the sex drive -how you feel about yourself thing...

[shulamite]

im just curious if anyone has any input on this...im 38 yrs old and ive come halfway to my goal...and with clothes on i can look pretty darn good for my age...after 10 yrs or more of battling weight on and off you learn a few tricks about "dressing" and posture...but ladies i see me naked...even with the lights off and all...i didnt have sex for ok... 4 years or so and met a wonderful man last year who thinks im hot... but supports me and my desire to be thinner...i notice that since i put back on the 15-20 i do not feel good about myself...so i say no more... and im not the sex kitten i think id be with a little more weight loss...also has anyone of you had a c-section..i think ill start a thread in and of itself for that one...anyway i get alot alot ALOT of people telling me that i look great and they actually get mad at me... but no one knows how i feel... i wanna play "hot fun" with my new husband... but when my belly fat is grossing me out i cant help but wonde rhow he feels about it... it jacks me all up...im hoping someone will share some after encouragement with me... did anyone have any real comeback sexually??

also its amazing really how bad i look naked... i never knew someones stomach skin could look like this... i had twins back in 92... one natural one c-section...

hey its ok to say sex on here isnt it??

[slvrmoon77]

The man who loves you doesn't much care what your belly looks like, he's just happy to see you naked.

At least, that's what my DH tells me.

[shulamite]

so true.. men are great... its me and my low self esteem... that and the media tells us we gotta have that hot belly nowadays...

mine is really mindboggling... it has like cellulite dimples stretchmarks like i have never seen on anybody else...

its almost a work of art ...giggle

i dont mind when i look at all my kids though....i like them loooots...

im lucky i got 5 altogether now since i got remarried and i only had to be pregnant twice...

i think im gonna take a now belly pic and one when i reach goal...that would be brave...

i guess i could wait and post them together in nov dec...

[CurlsNCuffs]

Honestly - I could have written what you did.

I feel the same way - its so gross - although - I dress well - work out - and hold myself well - folks don't see me naked!

Hubby knows I'm self concious about it - he's so good!

[shulamite]

thanks so much for sharing...sometimes i wish i could see myself like he does...peple just dont seem to get it...its so encouraging to know im not alone...i had one girl tell me she stopped saying bad things about herself because her husband said..."thats my WIFE your talking about" and then he said "if you keep saying those things about you im gonna start believing them too".

so i have heard that its about confidence...and im going to stive towards that... that and if i ever meat that goal weight of 130 (drrrrreeeeeeeeeeeeeeaaaaaaam) im thinking about a tummy tuck... just for the skin...

[Abbey]

I know how you feel having had 3 boys myself and having lots of stretchmarks and doughy belly. DH knows how I feel and we have talked about it lots of times. He assures me that when I am a "sex kitten", my belly is the furthest thing from his mind. The more you enjoy yourself during sex, the more your DH will enjoy you also. After all, he fell in love with you, not your body.

[Mule_Freak]

Shulamite, First off, I know its hard to except your body, I have a rough time w/it, I still throw a towel around myself as I boot to the shower and my spouse will say, why do you put a towel around your self? I just always say "Well I am walking right in front of our window" but really its I dont want you to see my (as I call it) road map tummy, from being preggo. I think we all have something we dislike about our bodies, regardless of how slim we are. Just remember he loves you for YOU like my spouse says, I love you for who you are, and I could careless about your tummy, its part of being a mommy

[PHC]

as one of the Good Old Boys said....

Men are simple. We want three things to be happy beer, sports, and a naked woman. and it doesn't matter what you look like as long as your naked.

[Dreamer37]

Yes I can relate totally!!!! I have had 2 c-sections and my stomach is my problem area...It hangs down and is so embarrasing... I feel sooo much better when the weight comes off and I have more confidence about myself sexually as well...Also I noticed that my sex drive goes up when Im feeling good about me...Im currently back on induction and have lost 9 pounds so far and already I can feel the difference in my attitude..

[shulamite]

i feel the difference in my attitude too...thanks for sharing!..im gonna take belly and back fat pics this weekend... i may not post them til i see some improvement but im gonna do it now so when i reach goal i can see the difference...i told my husband on the phone earlier i can wait to reach my goal...i really will be so much more confident and... mmm "fun" when i get there...

