Don't Know what to think

LeanLioness · 08-23-2005, 07:23 AM

DH has always been supportive of me and has not said anything about my weight. However, last night he called me fat, he said, "You are just plain old fat! And, I can't be with anyone big because I am not a big man myself." I feel devistated. He knows that I grew up with an abusive mother that used to call me fat and b*tches and anything else she could think of to degrade me. I feel so degraded, unattractive and fat myself. I feel like I have lost all will power to go on.

This only compounds everything I feel anyway regarding being fat. I am diabetic, PCOS and bi-polar.....what a combination. I feel like going to McDonalds and eating like 4 biscuits and gravy and orange juice.............

He told me this morning I have nothing to be upset about because he was only speaking the truth and I know it..............

brilliant100 · 08-23-2005, 07:43 AM

How hurtful!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! It did not have to be said like that. You should tell him how that made you feel.

RobinB · 08-23-2005, 07:50 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by brilliant100

How hurtful!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! It did not have to be said like that. You should tell him how that made you feel.

I agree! And tell him it only *discourages* your dieting when he is so mean.

DeeLen · 08-23-2005, 08:50 AM

OMG!! I'm so sorry.

LeanLioness · 08-23-2005, 07:11 PM

Well ladies......I tried to tell him how I feel and it has just made matters worse. He thinks I want to be fat for the rest of my life (which is not the case), especially since I was only 120 pounds when I met him 11 years ago.

I need encouragement, not being cut down and he told me he is my husband, not my parents and he is not going to sugar coat anything for me, that I need to grow up.

dizneegirl · 08-23-2005, 07:40 PM

I think I'd kick him in the shin, and let him know that I'm "just being honest"... that's exactly what I felt like doing.

Or I'd let him know "honestly" just what I thought of him and his honesty.

Honestly, if that's the way he's going to be, you're just going to have to decide how, or if, you're going to deal with it, I guess. I think that's a crappy way to treat someone you love (or claim to love)... whether that's what you truly think of them or not.

My reaction? I'd just go on with my diet, and get down to that goal. Then I'd probably do something really mean or spiteful to get back at him... but I hold grudges, and that's just me. Probably not the best course of action... but it would certainly spur me on.

Best wishes.

LeanLioness · 08-23-2005, 09:06 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by dizneegirl

My reaction? I'd just go on with my diet, and get down to that goal. Then I'd probably do something really mean or spiteful to get back at him... but I hold grudges, and that's just me. Probably not the best course of action... but it would certainly spur me on.

Best wishes.

My spiteful wheels are already turning since the hurtful part is over. I have a good mind to get down to goal and leave him because he is not worthy of my love when I am thin. Since he can't take the bad with the good.........

Jennyl · 08-24-2005, 12:19 AM

I would tell him he is being an asshat....not that I mean to be hurtful...just telling the truth.

wcsis · 08-24-2005, 12:32 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by LeanLioness

My spiteful wheels are already turning since the hurtful part is over. I have a good mind to get down to goal and leave him because he is not worthy of my love when I am thin. Since he can't take the bad with the good.........

Have there been problems in your relationship before he said the cruel things he said to you?

If so it's possible that he is responding to an internal fear that is exactly what you will do, leave him, when you reach your goal weight. Sometimes, even though it is hard to do, you have to look at the whole picture and what others may be thinking deep inside that makes them do/say the things they do.

I'm certainly not condoning the things he said to you, I think it was just plain cruel and hurtful, just trying to point out a bigger picture.

for you.

LeanLioness · 08-24-2005, 04:32 AM

No, usually he is my Rock of Gilbaltar and my support system. I don't know what is wrong with him. I think hanging out with some of his single friends that have the "perfect" looking girlfriends is doing something to him. He made a comment last night that I don't look anything like I used to.....

Well yeah................ before PCOS, infertility, type 2 diabetes, thyroid problems and bi-polar disorder, I was a size 4 and I actually felt like exercising........

I injured my elbow at the gym at couple of weeks ago and I have been slow going back until it is healed......this is what started it all......him making the comment about me stopping going to the gym..............and from there it just escalated.......

