Do your "friends" treat you different now? (long story)

got2luv · 12-03-2005, 11:42 AM

My hubby and I went out last night like we always do on Fridays... we play in a pool tournament every Friday. The same people are always there and usually a few new one's. I have (or had) one "friend" who is acting so horrible!!! I have known her BF for years and she has always been the jealous type, but last night she went too far!!!

I actually dressed up a little, ditched the baggy 8s and wore my new 6's. My friend's BF was immediately making comments about how good I looked etc. He was saying this in front of my hubby (you should have seen my hubby's smile!)

She got mad at me!!!! She said that before (when I was bigger) she wasn't threatened by me, but now she would like it if I quit hugging her BF!!!! I was astonished!!! I have known this guy for years and I have known her for 1 year, I thought we were pretty good friends until now.

I don't know how to act around them now. She has nothing to be jealous of, she is a size 0-2.. TINY!!!! She is really pretty too. Until now I thought she was the sweetest person I had ever met.

Have you been in this situation since you have lost weight? How do you handle it? Do I have to stop being friends with this guy just because she is jealous all of the sudden?

JadedOne · 12-03-2005, 11:50 AM

she said it herself.
she feels threatened.

and thats typical of people when you make these giant changes.
dont stop being friends with him, but if you know it makes her uncomfortable to hug him, dont do it. seems like a fair comprimise........

JadedOne · 12-03-2005, 11:51 AM

also wanted to say that i lost alot of 'friends' on this journey.
when shifts were made within our circle, and i was no longer 'the fat chick', my friends got all insecure about themselves......made them act nasty.
they are no longer my friends.....sadly.

got2luv · 12-03-2005, 11:53 AM

LOL... I'm afraid to talk to, or even look at him now. I hate offending anyone. What really bothers me is, she is a very flirty type... and she usually flirts with my hubby, who flirts back. I know it's harmless. But, how is that supposed to be Ok when her BF can't even give me a simple compliment?

Callan · 12-03-2005, 11:55 AM

1. She probably does feel threatened.

2. DH and I have friends whom we might hug (hello and goodbye only), but we do it at the same time. If your friend felt the need to tell you to "quit hugging her boyfriend," maybe you were (without realizing) doing it a bit too much. Even if he instigated it, that can make some people uncomfortable. Just my 2 cents

-- no flaming intended.

Callan · 12-03-2005, 11:57 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by got2luv

LOL... I'm afraid to talk to, or even look at him now. I hate offending anyone. What really bothers me is, she is a very flirty type... and she usually flirts with my hubby, who flirts back. I know it's harmless. But, how is that supposed to be Ok when her BF can't even give me a simple compliment?

Okay, that changes my earlier answer a bit

. If she flirts back, I don't think she should say anything.

It would make me very uncomfortable if my DH flirted with anyone, and vice versa.

got2luv · 12-03-2005, 11:59 AM

LOL, no... it was the usual "hello" hug... and hubby was hugging her at the same time. It's never more than a quick hug. (i'm not a "touchy" person... I like my space)

Doug1960 · 12-03-2005, 12:00 PM

You're married, and logically she should not feel threatened, but humans aren't always logical creatures... but you are looking good (VERY GOOD!) and, well, there you have it: She's insecure and you're hot... a recipe for trouble, LOL.

I know there are people who talk behind my back and tell others that I'm too skinny or whatever... that's their problem. If they want to take control of their lives and do something positive they can... but they haven't... so ..[eek, I'm rambling...]

zay · 12-03-2005, 12:07 PM

First my thought was, why are you hugging him, then I read your reply.
Maybe she can sense that he thinks you're HOT!! and she's NOT!

got2luv · 12-03-2005, 12:26 PM

Well, I guess now I'll begin to find out who my real friends are. Why do I feel like my dog just died?

zay · 12-03-2005, 12:35 PM

Aww. I didn't realize you felt so bad about it. Maybe you could have a heart to heart talk with her. Maybe she's regretting it today and needing to talk with you also.

kycowgirl · 12-03-2005, 01:56 PM

Michelle, you havent done anything wrong. There is nothing wrong with a hello hug. Shes the one with insecurities and I think its just childish how shes acting. There is a difference between a friendly hug and hanging all over someone. From what I know of you so far, it was just a friendly hug and she needs to deal with her insecurities. If you want to keep her as a friend, you may want to call and talk to her and if she gets an attitude, you know shes not a true friend and dont lose any sleep over it. As far as ditching the guy friend, I dont think you should, unless thats the way he prefers it to keep peace in the relationship. Does he know that she talked to you about it?
(Kinda dealing with something like that myself right now)

got2luv · 12-03-2005, 04:12 PM

I called her just a little while ago... she was very short with me... not out right rude, but short. I am sure that her BF has no clue of our conversation he is the type that is a friend through and through. We have been there for him and he has been there for us on several occasions.

