Are you emotionally fat? I am!

jedswife · 11-15-2005, 03:34 PM

oops! i think i posted this earlier in the wrong forum - think it should go here instead.--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

i have never before had to convince my mind that i was no longer fat. I DO NOW!!! i know it sounds stupid - i guess another way to put it is-
I KNOW LOGICALLY/FACTUALLY THAT I HAVE LOST WEIGHT AND AM NO LONGER FAT BUT I AM STILL FAT EMOTIONALLY!?!

when i was fat i had this way of deflecting the bad stuff by being a BIG bad ass - you know i could threaten to sit on whoever was pissing me off etc. - there was a certain security in the fat - guys did not hit on me at all - and even though i was 5 foot 3 and fat i felt even BIGGER - people didnt notice me - people definitely underestimated me or worse didnt even bother to consider me one way or the other. which i must admit sometimes was a plus.

after losing weight and no longer being fat - i started to get more attention from men and people in general- it was kinda disconcerting.

after having felt huge in more ways than one all of a sudden i was petite and fragile. WTH?!? fragile and petite - me - no way! who the hell knew i was petite? i sure didnt.

my safety net was gone! i was no longer intimidating just because of my size -now i was attractive to everyone - now other women considered me a threat - now people see me coming and dont automatically look the other way - now people take me seriously immediately. now if i threaten to sit on anyone if they mess with me - there really is no threat in it.

dont get me wrong i am glad i lost the weight - but it seems we are losing more than weight - we are losing something mentally as well?? does this make any sense at all??

the biggest problem i have had is not losing the weight - its putting my head around my new size - my brain is having a hard time reconciling my fat mind with my slimmer body.

i am beginning to think that the reason most people put the weight back on is due to the fact - that their brain can not accept that they are no longer fat. do you know what i mean?

i still look in the mirror and see that person that weighed well over 200 lbs. not the actual person in the mirror now.

if you are or have been fat you know what it is like for instance - you tell yourself nobody would be interested in you because you are fat and somehow you project that to the world "I AM FAT - THEREFORE I CAN NOT BE HIT ON BY MEN - AND I CAN NOT BE A THREAT TO YOUR RELATIONSHOP". and in projecting those feelings you give out a vibe that keeps that from happening as a form of protection.

sorry i am trying to explain it but it is hard to put into words. i'll keep trying

jedswife

afrodite · 11-15-2005, 07:48 PM

I haven't lost enough to feel that, but I KNOW that I will feel that way when I get noticably thinner.

I think there have been many threads about this topic in the past. MANY people feel that way, you are not alone!

brilliant100 · 11-30-2005, 03:40 PM

I can relate. People treat me differently since I lost weight.
this is the first time ever in my life people have said Skinny and my name in the same sentence. Fat is protection from men's advances (most of the them) and I used it to explain away the bad and sad things in my life. Since the fat is gone, now who/what do I blame for unhappiness?

I miss the comfort of the fat. When I sleep on my side, my knee bones bump together and it feels very uncomfortable. Fat is cushion and protected my bones.

Dont get me wrong, I love wearing smaller sizes but I am not accustome to the person I see in the mirror. I always know she was there but it seems like she appeared all of a sudden. Weird I know.

darlilly1313 · 12-04-2005, 09:34 AM

so has anyone found any good books on this subject ? i didn't realize anyone else was hiding from men with fat ! it is kind of a catch 22,your fat so you think no one will come near you but evenually you get lonely and want a boyfriend.but any of the guys who want to go out with you are jerks they are thinking they are taking on a charity case and we should be grateful they asked us out.

goalinsight · 12-04-2005, 02:19 PM

I was abused as a child, raped as a teen and married an abusive man at 18 (and I only married him because I was afraid no one else would ever love me and also thought that the only abuse that ever occurs was physical - BOY, did I find out otherwise!)...look at my stats - I have been hiding for years! Losing even 53 pounds - though many, many pounds from my goal - is enough to make me feel threatened. I have yet to sew anything new as emotionally all I can mange is to wear the same clothes and take them in. I keep making mine smaller and smaller! I have now bought a few sweaters in my new smaller size but only to cover my bust/breasts.
I am now a single mom of eight and even the men at church stare at my bust....I still want to hide!
I am still looking for my tent....and losing weight is scary but I am NOT gonna stop!

