Dating....or making new friends..HELP

brilliant100 · 07-07-2005, 10:31 AM

I want to start dating or at least meet new men for friendship/companionship.

The last few months I've been going to clubs, bars, resturants, church with friends but men rarely even notice me. I think I am mildly attractive but the only time men try to strike up a conversation is when I am dressed provocatively (clevage/legs/tight clothes). At which time, it is clear they only want one thing.

I'm discouraged...............Where are the single, straight, no children, working, decent, attractive, educated men.

My mother suggested online dating services. I don't want to do it this way, what if someone I know sees my picture on there. My brother suggested that I approach men. How the heck do I get the nerve to do this? Is this a good idea? I want them to approach me.....isnt that the way it should work if your attactive.

Help!!!

Mushmush · 07-07-2005, 12:18 PM

Well, unfortunately, men tend to make their initial decision on whether they like you based on your appearance. So I would not discount everybody who approaches you when you are dressed provocatively (unless they are blatantly sleazy). They are not necessarily after one thing only, though, of course, it's always somewhere in the back of their minds

First they'll appreciate your legs, and maybe then they will discover your beautiful eyes, heart and soul. Good luck!

Sasha

P.S. I tend to agree that guys in bars are definitley after one thing only

Skinnymocah · 07-07-2005, 02:16 PM

brilliant, join us in the Playground on the Singles thread-- we talk about these very issues!

I spent about 7yrs doing online dating and spent most of that time sorely disappointed. I recently met someone, though and he's the best thing that's happened to me this year! Don't cut off ANY avenues... keep a positive outlook and exude confidence. Men LOVE that!!!

edited to add: men are visual creatures. If you dress provocatively, they're going to look at you. And they're going to want what inevitabley comes with that attraction. It is NOT a bad thing for a man to be attracted to you! You just need to use that attraction to your advantage and see if, underneath the flirting, there is real and genuine interest there.

As far as approaching men-- I always say there's nothing wrong with opening the door. I'm not going to chase a man... I just believe in certain roles... but I DO believe in making the invitation to approach me as visible as possible. That includes smiling and saying hello, making small talk, being light and friendly. If he can't walk through that wide open door and ask me for my number or something, then he just isn't for me. I'm not one for shy men-- If he can't open his mouth to ask me out, then he's not really the kind of man I want to date.

Where to meet nice guys is an age old question to which you'll get a lot of cliche answers. My advice is to keep your eyes open for men who seem to be interested, no matter where you are or what you're doing, accept as many dates as you're interested in accepting, and relax and have fun with it!

Sugar Patrol · 07-07-2005, 04:10 PM

You've been given great advice and I agree 100% with what everyone has said.

Three points:

1. You said that men only approach you when you're dressed provocatively. There is a huge difference between being sexy and being slu*ty. It's O.K. to be sexy and display your womanly attributes in a tasteful manner. Not only does it attract men, but it also makes you feel more confident and powerful. Don't be afraid to show a little cleavage, or some leg. Men will always want sex whether you are dressed as a hooker or in sackcloth, so you don't automatically have to assume that a man is only interested in sex if he approaches when you're showing a little.

2. On the asking men out issue, I think it's fine if that's what you want to do. However, like Moke, I've always found that giving big hints that you're interested is enough.

I've told guys that I was interested before on a couple of occasions. A man will almost never turn down a woman because it's not common for them to be approached. However, from those experiences, I've found that if they haven't asked you already, there is a good reason. One of the guys I asked had a girlfriend and didn't tell me, and the other wasn't interested in a relationship at all, and was still "playing the field." I don't want to discourage you from doing it though, because lots of women do with good success and some guys are just shy.

3. Stay out of bars and clubs to meet guys! It is a horrible place to get men. I know anything is possible and I'm sure there are people who have, but I just don't think it's worth it. I just find it a blow to my self esteem...feel like such a meat market. Just go to dance and have fun.

brilliant100 · 07-08-2005, 08:15 AM

Thanks for the advice.

I'm off to the singles thread on the PG..........................

GinaT1213 · 07-09-2005, 11:15 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by brilliant100

I'm discouraged...............Where are the single, straight, no children, working, decent, attractive, educated men.

If you find out let me know!!

07-07-2005, 10:31 AM	#1
brilliant100 MAJOR LCF POSTER! Join Date: Oct 2000 Location: Western, USA Posts: 2,444 Gallery: brilliant100 Stats: 266/194/169 WOE: Atkins/M&E Feast, Lower fat & Lower calorie Start Date: restarted 6/1/05 M/E, back on the wagon 8-21-07	Dating....or making new friends..HELP I want to start dating or at least meet new men for friendship/companionship. The last few months I've been going to clubs, bars, resturants, church with friends but men rarely even notice me. I think I am mildly attractive but the only time men try to strike up a conversation is when I am dressed provocatively (clevage/legs/tight clothes). At which time, it is clear they only want one thing. I'm discouraged...............Where are the single, straight, no children, working, decent, attractive, educated men. My mother suggested online dating services. I don't want to do it this way, what if someone I know sees my picture on there. My brother suggested that I approach men. How the heck do I get the nerve to do this? Is this a good idea? I want them to approach me.....isnt that the way it should work if your attactive. Help!!! __________________ 8-21-07 'Jumpin back on the wagon' 194 169 goal by 9-22 Anniversay Last edited by brilliant100 : 07-07-2005 at 10:33 AM.