ROCK...ME...HARD PLACE

Oh, well... I'm not gonna change... I am really good at reading body language and if I think that he is uncomfortable talking to me then I will be polite and friendly but not like we all used to be. I will also wait until he approaches me before I say anything.

I hate this!!!!

Doug1960 · 12-03-2005, 04:21 PM

Sorry to hear it has been so hard on you. I hope it resolves and you two can continue to be friends without the stress, jealousy, insecurity and discomfort.

averyjenn · 12-03-2005, 10:13 PM

Wow, sorry you had this happen. Some people just don't like change - maybe she's one of them. I definitely get that she's threatened by you - that's so sad for her. Maybe by just acting normally around her after awhile she'll come around? I wouldn't give up the friendship with her bf, no way!

kycowgirl · 12-03-2005, 10:40 PM

Michelle, you have done all you can, now its up to her to stop being so silly or risk losing your friendship. And its HER loss, not yours. Just a shame your friendship with the guy has to suffer and him clueless about why

got2luv · 12-04-2005, 07:16 AM

Yeah, I imagine that he's gonna think that I am mad at him for some reason or another. I have discussed this with hubby and I think that I am not at fault... she's being very "teen". Hubby said that he doesn't understand why she's acting like this except for the fact that she used to be the one who got all of the attention and now she has to share. (whatever.. I'm not "all that")

I am hopeing that this will resolve itself but I don't see why I should change anything unless her BF is uncomfortable.

Thanks y'all for being here for me!!!!

Doug1960 · 12-04-2005, 07:22 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by got2luv

Yeah, I imagine that he's gonna think that I am mad at him for some reason or another. I have discussed this with hubby and I think that I am not at fault... she's being very "teen". Hubby said that he doesn't understand why she's acting like this except for the fact that she used to be the one who got all of the attention and now she has to share. (whatever.. I'm not "all that")

I am hopeing that this will resolve itself but I don't see why I should change anything unless her BF is uncomfortable.

Thanks y'all for being here for me!!!!

Well, I for one, think you are "all that," but that shouldn't have made any difference in this situation. You were perfectly appropriate in your actions. She is the one with the problem.

All the best!

See? Now that hug was ok, right?

Mule_Freak · 12-06-2005, 06:13 AM

Ummm Michelle, Honey as Doug said you are ALL THAT!!! Your gorgeous!!
and ol' girl is more then likely upset about "having to share the attention" I am sorry, not gender bashing, but daggone women and their petty jealous crud makes me sick

I feel they need to get over and except what they have and go on with them selves. (jmo) There is always gonna be that someone thats (in our minds) prettier, more slender/shapley, smarter, list goes on and on, but in stead of getting "ticked off" about, remember all the good things that you have to offer. Ok I am rambling also, just look in the mirrow girl your HOT HOT HOT!!!!!!!!!!!!

Nicole4389 · 12-06-2005, 06:22 AM

got2luv tell her to grow up and stop acting like a child

don't let her bring you down!

12-03-2005, 11:42 AM	#1
got2luv Very Gabby LCF Member!!! Join Date: Aug 2005 Location: Alabama Posts: 3,082 Gallery: got2luv Stats: weight : 168 height: 5'3.5" age:33 WOE: induction Start Date: August 2, 2005 restart 11/29/08	Do your "friends" treat you different now? (long story) My hubby and I went out last night like we always do on Fridays... we play in a pool tournament every Friday. The same people are always there and usually a few new one's. I have (or had) one "friend" who is acting so horrible!!! I have known her BF for years and she has always been the jealous type, but last night she went too far!!! I actually dressed up a little, ditched the baggy 8s and wore my new 6's. My friend's BF was immediately making comments about how good I looked etc. He was saying this in front of my hubby (you should have seen my hubby's smile!) She got mad at me!!!! She said that before (when I was bigger) she wasn't threatened by me, but now she would like it if I quit hugging her BF!!!! I was astonished!!! I have known this guy for years and I have known her for 1 year, I thought we were pretty good friends until now. I don't know how to act around them now. She has nothing to be jealous of, she is a size 0-2.. TINY!!!! She is really pretty too. Until now I thought she was the sweetest person I had ever met. Have you been in this situation since you have lost weight? How do you handle it? Do I have to stop being friends with this guy just because she is jealous all of the sudden? __________________ ~Michelle~ I'm NOT fat, I'm just short for my weight!!! Weight stats: 173/168/140 *~~ Back in the saddle again ~~* Trying to fit into a true size 5/6