Nicole4389 · 12-05-2005, 07:16 PM

I have the opposite problem. I'm so confident that I feel emotionally skinny. Seriously i have the confidence of a skinny person. I walk into a room like I'm a model or something. I heard that once people start to loose a lot of weight and finally reach their goal they want more and feel like they are still FAT! ?? hmm I dunno

maskd · 12-05-2005, 09:19 PM

I'm rather confident around people, but when it comes to anything that is physical or exposes skin, eg. swimming, sport I normally shy away.

Sweeter-than-Splenda · 12-09-2005, 11:33 AM

Thank you for posting this thread!!

I lost 65 lbs. on Atkins in 6 months back in 2002/2003 I looked great, felt great, but was NOT ready to be thin mentally!! Sounds weird I know, but sooo true. I STILL thought like a FAT person. I got more attention from family, friends, you would think I'd be happy. But...I couldn't handle the attention!!! I have ALWAYS been overweight. As a child, teen and most of my adult life. I guess maybe I lost it too quickly and my emotional/mental me couldnt grasp the concept and didn't like the attention it was bringing. Some girlfriends felt threatened because their husbands were all of a sudden paying attention and flirting with me. All I was doing was trying to accept the new me.

Anyways, slowly I gained all of my weight back except for 2 lbs.

Now I don't feel comfortable in my old fat body anymore!

I struggle daily with my emotions. I WANT to be healthy and thin...but I sabatoge myself.

I do well for a week, then boom I'm back to eating bad foods again. I'm sure there are ALOT of women and men that go through this emotional struggle. And, I think writing down their feelings on this thread may be a starting point to maybe start anew. Knowing that they are NOT the only ones who feel this way.

Thanks again for starting this thread and letting me vent.

leeney · 12-10-2005, 05:44 AM

Sweeter,

Gosh you could be me! Your stats, feelings, everything! I too have had weight problems my whole life, and I think my family had a LOT to do with it. If I was heavy, I was verbally abused about it. If I lost weight, the jealousy was enormous, and I was treated badly then as well. I never started feeling good (well, not good, but better) about myself until I got out of school and got away from my family. Even now when I visit, as soon as I walk through that door, I am that kid again. Everyeone reverts back to those old days. And I tell ya, it has a direct effect on what I put in my mouth.

leeney · 12-10-2005, 05:55 AM

Me again,

I read all these posts backwards. And gosh, I can relate to every one of you! The men, jealous women, the bones that not comfortable, the feelings of being fat when you really aren't. All except Nicole---boy, girl, I wish I had that kind of confidence! When I walk into a room, I think my vibes are screaming, 'Please don't anyone hit me!' And yeh, being fat makes you feel so lonely sometimes, but at the same time, there is a great feeling of safety. This mental think is just so hard to get past.

jedswife · 12-12-2005, 12:31 PM

all of the above is so true. and remember once all of those people have seen you lose the weight they will be watching you like a hawk to see if you regain it.

the people that mentioned my weight the loss the most also never hesitate to mention the 15 lbs. i have regained nor do they hesitate to mention any non low carb fare that goes into my mouth - even on thanksgiving day they will say "is that on your diet?"

hey - who died and made them the diet police!

11-15-2005, 03:34 PM	#1
jedswife MAJOR LCF POSTER! Join Date: Feb 2003 Location: Texas Posts: 2,909 Gallery: jedswife Stats: 220/160/140 WOE: Body By Atkins	Are you emotionally fat? I am! oops! i think i posted this earlier in the wrong forum - think it should go here instead.-------------------------------------------------------------------------------- i have never before had to convince my mind that i was no longer fat. I DO NOW!!! i know it sounds stupid - i guess another way to put it is- I KNOW LOGICALLY/FACTUALLY THAT I HAVE LOST WEIGHT AND AM NO LONGER FAT BUT I AM STILL FAT EMOTIONALLY!?! when i was fat i had this way of deflecting the bad stuff by being a BIG bad ass - you know i could threaten to sit on whoever was pissing me off etc. - there was a certain security in the fat - guys did not hit on me at all - and even though i was 5 foot 3 and fat i felt even BIGGER - people didnt notice me - people definitely underestimated me or worse didnt even bother to consider me one way or the other. which i must admit sometimes was a plus. after losing weight and no longer being fat - i started to get more attention from men and people in general- it was kinda disconcerting. after having felt huge in more ways than one all of a sudden i was petite and fragile. WTH?!? fragile and petite - me - no way! who the hell knew i was petite? i sure didnt. my safety net was gone! i was no longer intimidating just because of my size -now i was attractive to everyone - now other women considered me a threat - now people see me coming and dont automatically look the other way - now people take me seriously immediately. now if i threaten to sit on anyone if they mess with me - there really is no threat in it. dont get me wrong i am glad i lost the weight - but it seems we are losing more than weight - we are losing something mentally as well?? does this make any sense at all?? the biggest problem i have had is not losing the weight - its putting my head around my new size - my brain is having a hard time reconciling my fat mind with my slimmer body. i am beginning to think that the reason most people put the weight back on is due to the fact - that their brain can not accept that they are no longer fat. do you know what i mean? i still look in the mirror and see that person that weighed well over 200 lbs. not the actual person in the mirror now. if you are or have been fat you know what it is like for instance - you tell yourself nobody would be interested in you because you are fat and somehow you project that to the world "I AM FAT - THEREFORE I CAN NOT BE HIT ON BY MEN - AND I CAN NOT BE A THREAT TO YOUR RELATIONSHOP". and in projecting those feelings you give out a vibe that keeps that from happening as a form of protection. sorry i am trying to explain it but it is hard to put into words. i'll keep trying jedswife

