Through someone elses eyes

Sunrise · 08-06-2005, 11:45 AM

I just saw myself and my behavior through the eyes of someone else. It did not look good. I have been a horrible person and I didn't even know it. I am so socially backward, I can't even believe it. There is no way I deserve this persons friendship or forgiveness. I am crying so hard, it's hard to even see the screen. This has been going on for years and I was blind to her point of view, no wonder she has been so angry. I wish she had been honest with me long before now, but am relieved that she finally laid it out for me. Heck, I wouldn't want me for a friend. I know this probably makes no sense but I don't have time to write a full explanation. I was completely in the wrong. I am so totally ashamed of myself. I have this desire to contact her and let her know that I had this ephiany(sp), but I don't think I have a right to. Either way I feel so humilated by my own behavior, should I let her know that I may now have a inkling of how awful I have been or should I leave her in peace? I know there is no way to revive this relationship. Nor could I even hold up my head to look at her. I would be telling her, to let her know, I know that she was right and I was an idiot.

momacat · 08-06-2005, 11:55 AM

What in the world did you do?

funkycamper · 08-06-2005, 12:01 PM

I think there is always a catharsis when you apologize. It's up to the other person to accept it or not, but I believe you will feel better for doing so. Just don't do it expecting a certain outcome that may not happen. Best wishes!

JRo · 08-06-2005, 12:10 PM

I would wait. It would seem more sincere after a couple months when she has had time to cool down, and you have had time to really think about things.

I posted in another thread today that I finally stood up to someone who had been walking all over me. I wouldn't want to hear from him anytime soon, and I don't want to feel pressure to forgive him right now because I'm just not ready.

Sunrise · 08-06-2005, 12:27 PM

Thank you all for your replies. I think I will wait. She has a lot on her plate right now. That's one reason she dumped me. I don't want to add to her problems.

What happened. It is hard to explain. You see this has been going on for 24 years. I was a needy person. With no friends. She offered me a relationship. Of course, I glomed on. I thought she was offering friendship and she thought of it more as a mentorship. I wanted more, always pushing. She was nice about it but I was a drain on her. She finally wrote me a letter, laying it all out. That's where I'm at today.

Sunrise · 08-06-2005, 02:38 PM

I have other friends now. I hope I have not done this to any of them. She helped me come out of my shell. Now, all I want to do is climb back in. What if my other friends think the same way? Oh, I feel so stupid.

RobinB · 08-07-2005, 11:37 AM

Sunrise · 08-07-2005, 12:18 PM

Robin, Thanks I needed that.

silkandsand · 08-07-2005, 10:12 PM

It's always shocking and one of the lowest feelings ever when you get a good look at how capable we are of doing the wrong thing. I've been there and it's awful!

I doubt you meant to intentionally hurt her or be needy, etc. We're human. In your shoes I would apologize...The "when" is up to you to decide. Maybe write her a letter. That way she's not pressured by your emotions right now and she can reply when she's ready but you can put the sincerity of what you're feeling right now on paper or write it now and send it later.

To me, being needy or draining isn't an unforgiveable offense...I'm not sure I really understand what the difference is between a mentorship and a friendship. They're both friendships/relationships, right?

It's good to get these wake-up calls, as much as they hurt. This will be a turning point for you and sometimes just having an awareness of what you could fall back into if you're not careful is very valuable. Be aware, apologize and work on it but please don't beat yourself up. That's counter-productive and could put you back in the insecure/needy place you were in that precipitated all this in the first place.

LCinHouston · 08-08-2005, 09:21 AM

to you today

Acura · 08-08-2005, 09:33 AM

Right now you need time to come to terms with what you did, once you can understand what you did and why, than you can apologise, and the healing will continue. All things get better in time

08-06-2005, 11:45 AM	#1
Sunrise MAJOR LCF POSTER! Join Date: Jan 2003 Location: Oregon Posts: 1,419 Gallery: Sunrise	Through someone elses eyes I just saw myself and my behavior through the eyes of someone else. It did not look good. I have been a horrible person and I didn't even know it. I am so socially backward, I can't even believe it. There is no way I deserve this persons friendship or forgiveness. I am crying so hard, it's hard to even see the screen. This has been going on for years and I was blind to her point of view, no wonder she has been so angry. I wish she had been honest with me long before now, but am relieved that she finally laid it out for me. Heck, I wouldn't want me for a friend. I know this probably makes no sense but I don't have time to write a full explanation. I was completely in the wrong. I am so totally ashamed of myself. I have this desire to contact her and let her know that I had this ephiany(sp), but I don't think I have a right to. Either way I feel so humilated by my own behavior, should I let her know that I may now have a inkling of how awful I have been or should I leave her in peace? I know there is no way to revive this relationship. Nor could I even hold up my head to look at her. I would be telling her, to let her know, I know that she was right and I was an idiot.

