My Mother is a drug addict!

beeb · 11-10-2005, 08:31 AM

Hi all!! I just realized my mother is a drug addict. She has been asking different doctors for pain meds since she broke her knee in Sept. The one doctor told her she didn't need the meds anymore, so she goes to another and gets some there.

This is my question; I am an only child and my mother has always been unbalanced. I feel I have always been the mother and her the child. I am now at a time in my life that I don't want to do this anymore. What would you all do with this situation? I am tired of the drama and stress. I have 2 teenagers that don't give me a 1/4 of the problems she gives me. She lies, in mentally unstable, and is always in debt because she has a spending problem.

I keep questioning if this is worth it. She has NEVER been a mother to me, never there, so why do I find the need to be there for her?

I'm so confused about this and SO STRESSED!!

Thanks for the honest help.

slimforever06 · 11-10-2005, 08:44 AM

I don't have any answers for you. I'm just sorry you're going through this. The only thing I can think of is "toughlove." Cut her and her drama out of your life for a while.

beeb · 11-10-2005, 08:48 AM

The weird thing is I did not speak to her for 3 years, and then she got to me and everything was good for about 1 year until she started her crap again.

la.lady · 11-10-2005, 09:38 AM

Oh, Dear, your Mother does need profesional help... Talk to her Dr. and tell him what is going on..If she is taking more drugs than she needs this can do her a lot of harm...
My Mother was very ill for the last five years of her life and I had to deal with some of the same things... Tried to help her all I could, but sometimes it is out of our hands...
I'm glad that I did help her all that I could, but I believe my Mom was a hypocondriac, not sure of spelling... I know at one time she had five surgerys in five years, and I think a lot of it was to get attention, and then I blame her Dr. for a lot of it...Money making game... I really felt left out when I was growing up, because I had to do so much and she couldn't do what I needed her to be there for me... This still haunts me today, because I feel like I didn't have any childhood and miss that... My Dad was an achololic not sure of that spelling either, and that didn't help anything... Didn't have a Father figure, so missed out on a lot.. Do try to get her help, especially, if she isn't stable, for she will always be your Mother....LOL

Kellyann · 11-10-2005, 12:43 PM

I just wanted to send you a hug. Both of my parents are addicts and our relationship suffers for it. I don't speak to my dad at all and my mom is currently making me insane. Sometimes I feel like cutting ties with all of the drama-makers. But my dd needs grandparents too. She was such a lousy mom but she is a good grandmom. It's so weird. She seems to have stopped the drugs....but her drinking is replacing it lately. She also has a gambling problem. My husband got caught up with an addiction as well but goes to NA everyday now. The stuff can get the best of even good people.
I know it's hard to be patient with someone who wasn't there for you....believe me I know. I wouldn't just turn your back on her immediately though. Confront her and then offer to get her help. She may not own up to and comply right away but she atleast knows the hard part is over. Someone knows already and is willing to help. Then you just have to sit back and see if wants the help. Otherwise there is not much to do. Basically just say I am here when you decide to get help....until then I am not interested in the drama.
I sure hope you figure this out.

MissMolly · 11-10-2005, 02:20 PM

It is hard to understand your situation, I am sorry you are going through this.....all i know is, love your family...you never know when they will be gone.
*hugs*

Susan5767 · 11-10-2005, 03:02 PM

Check your phone book and see if you have a listing for Narcanon. If so call them immediately. These are family members/friends of people who are hooked on drugs - legal and illegal. If you can't find a listing call Alanon (the same group for families, etc of alcoholics) they will steer you in the right direction. I've had personal experience with the folks at Alanon and they are absolutely wonderful. Do this for yourself and your family. Remember your mother's addiction is all about her and not about you!

Good luck!
Susan

Ana K.S. · 11-10-2005, 03:04 PM

My Mom's not an addict but our relationship is beyond strained. So I understand. I too felt like the mother and her the child.

buffedstuff · 11-10-2005, 09:10 PM

only you can answer that question. I wish you peace and love

beeb · 11-15-2005, 08:21 PM

Well, she made me cry for the last time tonight. Called to tell me she was not spending Thanksgiving with me and family because, get this, she didn't want to eat and didn't want to be a pain to me!! What the $#@* is that!!! Trying to put the blame on me because she is too self-centered to even care if she is the only person I have who is family that would be here?

I'M DONE!! No more. Then she called and left a message that she would come because she didn't want me to be hurt!! TOO LATE, IT'S DONE ALREADY, WITCH!!

I am not calling her back. If she shows up, so be it, but I will NOT call her and tell her to come. I'M FINISHED WITH HER BABY CRAP. Let her go to the devil!!!

