Has anyone dealt with 'cutting'?

[karenb]

I have been depressed most of my adult. I've been on medication for over 10 years and also been seeing a counselor for 3-4 years. 3 years ago my sister was a normal healthy woman looking forward to retirement. Now at age 59 she has been in a nursing home for the last 2 years. She has slowly lost almost all movement in her body and is slowly dying. Recently she was considered a quadrapalegic. Thursday we had a consultation with a compture person for handicapp people using computers. A month or so ago we had a consultation with another company and she could use a computer by having an eye on her computer, a dot on her glasses and using head movement to sue a cursor. Last week she can't even do that. It doesn't look good. We moved her here from Iowa in April and she's still going downhill. She's had a stomach tube for nearly 2 years. She always been a very independent person and we've never had a close or smooth relationship. She never married. We move mom here in Sept and she had here 90th birthday then. I upset at how frail and thin she is and at how difficult is is for her to move very well.

My sister has spells when she just cries, it's something she can't control. They finally found a medicine so she doesn't cry all the time like she did but she frequently cries when we visit. My husband is emotionally distant. Sometime after visiting her I'm just so upset and cry that I end up cutting myself. I don't know why but it seems to help. My shrink has upped my medicine but I just feel so alone.I haven't been able to see my couselor for nearly a month, she having some physical problems and is havin surgery tomorrow.

[catkan]

I am so sorry for everything you are going thru.

[Bubbles]

You have a huge burden to deal with and no one can blame you for being so emotionally drained. Just keep posting and venting. Sometimes you need to get things off your chest to strangers.
My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family.

[brilliant100]

your post is so sad. I can feel how overwhelmed and sad you must be. You know the cutting is bad this is obvious cuz u posted the question here. I pray you find the answers and relief you are searching for.

[Bobbie]

I am wiping up tears as I type. I hope you can find help to deal with your problems. I will pray for you. I wish I was close enough to give you a hug, just know that I would If I could.


Bobbie

[flowerdale]

Karen

I am so sorry to hear this. Your husband sounds like he's going through his own deal with this. As your counsellor is not available, PLEASE find another. You need to talk this over with a professional. Upping your meds was a good idea but you definitely need to be talking about this issue which is tearing you apart.

Take care

[gettingstrength]

[beckyb17]

Karen please find another therapist until your normal one has recovered from her health problems. to you

[beachguy]

Karen,

I'm certainly no expert in this area, but I have read that for some people exercise can help. Cutting and exercising both release endorphins, so it might be worth discussing an exercise program with your doctor.

Good luck,
Rich

[SoHappy]

I'm sorry, Karen. I know you've been going thru an especially tough period these last months. The pressure must just feel too enormous sometimes. I don't know too much about cutting. I'm thinking it would give you a sense of release? Does the increase in medication make this compulsion go away pretty much?

I wish there was a way for us to be able to help you or to ease the burden that's on your shoulders right now. At least we're here offering our support as best we can, and our prayers. I do agree with others in the suggestions to ask for another counselor while yours is out recovering.

Also, very interesting about exercise helping tone down the compulsion to cut, beachguy. That makes a lot of sense. It would certainly be a good thing to try anyway. Best wishes, Karen. And hugs.

[Snapdragon]

Hi Karen,

First, I wanted to tell you that I am very sorry that you have to go through this.

I've been depressed much of my life, some days are worse than others. I'm in therapy, and it helps to a certain extent. I'm also medicated, but there are days that it doesn't seem to help. When it gets really bad for me, I've cut myself. I finally figured out that I do it because its a different kind of pain. Its a physical pain that distracts me, and its one that I KNOW will go away. It reminds me that, no matter how numb I get, I can still feel SOMETHING. Cutting is one of those things that you can't explain to someone who hasn't been there.

My advice? First, find a therapist that you can work with and work with well. Next, do the best you can to get your meds sorted out. Keep a journal. When you feel the urge to cut yourself, grab it and write down whatever comes into your head. Thoughts, feelings, colors, scents.... anything. THen, when you don't have the urge, look at the journal and see if you can try to understand a little better. Talk about it. I know that there is a stigma attached to cutting, but the more you can express yourself in other ways, the better off you'll be.

The thing that helped me the most was begining martial arts classes. I found a class geared towards adults, where the focus is on self control and technique rather than what kind of shape a person is in. I find that when I have to hold on to my feelings and direct them at distructing something other than me (in this case, the boards that I break), I am happier.

Don't try to ignore the energy that you have, just try and steer it to a specific direction rather than letting it drive YOU.

Hugs and bright blessings
ANA

[walkthebeach]

Hi, I send you good energy and prayers. People are thinking about you and care about you. Don't cut yourself.....

[walkingwoman]

and for you.

[Naturegirl]

I'm so sorry for what you're going through.

I have slashed my arms with razors many times before so know exactly how you feel. For me, feelings such as anger, sadness and anxiety play into it, but I think what it mostly boils down to is frustration. I think it's just another outlet, albeit alittle different, (whereas someone else might drink, binge on junk food, or punch their fist through a wall.)

I wish I could offer more solutions but I've only been to a cognitive behavioral therapist one time and that was for anxiety. I have to say though that it sure does help talking to people, whether it be friends, family, or someone else.

