What I wanted to say but knew it wouldnt help, but wanted to be heard

Acura · 08-08-2005, 08:55 AM

djalomo, thanx for posting your healing diary, here is what I wanted to say, great Idea I hope it helps me as much as you.

Dear J,
you are an honest man. When we started going out (even before that while we were just talking on the phone /internet), you told me that you were over M, that even though you will always love her you weren’t in love with her, and was ready to move on. That you couldn’t go back to someone who hurt so much. I believed you You tell me that you love me, and I believed you. Your friends, and children ( H) have told you that you seem happier since seeing me, and even happier than you have been over the last two years, because we were together. . You told me that in the past few months with me, you have had some of the happiest times you have ever had. I believed you. I believed your words because I knew it in my heart that you are the man I was meant to be with.

Till Sunday morning, I knew that our love could last, and we would be together. Than Sunday morning you told me that you still have feelings for her. What I heard was that you were still in love with her, and that everything you said about the last months together was a lie. How can I make you so happy and you still want to be with someone else? This is where your confusion comes from. I understand and I don’t.

Than after a few days ........

This was in reply to an email I got from J's Ex-wife, telling me to kiss off, I didnt respond but I wanted too, and here is what I would say.

Dear M & J

after talking to J last night I had decided that I was just going to let him be, because he is so very confused and really doesn’t even know what day of the week it is. I feel its best for him to just time out and figure out what he needs, and honestly not have anything to do with either of us. I let him go, and if it was ment to be than he will come back to me, I am not going to latch my hooks onto him. M, your email to me is a joke. I really don’t play games. You seem to enjoy playing games, J told me that you see me as a adversary, and that I am competition, and that you are mad because I won. You think I won because he called you and dumped you, he said that he wanted to be with me. See M you seem to enjoy playing games, when Jand first started dating you used Josh and Jon, for him to stay home on weekends instead of coming to see me. That is a game. You seem to be the one who enjoys playing with J's emotions, you know how to work him, he knows that is true.

When you rejected J, and he wanted you back, it was a huge power trip. The fact that he started to move on, showed you that you no longer had control over him, so since you enjoy playing games, and enjoyed cheating on him and making him feel inadequate as a man, him moving on was showed you that he was over you and your games. Seeing this made you decide you wanted him back. J has told me that he wants his family back, he says I want my family back. I can understand how important it is for a man who was so deeply scared by such a huge rejection to feel vindicated by the person who hurt him waiting him back. Last night while we were talking, I asked him to go see a counselor. Will J and I ever been together again, probably not. As I told him, I can’t see my self with someone carries the scares and pain that he does. Even last night, while talking to him, he know that he still loves me and wants to be with me, but can’t because he is being pulled into another direction by his heart. I told him to go, run with it, follow your heart, and I asked him to be at least aware of what is the root of his emotions. You asked me, how can I want a man back that cheated on me, and has feeling for another woman. I ask you, why do you want J back when he is in love with another woman, after he called you and told you that he wanted to be with another woman. And now I ask J, why do you want a woman that has rejected, cheated and lied to you as many times as M has. You know the answer.

Its been almost 1 week since you left me and this morning I woke up for the first time, not crying and slept threw the night. Today is the start of my new life, though it will be hard, I know that each day I will get over you a little more till I have forgotten the pain and can just remeber the good. Last night you PM's me and said that I will either be the Hero in your life that brought you and M, back together, or the biggest mistake you ever made. J I can 100% promise you that people dont change after 17 years, and that I am the best thing in your life that you ever let go. I wish for your happeness but I know what you are doing will end in such pain for you it hurts me to know. You said that you will get in touch with me one day and let me know how it went so I can laugh when it fails, J dont bother. When I am over you it will not matter to me. Know that I will always love you and hope that one day we can be together even though I know we cant.

With love,

Denise

LCinHouston · 08-08-2005, 09:17 AM

Acura · 08-12-2005, 02:29 PM

its Friday, the end to the 2nd week and each day I woke up, the morning had started off better than the day before. This morning I woke up and not even a thought of J, until I saw his razor in the bathroom draw. This weekend or next week I will have to go thru my house and remove his posessions and mail them to him. I know now that when I get sad its because there is something missing a place in my heart where love was is not empty and starting to fill again. I havent cried over J in about 3 days now am moving into the anger stage, and even thru it because even though I am mad at him, I understand his confusion and wish him the best but I have no desire to be with him. Well that is a little of a lie, I wish things had worked out but this is the way is has to be so I am moving on. Wednesday night I went to the mall, Thursday night I went to the movies, and tonight I am going to a club / bar with some friends from work.
This weekend the hardest thing I will have to do is going to a wedding that I RSVP'd for J and my self. I think it has gotten around to all that we are broken up, and I am sure no one will ask, at least I hope they don't.
*HUG* thanx for listening !