07-07-2005, 02:16 PM	#3
Skinnymocah aka Miss Latte Join Date: Aug 2002 Location: Gone. Posts: 41,456 Gallery: Skinnymocah Stats: WOE: Start Date:	brilliant, join us in the Playground on the Singles thread-- we talk about these very issues! I spent about 7yrs doing online dating and spent most of that time sorely disappointed. I recently met someone, though and he's the best thing that's happened to me this year! Don't cut off ANY avenues... keep a positive outlook and exude confidence. Men LOVE that!!! edited to add: men are visual creatures. If you dress provocatively, they're going to look at you. And they're going to want what inevitabley comes with that attraction. It is NOT a bad thing for a man to be attracted to you! You just need to use that attraction to your advantage and see if, underneath the flirting, there is real and genuine interest there. As far as approaching men-- I always say there's nothing wrong with opening the door. I'm not going to chase a man... I just believe in certain roles... but I DO believe in making the invitation to approach me as visible as possible. That includes smiling and saying hello, making small talk, being light and friendly. If he can't walk through that wide open door and ask me for my number or something, then he just isn't for me. I'm not one for shy men-- If he can't open his mouth to ask me out, then he's not really the kind of man I want to date. Where to meet nice guys is an age old question to which you'll get a lot of cliche answers. My advice is to keep your eyes open for men who seem to be interested, no matter where you are or what you're doing, accept as many dates as you're interested in accepting, and relax and have fun with it! Last edited by Skinnymocah : 07-07-2005 at 02:23 PM.

07-07-2005, 04:10 PM	#4
Sugar Patrol MAJOR LCF POSTER! Join Date: Jan 2003 Location: Mobile, AL Posts: 2,828 Gallery: Sugar Patrol Stats: 163.2/134.6/135 WOE: Isocaloric Start Date: 1/1/03	You've been given great advice and I agree 100% with what everyone has said. Three points: 1. You said that men only approach you when you're dressed provocatively. There is a huge difference between being sexy and being sluty. It's O.K. to be sexy and display your womanly attributes in a tasteful manner. Not only does it attract men, but it also makes you feel more confident and powerful. Don't be afraid to show a little cleavage, or some leg. Men will always want sex whether you are dressed as a hooker or in sackcloth, so you don't automatically have to assume that a man is only interested in sex if he approaches when you're showing a little. 2. On the asking men out issue, I think it's fine if that's what you want to do. However, like Moke, I've always found that giving big hints that you're interested is enough. I've told guys that I was interested before on a couple of occasions. A man will almost never turn down a woman because it's not common for them to be approached. However, from those experiences, I've found that if they haven't asked you already, there is a good reason. One of the guys I asked had a girlfriend and didn't tell me, and the other wasn't interested in a relationship at all, and was still "playing the field." I don't want to discourage you from doing it though, because lots of women do with good success and some guys are just shy. 3. Stay out of bars and clubs to meet guys! It is a horrible place to get men. I know anything is possible and I'm sure there are people who have, but I just don't think it's worth it. I just find it a blow to my self esteem...feel like such a meat market. Just go to dance and have fun. __________________ PROUD TO BE AN A$$KICKER!!!* Walk Across America by Christmas Challenge Tuesday September 20 2.0 miles walking 4.0 miles jogging Total for Challenge: 93.3 miles

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07-07-2005, 12:18 PM	#2
Mushmush MAJOR LCF POSTER! Join Date: Jan 2005 Location: NJ Posts: 1,272 Gallery: Mushmush Stats: 172/135/132 WOE: WW Start Date: 1/7/2007 (Start WW)	Well, unfortunately, men tend to make their initial decision on whether they like you based on your appearance. So I would not discount everybody who approaches you when you are dressed provocatively (unless they are blatantly sleazy). They are not necessarily after one thing only, though, of course, it's always somewhere in the back of their minds First they'll appreciate your legs, and maybe then they will discover your beautiful eyes, heart and soul. Good luck! Sasha P.S. I tend to agree that guys in bars are definitley after one thing only

07-08-2005, 08:15 AM	#5
brilliant100 MAJOR LCF POSTER! Join Date: Oct 2000 Location: Western, USA Posts: 2,444 Gallery: brilliant100 Stats: 266/194/169 WOE: Atkins/M&E Feast, Lower fat & Lower calorie Start Date: restarted 6/1/05 M/E, back on the wagon 8-21-07	Thanks for the advice. I'm off to the singles thread on the PG..........................