12-03-2005, 01:56 PM	#12
kycowgirl Very Gabby LCF Member!!! Join Date: Jan 2005 Location: Kentucky Posts: 4,503 Gallery: kycowgirl Stats: 215/215/150 WOE: Low Carb + cla/gla	Michelle, you havent done anything wrong. There is nothing wrong with a hello hug. Shes the one with insecurities and I think its just childish how shes acting. There is a difference between a friendly hug and hanging all over someone. From what I know of you so far, it was just a friendly hug and she needs to deal with her insecurities. If you want to keep her as a friend, you may want to call and talk to her and if she gets an attitude, you know shes not a true friend and dont lose any sleep over it. As far as ditching the guy friend, I dont think you should, unless thats the way he prefers it to keep peace in the relationship. Does he know that she talked to you about it? (Kinda dealing with something like that myself right now) __________________ Trisha

12-06-2005, 06:13 AM	#19
Mule_Freak MAJOR LCF POSTER! Join Date: Oct 2004 Location: Ohio Posts: 2,220 Gallery: Mule_Freak Stats: 145/125-130/135 WOE: moderate carbs Start Date: Oct. 2003	Ummm Michelle, Honey as Doug said you are ALL THAT!!! Your gorgeous!! and ol' girl is more then likely upset about "having to share the attention" I am sorry, not gender bashing, but daggone women and their petty jealous crud makes me sick I feel they need to get over and except what they have and go on with them selves. (jmo) There is always gonna be that someone thats (in our minds) prettier, more slender/shapley, smarter, list goes on and on, but in stead of getting "ticked off" about, remember all the good things that you have to offer. Ok I am rambling also, just look in the mirrow girl your HOT HOT HOT!!!!!!!!!!!! __________________ Sherrie 5' 8 Be A Voice for the Voiceless Just Say NO to Animal Abuse I my Scottish Terrier Quinn From the land of Heather Junie-B my bel rescue horse He's come a LONG way : ) PETERBILT King of the Road

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12-03-2005, 11:50 AM	#2
JadedOne Very Gabby LCF Member!!! Join Date: Jan 2003 Location: Arizona Posts: 4,547 Gallery: JadedOne Stats: 356/159/170 WOE: 'Maintaning' but still losing! Start Date: January 2003	she said it herself. she feels threatened. and thats typical of people when you make these giant changes. dont stop being friends with him, but if you know it makes her uncomfortable to hug him, dont do it. seems like a fair comprimise........

12-03-2005, 11:51 AM	#3
JadedOne Very Gabby LCF Member!!! Join Date: Jan 2003 Location: Arizona Posts: 4,547 Gallery: JadedOne Stats: 356/159/170 WOE: 'Maintaning' but still losing! Start Date: January 2003	also wanted to say that i lost alot of 'friends' on this journey. when shifts were made within our circle, and i was no longer 'the fat chick', my friends got all insecure about themselves......made them act nasty. they are no longer my friends.....sadly.

12-03-2005, 11:53 AM	#4
got2luv Very Gabby LCF Member!!! Join Date: Aug 2005 Location: Alabama Posts: 3,082 Gallery: got2luv Stats: weight : 168 height: 5'3.5" age:33 WOE: induction Start Date: August 2, 2005 restart 11/29/08	LOL... I'm afraid to talk to, or even look at him now. I hate offending anyone. What really bothers me is, she is a very flirty type... and she usually flirts with my hubby, who flirts back. I know it's harmless. But, how is that supposed to be Ok when her BF can't even give me a simple compliment?

12-03-2005, 11:55 AM	#5
Callan Very Gabby LCF Member!!! Join Date: Dec 1999 Location: Atlanta and Tallahassee Posts: 4,289 Gallery: Callan Stats: 152/123/125 5'6 1/2" WOE: Atkins maintenance with yogurt and fruit	1. She probably does feel threatened. 2. DH and I have friends whom we might hug (hello and goodbye only), but we do it at the same time. If your friend felt the need to tell you to "quit hugging her boyfriend," maybe you were (without realizing) doing it a bit too much. Even if he instigated it, that can make some people uncomfortable. Just my 2 cents -- no flaming intended.

12-03-2005, 11:59 AM	#7
got2luv Very Gabby LCF Member!!! Join Date: Aug 2005 Location: Alabama Posts: 3,082 Gallery: got2luv Stats: weight : 168 height: 5'3.5" age:33 WOE: induction Start Date: August 2, 2005 restart 11/29/08	LOL, no... it was the usual "hello" hug... and hubby was hugging her at the same time. It's never more than a quick hug. (i'm not a "touchy" person... I like my space)

12-03-2005, 12:00 PM	#8
Doug1960 Senior LCF Member Join Date: Aug 2005 Location: Lake Oswego, OR Posts: 545 Gallery: Doug1960 Stats: 218/164/168 WOE: Atkins for Life, Baby! Start Date: Dec. 10, 2001	You're married, and logically she should not feel threatened, but humans aren't always logical creatures... but you are looking good (VERY GOOD!) and, well, there you have it: She's insecure and you're hot... a recipe for trouble, LOL. I know there are people who talk behind my back and tell others that I'm too skinny or whatever... that's their problem. If they want to take control of their lives and do something positive they can... but they haven't... so ..[eek, I'm rambling...]