Roni · 08-12-2005, 07:38 PM

Hugs to you Acura. I think it's a good idea to remove his possessions as soon as possible... You are moving forward and reminders of him will just hold you back. Take care and try to stay positive at the wedding this weekend.

Acura · 08-15-2005, 07:56 AM

Well I went to the wedding this weekend and it had not gotten around that J and I had broken up.

so everyone was asking where he was. I explained that we had broken up and I got the Oh I am so sorry looks

oh well.... Saturday morning I had a very odd dream. Anyknow have any idea what it means ?

J and I had gotten back together and we driving up to pick up his children from there grandparents house, a 24 hour drive. I was driving up the interstate and a 2 door red car drove past us, I mean flew past us, but it was odd because the guy was driving in the center of the car, he wasn’t sitting to the left he was sitting directly in the middle of the car. A few miles up the road, we passed an accident where that little red car had hit something and broke up, and the driver was on the road dead, ( weird huh ), instead of stopping in the traffic, I drove around the accident, even drove into the grass and passed it all to continue driving. Upon reaching his mothers house instead of parking in the drive way we parked down the road a little walking up to the house holding hands. I walked in to the house first where his Ex-wife was doing the dishes. She turned and looked at me and said, “outside right now !”, I looked at her and said, “ I am from NY, and you really don’t wanna take this outside with me”, just as I said that J’s two sons came out of no where were happy to see me and we all went outside and had a leaf fight. After the leaf fight J and I walked over to a little Flea Market thing where he sat on a stool and watched as I looked over the items and old friend of his walked up to him and congratulated him. He seemed confused and asked why he had been congratulated, and his old friend said that I heard that, that girl from V (name of the company I work for) the one that was too good for you, that you dumped her. J had a confused look on his face and looked at me, while I turned to his friend, and introduced my self as D, the girl from V.

Weird dream huh?

djalomo · 09-26-2005, 06:04 PM

Acura how are you?

I think I'm officially over my J, but the weird dreams do still happen sometimes. Weirder still are the nice dreams. Occasionally I'll have beautiful dreams where we're so happy and content and nothing's wrong. I haven't had one in about a month or so, though.

I hope you're doing well and that closure is happening for you.

Acura · 09-27-2005, 07:34 AM

Thanx for asking, its been about 2 months now and I still love and think about him often. I did dream of him a few times but most likey wonder at times if he thinks about me, and or even misses me.

The last 2 months have been very hard on me, between trying to diet and work out and wake up and get out of bed the next morning. It was really amazing what a difference he made in my life during the time he was in it. I dont know if I will ever be over him but each day it gets a little easier to forget. :HUG:

JanMarie3 · 09-27-2005, 03:08 PM

Glad to hear you are doing better each day....when my "J" left me I had to gather all all the hundreds of photographs of us during happy times and get rid of them too.

djalomo · 09-27-2005, 09:24 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Acura

Thanx for asking, its been about 2 months now and I still love and think about him often.

The 2 and even 3 month mark was still so *hard* for me. About 2.5 months in I had days where I thought I was for sure over him but then I'd have "freak out" moments that would last the entire night.

He moved to San Diego and I saw a job offer out there and I even thought about sending in a resume.

I didn't start to feel really, really over it until very recently. You're right -- every day does get a little easier to forget.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Acura

I did dream of him a few times but most likey wonder at times if he thinks about me, and or even misses me.

He'd be crazy not to.

Acura · 09-28-2005, 07:41 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by djalomo

The 2 and even 3 month mark was still so *hard* for me. About 2.5 months in I had days where I thought I was for sure over him but then I'd have "freak out" moments that would last the entire night.

I didn't start to feel really, really over it until very recently. You're right -- every day does get a little easier to forget.

Well today it has been 2 months and 3 days, and at times it hurts as much as it did the day it happened. The days going by does make it easier to forget but at times I just dont want to forget.

I do understand the "freak out" moments, I had one yesterday when I got home and saw a pair of his socks on my dryer. The sad love songs on the radio dont make things any easier either.

They said that time heals all wounds and I truly believe in time ......

I was thinking today that I forgive him for cheating on me and sending him an email telling him that, not for him to know but for me to end this chapter in my life so I can start moving on. I dont know if that is a good idea or not.

I think I am ready to start moving on....