Pamalee63 · 11-16-2005, 08:55 AM

I read a book called "Mother-Daughter Wisdom" by Christiane Northrup, M.D. that might help in your situation.

I'm sorry you keep getting hurt by her.

la.lady · 11-16-2005, 09:12 AM

Oh Sweetie, I feel your pain.

It does sound like she is striving for attention, even if it is the wrong kind.

It looks like she is very unhappy, and they always say that they take it out on the ones they Love.

Please, try to forgive her, for she is the only Mother that you have...

Some day you will be glad that you did...

beeb · 11-18-2005, 06:56 PM

Well, I do call her back yesterday and if was TERRIBLE!! She is such a terrible mother, I can't even call her a MOM because she doesn't deserve that title!!

I had stopped talking to her for 3 years, and now it's going to back to that again. I have to do this for my own peace of mind and for my family. They get the worst of it when she stresses me out. My kids are begging me not to talk to her, so I am going to listen to my heart and to them.

It's funny how much calm has come over me with this decision!! I have no regrets. I have been the best daughter a mother could ask for. It's just sad that I'm not important enough to her for her to see what she is doing to us and our relationship. But then again, she is never wrong, it's always someone elses fault. I guess this time it will be mine.

Thanks for all the love and kindness here. What would I do without my LC Friends!!!

Purrgirl · 11-18-2005, 11:26 PM

Lacey01 · 11-18-2005, 11:36 PM

Bless your heart beep.

Sorry I can't help.

doodles · 11-20-2005, 07:48 AM

I have family members like that and unfortunately I've just had to distance myself from them. Like you, this was something I had to do for self-preservation.

It's not a fun place to be. I'm so sorry for you.

idioglossic · 12-03-2005, 12:46 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by la.lady

Oh Sweetie, I feel your pain.

It does sound like she is striving for attention, even if it is the wrong kind.

It looks like she is very unhappy, and they always say that they take it out on the ones they Love.

Please, try to forgive her, for she is the only Mother that you have...

Some day you will be glad that you did...

I agree with Patty... I am 55 years wise... have been there and done that...

It is hard but for your own benefit...... forgive and love.. when she is gone you will have no regrets.... God is able... to give you the strength to deal with her... believe me.... been there and done that....honor thy mother and father and thy days shall be long upon the earth!! promises of God are REAL... hold on.

Pammy

zay · 12-03-2005, 01:16 PM

I think it would be best to set strict boundaries and only talk to her about once per month. This way you can keep contact and be a loyal daughter (like we should) yet have your peace.

this is tough

karenb · 12-04-2005, 07:12 PM

The bible may say 'honor and honor' your parents but that doesn't mean you have to let them ruin your life. Set boundaries with her and go on with your life. You can't change the past so be the best parent to your children you can be. You can pick your friends but you can't pick your family.

11-10-2005, 08:31 AM	#1
beeb Why wait, just do it NOW! Join Date: Feb 2004 Location: Central New Jersey Posts: 1,966 Gallery: beeb Stats: 168/ 151 / 140 5'5" WOE: South Beach/Atkins Start Date: Jan. 05	My Mother is a drug addict! Hi all!! I just realized my mother is a drug addict. She has been asking different doctors for pain meds since she broke her knee in Sept. The one doctor told her she didn't need the meds anymore, so she goes to another and gets some there. This is my question; I am an only child and my mother has always been unbalanced. I feel I have always been the mother and her the child. I am now at a time in my life that I don't want to do this anymore. What would you all do with this situation? I am tired of the drama and stress. I have 2 teenagers that don't give me a 1/4 of the problems she gives me. She lies, in mentally unstable, and is always in debt because she has a spending problem. I keep questioning if this is worth it. She has NEVER been a mother to me, never there, so why do I find the need to be there for her? I'm so confused about this and SO STRESSED!! Thanks for the honest help. __________________ **********************LINDA***************** `````````````````YOU ARE WHAT YOU EAT!`````````````````

