The right man/woman? Christian Perspective - No Flaming

brilliant100 · 08-09-2005, 07:59 AM

If you do not believe in the Bible or God, that is fine but please do not use this thread to attack those that do.

This is the last section to the Soul Mate thread. The entire memo was too long for one thread.

Any positive feedback is welcomed.

--------------------------------------------------

Subject: How do you know when you have found the right man/woman?

Powerful message by Minister Creflo Dollar..Enjoy

This question is a valid one and many of us have asked the same thing. Some of us who didn't ask the question have suffered tremendously because we choose a mate. I want to begin answering the question by saying this - God does not "choose" a mate for you. This is a misconception that many of us have as believers.

Creflo Dollar did a wonderful teaching on this and basically what Pastor Dollar said is that God makes "presentations - It's up to you to choose." The Lord doesn't make choices like that for us. He doesn't even make the choice for us to be saved. We have to "choose ye this day whom we will serve." If God doesn't force salvation on us. He certainly will not force a mate on us. So, I'm so sorry to tell you, You can't put it on God. The choice is yours. That being said, God will certainly not have us ignorant.

While He does not choose our mates, He "presents" potential mates who, based on His infinite knowledge, He feels will meet our needs. My, my, my, If I'd only listened to the leading of the Holy Ghost and not my flesh. But that's another story....Moving right along. I also want to add that it is just as important to be the right person as it is to choose the right person. If you are not all you need to be, even if God were to send the right man/woman, you could not be in a position to receive him/her. You won't know how to treat him/her, take to him/her, love him/her, comfort him/her, support him/her, nurture him/her etc. Ladies, I'm going to help the brothers out a little bit. Some ladies say we want a good man, with a good job, handsome, built. Don't get mad with me now, but are you where you need to be? Are you a good woman with a good job? Do you make yourself attractive and do you keep yourself in shape? Or are you living beneath your privilege a spoiled, big mouth, loud, unruly woman that never combs your hair, your fingernails are dirty and you got runs in your stockings and scuff marks on your shoes? Lawd, y'all ain't gon' like me today. That's alright. You just need to be honest with yourself. You want a man that looks like Denzel, shaped like Wesley Snipes, and paid like Michael Jordan, but you don't keep yourself up, shaped like Miss Piggy. But seriously, you've got to bring something to the table too. What do you have to offer this wonderful brother that you're believing in God for? One has to be honest with one's self. Now, after you have examined yourself, ask yourself some basic questions about the man you're considering:

1. Is He/She Saved? That's the first question you need to ask. If not, that person is not the one and if you think he or she is the one, then that might be the person, but not the one right now. You need to wait. The bible clearly states that women are to be submissive to our husbands. It is difficult to submit to a man who is not submissive to God. He is not equipped to lead you. I don't care how much money he makes, what kind of house he lives in, what kind of car he drives, or what's in his bank account. If he does not know Jesus, he is not the one.

2. Do you have the same beliefs? If you believe in speaking in tongues, does he/she believe in it too? If you are a woman minister, does he believe in women preachers? (Some brothas have a hard time with this one....). What was his/her religious/spiritual up bringing? Does he greet people by saying "Praise the Lord" or does he say "Assalaamalaikum"? Would either of those bother you?

3. Do you have the same interests? I know a couple of sistas that happen to love to read, sing, write, watch soap operas, talk shows etc. But, in a minute, they will beat any man to the TV for a good football game, boxing match, and basketball game. Most men can appreciate that! What things do you have in common?

4. Is he/she interested in you? Do you have to call all the time? Go see him/her all the time? Initiate all communications? If so, the brotha/sister don't want you. I just have to make it plain. If you have to do all the calling, all the writing, and take all the initiative, just face facts and move on. Don't run behind him/her chasing them, because even if he/she is a little bit interested, that will turn him/her off. A person with some determination knows how to pursue what they want. If it's you they want, he/she knows where you are. You have too much to offer somebody to be playing cat and mouse.