08-08-2005, 08:55 AM	#1
Acura Senior LCF Member Join Date: Jul 2005 Location: Rockledge, Fl Posts: 579 Gallery: Acura Stats: 5'9 Start BMI 53.3 310 7/22/2007 WOE: RNY exercise, lots and lots of cardo Start Date: 7/22/2007	What I wanted to say but knew it wouldnt help, but wanted to be heard djalomo, thanx for posting your healing diary, here is what I wanted to say, great Idea I hope it helps me as much as you. Dear J, you are an honest man. When we started going out (even before that while we were just talking on the phone /internet), you told me that you were over M, that even though you will always love her you weren’t in love with her, and was ready to move on. That you couldn’t go back to someone who hurt so much. I believed you You tell me that you love me, and I believed you. Your friends, and children ( H) have told you that you seem happier since seeing me, and even happier than you have been over the last two years, because we were together. . You told me that in the past few months with me, you have had some of the happiest times you have ever had. I believed you. I believed your words because I knew it in my heart that you are the man I was meant to be with. Till Sunday morning, I knew that our love could last, and we would be together. Than Sunday morning you told me that you still have feelings for her. What I heard was that you were still in love with her, and that everything you said about the last months together was a lie. How can I make you so happy and you still want to be with someone else? This is where your confusion comes from. I understand and I don’t. Than after a few days ........ This was in reply to an email I got from J's Ex-wife, telling me to kiss off, I didnt respond but I wanted too, and here is what I would say. Dear M & J after talking to J last night I had decided that I was just going to let him be, because he is so very confused and really doesn’t even know what day of the week it is. I feel its best for him to just time out and figure out what he needs, and honestly not have anything to do with either of us. I let him go, and if it was ment to be than he will come back to me, I am not going to latch my hooks onto him. M, your email to me is a joke. I really don’t play games. You seem to enjoy playing games, J told me that you see me as a adversary, and that I am competition, and that you are mad because I won. You think I won because he called you and dumped you, he said that he wanted to be with me. See M you seem to enjoy playing games, when Jand first started dating you used Josh and Jon, for him to stay home on weekends instead of coming to see me. That is a game. You seem to be the one who enjoys playing with J's emotions, you know how to work him, he knows that is true. When you rejected J, and he wanted you back, it was a huge power trip. The fact that he started to move on, showed you that you no longer had control over him, so since you enjoy playing games, and enjoyed cheating on him and making him feel inadequate as a man, him moving on was showed you that he was over you and your games. Seeing this made you decide you wanted him back. J has told me that he wants his family back, he says I want my family back. I can understand how important it is for a man who was so deeply scared by such a huge rejection to feel vindicated by the person who hurt him waiting him back. Last night while we were talking, I asked him to go see a counselor. Will J and I ever been together again, probably not. As I told him, I can’t see my self with someone carries the scares and pain that he does. Even last night, while talking to him, he know that he still loves me and wants to be with me, but can’t because he is being pulled into another direction by his heart. I told him to go, run with it, follow your heart, and I asked him to be at least aware of what is the root of his emotions. You asked me, how can I want a man back that cheated on me, and has feeling for another woman. I ask you, why do you want J back when he is in love with another woman, after he called you and told you that he wanted to be with another woman. And now I ask J, why do you want a woman that has rejected, cheated and lied to you as many times as M has. You know the answer. Its been almost 1 week since you left me and this morning I woke up for the first time, not crying and slept threw the night. Today is the start of my new life, though it will be hard, I know that each day I will get over you a little more till I have forgotten the pain and can just remeber the good. Last night you PM's me and said that I will either be the Hero in your life that brought you and M, back together, or the biggest mistake you ever made. J I can 100% promise you that people dont change after 17 years, and that I am the best thing in your life that you ever let go. I wish for your happeness but I know what you are doing will end in such pain for you it hurts me to know. You said that you will get in touch with me one day and let me know how it went so I can laugh when it fails, J dont bother. When I am over you it will not matter to me. Know that I will always love you and hope that one day we can be together even though I know we cant. With love, Denise __________________ PROUD WIFE OF A U.S. AIRMAN Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but the moments that take our breath away RNY DATE 3/12 March 08 316 / Nov 08 221 ... 50 more Lbs to go !! Last edited by Acura : 08-08-2005 at 08:58 AM.

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08-08-2005, 09:17 AM	#2
LCinHouston MAJOR LCF POSTER! Join Date: Nov 2003 Location: The Edge of Insanity Posts: 2,436 Gallery: LCinHouston Start Date: 12/12/07