11-30-2005, 03:40 PM	#3
brilliant100 MAJOR LCF POSTER! Join Date: Oct 2000 Location: Western, USA Posts: 2,444 Gallery: brilliant100 Stats: 266/194/169 WOE: Atkins/M&E Feast, Lower fat & Lower calorie Start Date: restarted 6/1/05 M/E, back on the wagon 8-21-07	I can relate. People treat me differently since I lost weight. this is the first time ever in my life people have said Skinny and my name in the same sentence. Fat is protection from men's advances (most of the them) and I used it to explain away the bad and sad things in my life. Since the fat is gone, now who/what do I blame for unhappiness? I miss the comfort of the fat. When I sleep on my side, my knee bones bump together and it feels very uncomfortable. Fat is cushion and protected my bones. Dont get me wrong, I love wearing smaller sizes but I am not accustome to the person I see in the mirror. I always know she was there but it seems like she appeared all of a sudden. Weird I know. __________________ 8-21-07 'Jumpin back on the wagon' 194 169 goal by 9-22 Anniversay

12-04-2005, 02:19 PM	#5
goalinsight Formally known as longways2go Join Date: Jun 2005 Location: melting it all away... Posts: 831 Gallery: goalinsight Stats: 430+/297/170 WOE: Atkins/Kimmers Start Date: June 2005	I was abused as a child, raped as a teen and married an abusive man at 18 (and I only married him because I was afraid no one else would ever love me and also thought that the only abuse that ever occurs was physical - BOY, did I find out otherwise!)...look at my stats - I have been hiding for years! Losing even 53 pounds - though many, many pounds from my goal - is enough to make me feel threatened. I have yet to sew anything new as emotionally all I can mange is to wear the same clothes and take them in. I keep making mine smaller and smaller! I have now bought a few sweaters in my new smaller size but only to cover my bust/breasts. I am now a single mom of eight and even the men at church stare at my bust....I still want to hide! I am still looking for my tent....and losing weight is scary but I am NOT gonna stop! __________________ Sherry I John 4:18 start date 6/14/05 All I want for Christmas Challenge 45 FOR 45 Challenge 133 pounds gone! Rom 12:2 And be not conformed to this world: but be ye transformed by the renewing of your mind, that ye may prove what [is] that good, and acceptable, and perfect, will of God. Last edited by longways2go : 12-04-2005 at 02:24 PM.

12-09-2005, 11:33 AM	#8
Sweeter-than-Splenda MAJOR LCF POSTER! Join Date: Jan 2004 Location: Southern Minnesota Posts: 1,095 Gallery: Sweeter-than-Splenda WOE: currently following Dr. Oz' plan "You: On a diet" Start Date: restart restart date 1/02/08	Thank you for posting this thread!! I lost 65 lbs. on Atkins in 6 months back in 2002/2003 I looked great, felt great, but was NOT ready to be thin mentally!! Sounds weird I know, but sooo true. I STILL thought like a FAT person. I got more attention from family, friends, you would think I'd be happy. But...I couldn't handle the attention!!! I have ALWAYS been overweight. As a child, teen and most of my adult life. I guess maybe I lost it too quickly and my emotional/mental me couldnt grasp the concept and didn't like the attention it was bringing. Some girlfriends felt threatened because their husbands were all of a sudden paying attention and flirting with me. All I was doing was trying to accept the new me. Anyways, slowly I gained all of my weight back except for 2 lbs. Now I don't feel comfortable in my old fat body anymore! I struggle daily with my emotions. I WANT to be healthy and thin...but I sabatoge myself. I do well for a week, then boom I'm back to eating bad foods again. I'm sure there are ALOT of women and men that go through this emotional struggle. And, I think writing down their feelings on this thread may be a starting point to maybe start anew. Knowing that they are NOT the only ones who feel this way. Thanks again for starting this thread and letting me vent. __________________ Goals To walk for 30 minutes (min.) everyday, drink my water, and stay true to the program. Proud retired USAF wife. (served in Oman 2002-2003) God bless all the military men and women and may they all come home safely to their families soon! Thank you for serving our country.