5. Can he support you? (THIS ONE IS FOR THE LADIES..) "Can he pay your bills...can he pay your telephone bill...can he pay your automobile..." or is he a "Triflin' good for nothin' type of brotha..." It sounds like the women are gold diggers and for a woman of the world that might be the case, but we're talking about what the Bible says.

According to the Word, the man is supposed to be the head-IN EVERYTHING! Some men want to be the head until it's time to pay bills. When it's time to pay bills then we all equal. We are all one in the Spirit. Man, please! Ask the man if he can and is willing to support you if necessary. He might get mad, and if he does, "he ain't the one." If a man is not willing to provide for you, he doesn't think very much of you. Leave him alone. That doesn't mean you can't or shouldn't work, but if you work, it should be because of your choice, not of necessity.

I'm in the book, y'all. Don't get mad with me. Then ask yourself some basic questions:

* Is this a person you want to see naked for the rest of your life?

* Are you physically attracted to him?

* Does he/she have other children? If so, are you ready to be a parent to children you didn't birth?

* Is he/she your spiritual equal or greater? Ask yourself these and other questions and be honest. Listen to the voice of the Holy Spirit and let things line up with the Word of God. Does he/she fit the bill? Will he love you as Christ loves the church? Will she willingly submit to you? Will he be your provider, protector, comforter, nurturer, and a godly head? Will she be your helpmate? If you feel good about the answers to your questions, then pray about it and trust God. Chances are, you've got the right one! If not, keep waiting. It's better to be single for a little while longer than marry the wrong person and head to divorce court. Trust me.

Hope this has done you some good. "Often the most difficult part of faith is when no more action can be taken and nothing remains but to wait patiently for God to work out His will. It is at this moment that doubts arise and anxiety creeps in.

YOU ARE BLESSED, SO BE A BLESSING TO SOMEONE TODAY.....

Jormy · 08-09-2005, 08:03 AM

Aside from being submissive to the man, I think it has a lot of good things to say. Find someone with similiar interests, beliefs and able to pay the bills and not run out when they come in, and someone you are attracted to and want to see naked

Good info for even non religious people

Grif · 08-09-2005, 09:15 AM

*see reply in previous thread*

Skinnymocah · 08-09-2005, 09:20 AM

I think the points are good starting points and items to consider. Some thigns are more important than others. I'm not looking for someone to support me, so I am more interested in his heart, his integrity, his character. I LOVE that Fred feels compelled to take care of me, but his ability to do so has no bearing on whether or not he is the One. However if he can't even take care of himself, that's a mark on his character and something I would consider a second time.

Make sense?

These points, along with every self help book in the World won't help you if you don't know what you're looking for... they help to give a great perspective, but one must weigh them against the desires of the heart.

Re:submission. I always find it funny/amusing/irritating that preachers never bring up the point in the verses below the wife submitting to the husband. HE HAS TO SUBMIT TO HER AS WELL. The man may be the spiritual head of the home, but per Proverbs 31, she runs the show.

kacee1958 · 08-09-2005, 12:37 PM

I'm almost afraid to answer this, but I think I have another perspective. I have been very happily married for 25 years to a minister, and my middle son has just started seminary. I believe that the Bible is the "inspired" word of God, but that it passed through a human interpretation. That said, I keep in mind the historical text of the Bible - that it was written during a time that women were certainly NOT equal, were in fact viewed as property. I also know that a lot of the original intent of the Bible has been lost through the many translations and interpretations it has undergone.
I believe I have a Christian marriage - my DH and I treat each other with love, dignity and respect, and we have managed to raise three sons who have seemed to have learned these life lessons also. I do not believe in finding a man to "support" me - we're in this together, and my work is as important as his.
Finally, to REALLY shake things up - I wasn't "saved" as I think you (or the article) is referring to. I was saved over two thousand years ago at a cross on Calvary.
P.S. Hi, Brilliant!!

brilliant100 · 08-09-2005, 03:40 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by kacee1958

Finally, to REALLY shake things up - I wasn't "saved" as I think you (or the article) is referring to. I was saved over two thousand years ago at a cross on Calvary.
P.S. Hi, Brilliant!!

