Friends that subconsciously want you fat?

KrisJ · 07-27-2005, 04:20 PM

Does anyone else have this problem?
Every time I'm starting to successfully lose weight, I get the impression that my best friend is sort of disappointed. She's never said as much or tried to get me to cheat. It's just a feeling that I get.
If you asked her, I'm pretty sure she'd be happy for me, but I think she may not even realize that she likes me better fat. She's always been the "thin and pretty" one and I think that may make a difference.
I'm pretty sure I'm not imagining it, since it's happened several times over the years. I always feel a little bit of a let down after spending time with her.
Am I crazy? or are others experiencing this sort of thing as well?

Kris

War Eagle · 07-27-2005, 04:22 PM

Yep. I have a friend who won't know what to do when I weigh less than him.

JadedOne · 07-27-2005, 04:23 PM

dont even get me started on this one.
yes, people like this exist.
you have to just overlook it and stick to your plan.

summerfun · 07-27-2005, 04:41 PM

It is just human nature and you have to not let it bother you. Every one compares themselves to others so when someone makes improvements in their life people around them will often have mixed feelings - happy for the person but also jealous or conscious of their own lack of success on some personal issues.

Losing weight changes your perceived social value and can disrupt established personal relationships. I'm sure your friend doesn't realize it or would feel bad if she admitted it to herself. If you need to put some distance in order to stay on plan do so but if this is a good friend don't let it ruin your friendship.

Dreams · 07-27-2005, 04:54 PM

Yes, this is true. It happens....and I think it's sad.
I lost one friend (was she realllllly a friend though?) once I started losing weight.
And another is on her way out....I guess they can't handle the used to be fat chic gettin all the attention now. Who knows? I don't have time for it....I will be surrounding myself with people who care about me, support me, motivate me, and encourage me to do what's best for me....not THEM.

Keep your head up!

Sexychef · 07-27-2005, 05:07 PM

The same thing happened to me when I lost weight about two years ago. (I've since gained it all back, plus some)

I had a friend who was overweight as well so we always had each other. I decided that I wanted to change and went from 170 to 129 in about 4-5 months. Our relationship was never the same and everytime we hung out she would always make comments about how skinny I was and how I looked unhealthy to her since I lost the weight. Eventually we stopped talking and hanging out. I agree with DreamsUnwind with the statement "was she really a friend?" If someone cares about you they would want you to be healthy.

Sharon · 07-27-2005, 05:19 PM

I had a skiing friend that wanted me to fail on this WOE. But I proved him wrong and guess what? he is now doing the SBD.

GiddyUpKaos · 07-27-2005, 05:54 PM

Me too...I have someone just like this..
I haven't been around her for a while...but it seems every time that I LOSE....She always wants to TAKE me to dinner...and buy me some BIG clothes.....I am bigger than her...and I'm afraid she wants to keep me FAT..She doesnt' want me to be HER size....
She wants me to stay the BIG FRIEND.....
I say STAY ON PLAN...and ROCK ON...
I started back on Induction on Monday...and she is trying to sabotage me all ready!!

GinaT1213 · 07-27-2005, 06:28 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by DreamsUnwind

And another is on her way out....I guess they can't handle the used to be fat chic gettin all the attention now.

Definitely----unfortunately I know a lot of people like this!

brilliant100 · 07-28-2005, 06:53 AM

I've been on both sides of this issue. I have felt envious and insecure when girlfriends lose weight and I am slacking on my own program. I try to admit it to them by just saying 'Im envious but happy for you' that seems to take some of the steam away from it. I thinks its natural to feel this way but its the way you handle it that really matters.

Mary McD · 08-01-2005, 03:52 PM

I actually have a sister that never misses a chance to show she's thinner than me. She lost 60 pounds on her own a few years ago and pretty much kept it off. She always puts my jacket or watch on to show how they hang on her. But she has big hips and butt, no matter how much she loses, and I don't. So there.

Allison'sMom · 08-01-2005, 04:18 PM

LOL at Mary! You tell her!!

I've had a friend like this before too. She would always get pissy and in a bad mood when I would tell her that I've lost another pound or two.

07-27-2005, 04:20 PM	#1
KrisJ Senior LCF Member Join Date: Jun 2005 Posts: 423 Gallery: KrisJ Stats: 260/195/110 WOE: Atkins Start Date: 6/25/05 Restart 11/6/05	Friends that subconsciously want you fat? Does anyone else have this problem? Every time I'm starting to successfully lose weight, I get the impression that my best friend is sort of disappointed. She's never said as much or tried to get me to cheat. It's just a feeling that I get. If you asked her, I'm pretty sure she'd be happy for me, but I think she may not even realize that she likes me better fat. She's always been the "thin and pretty" one and I think that may make a difference. I'm pretty sure I'm not imagining it, since it's happened several times over the years. I always feel a little bit of a let down after spending time with her. Am I crazy? or are others experiencing this sort of thing as well? Kris __________________ Kris Start 11/6/05 258 Size 24 Today 4/23/2006 195 Size 16 Total Lost 63 lbs Avg Loss per week 2.63 lbs Total Days on Plan...168 Days Cheat Free....22

07-27-2005, 05:54 PM	#8
GiddyUpKaos Guest Join Date: Jan 2003 Location: Lakeland, TN Posts: 250 Gallery: GiddyUpKaos WOE: Atkins for Life Start Date: Reinducted 7/25/05	Me too...I have someone just like this.. I haven't been around her for a while...but it seems every time that I LOSE....She always wants to TAKE me to dinner...and buy me some BIG clothes.....I am bigger than her...and I'm afraid she wants to keep me FAT..She doesnt' want me to be HER size.... She wants me to stay the BIG FRIEND..... I say STAY ON PLAN...and ROCK ON... I started back on Induction on Monday...and she is trying to sabotage me all ready!! Last edited by GiddyUpKaos : 07-27-2005 at 05:56 PM.