Mushmush · 08-24-2005, 07:03 AM

Maybe he's trying the tough love approach to get you motivated to lose weight? But in any event, what he said sounded cold and cruel, especially the part about not wanting to be with a big girl since he is not big himself.

Danielle-aye · 08-24-2005, 10:20 AM

Quote:

..have a good mind to get down to goal and leave him because he is not worthy of my love when I am thin.

It doesn't matter your size - he's not worthy regardless. Stand up for yourself. Tell him that you understand his frustration but you won't tolerate those comments said in such a hurtful way.

girliefriend · 08-25-2005, 09:00 PM

I'm sorry, but your husband is an asssssss. Don't let comments like this go. Remember...we teach people how to treat us, and if you let it go, he will continue to do the same, because you have taught him that it doesn't matter, when in reality, it's totally unacceptable. I am sorry you had to endure such a hurtful comment from someone that's supposed to love you unconditionally.

space4dtime · 08-30-2005, 01:04 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by LeanLioness

<snip> I think hanging out with some of his single friends <snip>

I have encountered something similiar with a husband hanging out with single friends. (Not about weight, but about responsibility.) They tend to forget how eager they were to become married in the first place, not remembering that single life isn't all it's cracked up to be.

I wish I had some advice here, but it's something that we're still struggling through ourselves. Sometimes I just want to tell him that if he wants to be single, go be single somewhere else. In the meantime, I have a family to run.

gettingstrength · 08-30-2005, 08:28 PM

djalomo · 08-30-2005, 08:58 PM

I'm so sorry you had to go through that

That's terrible. I couldn't bring myself to ever say those things to anyone -- let alone somone I love

funnygma · 09-01-2005, 11:52 AM

What an azz! Front door would be open and he would be escorted right on outta there!

There is no way he should be talking to you like that - he is right - he is your HUSBAND. Which means he should love you and respect you no matter what. I am sure you could find some imperfections on him and throw it in his face - I would start with the one that he is being an azzwhole and he should grow up!

to you sweetie - I hope you find a way in no uncertain terms to put an end to that crap!

carebear · 09-02-2005, 12:35 PM

a

for you!
You know deep down inside what you need to do!

Pamalee63 · 09-02-2005, 04:26 PM

I hope you got him straightened out...what a mean approach. Reminds me of my EX husband.

Lacey01 · 09-04-2005, 05:35 AM

I am truly sorry Lean. I don't know what to say.

Jayde · 09-04-2005, 07:46 AM

I am so sorry! I know this hurts so much when it comes from the one who is supposed to be the rock you can lean on to help you through difficult times. My ex husband did this same thing to me in the past a few times. We went to counseling for several reasons besides this before we finally divorced. The counselor pointed out that when he was angry with me, he made derogatory comments about my most vulnerable traits, which he knew would hurt me the most.

Additionally, this may have been an attempt by your husband to try to make you feel worse than he did at the time. Does he have any issues with confidence or low self-esteem? Regardless of the reason, it is totally unacceptable. I hope he will come to see this and apologize profusely to you. You are worthy of much better treatment and it sounds like he doesn't deserve you, no matter what size you are. I like the quote on Carey's profile information - "Never make someone your priority, when you remain their option." Excellent motto, Carey!

I bet your husband has issues you could criticize... say a pot belly, a receding hairline, or a scrawny build - but I bet you have never attacked him in this hurtful way.

Ok... here's the plan: Instead of dwelling on how much he hurt you, get mad and use that energy to your advantage. Concentrate only on yourself and show him you will not let him sabotage your will to succeed! We all know you can do it, so hold your head up high and stay focused on your goals. Everone who knows what you are going through will be here for you. Listen to us - not HIM!

BAMA-GAL-60 · 09-10-2005, 02:36 PM

My prayers are with you. No one should ever be told that they are fat especially by their hubby... A husband should stand by you and help you if you need to lose weight not critize you for it.
Feel free to Pm Mail me anytime you want to talk and i will be here for you.
I will help you all I can ok.

srm · 09-13-2005, 08:57 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by LeanLioness

DH has always been supportive of me and has not said anything about my weight. However, last night he called me fat, he said, "You are just plain old fat! And, I can't be with anyone big because I am not a big man myself." I feel devistated. He knows that I grew up with an abusive mother that used to call me fat and b*tches and anything else she could think of to degrade me. I feel so degraded, unattractive and fat myself. I feel like I have lost all will power to go on.