Hi Kacee - this is an interesting thought. Most churches I attend are all ways 'encouraging' people to get Saved. Based on your statment, it sounds like you believe differently. Please, Please explain.

I've been 'Saved' twice and due to unmentionalbe sinful acts committed recently

, I feel like I need to do it again! As if each time will cleanse me......well thats what I keep thinking.

kacee1958 · 08-12-2005, 08:29 AM

Brilliant, I answered this Wednesday nite, but I think it got lost. I debated with myself all day about whether to answer you or not, then when to church and heard a talk on "Speaking Your Faith". OK, I can take a hint - LOL. My salvation came when Christ died for me. I continue in that saving grace through my relationship with Him. Sure I screw up - who doesn't? The miracle of faith is that God continues to love me, and is always there for me. I was baptized as an infant - a covenant between God and me, and also a covenant between God and my church family, who pledged at that time to support me in my spiritual journel. Hope this helps.

brilliant100 · 08-12-2005, 11:10 AM

thanks Kacee!

Danielle-aye · 08-18-2005, 02:27 PM

I think the "support" thing depends on the kind of future you see for yourself. Do you want to be a stay at home mom? Then the ability to support you financially is incredibly important. If you're a career person or want to be a working mom, then the financial support isn't as important.

Bottom line is that your core values need to line up - if religion is important to you; it doesn't make any sense to marry an atheist. That's just plain common sense.