08-07-2005, 10:12 PM	#9
silkandsand Big Yapper!!!! Join Date: Feb 2003 Location: Lake Chapala Posts: 8,507 Gallery: silkandsand Stats: 150/141/125 sizes:10/8/6-4 WOE: Atkins/Low carb Start Date: 2/2/2003	It's always shocking and one of the lowest feelings ever when you get a good look at how capable we are of doing the wrong thing. I've been there and it's awful! I doubt you meant to intentionally hurt her or be needy, etc. We're human. In your shoes I would apologize...The "when" is up to you to decide. Maybe write her a letter. That way she's not pressured by your emotions right now and she can reply when she's ready but you can put the sincerity of what you're feeling right now on paper or write it now and send it later. To me, being needy or draining isn't an unforgiveable offense...I'm not sure I really understand what the difference is between a mentorship and a friendship. They're both friendships/relationships, right? It's good to get these wake-up calls, as much as they hurt. This will be a turning point for you and sometimes just having an awareness of what you could fall back into if you're not careful is very valuable. Be aware, apologize and work on it but please don't beat yourself up. That's counter-productive and could put you back in the insecure/needy place you were in that precipitated all this in the first place. __________________ Kristina 150 149 148 147 146 145 144 143 142 141 140 139 138 137 136 132 131 130 129 128 127 126 125

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08-06-2005, 11:55 AM	#2
momacat Blabbermouth!!! Join Date: Mar 2003 Posts: 7,074 Gallery: momacat	What in the world did you do?

08-06-2005, 12:01 PM	#3
funkycamper MAJOR LCF POSTER! Join Date: Sep 2002 Posts: 1,924 Gallery: funkycamper Stats: 237/181/??? WOE: Atkins/Bernstein Start Date: re-committed 10/10/04	I think there is always a catharsis when you apologize. It's up to the other person to accept it or not, but I believe you will feel better for doing so. Just don't do it expecting a certain outcome that may not happen. Best wishes!

08-06-2005, 12:10 PM	#4
JRo Way too much time on my hands! Join Date: Apr 2003 Location: District of Columbia Posts: 13,277 Gallery: JRo Stats: 205/190/125 WOE: atkins Start Date: August 2008	I would wait. It would seem more sincere after a couple months when she has had time to cool down, and you have had time to really think about things. I posted in another thread today that I finally stood up to someone who had been walking all over me. I wouldn't want to hear from him anytime soon, and I don't want to feel pressure to forgive him right now because I'm just not ready.

08-06-2005, 12:27 PM	#5
Sunrise MAJOR LCF POSTER! Join Date: Jan 2003 Location: Oregon Posts: 1,419 Gallery: Sunrise	Thank you all for your replies. I think I will wait. She has a lot on her plate right now. That's one reason she dumped me. I don't want to add to her problems. What happened. It is hard to explain. You see this has been going on for 24 years. I was a needy person. With no friends. She offered me a relationship. Of course, I glomed on. I thought she was offering friendship and she thought of it more as a mentorship. I wanted more, always pushing. She was nice about it but I was a drain on her. She finally wrote me a letter, laying it all out. That's where I'm at today.

08-06-2005, 02:38 PM	#6
Sunrise MAJOR LCF POSTER! Join Date: Jan 2003 Location: Oregon Posts: 1,419 Gallery: Sunrise	I have other friends now. I hope I have not done this to any of them. She helped me come out of my shell. Now, all I want to do is climb back in. What if my other friends think the same way? Oh, I feel so stupid.

08-07-2005, 11:37 AM	#7
RobinB Heart Writer Join Date: Aug 2004 Location: Maryland Posts: 2,170 Gallery: RobinB WOE: Atkins Start Date: restart March '07

08-07-2005, 12:18 PM	#8
Sunrise MAJOR LCF POSTER! Join Date: Jan 2003 Location: Oregon Posts: 1,419 Gallery: Sunrise	Robin, Thanks I needed that.

08-08-2005, 09:21 AM	#10
LCinHouston MAJOR LCF POSTER! Join Date: Nov 2003 Location: The Edge of Insanity Posts: 2,436 Gallery: LCinHouston Start Date: 12/12/07	to you today

08-08-2005, 09:33 AM	#11
Acura Senior LCF Member Join Date: Jul 2005 Location: Rockledge, Fl Posts: 579 Gallery: Acura Stats: 5'9 Start BMI 53.3 310 7/22/2007 WOE: RNY exercise, lots and lots of cardo Start Date: 7/22/2007	Right now you need time to come to terms with what you did, once you can understand what you did and why, than you can apologise, and the healing will continue. All things get better in time