I hope you find some peace and healing and are able to get in touch with your therapist soon

[TCsBears]

DD#1 cuts. It helps her feel in control. And she says is allows her to feel pain when she is feeling numb. She has gotten much better about it. She hasn't cut herself for the past several months to my knowledge. She has told us when she feels like cutting, but is able to control it. Knowing the disappointment that her cutting again would cause her boyfriend (who also used to cut himself) has helped with her accountability.

Understand, cutting is not about trying to kill ownself.

HUGS


tc

[karenb]

I've been feeling better lately. I think I have come to a better understanding and acceptance of things. Most of it was from frustration, not being able to do anything about my sister. Her mind is still sharp. She was in the ER for about 5 hours one night for a stomach bug and she was ddhydreated and had a fever. I could see and feel her relax when she saw me.

I was very angry with a cousin I don't even know. She's very religious and I got a card from her saying it was a blessing that I was there for my sister. There is NOTHING
blessed about my sister's illness. But I'm trying to keep that out of my mind.

[XxSpacegirlxX]

i too use to be a cutter and know all about severe depression .. so i know what ur going through with that .. like the others said maybe try post here to vent or exericse to relieve the frustration ... i'll keep u in my we're here for u

[RoxanneRoxanne]

I have dealt with cutting in the past. I'm glad that you've updated us and that you've been feeling better. I am praying for you and your family.

[LeanLioness]

I, too, am a cutter. My arms and legs are so scarred up, I have to wear long sleeves and pants most of the time, even in the summer.

For me, it takes away the emotional pain I am feeling. The sad apart about me cutting is that I don't feel it when I am doing it, I feel it hours afterwards. I have cut myself sooo bad I have had stitches several times. I have cut my face, arms, legs, stomach, even slit my own throat and had to get stitches.

I understand your pain and what you are going through. As others have stated, find a good therapist, not one that is just trying to treat depression.

For me, I am bi-polar and I mostly cut when I have a manic episode. No one understands this and it is causing my marriage to fail. I am on my way to being divorced and a failure once again at something..........

[beckyb17]

(((LeanLioness)))

[karenb]

I thought I was doing better but I cut myslef last night. Sis's takes came back saying she'd owe alsmost $3000 taxes. for someone who is in a nursing home. Finally realized I hadn't included that and all her medical expences, Call the tax peole in iowa and said said to call in the infor and the could rea do it. She had lived in Iowa all her life and these people had done her full taxes for years.

I was sick on Sunday so DH took my mom for their weekly visit and they seems doing well. I arrived on Turs and she was crying before I got there and thru out the short visit. Still don't know when the computer will arrive.
Then the massage therapist, who is privately hirde by us and has nothing to do with the nursind staff, called this afternoon said it looked like my sister had a bid spot of RING WORN on her check. She showed it to the nurse and are supposed to her anti fungal treatment and something. So tomorrow I get to go the the nursing homing as kick ass about where it can from and Why I wasn't told about i. They know me there and they know they are supposed to amm me about crap like this. My sister can't talk

[JanMarie3]

So sorry you are going through this, I pray things get better for you and your family soon.

[joyfulgrrrl]

sorry you're going through all of this. it sounds like a very overwhelming situation... and it's not something that will fix itself overnight.

i've done some work with women who cut and it's always difficult for them. there's so much stigma and shame involved and that can make it so hard to talk about... and then the focus gradually becomes the problem of cutting when it's really more about what leads to the cutting in the first place. women tend to turn their emotional pain inwards far too often ... i know there are always lots of reasons behind this but intellectual arguments don't help once you feel that kind of pain.

a couple of things you might want to try, though. because just stopping self harm can feel pretty impossible, it might help to focus on 'hurt' rather than 'harm'. by that, i mean feeling pain without doing physical damage to yourself. sometimes putting elastic bands on wrists or ankles and snapping them really hard can give that pain sensation without breaking the skin. holding on to icecubes with bare hands/ holding them between your wrists can also give the pain but won't harm you longterm. pinching can also work sometimes, too. these might sound like they won't help... but it's surprising how often they do and are at least worth a try.

i know that for some people, it's a more visual thing... they need to actually see what's happening rather than just focusing on the pain, so drawing on the places you typically tend to cut with a red marker can act as a substitute, too. you can combine all of these things... it's all really individual, kwim?

also..... and i'm sorry if this is at all triggering or too graphic, as a last resort / nothing else is working in the moment, use blades that have been disinfected first, make sure you're up to date with your tetanus shots, hep vaccines and keep a small first aid kit around that's stocked with everything you need to keep the wounds as clean as possible so they can heal. and don't cut over scar tissue if you can help it.

i don't know if you've ever tried a women's shelter crisis line when you feel like cutting, but lots of shelter workers are trained in helping you work through this in the moment b/c this issue tends to come up a lot with women who've been abused. the worker might give you some similar hurt vs harm suggestions, give you the chance to speak openly and anonymously, and would possibly want to contract with you for short periods of time (i.e. having you call once every half hour or hour for a little while until the urge to cut has passed). they'll also likely want to focus more on what's making you feel the need to cut and not jump to the conclusion that you're suicidal... b/c i know hospitals/doctors will sometimes go to that place pretty quickly... i don't know why, but they do.

i wish i knew what to say to help you to just stop rather than looking at this from a place of harm reduction but i know it's never that easy. i hope that in the midst of all this turmoil in your life, you get the chance to take some really good care of yourself b/c we all need that. and try not to be hard on yourself about it - it's surprising how common it is.