08-09-2005, 07:59 AM	#1
brilliant100 MAJOR LCF POSTER! Join Date: Oct 2000 Location: Western, USA Posts: 2,444 Gallery: brilliant100 Stats: 266/194/169 WOE: Atkins/M&E Feast, Lower fat & Lower calorie Start Date: restarted 6/1/05 M/E, back on the wagon 8-21-07	The right man/woman? Christian Perspective - No Flaming If you do not believe in the Bible or God, that is fine but please do not use this thread to attack those that do. This is the last section to the Soul Mate thread. The entire memo was too long for one thread. Any positive feedback is welcomed. -------------------------------------------------- Subject: How do you know when you have found the right man/woman? Powerful message by Minister Creflo Dollar..Enjoy This question is a valid one and many of us have asked the same thing. Some of us who didn't ask the question have suffered tremendously because we choose a mate. I want to begin answering the question by saying this - God does not "choose" a mate for you. This is a misconception that many of us have as believers. Creflo Dollar did a wonderful teaching on this and basically what Pastor Dollar said is that God makes "presentations - It's up to you to choose." The Lord doesn't make choices like that for us. He doesn't even make the choice for us to be saved. We have to "choose ye this day whom we will serve." If God doesn't force salvation on us. He certainly will not force a mate on us. So, I'm so sorry to tell you, You can't put it on God. The choice is yours. That being said, God will certainly not have us ignorant. While He does not choose our mates, He "presents" potential mates who, based on His infinite knowledge, He feels will meet our needs. My, my, my, If I'd only listened to the leading of the Holy Ghost and not my flesh. But that's another story....Moving right along. I also want to add that it is just as important to be the right person as it is to choose the right person. If you are not all you need to be, even if God were to send the right man/woman, you could not be in a position to receive him/her. You won't know how to treat him/her, take to him/her, love him/her, comfort him/her, support him/her, nurture him/her etc. Ladies, I'm going to help the brothers out a little bit. Some ladies say we want a good man, with a good job, handsome, built. Don't get mad with me now, but are you where you need to be? Are you a good woman with a good job? Do you make yourself attractive and do you keep yourself in shape? Or are you living beneath your privilege a spoiled, big mouth, loud, unruly woman that never combs your hair, your fingernails are dirty and you got runs in your stockings and scuff marks on your shoes? Lawd, y'all ain't gon' like me today. That's alright. You just need to be honest with yourself. You want a man that looks like Denzel, shaped like Wesley Snipes, and paid like Michael Jordan, but you don't keep yourself up, shaped like Miss Piggy. But seriously, you've got to bring something to the table too. What do you have to offer this wonderful brother that you're believing in God for? One has to be honest with one's self. Now, after you have examined yourself, ask yourself some basic questions about the man you're considering: 1. Is He/She Saved? That's the first question you need to ask. If not, that person is not the one and if you think he or she is the one, then that might be the person, but not the one right now. You need to wait. The bible clearly states that women are to be submissive to our husbands. It is difficult to submit to a man who is not submissive to God. He is not equipped to lead you. I don't care how much money he makes, what kind of house he lives in, what kind of car he drives, or what's in his bank account. If he does not know Jesus, he is not the one. 2. Do you have the same beliefs? If you believe in speaking in tongues, does he/she believe in it too? If you are a woman minister, does he believe in women preachers? (Some brothas have a hard time with this one....). What was his/her religious/spiritual up bringing? Does he greet people by saying "Praise the Lord" or does he say "Assalaamalaikum"? Would either of those bother you? 3. Do you have the same interests? I know a couple of sistas that happen to love to read, sing, write, watch soap operas, talk shows etc. But, in a minute, they will beat any man to the TV for a good football game, boxing match, and basketball game. Most men can appreciate that! What things do you have in common? 4. Is he/she interested in you? Do you have to call all the time? Go see him/her all the time? Initiate all communications? If so, the brotha/sister don't want you. I just have to make it plain. If you have to do all the calling, all the writing, and take all the initiative, just face facts and move on. Don't run behind him/her chasing them, because even if he/she is a little bit interested, that will turn him/her off. A person with some determination knows how to pursue what they want. If it's you they want, he/she knows where you are. You have too much to offer somebody to be playing cat and mouse. 5. Can he support you? (THIS ONE IS FOR THE LADIES..) "Can he pay your bills...can he pay your telephone bill...can he pay your automobile..." or is he a "Triflin' good for nothin' type of brotha..." It sounds like the women are gold diggers and for a woman of the world that might be the case, but we're talking about what the Bible says. According to the Word, the man is supposed to be the head-IN EVERYTHING! Some men want to be the head until it's time to pay bills. When it's time to pay bills then we all equal. We are all one in the Spirit. Man, please! Ask the man if he can and is willing to support you if necessary. He might get mad, and if he does, "he ain't the one." If a man is not willing to provide for you, he doesn't think very much of you. Leave him alone. That doesn't mean you can't or shouldn't work, but if you work, it should be because of your choice, not of necessity. I'm in the book, y'all. Don't get mad with me. Then ask yourself some basic questions: * Is this a person you want to see naked for the rest of your life? * Are you physically attracted to him? * Does he/she have other children? If so, are you ready to be a parent to children you didn't birth? * Is he/she your spiritual equal or greater? Ask yourself these and other questions and be honest. Listen to the voice of the Holy Spirit and let things line up with the Word of God. Does he/she fit the bill? Will he love you as Christ loves the church? Will she willingly submit to you? Will he be your provider, protector, comforter, nurturer, and a godly head? Will she be your helpmate? If you feel good about the answers to your questions, then pray about it and trust God. Chances are, you've got the right one! If not, keep waiting. It's better to be single for a little while longer than marry the wrong person and head to divorce court. Trust me. Hope this has done you some good. "Often the most difficult part of faith is when no more action can be taken and nothing remains but to wait patiently for God to work out His will. It is at this moment that doubts arise and anxiety creeps in. YOU ARE BLESSED, SO BE A BLESSING TO SOMEONE TODAY..... __________________ 8-21-07 'Jumpin back on the wagon' 194 169 goal by 9-22 Anniversay