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07-27-2005, 04:22 PM	#2
War Eagle Senior LCF Member Join Date: Jun 2005 Posts: 228 Gallery: War Eagle Stats: 340/255/199 WOE: Atkins	Yep. I have a friend who won't know what to do when I weigh less than him.

07-27-2005, 04:23 PM	#3
JadedOne Very Gabby LCF Member!!! Join Date: Jan 2003 Location: Arizona Posts: 4,547 Gallery: JadedOne Stats: 356/159/170 WOE: 'Maintaning' but still losing! Start Date: January 2003	dont even get me started on this one. yes, people like this exist. you have to just overlook it and stick to your plan.

07-27-2005, 04:41 PM	#4
summerfun Senior LCF Member Join Date: Jul 2003 Posts: 288 Gallery: summerfun Stats: F, 5'9, PCOS	It is just human nature and you have to not let it bother you. Every one compares themselves to others so when someone makes improvements in their life people around them will often have mixed feelings - happy for the person but also jealous or conscious of their own lack of success on some personal issues. Losing weight changes your perceived social value and can disrupt established personal relationships. I'm sure your friend doesn't realize it or would feel bad if she admitted it to herself. If you need to put some distance in order to stay on plan do so but if this is a good friend don't let it ruin your friendship.

07-27-2005, 04:54 PM	#5
Dreams Way too much time on my hands! Join Date: May 2004 Location: Philly Posts: 22,926 Gallery: Dreams Stats: Shrinking WOE: I'll let ya know when I figure it out	Yes, this is true. It happens....and I think it's sad. I lost one friend (was she realllllly a friend though?) once I started losing weight. And another is on her way out....I guess they can't handle the used to be fat chic gettin all the attention now. Who knows? I don't have time for it....I will be surrounding myself with people who care about me, support me, motivate me, and encourage me to do what's best for me....not THEM. Keep your head up!

07-27-2005, 05:07 PM	#6
Sexychef Junior LCF Member Join Date: Jul 2005 Location: Atlanta, GA Posts: 12 Gallery: Sexychef Stats: 195/195/130 WOE: Atkins Start Date: July 2005	The same thing happened to me when I lost weight about two years ago. (I've since gained it all back, plus some) I had a friend who was overweight as well so we always had each other. I decided that I wanted to change and went from 170 to 129 in about 4-5 months. Our relationship was never the same and everytime we hung out she would always make comments about how skinny I was and how I looked unhealthy to her since I lost the weight. Eventually we stopped talking and hanging out. I agree with DreamsUnwind with the statement "was she really a friend?" If someone cares about you they would want you to be healthy.

07-27-2005, 05:19 PM	#7
Sharon Come join us on the Game Board Join Date: Apr 2003 Location: retired now - I ski 40+ days annually and do marathons. 1st TIME GRANDMOTHER 6/18/07 Posts: 100,911 Gallery: Sharon Stats: 156/124/135 5'6" 63 y/o - GO UCLA - BEAT USC WOE: Atkins - low sodium and fresh food - STAY POSITIVE Start Date: 4/5/03	I had a skiing friend that wanted me to fail on this WOE. But I proved him wrong and guess what? he is now doing the SBD.

07-28-2005, 06:53 AM	#10
brilliant100 MAJOR LCF POSTER! Join Date: Oct 2000 Location: Western, USA Posts: 2,444 Gallery: brilliant100 Stats: 266/194/169 WOE: Atkins/M&E Feast, Lower fat & Lower calorie Start Date: restarted 6/1/05 M/E, back on the wagon 8-21-07	I've been on both sides of this issue. I have felt envious and insecure when girlfriends lose weight and I am slacking on my own program. I try to admit it to them by just saying 'Im envious but happy for you' that seems to take some of the steam away from it. I thinks its natural to feel this way but its the way you handle it that really matters.

08-01-2005, 03:52 PM	#11
Mary McD MAJOR LCF POSTER! Join Date: Aug 2003 Location: Tustin, California Posts: 1,225 Gallery: Mary McD Stats: 194/159/120 WOE: Low carb Start Date: June 2003	I actually have a sister that never misses a chance to show she's thinner than me. She lost 60 pounds on her own a few years ago and pretty much kept it off. She always puts my jacket or watch on to show how they hang on her. But she has big hips and butt, no matter how much she loses, and I don't. So there.

08-01-2005, 04:18 PM	#12
Allison'sMom Senior LCF Member Join Date: Apr 2004 Location: Lincoln, NE Posts: 380 Gallery: Allison'sMom Stats: 235/225/150 WOE: Low-Carb Start Date: 2/18/05/re-start 10/17/05, time #3 08/07/07	LOL at Mary! You tell her!! I've had a friend like this before too. She would always get pissy and in a bad mood when I would tell her that I've lost another pound or two.