How do you cope?

[emily1965]

When your life is crumbling around you, one thing after another, when you have goals, but hit a brick wall at every turn and you become so overwhelmed with fear and lonliness....how do you cope? How do you keep yourself pulled together and keep going? I know there is light at the end of the tunnel, but I can't see it. I don't even know which way to go to reach that light. I have no one to lean on, I have no one to reach out to. I'm alone and I'm scared. I curl up in a ball and cry until I am so exhausted I can't cry anymore, then move about like a zombie for awhile. I slowly get myself pulled togehter and for a few days, I can cope and then something else gets dumped on my shoulders and I start to fall apart again.....When you feel like you are standing in quick sand and the world is piling more weight on you, how do you make your way out?

[beckyb17]

(((Emily)))I think we've pretty much all been in your shoes before,it's not easy but you will make it!Besides leaning on my family.Believing in God helps more than one can imagine God listens to us and is non judgemental.Even though our prayers are'nt always answered the way we want them to be,God is there.Don't keep your feelings all bottled up.If you need to talk,most usually there is someone here to visit with.(((Emily)))

[Fine Mind]

Originally Posted by emily1965

When your life is crumbling around you, one thing after another, when you have goals, but hit a brick wall at every turn and you become so overwhelmed with fear and lonliness....how do you cope? How do you keep yourself pulled together and keep going? I know there is light at the end of the tunnel, but I can't see it. I don't even know which way to go to reach that light. I have no one to lean on, I have no one to reach out to. I'm alone and I'm scared. I curl up in a ball and cry until I am so exhausted I can't cry anymore, then move about like a zombie for awhile. I slowly get myself pulled togehter and for a few days, I can cope and then something else gets dumped on my shoulders and I start to fall apart again.....When you feel like you are standing in quick sand and the world is piling more weight on you, how do you make your way out?

to you Emily

You asked what we do.
I talk to people here . As Becky said, there is usually someone around who has had to overcome adversity.
And I try every day to:

Count my blessings!

I have just been through the hardest 6 months of my life but I KNOW there is always someone who is having a much rougher time than I am having.

I am always inspired by people like Lance Armstrong and most recently by the hundreds of young people coming back from Iraq missing a leg, a foot, an arm and having to deal with the pain and anguish of adapting to a prosthesis and maybe living a very different life than they'd ever imagined.

You have access to a computer and the Internet. You compose your messages with a great grasp of the language. You have enough to eat . Just those few facts put you in a better place than two-thirds of the earth's population. Think about that.

Things will get better. . . Lin

[RobinB]

Counting my blessings helps me, too. When I was first diagnosed with breast cancer this spring, I could have fallen apart. My doc expected me to--in fact she offered me tranquilizers or anti-depressants! But I think knowing God is there for me to lien on is what props me up. I see how much worse off others are (esp those in other parts of the world!) and suddenly I realize how lucky I am.

Then, I had to put my dog down, my new roof kept leaking and a friend with cancer passed away. All in one summer! I just kept praying, and reading my Bible, and I am a writer so can "vent" that way too. Talking to wonderful women on this board and several others helps too.

Crying is helpful, to a point. Then try to dry up and thank God for what you do have, and ask how you might help others in need. You will feel better.

[beachguy]

When we get down, we often quit doing the things that give us pleasure - listening to music, talking to friends, taking time for your hobbies, taking the kids to a park or museum, etc. Make sure you get some pleasure back in your life. Why don't you crank up the music and dance with your daughter in the living room?

Then, identify one small thing you can do that will make your life better. It might be as simple as giving your car a really good cleaning, or helping a neighbor that can't help themselves, or helping your daughter with a school project, or ... Start building things back up by doing one positive thing at a time. After a couple of weeks of positive actions you will be amazed at how much you have achieved.

Good luck,
Rich

[emily1965]

All of your advice is good....I am doing things to move on with my life and try to make it better. I'm not asking how to go about living, I'm asking how to keep from breaking down. Once I do that, it's really hard to get it all back together again and i feel like a zombie the rest of the day. I can make it a few days at a time, before it happens again. I wna to know lierally, how do you keep it all pulled together and not break down, or if you do break down, how do you get yourself pulled together.

I don't want to sound mean, but I gave up on God a long time ago, when I was 9 years old and I pleaded with him to save me from my earthly hell...seemd like the more I begged God for help, the more I was forced to endure.

[girliefriend]

Emily...I have no wisdom...as I am where you are.

All I have to offer is hugs.

I will however take some of the suggestion here to heart and work toward pulling myself up out of the darkness.

[Fine Mind]

Originally Posted by emily1965

I'm not asking how to go about living, I'm asking how to keep from breaking down. Once I do that, it's really hard to get it all back together again and i feel like a zombie the rest of the day. I can make it a few days at a time, before it happens again. I wna to know lierally, how do you keep it all pulled together and not break down, or if you do break down, how do you get yourself pulled together.

I think "breaking down" is the body's way of coping with emotional grief/pain. Yours manifests as crying and recoiling into yourself, which is how my body reacts to loss: my mother, my aunties. I think it's a natural process, and you have to listen to yourself while you are actually sobbing. A little voice will come on and say, "Emily, is this where you want to be? Is this how you perceive yourself?" Eventually, you will answer those questions in the negative, and the periods between breaking down will get longer and longer. But you need to grieve. Like I said, it's a process.

Do you absolutely have NO ONE around?

Hoping it gets better, Lin

[SuZi]

I have been so burdened by your original post, Emily, and want to offer my thoughts and prayers to you.....I don't know your background, nor do I need to know in order to pray, but just wanted to offer you some hugs:



I know for myself that when I am eating off plan and getting into sugar, I easily become depressed and have the poor thoughts and cannot seem to pull myself up out of the doom and gloom stage.....for that reason alone, one would think that I would always be on plan, but I am not. .....right now, I am 7 days OP and feeling great.