This only compounds everything I feel anyway regarding being fat. I am diabetic, PCOS and bi-polar.....what a combination. I feel like going to McDonalds and eating like 4 biscuits and gravy and orange juice.............

He told me this morning I have nothing to be upset about because he was only speaking the truth and I know it..............

Be carefull. he may be looking for excuses to? I'd recommend a marriage counselor

RobinB · 09-14-2005, 08:45 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by space4dtime

I have encountered something similiar with a husband hanging out with single friends. (Not about weight, but about responsibility.) They tend to forget how eager they were to become married in the first place, not remembering that single life isn't all it's cracked up to be.

That's a good point. When you hang out at a bar (or anywhere) with a group of singles, their lifestyle seems free & easy. But the hard reality is when they go home, it's usually alone. My dh has a single friend (divorced after 30 years) who calls us constantly. Why? Does he really need all that computer help?

No, he's lonely. And most of your dh's single friends probably are as well.

Acura · 09-14-2005, 08:55 AM

:hug: I am so sorry that has happened to you. I wish I could help ya but the only advise I have is to be strong, stick with your diet, you can do it !

walkingwoman · 09-28-2005, 01:15 PM

How are things going now? I hope things have improved

browneyedgirl · 09-28-2005, 02:17 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by LeanLioness

He told me this morning I have nothing to be upset about because he was only speaking the truth and I know it..............

The truth, no matter how unpleasant, can be spoken with kindess.

Shame on him for being cruel to you.

buffedstuff · 09-29-2005, 04:14 PM

sorry that you had to endure that but you will achieve your goal.

08-23-2005, 07:23 AM	#1
LeanLioness Very Gabby LCF Member!!! Join Date: Apr 2003 Location: Du Quoin, IL Posts: 4,307 Gallery: LeanLioness Stats: 230/224/120 WOE: Starting over, Atkins Phase 1 Start Date: Started Induction Again, Oct. 5 2008	Don't Know what to think DH has always been supportive of me and has not said anything about my weight. However, last night he called me fat, he said, "You are just plain old fat! And, I can't be with anyone big because I am not a big man myself." I feel devistated. He knows that I grew up with an abusive mother that used to call me fat and b*tches and anything else she could think of to degrade me. I feel so degraded, unattractive and fat myself. I feel like I have lost all will power to go on. This only compounds everything I feel anyway regarding being fat. I am diabetic, PCOS and bi-polar.....what a combination. I feel like going to McDonalds and eating like 4 biscuits and gravy and orange juice............. He told me this morning I have nothing to be upset about because he was only speaking the truth and I know it..............

08-23-2005, 07:40 PM	#6
dizneegirl MAJOR LCF POSTER! Join Date: Aug 2002 Location: Ohio Posts: 2,884 Gallery: dizneegirl	I think I'd kick him in the shin, and let him know that I'm "just being honest"... that's exactly what I felt like doing. Or I'd let him know "honestly" just what I thought of him and his honesty. Honestly, if that's the way he's going to be, you're just going to have to decide how, or if, you're going to deal with it, I guess. I think that's a crappy way to treat someone you love (or claim to love)... whether that's what you truly think of them or not. My reaction? I'd just go on with my diet, and get down to that goal. Then I'd probably do something really mean or spiteful to get back at him... but I hold grudges, and that's just me. Probably not the best course of action... but it would certainly spur me on. Best wishes. __________________ "The whole idea the diet doesn't work when you go off of it? That's the whole point. Why would you go off of it? Here is a diet that's fun to eat..." Dr. Robert Atkins, CNN's Crossfire, 1999