Thread Tools
Show Printable Version Email this Page
Display Modes
Linear Mode Switch to Hybrid Mode Switch to Threaded Mode

11-15-2005, 07:48 PM	#2
afrodite Blabbermouth!!! Join Date: Apr 2004 Location: Virginia Posts: 6,109 Gallery: afrodite Stats: 270/208/125-135 BMI 44.2/34.1/21 WOE: Moderate carbs	I haven't lost enough to feel that, but I KNOW that I will feel that way when I get noticably thinner. I think there have been many threads about this topic in the past. MANY people feel that way, you are not alone!

12-04-2005, 09:34 AM	#4
darlilly1313 Junior LCF Member Join Date: Jul 2005 Posts: 4 Gallery: darlilly1313	so has anyone found any good books on this subject ? i didn't realize anyone else was hiding from men with fat ! it is kind of a catch 22,your fat so you think no one will come near you but evenually you get lonely and want a boyfriend.but any of the guys who want to go out with you are jerks they are thinking they are taking on a charity case and we should be grateful they asked us out.

12-05-2005, 07:16 PM	#6
Nicole4389 Senior LCF Member Join Date: Dec 2005 Location: Narragansett, Rhode Island Posts: 266 Gallery: Nicole4389 Stats: when joined site >280/8/29/07 >267.5/Goal>170 WOE: Weight Watchers Start Date: December 5, 2005	I have the opposite problem. I'm so confident that I feel emotionally skinny. Seriously i have the confidence of a skinny person. I walk into a room like I'm a model or something. I heard that once people start to loose a lot of weight and finally reach their goal they want more and feel like they are still FAT! ?? hmm I dunno

12-05-2005, 09:19 PM	#7
maskd Senior LCF Member Join Date: Oct 2005 Location: Wollongong, Australia Posts: 641 Gallery: maskd Stats: 210/208/175 WOE: My Own Thing Start Date: Oct 05, Restart July 07	I'm rather confident around people, but when it comes to anything that is physical or exposes skin, eg. swimming, sport I normally shy away.

12-10-2005, 05:44 AM	#9
leeney Senior LCF Member Join Date: Feb 2003 Posts: 605 Gallery: leeney	Sweeter, Gosh you could be me! Your stats, feelings, everything! I too have had weight problems my whole life, and I think my family had a LOT to do with it. If I was heavy, I was verbally abused about it. If I lost weight, the jealousy was enormous, and I was treated badly then as well. I never started feeling good (well, not good, but better) about myself until I got out of school and got away from my family. Even now when I visit, as soon as I walk through that door, I am that kid again. Everyeone reverts back to those old days. And I tell ya, it has a direct effect on what I put in my mouth.

12-10-2005, 05:55 AM	#10
leeney Senior LCF Member Join Date: Feb 2003 Posts: 605 Gallery: leeney	Me again, I read all these posts backwards. And gosh, I can relate to every one of you! The men, jealous women, the bones that not comfortable, the feelings of being fat when you really aren't. All except Nicole---boy, girl, I wish I had that kind of confidence! When I walk into a room, I think my vibes are screaming, 'Please don't anyone hit me!' And yeh, being fat makes you feel so lonely sometimes, but at the same time, there is a great feeling of safety. This mental think is just so hard to get past.

12-12-2005, 12:31 PM	#11
jedswife MAJOR LCF POSTER! Join Date: Feb 2003 Location: Texas Posts: 2,909 Gallery: jedswife Stats: 220/160/140 WOE: Body By Atkins	all of the above is so true. and remember once all of those people have seen you lose the weight they will be watching you like a hawk to see if you regain it. the people that mentioned my weight the loss the most also never hesitate to mention the 15 lbs. i have regained nor do they hesitate to mention any non low carb fare that goes into my mouth - even on thanksgiving day they will say "is that on your diet?" hey - who died and made them the diet police!