/01/06)	I have an acquaintance who goes through this with her husband. They have a really negative thing going on between them and the weightloss issues. Whenever she gets to a new milestone and starts being more extroverted (going to the store, buying new clothes, working out, etc.) he starts being really needy due to issues at his work, he needs to lose weight, the kids need more attention, the house needs this or that. It seems like he unconsciously tries to create situations to derail her progress.

01-22-2006, 06:13 PM	#4
Midnight Blue Blabbermouth!!! Join Date: Sep 2005 Location: Massachusetts Posts: 5,351 Gallery: Midnight Blue WOE: Moderate carbs	True. Men need sympathy sometimes, in massive quantities. It's only when they refuse to see sense that I throw my hands up.....reassurance, affirmation and validation from your spouse are essential in a relationship.

01-22-2006, 06:50 PM	#5
BeachTeach Senior LCF Member Join Date: Nov 2005 Location: San Diego, CA Posts: 353 Gallery: BeachTeach Stats: 165/154/125 WOE: Atkins & Exercise Start Date: December 3, 2005	He could grin and say, "Man, I sure hope so. It'll clear the way for Angelina Jolie to come knocking on my door!" It sounds like jealousy and bitterness to me. Just be extra sweet to your DH and smooch on him a bit. Men do well with just a little reassurance.

01-22-2006, 07:36 PM	#6
dayz_gone_by Senior LCF Member Join Date: Apr 2005 Posts: 96 Gallery: dayz_gone_by	I think this is a more common problem than people think. When I lost a lot of weight low-carbing several years ago, my wife (now ex) became very insecure/jealous, to the point where she was sabotaging my success. I think you handled it correctly, reassuring your husband is all you can really do. jwr

01-23-2006, 04:27 AM	#8
mycattaz Very Gabby LCF Member!!! Join Date: Jan 2006 Location: alabama Posts: 4,642 Gallery: mycattaz Stats: 416/260/249 WOE: low carb	my husband changes when I lose..... more guarded with me, he notice if some guy is looking at me..... He can be a sabotager sometimes buy offering me things he knows i can't have..... I have lost 32.6 lbs since January 6... and I have notice just this past week, he is being so wonderful to me....except for the offering me things I can't eat......

01-23-2006, 05:21 AM	#9
Bluqq Way too much time on my hands! Join Date: Nov 2005 Location: New Yawk Posts: 12,335 Gallery: Bluqq Stats: 144/106/100 Start Date: 11/24/05	DH and I started together I have lost 17 and he has only lost about 11 He keeps saying why do you look so thin now and I dont? he doesnt try to get me off plan but when I weigh in and he's waiting to hear....well its a bit like a competition!