09-04-2005, 07:46 AM	#21
Jayde Junior LCF Member Join Date: Sep 2005 Location: West Texas Posts: 48 Gallery: Jayde Stats: 280, 211, 180 WOE: Atkins	I am so sorry! I know this hurts so much when it comes from the one who is supposed to be the rock you can lean on to help you through difficult times. My ex husband did this same thing to me in the past a few times. We went to counseling for several reasons besides this before we finally divorced. The counselor pointed out that when he was angry with me, he made derogatory comments about my most vulnerable traits, which he knew would hurt me the most. Additionally, this may have been an attempt by your husband to try to make you feel worse than he did at the time. Does he have any issues with confidence or low self-esteem? Regardless of the reason, it is totally unacceptable. I hope he will come to see this and apologize profusely to you. You are worthy of much better treatment and it sounds like he doesn't deserve you, no matter what size you are. I like the quote on Carey's profile information - "Never make someone your priority, when you remain their option." Excellent motto, Carey! I bet your husband has issues you could criticize... say a pot belly, a receding hairline, or a scrawny build - but I bet you have never attacked him in this hurtful way. Ok... here's the plan: Instead of dwelling on how much he hurt you, get mad and use that energy to your advantage. Concentrate only on yourself and show him you will not let him sabotage your will to succeed! We all know you can do it, so hold your head up high and stay focused on your goals. Everone who knows what you are going through will be here for you. Listen to us - not HIM! __________________ ~Jayde~ Jeremiah 29:11

08-23-2005, 07:43 AM	#2
brilliant100 MAJOR LCF POSTER! Join Date: Oct 2000 Location: Western, USA Posts: 2,444 Gallery: brilliant100 Stats: 266/194/169 WOE: Atkins/M&E Feast, Lower fat & Lower calorie Start Date: restarted 6/1/05 M/E, back on the wagon 8-21-07	How hurtful!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! It did not have to be said like that. You should tell him how that made you feel.

08-23-2005, 08:50 AM	#4
DeeLen Very Gabby LCF Member!!! Join Date: May 2004 Location: Illinois Posts: 4,450 Gallery: DeeLen Stats: (286.6)277.2/hmph!/145 WOE: WLS on 4/25/06!	OMG!! I'm so sorry.

08-23-2005, 07:11 PM	#5
LeanLioness Very Gabby LCF Member!!! Join Date: Apr 2003 Location: Du Quoin, IL Posts: 4,307 Gallery: LeanLioness Stats: 230/224/120 WOE: Starting over, Atkins Phase 1 Start Date: Started Induction Again, Oct. 5 2008	Well ladies......I tried to tell him how I feel and it has just made matters worse. He thinks I want to be fat for the rest of my life (which is not the case), especially since I was only 120 pounds when I met him 11 years ago. I need encouragement, not being cut down and he told me he is my husband, not my parents and he is not going to sugar coat anything for me, that I need to grow up.

08-24-2005, 12:19 AM	#8
Jennyl Way too much time on my hands! Join Date: Apr 2003 Location: calgary Posts: 24,145 Gallery: Jennyl Start Date: manana	I would tell him he is being an asshat....not that I mean to be hurtful...just telling the truth.

08-24-2005, 04:32 AM	#10
LeanLioness Very Gabby LCF Member!!! Join Date: Apr 2003 Location: Du Quoin, IL Posts: 4,307 Gallery: LeanLioness Stats: 230/224/120 WOE: Starting over, Atkins Phase 1 Start Date: Started Induction Again, Oct. 5 2008	No, usually he is my Rock of Gilbaltar and my support system. I don't know what is wrong with him. I think hanging out with some of his single friends that have the "perfect" looking girlfriends is doing something to him. He made a comment last night that I don't look anything like I used to..... Well yeah................ before PCOS, infertility, type 2 diabetes, thyroid problems and bi-polar disorder, I was a size 4 and I actually felt like exercising........ I injured my elbow at the gym at couple of weeks ago and I have been slow going back until it is healed......this is what started it all......him making the comment about me stopping going to the gym..............and from there it just escalated.......

08-24-2005, 07:03 AM	#11
Mushmush MAJOR LCF POSTER! Join Date: Jan 2005 Location: NJ Posts: 1,272 Gallery: Mushmush Stats: 172/135/132 WOE: WW Start Date: 1/7/2007 (Start WW)	Maybe he's trying the tough love approach to get you motivated to lose weight? But in any event, what he said sounded cold and cruel, especially the part about not wanting to be with a big girl since he is not big himself.