11-10-2005, 09:38 AM	#4
la.lady Way too much time on my hands! Join Date: May 2004 Location: North Lousiana Posts: 17,263 Gallery: la.lady Stats: 187/176.8 / 160-5' 7" WOE: God's Help !/ CAD/ Loving the way I feel !!! Start Date: Dec.4, 2008/ I'm losing it, pounds that is !!!	Oh, Dear, your Mother does need profesional help... Talk to her Dr. and tell him what is going on..If she is taking more drugs than she needs this can do her a lot of harm... My Mother was very ill for the last five years of her life and I had to deal with some of the same things... Tried to help her all I could, but sometimes it is out of our hands... I'm glad that I did help her all that I could, but I believe my Mom was a hypocondriac, not sure of spelling... I know at one time she had five surgerys in five years, and I think a lot of it was to get attention, and then I blame her Dr. for a lot of it...Money making game... I really felt left out when I was growing up, because I had to do so much and she couldn't do what I needed her to be there for me... This still haunts me today, because I feel like I didn't have any childhood and miss that... My Dad was an achololic not sure of that spelling either, and that didn't help anything... Didn't have a Father figure, so missed out on a lot.. Do try to get her help, especially, if she isn't stable, for she will always be your Mother....LOL __________________ Patty Ann Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ,who according to His great mercy has caused us to be born again to a living hope through the resurrection of Jesus Christ from the dead, to obtain an inheritance which is imperishable and undefiled and will not fade away, reserved in heaven for you,who are protected by the power of God through faith for a salvation ready to be revealed in the last time. 1 Peter 1:3-4.....

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11-10-2005, 08:44 AM	#2
slimforever06 MAJOR LCF POSTER! Join Date: Apr 2004 Location: NC Posts: 2,263 Gallery: slimforever06 Stats: (18)/(4-6) WOE: Atkins! Start Date: 03/2000	I don't have any answers for you. I'm just sorry you're going through this. The only thing I can think of is "toughlove." Cut her and her drama out of your life for a while.

11-10-2005, 08:48 AM	#3
beeb Why wait, just do it NOW! Join Date: Feb 2004 Location: Central New Jersey Posts: 1,966 Gallery: beeb Stats: 168/ 151 / 140 5'5" WOE: South Beach/Atkins Start Date: Jan. 05	The weird thing is I did not speak to her for 3 years, and then she got to me and everything was good for about 1 year until she started her crap again.

11-10-2005, 12:43 PM	#5
Kellyann Way too much time on my hands! Join Date: Aug 2002 Location: Philly Posts: 12,853 Gallery: Kellyann Stats: Down 6 so far! WOE: Caffeinated Induction Start Date: Everyday	I just wanted to send you a hug. Both of my parents are addicts and our relationship suffers for it. I don't speak to my dad at all and my mom is currently making me insane. Sometimes I feel like cutting ties with all of the drama-makers. But my dd needs grandparents too. She was such a lousy mom but she is a good grandmom. It's so weird. She seems to have stopped the drugs....but her drinking is replacing it lately. She also has a gambling problem. My husband got caught up with an addiction as well but goes to NA everyday now. The stuff can get the best of even good people. I know it's hard to be patient with someone who wasn't there for you....believe me I know. I wouldn't just turn your back on her immediately though. Confront her and then offer to get her help. She may not own up to and comply right away but she atleast knows the hard part is over. Someone knows already and is willing to help. Then you just have to sit back and see if wants the help. Otherwise there is not much to do. Basically just say I am here when you decide to get help....until then I am not interested in the drama. I sure hope you figure this out.

11-10-2005, 02:20 PM	#6
MissMolly Senior LCF Member Join Date: Jun 2004 Location: Minnesota (but all over on Tour) Posts: 231 Gallery: MissMolly Stats: 210/170/150 Size: 20/14/8 WOE: Atkins Start Date: January 2004	It is hard to understand your situation, I am sorry you are going through this.....all i know is, love your family...you never know when they will be gone. hugs

11-10-2005, 03:02 PM	#7
Susan5767 Senior LCF Member Join Date: Mar 2005 Location: Greensboro, NC Posts: 63 Gallery: Susan5767 Stats: 254/145/145 WOE: Atkins Start Date: 07/01/2004	Check your phone book and see if you have a listing for Narcanon. If so call them immediately. These are family members/friends of people who are hooked on drugs - legal and illegal. If you can't find a listing call Alanon (the same group for families, etc of alcoholics) they will steer you in the right direction. I've had personal experience with the folks at Alanon and they are absolutely wonderful. Do this for yourself and your family. Remember your mother's addiction is all about her and not about you! Good luck! Susan

11-10-2005, 03:04 PM	#8
Ana K.S. Blabbermouth!!! Join Date: Mar 2003 Location: Orange County, California Posts: 6,927 Gallery: Ana K.S. Stats: New Mommy 13.5lbs down 11.5 to go! WOE: Trying to eat healthy	My Mom's not an addict but our relationship is beyond strained. So I understand. I too felt like the mother and her the child.