[Jennyl]

I hate my stomach too. I have a lot of stretchmarks and it's hanging and droopy. Not sexy in my mind. But when I am with someone and we are attracted to eachother, I try not to let it bother me. Still, I prefer the lights to be OFF.

[BABSY]

I have had 3 c-sections so I know what you are talking about. I want to be with a man that I can just get naked in front of. If I did that in front of my husband he would use it against me later when he is mad. He would say that my stomach is hanging like he did before and he never even seen me naked in all the 24 years we have been together. Maybe I need to find one on the side just so I can get naked. I dont know if I believe that all men just want to see a woman naked.

[shulamite]

its getting better...12-13 lbs down and i have to say im feeling a little bit sexier...

...giggle...

i love my husband... he deserves someone who isnt trippin' he loves me so much...

i cant wait til i make goal... he is gonna love it..

[Acura]

I am 33 and over weight and I loved having sex 3 times a day when I could, just me but I love it hehehe

[everythingstaken]

I know exactly how you feel. I'm very sexually oriented, but I tell you what... especially since I started losing weight there's just no way that I can even enjoy getting naked. I have a feeling that when I get to goal I'll be using a lot of lingerie to help hide problem areas (hey isn't that what they made corsets, right?).

I feel for you, it's easy to say 'they don't care', but to be perfectly honest... I can't help but wonder, if they dont' care so much, then why are there so many married men oogling at other young, tight women.

I think I'll always be extremely self conscious. My heart goes out to you too.

[Osorris]

LOL I think its ok. Chances are your hubby is not looking at your belly chub if handed a nakid woman. Most men are much more interested in other things at that point. If it si really bothing you hit the lingerie store there are LOTS of styles out there that flatter differing portions of your body. If your belly bothers you pick up a little corset type thing that boosts your chest and covers your tummy etc.

Above all remember these are YOUR insecurities not faults. There is a difference. Chances are your husband doesnt care or think of them in the least you do. So find ways around it and find what will make you feel pretty

[shulamite]

thanks steph!...

no doubt my man would love if i would get some of those honeymoon pretties back out of the bottom drawer...

i think i will!!!

[shulamite]

ok.. thanks to steph and the 12 lbs i lost ...


i cant go into detail ...giggle...but lets just say...the problem seems to be drastically ..enthusiasticly....diminishing...

somehow i wonder if just voicing all this helped me to address it...my relationship with my new husband was really beginning to suffer because of my added weight and my head trippin...although he never changed it changed me...and my attitude towards us...

i dont know put if im like i was last night with my husband at in the 150's ...i was nothing short of a vixen ...giggle...

ooo hooo whooo he better watch out when i hit goal...

im telling you ladies... getting out the lingere helped so much...you dont have to take it all off...

thanks for all your input and suggestions... i took them to heart and i did make an effort and it has helped...

im sure my husband would buy you all roses...

[orayn45]

I've been chubby since puberty and it's killed my self-esteem. I lost 20 pounds LCing when I was 17 and suddenly men were interested. I ended up gaining all that back and it's been a dry spell for the past 5 years. The longer time goes by, the worse I feel. Before I would maybe have 2 dates a YEAR, now I feel too bad to even flirt with anybody. I like to dress nice and there are days I feel okay, but the idea of me being naked is majorly disturbing. I've learned to accept the fact that I'll die a virgin.

[shulamite]

orayn45....hey girl you are beautiful...that skins to die for...like porcelain!...

all the more reason to be determined to goal...to not be majorly disturbed by our own nakedness...

and if your saving yourself for the right man...i promise it will be worth the wait...what a gift!

i didnt date for almost 5 years...just commited myself to the Lord after a bad divorce...and some pretty bad drug years...

i waited and waited...im so glad i did... i met my husband a year and a half ago at a chevron gas station at 5 am on my way to the gym...he was getting coffee...

i called him the coffee guy....and he called me the work out girl....for 5 months i wouldnt give him much more than an aknowledgment that there was a mutual attraction...i just didnt think God would have me meet my husband at a gas station..
5 months and i just decided to give it a try...

we are so happy now...

what if id have accepted that id be alone forever...or that i would never have sex again...dont do that to yourself...or God

he has great plans for your life...waiting to unfold before you...like a present waiting to be unwrapped...

and if i could add one more thing... dont think that unbelievable WOW things like love at first sight or meant to be meetings dont happen...they do...all day long ..

we are just to busy and miss them ...or to discouraged...

hope that helps...