You may be away from God right now, but others can intercede for you.. ....I am gratified to see that so many here care for you and hope that that brings you some comfort as well.

[mmmommmy]

Emily, I have had a very difficult year. My thoughts and prayers are with you.

I have complete trust that whatever trials I go through in my life, the Lord is with me and loves me and has a wonderful plan for me. If my faith were not strong, I know I would just break down and give up. I agree that no matter how bad things may look, we all have blessings in our life. I try to focus on the positive and the blessings the Lord has given me. And I sing the song (sometimes silently, sometimes outloud.) How could you not smile when you sing about your blessings?

Count your blessings, name them one by one
Count your many blessings, see what God has done
Count your blessings, name them one by one.
Count your many blessings, see what God has done!

[ReneeBW]

Emily

[CARLINI]

Emily I could have written the same post myself. I don't know the answers either but thanks for puttng out this post and thanks to those who have offered suggestions.

[Terilynn]

To help yourself get on an even kilter - you can get on an anti-depressant. It helps some people for a while - others for longer. Sometimes you need a little kick start to feel better

[gettingstrength]

[djalomo]

I wish I had a productive method of coping, but I don't.

I take prescription meds to numb myself. Way too many.

[Transplant]

Maybe it would help if you stop trying not to fall apart. I went thru something like what you describe (and from what I am assuming, from previous posts) and had this little fear inside of me all the time that I'd go over the edge and just lose it. It almost seemed like the fear of losing it was worse than losing it would be in reality (does that make sense?!). So I gave myself permission to fall apart from time to time. I even planned it after awhile and looking back, think it helped me maintain my sanity.

About once a week, I would either go out to see a chikflik alone (you know, the tear jerker kind of movies) or rent a video and sit alone and bawl my eyes out for that 1½ hour (I usually went to the cinema in the afternoons when there weren't too many other people there). Sometimes I'd go stand in my shower and scream and cry. Or I'd go drive somewhere alone and sit with the radio going full blast and scream and cry. Once my scream/cry jag was over, I felt better, really. It was really cathartic.

It's also very important to plan small feel good things for yourself--like having lunch with a friend or taking a bubble bath or whatever you have the opportunity to do. Maybe some kind of hobby would be good, too. It helped me to be able to see I could do something well (like gardening or sewing).

[Anna]

(((EMILY)))

I know what your going thru and how you feel.... I too am wondering how to cope... I think like transplant said it's something you just have to allow yourself to go thru.... I know in the past my automatic response has been to try to numb myself... but now I don't have those options so I'm having to face it head on. I believe Emily there is a reason for everything and that we can make the choice to allow hard things in life to make us stronger and better. There is a lesson to be learned and all I know is I don't want to ever have to learn it again so I better learn it now.

It also does help to focus on those who have it much worse. I mean I do start going into that "poor me" pity party... and it pulls me right out of it to think of the hurricane victims and all they have lost... who am I to complain right?

If you need to call you know how to reach me.

[beckyb17]

Emily,how are you doing?

[exactly150]

Sounds like you need to see a psychotherapist to put things into perspective. Some are horrible, some are good. I went through three before I found one that truly helped.

[Lacey01]

The word of God is the answer.

I wish You and Your Daughter ALL the best life is waiting to give you. Just believe, pray, and recieve in Jesus name!

[shanes_grrl]

Originally Posted by Lacey01

The word of God is the answer.

I wish You and Your Daughter ALL the best life is waiting to give you. Just believe, pray, and recieve is Jesus name!

Amen!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[Bubbles]

Emily Don't dispair. We all go through times that burden our souls but you need to allow healing to take place and unfortunately crying it out is one way to get past it. Holding back or living in fear of breaking down is just crippling you more.
You need help. Please go for counciling. Churches, community centers etc offer it free or at very little charge. I always found that by keeping myself busy and taking care of others (volunteering) lifts my spirits.
You are a person worthy of love and happiness but you need to get yourself together before you are ready to receive love. No good man will come your way if you are not a happy and complete person. Men that seek out women while they are in pain will never give what you deserve and only take what little you have.

[funkycamper]

While I am a Christian and recognize the power of prayer, sometimes more is needed. Don't feel bad if you need more than prayer to heal these wounds that are holding you back. Wishing you the best.

[angela233]

Emily,

have you seen a doctor? have you ever been on anti-depressants? I have felt this way and medication helped me. Anti- depressants are not "happy" pills - they just made me feel "normal" - please please consider it

good luck

angela

[DiamondDeb]

Lisa, I know you're going through some really difficult & stressful times. I wish I could make things easier for you.

God saves me from drowning in the quicksand. My life has been one roadblock after another for so long, very overwhelming. Although that has been true for years, literally, it is much easier to cope since I began giving it all over to God. I lean on Him and give God my burdens everyday. I know He will carry me, take care of me. No matter how hard things get, I know I will be OK. It doesn't make things easy, but it gives me peace of mind.

It helps to have someone to talk to; counseling would be good for you, I think. They can help us learn how we get into destructive cycles of thinking and tell us how to change them. It's good to have someone acknowledge, that, yes, things are really bad. Honestly, I have to say, knowing that other people have it rough does not make my life seem any easier. A good counselor can suggest things to do to cope with all life throws at us and can give you ideas on how to start taking control again.

You know how to reach me if you want to talk. I'm here for you & you're in my prayers.

[Besos]

[Ana K.S.]

for your inner strength