12-03-2005, 12:07 PM	#9
zay Very Gabby LCF Member!!! Join Date: Nov 2002 Posts: 3,243 Gallery: zay	First my thought was, why are you hugging him, then I read your reply. Maybe she can sense that he thinks you're HOT!! and she's NOT!

12-03-2005, 12:26 PM	#10
got2luv Very Gabby LCF Member!!! Join Date: Aug 2005 Location: Alabama Posts: 3,082 Gallery: got2luv Stats: weight : 168 height: 5'3.5" age:33 WOE: induction Start Date: August 2, 2005 restart 11/29/08	Well, I guess now I'll begin to find out who my real friends are. Why do I feel like my dog just died?

12-03-2005, 12:35 PM	#11
zay Very Gabby LCF Member!!! Join Date: Nov 2002 Posts: 3,243 Gallery: zay	Aww. I didn't realize you felt so bad about it. Maybe you could have a heart to heart talk with her. Maybe she's regretting it today and needing to talk with you also.

12-03-2005, 04:12 PM	#13
got2luv Very Gabby LCF Member!!! Join Date: Aug 2005 Location: Alabama Posts: 3,082 Gallery: got2luv Stats: weight : 168 height: 5'3.5" age:33 WOE: induction Start Date: August 2, 2005 restart 11/29/08	I called her just a little while ago... she was very short with me... not out right rude, but short. I am sure that her BF has no clue of our conversation he is the type that is a friend through and through. We have been there for him and he has been there for us on several occasions. ROCK...ME...HARD PLACE Oh, well... I'm not gonna change... I am really good at reading body language and if I think that he is uncomfortable talking to me then I will be polite and friendly but not like we all used to be. I will also wait until he approaches me before I say anything. I hate this!!!!

12-03-2005, 04:21 PM	#14
Doug1960 Senior LCF Member Join Date: Aug 2005 Location: Lake Oswego, OR Posts: 545 Gallery: Doug1960 Stats: 218/164/168 WOE: Atkins for Life, Baby! Start Date: Dec. 10, 2001	Sorry to hear it has been so hard on you. I hope it resolves and you two can continue to be friends without the stress, jealousy, insecurity and discomfort.

12-03-2005, 10:13 PM	#15
averyjenn Queen of Cream Cheese Join Date: Mar 2005 Location: North Carolina Posts: 6,424 Gallery: averyjenn Stats: 240/156 now 180/170/148 5'6" WOE: Kickin' it old school Start Date: 2/21/05	Wow, sorry you had this happen. Some people just don't like change - maybe she's one of them. I definitely get that she's threatened by you - that's so sad for her. Maybe by just acting normally around her after awhile she'll come around? I wouldn't give up the friendship with her bf, no way!

12-03-2005, 10:40 PM	#16
kycowgirl Very Gabby LCF Member!!! Join Date: Jan 2005 Location: Kentucky Posts: 4,503 Gallery: kycowgirl Stats: 215/215/150 WOE: Low Carb + cla/gla	Michelle, you have done all you can, now its up to her to stop being so silly or risk losing your friendship. And its HER loss, not yours. Just a shame your friendship with the guy has to suffer and him clueless about why

12-04-2005, 07:16 AM	#17
got2luv Very Gabby LCF Member!!! Join Date: Aug 2005 Location: Alabama Posts: 3,082 Gallery: got2luv Stats: weight : 168 height: 5'3.5" age:33 WOE: induction Start Date: August 2, 2005 restart 11/29/08	Yeah, I imagine that he's gonna think that I am mad at him for some reason or another. I have discussed this with hubby and I think that I am not at fault... she's being very "teen". Hubby said that he doesn't understand why she's acting like this except for the fact that she used to be the one who got all of the attention and now she has to share. (whatever.. I'm not "all that") I am hopeing that this will resolve itself but I don't see why I should change anything unless her BF is uncomfortable. Thanks y'all for being here for me!!!!

12-06-2005, 06:22 AM	#20
Nicole4389 Senior LCF Member Join Date: Dec 2005 Location: Narragansett, Rhode Island Posts: 266 Gallery: Nicole4389 Stats: when joined site >280/8/29/07 >267.5/Goal>170 WOE: Weight Watchers Start Date: December 5, 2005	got2luv tell her to grow up and stop acting like a child don't let her bring you down!