I'm just so angry, sick and sad.

[WriterGirl]

My DH (D doesn't stand for "dear") are divorcing. I just moved out of the marital home 2 weeks ago and we are preparing the house to sell. My DH has been dragging his a$$ on painting the exterior of the house for nearly a month, screwing around with a broken paint sprayer, rolling on paint here and there. I've offered to hire a painter, buy him a new sprayer, rent a sprayer, even the painter who painted my new house offered to loan his sprayer and even come over to paint, yet my DH refuses. He wants to do it himself. It's been a month since he started prepping the house to paint and the windows have been covered with brown paper for 3 weeks. It's horrible over there. I had to spend 5 hours there on Tuesday and 6 hours on Saturday doing interior painting and cleaning and it's like an airless cave. And he's letting the lawn die since he refused to install sprinklers.

After spending my Saturday busting my butt over there, I come to find out he entertained a girlfriend I knew nothing about in MY house. Apparently, he's been seeing someone for a while well before I moved out. He lets this woman park her car next to my 2nd car in MY garage and inside my house that still houses my decorations and expensive paintings I was leaving to decorate while the house is up for sale. I pay half the mortage on this house (in addition to 2 mortages on my new house) and will be responsible for going over to let realtors in, and I don't want his women in there! He hasn't done ANYTHING to prepare to move out. He has the equivalent of 6 garages full of crap scattered around 3 acres to clear out and he's had nearly 4 months to do it. We're supposed to sign the listing papers on Wednesday-- and I have a feeling he'll not show up for the appointment citing the fact that it's not ready to list. That's what he does. We were supposed to list it on June 1 and here it is 6 weeks later. I need out from this he11.

I want to pay him a surprise visit tonight to take all my paintings & pictures off the walls. I don't want this "woman" he's invited into my house to enjoy them. Is that petty or what? I don't know what to do to make him get off his a$$ and get things done. He says he wants as much money out of the house as we can get, but he's reaping the benefits of me now out of the house and me having to pay $4000 a month mortgage payments while he parties in my home of over 10 years and does little else.

Sorry this is so long. I'm just so frustrated and I needed to vent here. The last thing I needed to find out this weekend was that he's already moved on. He doesn't know that I know about her yet. I have a mind to tell him to keep her out of my house. I have that right, don't I??

[beckyb17]

I'm sorry you are going through this.You have the right to tell him anything within reason but don't give him the satisfaction of thinking you care!He's being a jerk. Good luck in getting him off his a$$ to fix the house up,surely there is some kind of fire you can light under his seat!!!Hang in there

[SJN02]

Are you sure he wants a divorce??? This dosen't sound like someone who wants out of a marriage, if he is not willing to help get the house around to sell. As far as the girlfriend...well he is a man..need I say more...LOL they have to have it or they will look elsewhere. I don't know anything about your situation besides what you have wrote here, but I would say that maybe he is dragging his feet on getting things done because he don't really know for sure what he wants.

P.S. I would be ticked too about the other girl...

[WriterGirl]

SJN02, we both wanted the divorce (though, me more than him), but I'm sure deep down (as with me) part of him wants to cling to that thread. The biggest thing is that both of us love the house and property and we tried to hang on to it but it's too expensive for either of us to buy the other out (crazy California real estate market). Whether he wants the divorce or not, divorce papers are filed and we've signed our settlement agreement and I've used my own plus marital funds to buy a new house and move on. There's no turning back and he knows it.

And I don't begrudge him having a girlfriend for his needs, it's just that I resent that it's happening under my nose in my own house, especially right after I spent a day there sprucing up. I almost feel cheated on even though we're separated!

[space4dtime]

You are getting divorced and selling the house. For your own emotional well-being, let go of them both. New beginnings require drastic measures, like leaving things behind. What's a house compared to your freedom?

When I re-read, it didn't sound right. I don't mean let go of your house as in sell it, because you're already doing that. I mean let go of thinking of it as your house. You have a new house.

[Heartburn]

I would be so frustrated in your position too. I'd call him and tell him to get the things done now or you'll have to get your lawyers involved to make him comply (whether it's doing the work himself or hiring someone). I'd also take the opportunity to remind him how expensive things can get if he forces you to involve your lawyers.

It doesn't really matter why he's behaving this way. What matters is that you've got all those mortgages to pay and you need to move on with your life. Divorce is a bummer. Reacting to him entertaining his girlfriend in your house is natural. Just keep your eye on getting out from under and, if necessary, have your lawyer send him a letter.

[Jennyl]

I would be really upset as well. What does your lawyer say about the situation? You need to make sure he gets a letter from your lawyer immediately. He should be moving out of that place by now!!! If he stays he will do more harm than good to the house.

[K Praper]

Originally Posted by WriterGirl

I've offered to hire a painter, buy him a new sprayer, rent a sprayer, even the painter who painted my new house offered to loan his sprayer and even come over to paint, yet my DH refuses. He wants to do it himself.

Who gives a CRAP what he wants!??

It's YOUR house too!! Hire a painter!

[K Praper]

It doesn't sound like he has much reason to get anything done quickly...He has a house to bring his girlfriend to, that he only has to pay half the mortgage on. Pretty sweet deal, for him.

It's not fair but it sounds like you'll have to do most of the work, to get the house ready for selling.

Seriously, hire a painter, get the house SOLD, so you can be rid of him!!

[WriterGirl]

My husband actually threatened the painter, so I was hesitant on bringing someone else into the situation. He finally got off his ass this past weekend and got some of the painting done, enough for my realtor to take pictures yesterday. The outside still looks like crap (he has so much stuff scattered around the 3 acres) but he signed the listing papers and it's supposed to go on the MLS tomorrow. The for-sale sign was posted today. Thank God!

Yeah, he has a sweet deal, but we're making a pretty penny on the sale and he knows as soon as it gets sold, he'll line his pockets pretty deep, pay off his significant gambling debts and he won't have to listen to me "nag" at him any longer, and he can go his merry way with his new girlfriend (Good luck to her, for she's in for a big surprise down the road!). Fortunately, we haven't had to involve lawyers. I did the divorce papers myself and he's already signed the settlement agreement--which I can enforce in court if I have to. At least that part of the divorce has (so far) gone OK.

Thanks to everyone who replied and read my rantings! This whole mess with the property has been so frustrating. I'm just glad I can go home at night to my new house without having to put up with him on a daily basis.

[Sharon]

I would just forget about getting it painted and just list it without him even knowing. Let him come home and see the sign up. Sell the place while you still have the best sales months ahead of you.

[shanes_grrl]

I am so sorry that you are going thru this. I am not sure how long you two were married, but there is no easy way loving him still or not that you could just ignore the fact that he is sleeping with another woman in your home. or old home what ever the case. There is a certain sanctity in the home of a marriage happy or not that is excrutiating when it is broken.
Hang in there girl, I know the finances are stressfull, on top of all else, but you need to keep your head together and hang in there it will all be over soon enough.
You are in my prayers
Kas

[gettingstrength]