[kissesfromaudra]

orayn45 You are way too young to think you will not find "the one" hang in there. Thats what I am doing! ;-)

Hugs,
Audra

[kimlou]

Ok I too have the extra belly flab. I have gained 15 lbs I had lost, and feel like a blob, When I met My HD last year I was about 10 lbs from goal and I felt good, now with the extra I feel terrible. When we met (as usual) sex was very frequent. Now it has dwindled, I have asked beacuse I am know its there and am self conciuos(sp) about it. Says after all "I am 49" and I am tired, well I am 45 and work too. I know he is right gets up early works 12 hr days plus about an hr to work each way. But, in my mind he doesn't find me desireable . So now I am starting to grab for the sheet as much as I can to cover up, and less than a year ago I was feeling so damn good.... what gives?

[Osorris]

give the man a break he is working 12/14 hours a day. Seriously by grabbing at the sheets and making yourself less accessable to him it will make the situation WORSE. Your perpetuating the cycle, you feel bad about yourself- arent willing to listen to him saying it isnt you so you make the situation worse.

Your hubby deserves to be listened to and give him the credit he deserves. this is your problem not his. Try doing what you can to ease tensions for him. Try instead of blaming him for not finding you desireable (which was your issue not his)... instead try having a bubble bath drawn for him when he gets home, give him a bath in a skimpy nighty and a long candle lit massage and then see if the proximityand meeting his needs helps him be able to meet your needs. The man is only human... LOL how often do we hear women complin that after working at home for 14 hours they just dont have the energy to have sex... guys are suseptable to the same streak of exhuastion.

[shulamite]

wow kimlou... our stats are so close...

and newlywed too...did the same thing as you...

i actually met my husband because i would stop for coffee on the way to the gym at 5am and he was always there getting coffee at the same time...

before he new me he called me the work out girl...i was about 15 from goal...

gained like 30lbs after we got together...poor guy

its getting better...both of us are going to the gym together...he is very supportive...

remember how much your husband loves you... and it will help keep you focused to goal...

and steph's advice really worked for me...

i been wearing all sorts of stuff i had hidden away in the bottom drawer

[shanes_grrl]

Originally Posted by shulamite

thanks so much for sharing...sometimes i wish i could see myself like he does...peple just dont seem to get it...its so encouraging to know im not alone...i had one girl tell me she stopped saying bad things about herself because her husband said..."thats my WIFE your talking about" and then he said "if you keep saying those things about you im gonna start believing them too".

so i have heard that its about confidence...and im going to stive towards that... that and if i ever meat that goal weight of 130 (drrrrreeeeeeeeeeeeeeaaaaaaam) im thinking about a tummy tuck... just for the skin...

This sooooooo could have been me talking. I as well am seriously contiplating a tummy tuck aftr I loose and keep off allllll of my weight.
Just becasue of the skin.

[sam98632]

Everyone always says (including my husband) that men dont care what you look like nakid, as long as your nakid!! But that never helped me feel better about myself....i worked hard to lose 60 lbs, and i felt very attractive dressed...but even in cute nighties or panties, i had this ugly hanging bulging doughy stomach...its not fair when you work so hard and come so far to still feel unattractive..

its great if you can work on self esteem and get to a point where you dont care or feel good about yourself anyway..but for ME, i got a tummy tuck

I LOVE it...worth every penny, and even the pain..yes i have a scar, but the scar is WAAAY easier to hide, and ALOT less unattractive than all that loose skin & stretch marks i had before...We arent rich, and i had to give up a new car and drive a beater to finance the tummy tuck...but i will need a new car a BUNCH of times before i die...im only young NOW and i wanna feel sexy and cute and COMFORTABLE in my skin....

Soooo...i recommend a tummy tuck...i know alot of people dont believe in plastic surgury...but for those that do, dont put it off cuz you think its too expensive, its really not..it just depends on your priorities..and it made a world of difference for me...

[Squiggle]

I have a squooshy belly... always have. I never let anyone touch my tummy or see my boobs (I don't like them...) those are the rules. I was always self conscious...

Although now, I have the most amazing boyfriend ever, I think he fell out of the sky sometimes... I might just let him touch it. We'll see.