11-10-2005, 09:10 PM	#9
buffedstuff Senior LCF Member Join Date: Sep 2005 Posts: 641 Blog Entries: 4 Gallery: buffedstuff WOE: BFFM	only you can answer that question. I wish you peace and love

11-15-2005, 08:21 PM	#10
beeb Why wait, just do it NOW! Join Date: Feb 2004 Location: Central New Jersey Posts: 1,966 Gallery: beeb Stats: 168/ 151 / 140 5'5" WOE: South Beach/Atkins Start Date: Jan. 05	Well, she made me cry for the last time tonight. Called to tell me she was not spending Thanksgiving with me and family because, get this, she didn't want to eat and didn't want to be a pain to me!! What the $#@* is that!!! Trying to put the blame on me because she is too self-centered to even care if she is the only person I have who is family that would be here? I'M DONE!! No more. Then she called and left a message that she would come because she didn't want me to be hurt!! TOO LATE, IT'S DONE ALREADY, WITCH!! I am not calling her back. If she shows up, so be it, but I will NOT call her and tell her to come. I'M FINISHED WITH HER BABY CRAP. Let her go to the devil!!!

11-16-2005, 08:55 AM	#11
Pamalee63 Very Gabby LCF Member!!! Join Date: Dec 2004 Location: Lubbock, TX Posts: 4,735 Gallery: Pamalee63 Stats: 246.5/240.8/175 (highest 260 in 1999) WOE: Atkins Start Date: 11/15/2008	I read a book called "Mother-Daughter Wisdom" by Christiane Northrup, M.D. that might help in your situation. I'm sorry you keep getting hurt by her.

11-16-2005, 09:12 AM	#12
la.lady Way too much time on my hands! Join Date: May 2004 Location: North Lousiana Posts: 17,263 Gallery: la.lady Stats: 187/176.8 / 160-5' 7" WOE: God's Help !/ CAD/ Loving the way I feel !!! Start Date: Dec.4, 2008/ I'm losing it, pounds that is !!!	Oh Sweetie, I feel your pain. It does sound like she is striving for attention, even if it is the wrong kind. It looks like she is very unhappy, and they always say that they take it out on the ones they Love. Please, try to forgive her, for she is the only Mother that you have... Some day you will be glad that you did...

11-18-2005, 11:26 PM	#14
Purrgirl Blabbermouth!!! Join Date: Aug 2004 Location: Michigan Posts: 5,301 Gallery: Purrgirl Stats: 146/128 5'6

11-18-2005, 06:56 PM	#13
beeb Why wait, just do it NOW! Join Date: Feb 2004 Location: Central New Jersey Posts: 1,966 Gallery: beeb Stats: 168/ 151 / 140 5'5" WOE: South Beach/Atkins Start Date: Jan. 05	Well, I do call her back yesterday and if was TERRIBLE!! She is such a terrible mother, I can't even call her a MOM because she doesn't deserve that title!! I had stopped talking to her for 3 years, and now it's going to back to that again. I have to do this for my own peace of mind and for my family. They get the worst of it when she stresses me out. My kids are begging me not to talk to her, so I am going to listen to my heart and to them. It's funny how much calm has come over me with this decision!! I have no regrets. I have been the best daughter a mother could ask for. It's just sad that I'm not important enough to her for her to see what she is doing to us and our relationship. But then again, she is never wrong, it's always someone elses fault. I guess this time it will be mine. Thanks for all the love and kindness here. What would I do without my LC Friends!!!

11-18-2005, 11:36 PM	#15
Lacey01 Senior LCF Member Join Date: Jun 2002 Posts: 738 Gallery: Lacey01 WOE: Atkins	Bless your heart beep. Sorry I can't help.

11-20-2005, 07:48 AM	#16
doodles Way too much time on my hands! Join Date: Jun 2002 Location: Colts Country! Posts: 14,045 Gallery: doodles WOE: I don't even know at this point. Start Date: hmmm, what time is it now?	I have family members like that and unfortunately I've just had to distance myself from them. Like you, this was something I had to do for self-preservation. It's not a fun place to be. I'm so sorry for you.

12-03-2005, 01:16 PM	#18
zay Very Gabby LCF Member!!! Join Date: Nov 2002 Posts: 3,243 Gallery: zay	I think it would be best to set strict boundaries and only talk to her about once per month. This way you can keep contact and be a loyal daughter (like we should) yet have your peace. this is tough

12-04-2005, 07:12 PM	#19
karenb Way too much time on my hands! Join Date: Jun 2002 Location: Texas Panhandle Between New Mexico and Oklahoma Posts: 13,559 Gallery: karenb	The bible may say 'honor and honor' your parents but that doesn't mean you have to let them ruin your life. Set boundaries with her and go on with your life. You can't change the past so be the best parent to your children you can be. You can pick your friends but you can't pick your family.