08-09-2005, 12:37 PM	#5
kacee1958 Senior LCF Member Join Date: Feb 2005 Location: NE Georgia Posts: 553 Gallery: kacee1958 Stats: 200/191/145 WOE: Atkins Start Date: restart 12/29/08	I'm almost afraid to answer this, but I think I have another perspective. I have been very happily married for 25 years to a minister, and my middle son has just started seminary. I believe that the Bible is the "inspired" word of God, but that it passed through a human interpretation. That said, I keep in mind the historical text of the Bible - that it was written during a time that women were certainly NOT equal, were in fact viewed as property. I also know that a lot of the original intent of the Bible has been lost through the many translations and interpretations it has undergone. I believe I have a Christian marriage - my DH and I treat each other with love, dignity and respect, and we have managed to raise three sons who have seemed to have learned these life lessons also. I do not believe in finding a man to "support" me - we're in this together, and my work is as important as his. Finally, to REALLY shake things up - I wasn't "saved" as I think you (or the article) is referring to. I was saved over two thousand years ago at a cross on Calvary. P.S. Hi, Brilliant!! __________________ kacee

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08-09-2005, 08:03 AM	#2
Jormy Gym and Tonic Join Date: Jul 2003 Location: Austin, TX Posts: 16,129 Gallery: Jormy Stats: 226/190/150 WOE: Atkins/BFL Start Date: June 4th, 2003	Aside from being submissive to the man, I think it has a lot of good things to say. Find someone with similiar interests, beliefs and able to pay the bills and not run out when they come in, and someone you are attracted to and want to see naked Good info for even non religious people

08-09-2005, 09:15 AM	#3
Grif Big Yapper!!!! Join Date: Jul 2002 Location: Up State New York Posts: 8,363 Gallery: Grif Stats: 260/220/170 WOE: move more/eat less Start Date: 01/01/08 (this time around)	see reply in previous thread

08-09-2005, 09:20 AM	#4
Skinnymocah aka Miss Latte Join Date: Aug 2002 Location: Gone. Posts: 41,456 Gallery: Skinnymocah Stats: WOE: Start Date:	I think the points are good starting points and items to consider. Some thigns are more important than others. I'm not looking for someone to support me, so I am more interested in his heart, his integrity, his character. I LOVE that Fred feels compelled to take care of me, but his ability to do so has no bearing on whether or not he is the One. However if he can't even take care of himself, that's a mark on his character and something I would consider a second time. Make sense? These points, along with every self help book in the World won't help you if you don't know what you're looking for... they help to give a great perspective, but one must weigh them against the desires of the heart. Re:submission. I always find it funny/amusing/irritating that preachers never bring up the point in the verses below the wife submitting to the husband. HE HAS TO SUBMIT TO HER AS WELL. The man may be the spiritual head of the home, but per Proverbs 31, she runs the show.

08-12-2005, 08:29 AM	#7
kacee1958 Senior LCF Member Join Date: Feb 2005 Location: NE Georgia Posts: 553 Gallery: kacee1958 Stats: 200/191/145 WOE: Atkins Start Date: restart 12/29/08	Brilliant, I answered this Wednesday nite, but I think it got lost. I debated with myself all day about whether to answer you or not, then when to church and heard a talk on "Speaking Your Faith". OK, I can take a hint - LOL. My salvation came when Christ died for me. I continue in that saving grace through my relationship with Him. Sure I screw up - who doesn't? The miracle of faith is that God continues to love me, and is always there for me. I was baptized as an infant - a covenant between God and me, and also a covenant between God and my church family, who pledged at that time to support me in my spiritual journel. Hope this helps.

08-12-2005, 11:10 AM	#8
brilliant100 MAJOR LCF POSTER! Join Date: Oct 2000 Location: Western, USA Posts: 2,444 Gallery: brilliant100 Stats: 266/194/169 WOE: Atkins/M&E Feast, Lower fat & Lower calorie Start Date: restarted 6/1/05 M/E, back on the wagon 8-21-07	thanks Kacee!

08-18-2005, 02:27 PM	#9
Danielle-aye Junior LCF Member Join Date: Jun 2005 Location: DC Metro Posts: 27 Gallery: Danielle-aye Stats: 209/183.5/135 WOE: Atkins Start Date: 6/6/05	I think the "support" thing depends on the kind of future you see for yourself. Do you want to be a stay at home mom? Then the ability to support you financially is incredibly important. If you're a career person or want to be a working mom, then the financial support isn't as important. Bottom line is that your core values need to line up - if religion is important to you; it doesn't make any sense to marry an atheist. That's just plain common sense.