08-12-2005, 02:29 PM	#3
Acura Senior LCF Member Join Date: Jul 2005 Location: Rockledge, Fl Posts: 579 Gallery: Acura Stats: 5'9 Start BMI 53.3 310 7/22/2007 WOE: RNY exercise, lots and lots of cardo Start Date: 7/22/2007	its Friday, the end to the 2nd week and each day I woke up, the morning had started off better than the day before. This morning I woke up and not even a thought of J, until I saw his razor in the bathroom draw. This weekend or next week I will have to go thru my house and remove his posessions and mail them to him. I know now that when I get sad its because there is something missing a place in my heart where love was is not empty and starting to fill again. I havent cried over J in about 3 days now am moving into the anger stage, and even thru it because even though I am mad at him, I understand his confusion and wish him the best but I have no desire to be with him. Well that is a little of a lie, I wish things had worked out but this is the way is has to be so I am moving on. Wednesday night I went to the mall, Thursday night I went to the movies, and tonight I am going to a club / bar with some friends from work. This weekend the hardest thing I will have to do is going to a wedding that I RSVP'd for J and my self. I think it has gotten around to all that we are broken up, and I am sure no one will ask, at least I hope they don't. HUG thanx for listening !

08-12-2005, 07:38 PM	#4
Roni Way too much time on my hands! Join Date: Feb 2001 Location: Ohio Posts: 15,436 Gallery: Roni Stats: 5'2" - 154/140.5/120 WOE: Generic Low Carb Start Date: August, 2003	Hugs to you Acura. I think it's a good idea to remove his possessions as soon as possible... You are moving forward and reminders of him will just hold you back. Take care and try to stay positive at the wedding this weekend.

08-15-2005, 07:56 AM	#5
Acura Senior LCF Member Join Date: Jul 2005 Location: Rockledge, Fl Posts: 579 Gallery: Acura Stats: 5'9 Start BMI 53.3 310 7/22/2007 WOE: RNY exercise, lots and lots of cardo Start Date: 7/22/2007	Well I went to the wedding this weekend and it had not gotten around that J and I had broken up. so everyone was asking where he was. I explained that we had broken up and I got the Oh I am so sorry looks oh well.... Saturday morning I had a very odd dream. Anyknow have any idea what it means ? J and I had gotten back together and we driving up to pick up his children from there grandparents house, a 24 hour drive. I was driving up the interstate and a 2 door red car drove past us, I mean flew past us, but it was odd because the guy was driving in the center of the car, he wasn’t sitting to the left he was sitting directly in the middle of the car. A few miles up the road, we passed an accident where that little red car had hit something and broke up, and the driver was on the road dead, ( weird huh ), instead of stopping in the traffic, I drove around the accident, even drove into the grass and passed it all to continue driving. Upon reaching his mothers house instead of parking in the drive way we parked down the road a little walking up to the house holding hands. I walked in to the house first where his Ex-wife was doing the dishes. She turned and looked at me and said, “outside right now !”, I looked at her and said, “ I am from NY, and you really don’t wanna take this outside with me”, just as I said that J’s two sons came out of no where were happy to see me and we all went outside and had a leaf fight. After the leaf fight J and I walked over to a little Flea Market thing where he sat on a stool and watched as I looked over the items and old friend of his walked up to him and congratulated him. He seemed confused and asked why he had been congratulated, and his old friend said that I heard that, that girl from V (name of the company I work for) the one that was too good for you, that you dumped her. J had a confused look on his face and looked at me, while I turned to his friend, and introduced my self as D, the girl from V. Weird dream huh?

09-26-2005, 06:04 PM	#6
djalomo Way too much time on my hands! Join Date: Aug 2004 Posts: 13,769 Gallery: djalomo Stats: 132/ getting there! /110 WOE: Atkins Start Date: August 2004	Acura how are you? I think I'm officially over my J, but the weird dreams do still happen sometimes. Weirder still are the nice dreams. Occasionally I'll have beautiful dreams where we're so happy and content and nothing's wrong. I haven't had one in about a month or so, though. I hope you're doing well and that closure is happening for you.

09-27-2005, 07:34 AM	#7
Acura Senior LCF Member Join Date: Jul 2005 Location: Rockledge, Fl Posts: 579 Gallery: Acura Stats: 5'9 Start BMI 53.3 310 7/22/2007 WOE: RNY exercise, lots and lots of cardo Start Date: 7/22/2007	Thanx for asking, its been about 2 months now and I still love and think about him often. I did dream of him a few times but most likey wonder at times if he thinks about me, and or even misses me. The last 2 months have been very hard on me, between trying to diet and work out and wake up and get out of bed the next morning. It was really amazing what a difference he made in my life during the time he was in it. I dont know if I will ever be over him but each day it gets a little easier to forget. :HUG:

09-27-2005, 03:08 PM	#8
JanMarie3 Very Gabby LCF Member!!! Join Date: Jul 2002 Location: Under the Gateway Arch Posts: 3,586 Gallery: JanMarie3 Stats: 140/134/125 5'3" WOE: Atkins Start Date: Registered: August 2000	Glad to hear you are doing better each day....when my "J" left me I had to gather all all the hundreds of photographs of us during happy times and get rid of them too.