08-25-2005, 09:00 PM	#13
girliefriend Way too much time on my hands! Join Date: Apr 2003 Posts: 10,678 Gallery: girliefriend	I'm sorry, but your husband is an asssssss. Don't let comments like this go. Remember...we teach people how to treat us, and if you let it go, he will continue to do the same, because you have taught him that it doesn't matter, when in reality, it's totally unacceptable. I am sorry you had to endure such a hurtful comment from someone that's supposed to love you unconditionally.

08-30-2005, 08:28 PM	#15
gettingstrength Big Yapper!!!! Join Date: Aug 2003 Location: Tennessee Posts: 9,523 Gallery: gettingstrength Stats: 184 / 170 / ? WOE: atkins Start Date: 6 / 1 / 2002

08-30-2005, 08:58 PM	#16
djalomo Way too much time on my hands! Join Date: Aug 2004 Posts: 13,769 Gallery: djalomo Stats: 132/ getting there! /110 WOE: Atkins Start Date: August 2004	I'm so sorry you had to go through that That's terrible. I couldn't bring myself to ever say those things to anyone -- let alone somone I love

09-01-2005, 11:52 AM	#17
funnygma Blabbermouth!!! Join Date: Jun 2004 Posts: 6,674 Gallery: funnygma Start Date: 5/5/2004	What an azz! Front door would be open and he would be escorted right on outta there! There is no way he should be talking to you like that - he is right - he is your HUSBAND. Which means he should love you and respect you no matter what. I am sure you could find some imperfections on him and throw it in his face - I would start with the one that he is being an azzwhole and he should grow up! to you sweetie - I hope you find a way in no uncertain terms to put an end to that crap!

09-02-2005, 12:35 PM	#18
carebear Very "Special" Loungie Brat Join Date: Sep 2003 Location: A little place I like to call Home Posts: 18,408 Gallery: carebear Stats: Size 24/ Size 16/ Size 8 WOE: Low-Carbin it! Start Date: Original start October 2003;Re-inducting 4/22/06	a for you! You know deep down inside what you need to do!

09-02-2005, 04:26 PM	#19
Pamalee63 Very Gabby LCF Member!!! Join Date: Dec 2004 Location: Lubbock, TX Posts: 4,735 Gallery: Pamalee63 Stats: 246.5/240.8/175 (highest 260 in 1999) WOE: Atkins Start Date: 11/15/2008	I hope you got him straightened out...what a mean approach. Reminds me of my EX husband.

09-04-2005, 05:35 AM	#20
Lacey01 Senior LCF Member Join Date: Jun 2002 Posts: 738 Gallery: Lacey01 WOE: Atkins	I am truly sorry Lean. I don't know what to say.

09-10-2005, 02:36 PM	#22
BAMA-GAL-60 Guest Join Date: May 2005 Location: Alabama Posts: 354 Gallery: BAMA-GAL-60 Stats: start-325-current 225- goal 150 WOE: Atkins Start Date: Nov. 2000	My prayers are with you. No one should ever be told that they are fat especially by their hubby... A husband should stand by you and help you if you need to lose weight not critize you for it. Feel free to Pm Mail me anytime you want to talk and i will be here for you. I will help you all I can ok.

09-14-2005, 08:55 AM	#25
Acura Senior LCF Member Join Date: Jul 2005 Location: Rockledge, Fl Posts: 579 Gallery: Acura Stats: 5'9 Start BMI 53.3 310 7/22/2007 WOE: RNY exercise, lots and lots of cardo Start Date: 7/22/2007	:hug: I am so sorry that has happened to you. I wish I could help ya but the only advise I have is to be strong, stick with your diet, you can do it !

09-28-2005, 01:15 PM	#26
walkingwoman Blabbermouth!!! Join Date: Aug 2001 Location: Paradise Posts: 6,937 Gallery: walkingwoman Stats: 12/4/2-4 WOE: Who knows? Start Date: every day is a new day	How are things going now? I hope things have improved

09-29-2005, 04:14 PM	#28
buffedstuff Senior LCF Member Join Date: Sep 2005 Posts: 641 Blog Entries: 4 Gallery: buffedstuff WOE: BFFM	sorry that you had to endure that but you will achieve your goal.